Being there for her (is this AFC behavior?)

[TakenDirectly]

This might seem stupid, but if the girl you're talking to is going through emotional problems and you try to be there for her would you come off as AFC? Maybe by trying to make her laugh ("trying" since sometimes it might not work), giving general advice, listening to her, etc. I have to ask because it seems that ANY situation and ANY action can affect the way a woman looks at you no matter what the situation is. Is there a way to be there for her where she doesn't immediately think of you as a tool or tampon?

 

[WC2]

What do you mean talking to? Are you banging this chick or are you her friend? Specify.

If you want to be this chick's friend, sure help her. If you want to bang this chick, leave the friend job to her friends. Simple as that.

This is why women have girlfriends. When men start helping women with their emotional problems is when they start falling into their friends zone (subconsciously, not always on purpose).

It's one thing to be respectful to a woman and her problems, but it's another to put your life and limb on the line for her problems. I would put my life and limb on the line for my family and my friends. A girl I'm "talking to" does not deserve this attention.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

While being a jerk is good for instant attraction, in the long run you can go very far with a girl by being nice to her, being nice to her friends, being a charming guy.

Be there for her.

 

[Interceptor]

Being there is INCREDIBLY important for a woman.
She want s to be able to count on you, and trust in you.

Being there and listening to her is NOT and NEVER was 'AFC'.

This is part of mature behavior that incresaes intimacy and form bonds between mature men and women.
Women need someone to relate to that listens to her, and feels support from.

It is NEVER AFC to do so for the woman you care about.

Be very very careful of going into "what will she think of me??" mode.
It is dangerous.

You give away your power when your insecurity goes into self image micro managing mode.
It means your power is not resting inside of you. You place it outside externally.
it means you are not making the decisions of your life.

Let her deal with how you are supporting her.
If she has a problem with it, it's because of her perception filters.
Granted, many men dont know how to relate to women during these kind of circumstances,and instead of relating to the woman as a Man, they begin to identify, and relate to her femeninely.
THAT is incorrect, and AFC.
Relate to her as a Man. Not as a female.

If you care about her, you will care about her well being.
So if listening to her helps the situation, you should be willing to do it. Otherwise, dont expect intimacy , bonding and support from your partner.

One of the important things is agenda.
If the circumstance is a friend dynamic, then listen to her, offer advice, but dont be OVERLY involved inher life. Keep emough emotional detachment. She is not your GF, or Wife. And there is a certain limit to what you can actually do for a female friend.
If you are genuinely her friend, then YES, by all means, be there for her.
She may really need your viewpoint, insight, and patience, and listening, and support. She may really not have another avenue for that kind of support.
Dont be a cold bastard. Listen to her, and try to be supportive.
She will appreciate it, and respect you for being so kind, compassionate, and gracious of your resources.


Now, if your trying to bag some chick, and she's laying all her problems on you, and your there not really interested in that side of her, you just want to get laid and think you can do that by pretending you care, you're out of luck.
It is very AFC and Beta.
That is an indirect, and insincere, and disrespectful method of trying to 'get in'.
Most of the time, women know it. And sometimes they do this on purpose so you get the hint that there is nothing going to happen , and she is not attracted to you in that way.
In these cases, its best to not get involved, since you dont really care for her, nor her well being, you just have the hots for her and want to get close to her in any way you can.


Remember, that one of the most important thing to mature women, is her partner's ability to really LISTEN to her, and BE THERE for her.
When you check out, you really kill a lot of respect, and thus, Attraction.
Since she feels you wont be there for her ,and she cant count on you.
She realized you dont have the TRUE interest level in her, and you dont have the emotional strength anyway.
That is CRUCIAL for a lot of women.
If you dont have that emotional strength to handle those moments, she will eventually realize there is NO BOND and NO INTIMACY and start to disconnect .
She's done, and she's gone.

It is not AFC to be there for your partner. Or a genuine friend you care about.

It is AFC to pretend you're there for her, when you really arent.

 

[WC2]

Being there is INCREDIBLY important for a woman.
She want s to be able to count on you, and trust in you.

Being there and listening to her is NOT and NEVER was 'AFC'.

This is part of mature behavior that incresaes intimacy and form bonds between mature men and women.
Women need someone to relate to that listens to her, and feels support from.

It is NEVER AFC to do so for the woman you care about.

Be very very careful of going into "what will she think of me??" mode.
It is dangerous.

You give away your power when your insecurity goes into self image micro managing mode.
It means your power is not resting inside of you. You place it outside externally.
it means you are not making the decisions of your life.

Let her deal with how you are supporting her.
If she has a problem with it, it's because of her perception filters.
Granted, many men dont know how to relate to women during these kind of circumstances,and instead of relating to the woman as a Man, they begin to identify, and relate to her femeninely.
THAT is incorrect, and AFC.
Relate to her as a Man. Not as a female.

If you care about her, you will care about her well being.
So if listening to her helps the situation, you should be willing to do it. Otherwise, dont expect intimacy , bonding and support from your partner.

One of the important things is agenda.
If the circumstance is a friend dynamic, then listen to her, offer advice, but dont be OVERLY involved inher life. Keep emough emotional detachment. She is not your GF, or Wife. And there is a certain limit to what you can actually do for a female friend.
If you are genuinely her friend, then YES, by all means, be there for her.
She may really need your viewpoint, insight, and patience, and listening, and support. She may really not have another avenue for that kind of support.
Dont be a cold bastard. Listen to her, and try to be supportive.
She will appreciate it, and respect you for being so kind, compassionate, and gracious of your resources.


Now, if your trying to bag some chick, and she's laying all her problems on you, and your there not really interested in that side of her, you just want to get laid and think you can do that by pretending you care, you're out of luck.
It is very AFC and Beta.
That is an indirect, and insincere, and disrespectful method of trying to 'get in'.
Most of the time, women know it. And sometimes they do this on purpose so you get the hint that there is nothing going to happen , and she is not attracted to you in that way.
In these cases, its best to not get involved, since you dont really care for her, nor her well being, you just have the hots for her and want to get close to her in any way you can.


Remember, that one of the most important thing to mature women, is her partner's ability to really LISTEN to her, and BE THERE for her.
When you check out, you really kill a lot of respect, and thus, Attraction.
Since she feels you wont be there for her ,and she cant count on you.
She realized you dont have the TRUE interest level in her, and you dont have the emotional strength anyway.
That is CRUCIAL for a lot of women.
If you dont have that emotional strength to handle those moments, she will eventually realize there is NO BOND and NO INTIMACY and start to disconnect .
She's done, and she's gone.

It is not AFC to be there for your partner. Or a genuine friend you care about.

It is AFC to pretend you're there for her, when you really arent.

I agree, being there for someone who is special to you (your family/partner/friends) is a vital part of a relationship.. no kidding!

But to be there for someone who you're just "talking to"? I don't know about that.

I've come to find that almost all women in this world have their emotional problems from time to time and unless you're emotionally vested in them, it's a good decision to stay out.

If you DO want to be friends with this woman, then more power to you. But negative emotions are something bad to start off with especially in a woman that you are interested in (more than friends). Don't think by you consuling her, she will in turn become more interested in you.

Instead, show her fun. Show her a good time, cheer her up. This nonsense of talking her problems out usually doesn't work out well. You need to SHOW her positive things in order to see positive reactions.

As I said, this girl most likely has friends who will correctly help her with whatever problem she is having. Listening to her and telling her things will be alright is one thing, but I've put myself on the line one too many times for women "I was just talking to", just to thrown into her friend category eventually. And to me, this was fine! I don't want anything to do with a woman who is having emotional problems if I'm not emotionally attached to her, anyways.