Being the man - bar experience

[BeDJ]

The importance of being in control and holding frame can not be stressed enough.

A friend and I were at a table next to 2 girls when one of them dropped their phone. I turned around and said I heard that! Some small talk and I was standing in front of their table as my friend approached as well. I sat down next to them just as my friend says "Mind if we sit down?" One of them says WOW, your friend just sat down. My friend did all the talking, yet they were giving me all the eye contact, asking me questions and subtly touching me. Display control early.

I excused myself for a smoke when I see a girl giving me eye contact on the way out. I start a pretty good conversation with her, until her friend comes back. I engaged her into the conversation and put more attention on her friend. You can tell she was somewhat jealous. I excused myself and asked the first girl her number, which she says I don't give out my number. I responded Cool! and left. I was having fun with a couple of guys I didn't know and eventually sat at the bar to get another drink. Talked to an older guy and he was pretty interesting. I excused myself to put a song on the jukebox. I was gone for about 30 seconds and when I turned around, guess who was in my seat! The girl that wouldn't give me her number. There were at least 5 empty stools on either side of us. I tell her I hope you aren't putting roofies in my drink. She gets up and sits next to me as she was ordering her drink. I stay silent as the older gentleman introduced himself to her. She asks me questions which I respond vaguely. She says it was nice talking to you and leaves. I didn't turn my head or say a word. 5 minutes later she stands next to me to close her tab and slips me her number. Hold the frame.

I get up to leave and somehow both of them moved to the table right behind us. They were getting hit on by 2 guys. I put the napkin with her number on their table on my way out. Be the man.

 

[cordoncordon]

You see a girl. You find the girl attractive.

So you hit on the girl.

Ask girl for her number. Clearly you are interested.

Your feelings get hurt when she plays hard to get.

You then play hard to get when she initiates contact again.

She does indeed give you her number.

You accept number.

You then think it would be "cooler" and more "manly" to throw the number (figuaratively and literally) back her in face.

End result. You don't have the number of a girl you found intriguing and who's number you clearly wanted. You won this little encounter how?

I understand being a man and sticking up to be disrespected, but in this case she was just playing the game, like guys on here are taught to do. You got way too sensitive and took things way too personally. Instead of getting bent out of shape about it, you should have played it off and made a joke about it. Told her "ohhh I see, NOWWWW you want to give me your number. Well, you blew it baby. But I might take it if you give me a kiss on the cheek", with a big grin on your face.

Don't get upset and don't take this personally. But in my many years on the forum I have seen this sort of behavior from many many men who first start posting here. It's usually from the newbies that have just found the site and are starting to explore their inner DJism. The problem is they have been such an afc for so long, that upon finding this website they go to the other extreme and become Mr. Hard Azz, thinking that if a girl doesn't drop her panties at the very sight of you, than that shows major disrespect and she deserves to be shown who is boss.

There is a very happy medium however between getting played and being the player. You will find this happy place soon I am sure. Just try to relax. Have fun. Don't take it so seriously. And be a man. A man who earns respect. Not a man who thinks he deserves respect.

Best of luck.

 

[BeDJ]

I understand where you are getting at, but the fact is she did not give me her number initially. She might want to look cool to her friend, low interest, testing me, playing games, can't make up her mind, etc. Knowing this, there is a high likeliness of her flaking later. Why waste your time? I'd rather have a girl give me high interest off the bat, especially at a bar.

 

[cordoncordon]

I understand where you are getting at, but the fact is she did not give me her number initially. She might want to look cool to her friend, low interest, testing me, playing games, can't make up her mind, etc. Knowing this, there is a high likeliness of her flaking later. Why waste your time? I'd rather have a girl give me high interest off the bat, especially at a bar.

Looking at it from her pov, you are at a bar first of all, where many girls do not like to give numbers out at as they think all the guys are players. Secondly, how long did you develop rapport before asking for the digits? I know you started talking to her friend after your initial convo with her, perhaps this only increased her perception of you as a player? Who knows what goes on in a girls head. The point is while at a bar-a FUN place- I would not take it personally if some girl plays a little game and hard to get. Just play along right back 2 X as much. Instead of acting all butt hurt emo with your feelings in a knot and at the end caving in and throwing her number back at her (bigtime over reaction btw) you should have been Mr Cool (which you were at the beginning) and everyone would have went home a winner.

 

[BeDJ]

We've talked for 5-10 minutes before I made my exit. My emotions were held in check, I was enjoying myself the entire night. As from my previous post, why waste my time on a probable flake? I didn't feel like it was an over reaction. It just showed that I was no longer interested and not to expect a phone call.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Cordon is spot on here and his suggested response to her number drop would've been very effective.
But you live and learn, OP. I was like you. My arsehole game was off the charts. My sister even gave me an intervention! Lol.
I tried to justify to her why I was so arrogant and dismissive of most women but she, quite rightly, called me on my bullsht and I realised I had to find a way to be assertive and act superior without going over the top.

I think I've found that happy medium and I've racked up quite a few more lays since then.

In your scenario, you played it really well until the end where you gave the number back. That's a ballsy move by the way but it is possible to "over-game" sometimes.
You'll bounce back.

 

[cordoncordon]

We've talked for 5-10 minutes before I made my exit. My emotions were held in check, I was enjoying myself the entire night. As from my previous post, why waste my time on a probable flake? I didn't feel like it was an over reaction. It just showed that I was no longer interested and not to expect a phone call.

Which goes back to my point about you going to the other extreme, going from an afc to being a bad azz. Both are bad. What she did was not worthy of the reaction you gave her. It was just extreme imo and did not accomplish anything. But if it makes you happy....

If you had acted like I said in my OP, you could be going out with her tonight, having a good time, and giving her hours and hours of endless sexual pleasure.

 

[cordoncordon]

Cordon is spot on here and his suggested response to her number drop would've been very effective.
But you live and learn, OP. I was like you. My arsehole game was off the charts. My sister even gave me an intervention! Lol.
I tried to justify to her why I was so arrogant and dismissive of most women but she, quite rightly, called me on my bullsht and I realised I had to find a way to be assertive and act superior without going over the top.

I think I've found that happy medium and I've racked up quite a few more lays since then.

In your scenario, you played it really well until the end where you gave the number back. That's a ballsy move by the way but it is possible to "over-game" sometimes.
You'll bounce back.

Bingo Exactly End of discussion.

Listen to Mr Pig. He knows. :rock:

 

[omega05]

You could have just tossed the number if you didnt want it

 

[BeDJ]

Scott you dirty sl*t lmao

Why am I going to trouble with a girl that did not give my number in the first place? So I passed her little "test" and she deemed I was worthy of her digits as a reward. How many other sh!tty tests is she going to put me through down the line?

Giving her back the napkin was a polite way of saying sorry toots, I am not interested after you rejected me and I won't be calling you. It was not meant to be a hard ass or ballsy move.

 

[cordoncordon]

Well that is my point. You took it way too seriously. You are acting like this was to find your future wife or something. All you want is to go out with her and to sex her. So if she plays a little game, you play a little game back. It really was not that big of a deal. You turned what could have been a fun little experience into a drama fest. I can promise you after you walked out she turned to her friends and said "what a drama queen".

So...if that makes you happy....

 

[VladPatton]

You are acting like this was to find your future wife or something.

Heh...what if it was?? Thing is you'll never know. You passed her shyt test and won. You don't know if she had more in store. I would of taken the napkin and went out to with her to see what she's all about. You did initially want her number now she WILLINGLY gave it to you and you don't want it anymore. Imagine a girl did this, we'd be calling her all sorts of shyt here lol. Take the number, man.

It's like waiting for tickets to your favorite band in the rain for hours, then going home when you get to the ticket booth while saying "ah, phuck it, they probably would of sucked anyway"

 

[MisterD]

I can understand both arguments but I think I'm with the OP on this one. But I have my own rules and my own beliefs. If you don't give me your number when I ask, then we're done here. Life is too short to spend chasing dead ends. I don't expect women to suck my **** within 5 minutes of meeting me, but if I feel we developed solid chemistry and I go in for the number and get shot down, my attraction has been brought to 0%. I'm really good at turning off the attraction switch. Are there instances where if I didn't let it bother me and continued to pursue the same girl, it might result in a lay? Sure. But lays are not the be all end all in my life. I'd rather use minimal game and bang 5 chicks than have to jump through hoops to bang 10. I guess it depends on if you're a numbers guy or whatnot. I'm not. There is no one right way to handle this. I would have done what the OP did, mostly because of what he said--this chick is already messing around, what other **** tests does she have waiting for me around the corner?

I do agree there are times when people over game and too much game can be just as bad as having no game but I don't think OP "over gamed". He asked for the number, got rejected, then the girl gave him the number but by that point he was already turned off, and since he didn't put the ***** on a pedistal, he could care less about trying to bang. Over gaming would be him doing what he did and then saying "hopefully I see her in the same bar next week so I can go in for the kill"--but he's over this girl just like I would have been over her as soon as she rejected my advances.

 

[BeDJ]

Cordon,
I am not seeking GF/Wife qualities, if I did, then the initial resistance from her is a remarkable trait. As an indicator, to sleep with her, I would probably have to diffuse many bombs.

Scott,
If I give you my cell right now and you would only be able to find my carrier and area code. Unless, of course I post this on forums, social network, etc. You may be going a little overboard with your recently started thread. After she rejected giving me her number, I lost interest. Maybe it was how I held the frame well. Holding that frame, I will not be the one to jump through hoops and play any future games in hopes of sleeping with her.

 

[cordoncordon]

Heh...what if it was?? Thing is you'll never know. You passed her shyt test and won. You don't know if she had more in store. I would of taken the napkin and went out to with her to see what she's all about. You did initially want her number now she WILLINGLY gave it to you and you don't want it anymore. Imagine a girl did this, we'd be calling her all sorts of shyt here lol. Take the number, man.

It's like waiting for tickets to your favorite band in the rain for hours, then going home when you get to the ticket booth while saying "ah, phuck it, they probably would of sucked anyway"

I agree with all that. Read my posts up thread.

 

[BeDJ]

It's like waiting for tickets to your favorite band in the rain for hours, then going home when you get to the ticket booth while saying "ah, phuck it, they probably would of sucked anyway"

I don't think your analogy works in this scenario.

You stand in line to get the ticket (number) even though you were in the rain (test) for hours. You already know you will see your favorite band (sex/tr/fb/etc). Seeing the die hard fans in line for hours buying the tickets, the band will never cancel the event (flake)

 

[EvilAgenda]

I don't understand what the point was of not keeping her number at the end.

Pride?

Props to you for going out and chatting up some hot babes.

 

[BigSmooth]

In a perfect world, every girl you find attractive at the bar is going to show "high IL" to you right off the bat.


Too bad this is not a perfect world, and a lot of girls you can easily sleep with MIGHT NOT show a high IL at first. If you go about dismissing every girl that doesn't show you high IL immediately, you're missing the point.

 

[BeDJ]

In a perfect world, every girl you find attractive at the bar is going to show "high IL" to you right off the bat.


Too bad this is not a perfect world, and a lot of girls you can easily sleep with MIGHT NOT show a high IL at first. If you go about dismissing every girl that doesn't show you high IL immediately, you're missing the point.

I prefer my time spent with higher interest women

I can see both sides of this argument as MisterD mentioned. Both side have a valid point, I honestly think that there is no right or wrong answer. Should you pursue with a low interest girl or one that makes you jump through hoops? I'm sure many like the challenge, looking at you bradd. Others can say they like to weed out for the higher interest ones.
The former mentality is game improvement while the other is a I don't care approach.

F*ck, I am more confused than EVER!

 

[Iceberg]

I prefer my time spent with higher interest women

I agree with you. I'd rather go find myself a woman who is interested right from the start rather than go win a girl over.

But on the other hand, when you're out in bars or clubs, and you're dealing with women in groups of 2, 3, 4+, you gotta understand that it's a bit different.

A nice, normal girl will meet a guy she likes, and just exchange numbers. But a large percentage will have a pride issue going on. The same as males, really. And they're not just gonna hand over their number, in front of their friends, without challenging you a bit.

Because if you take their number, and never call, then they look like clowns. Just like if we walk over to get their numbers, and they try to play us, WE look like clowns.

It's all a part of the game. So even if a girl resists you for a few minutes, but eventually gives her number, you should keep it. Because when she's in front of her friends, and her pride is at stake, what is she gonna do? She has an ego the same as we do. So she's gonna play around with you for a few minutes. Nothing personal. It's just the game.