Being Teased

[gb788]

I am trying to decipher how I come across in certain social situations so I thought I'd ask an opinion here - preferably some of the more experienced posters - what their opinion on this subject would be.

Every once in awhile, I encounter myself in a position where others like to tease at me. Of course everybody gets teased. Many times I initiate the teasing, and it starts the process. Now, in actuality, I've usually thought of this as a good thing since I generally show confidence, dress very nice, good-looking, good visibility, good life, etc. and think that it is a light-hearted knock down. I usually bounce it back, but sometimes I just laugh and don't say anything.

Now, for whatever reason I'm not sure, sometimes it seems that in a group that it begins to occur that I am being teased the most. It doesn't really make me upset at all. I've always just assumed that people will be people and will target those who seem to have good things happening. But lately I've been wondering if in certain situations I am actually doing something wrong.

What concerned me is that recently there was somebody I was interested in and perhaps this teasing was actually making her form a negative opinion of me.

Any opinions on the subject of teasing? Sometimes it is a good thing. Sometimes it is a bad thing. Where is the line drawn?

 

[jophil28]

Any opinions on the subject of teasing? Sometimes it is a good thing. Sometimes it is a bad thing. Where is the line drawn?

Who is doing the teasing . Your peers?
Males and females, or just the guys?

 

[gb788]

Just the guys. And it's the more visible guys. The shy guys usually do not tease or get teased although if they stand out in some bad way, they do. Just my observations.

 

[decades]

it might be because you are overly self deprecating. in other words, you are making yourself a target by conveying that's it's okay to tease you. It's what you are communicating to the group on a subtextual level. It's a way for you to get validation, even if it's negative.

 

[Trader]

I am trying to decipher how I come across in certain social situations so I thought I'd ask an opinion here - preferably some of the more experienced posters - what their opinion on this subject would be.

Every once in awhile, I encounter myself in a position where others like to tease at me. Of course everybody gets teased. Many times I initiate the teasing, and it starts the process. Now, in actuality, I've usually thought of this as a good thing since I generally show confidence, dress very nice, good-looking, good visibility, good life, etc. and think that it is a light-hearted knock down. I usually bounce it back, but sometimes I just laugh and don't say anything.

Now, for whatever reason I'm not sure, sometimes it seems that in a group that it begins to occur that I am being teased the most. It doesn't really make me upset at all. I've always just assumed that people will be people and will target those who seem to have good things happening. But lately I've been wondering if in certain situations I am actually doing something wrong.

What concerned me is that recently there was somebody I was interested in and perhaps this teasing was actually making her form a negative opinion of me.

Any opinions on the subject of teasing? Sometimes it is a good thing. Sometimes it is a bad thing. Where is the line drawn?

I will share my experiences with you.

In a mixed group setting, if guys are *constantly* teasing you, then you are clearly not the Alpha Male, you are the beta male and you are getting abused.

In a mixed group setting, if guys are *constantly* trying to insult you, usually this means you are the Alpha Male and they are trying to reassert themselves. This is easy to deal with - just ignore them or tease them, do NOT insult the beta males back. This will reaffirm your Alpha Male status in the eyes of the girls.

In a mixed group setting, if girls are *constantly* teasing you (ESPECIALLY if the teasing is not driven by any context - like out of the blue), then you are not respected by them.

In a mixed group setting, if girls *occasionally* tease you in context - you should be able to tell if that is good or bad. If it is a more *passive* type of teasing, then you know she respects you as the Alpha Male. if it is a more *aggressive* type of teasing, then, well she does not respect you.

Example of *passive type of teasing* - I was eating some really spicy food and I naturally gave the facial expression that it was really too spicy for me. And the girl was giggling: 'I told you it was spicy!'

Example of *aggressive type of teasing* - this guy was trying to explain something, and girl makes an offhand comment: 'Oh he can't explain himself that clearly, he is clearly not the brightest bulb out there.' He is beta.

It's really not that hard - you should be able to tell if the teasing is good or bad - go with your instinct.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

make sure you understand that people will respect you or disrespect you not based on the content or meanness of the teasing, but how you respond to it.

responding in a way that makes you look good as well as not slamming the teaser with meanness is a highly refined art of communication that takes a lot of practice, but will put you head and shoulders above the rest of the group, especially in the eyes of the ladies.

As far as "crossing the line" goes, your own personal "line" will always (hopefully) change as your ability to respond to teasing increases. Unfortunately, girls will also ALWAYS be judging you on where your personal "line" is, just you are ALWAYS judging girls on their physical attractivenss, they are ALWAYS judging you on your social skills and prowess.

I say use every teasing as an opportunity to improve yourself. Consider keeping a log, and whenever somebody throws a tease at you that you aren't sure how to handle, later on think of three or four different responses that would have worked, to make yourself look better without putting the other person down. Over time you'll get better and better at being able to come up with good responses in real time.

Life will always present you with opportunities to improve yourself and your game, if you choose to accept them.