Being social

[eddiepie]

Is it wrong to not enjoy socialising? I personally don't enjoy being surrounded by people I don't know and feeling the need to talk. This may sound stupid, but let me try explain.

The other night, I went to my gf's friends for a pre-ball (small gathering of people before a prom, for you Americans). Now, there were 9 other girls - loud and annoying - and one other guy, who was obviously friends with them all. I knew no one, other than my gf.

We sat, and they talked. I said nothing for the majority of the small social event. I felt compelled to talk, to try throw in some of my opinion, yet no topic.. or.. anything was really talked about that I could chime in on for a funny, or just a piece of my mind! I felt so dumb, sitting there. Kay (gf's name) realised something was up, and held my hand and stroked it for the time of us sitting round the table. She knows I don't like situations like this. God only knows how I managed to score her - let alone keep her for the past 5 months.

There have been times when I have been out to a party which is more populated with my friends. Thinking back, I tried to add her into the convo's by introducing things then asking her thoughts (I don't mean to sound formal, just think of this as teenagers at a party talking ****). She'd chime in, we'd laugh - all would be great! Yet with me, I am dead for words when it comes to her friends.

She doesn't like going out, nor does she like partying. Shes just like me, but she has a knack for making small talk with new people.

I met Kay through the magic and wonders of the DJ Boot Camp. I gave up during the second week, as I met her on the street from a cold pick-up, then about an hour later we were making out on my bed. From zero to hero and have no idea how it happened.

What are your thoughts on this. Am I just not interesting enough? Confidence too low? Over analysing? Or is it the sheer fact that it was more girl talk than man stuff (heh).

Thanks to anyone who can share an opinion <3.

Ps: To skim over the rest of the night; the ball (prom) went sweet (I was better than her at ballroom dancing!) then back to my place to a few hours sex. Relationship is fine! Socialising is where I'm having trouble.

Pps: Shes 17, I'm 19.

 

[superchristx]

>>I personally don't enjoy being surrounded by people I don't know and feeling the need to talk.

Ya thats stupid. Just because you dont already know a person doesn't mean they aren't worth knowing. Getting to know people, their perspectives their backgrounds makes you a better person and opens up your own world view. If you dont like to socialize you've probably been running with the same crew of friends for a long time. Some of these may be quite shi++y/boring/stupid people but you dont realize it b/c your experience is so narrow.

>>>...small gathering of people ... 9 other girls - loud and annoying - and one other guy, who was obviously friends with them all. I knew no one.

dude. DUDE. You were in a priviliged position there, a small but energetic gathering of HER friends, mostly female, and you sat there like a mopey wallflower, a chump, a lame-o, a jerk. Maybe one drink would benefit you in a situation like this, because you sound very stagnated, repressed, boring. Granted I dont know what these women look like, but imagine what one of the masters on this board or even a rAFC would have done in that situation. Hell even my stupid ass wouldnt have wasted the entire occasion.

>>>God only knows how I managed to score her.

>>>I tried to add her into the convo's by introducing things then asking her thoughts I am dead for words when it comes to her friends.

Your perspective is the problem. You need to GET OUT OF YOURSELF. You would benefit enormously from finishing your bootcamp. Not just with women, I think you need to learn how to talk all around. You sound like somebody with a desk job, who rarely talks to a breathing human being during day-to-day life.

>>>From zero to hero and have no idea how it happened.

because you didnt finish. I confess neither did I. PS. when she was stroking your hand you were leaning on her for support, nowonder you feel like a chump. Maybe you do this more than you realize, anyway it should be the other way round.

 

[ScrewIt]

when the ratio of girls to guys is 9:2, you bounce.

Usually girls will more than likely gossip and talk about useless shyt when theyre together.

I dont blame you for that happening , id feel awkward too. esp immature h.s. girls, are more than likely to talk crap.

guys do guy stuff and girls do girl stuff. dont stick around and be one of the girls like that fag there.

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

hey......quiet introverted boy.........listen up....

WHOEVER SAID YOU HAD TO BE EXTROVERTED?

Hmmmm....I am trying to think, oh yeah, now I got it! You hear someone say that women go for those type of guys, so now you are going to change yourself for them, bravo! Right on! Not!

Are you a don juan? ON the inside, naturally, or do you just do what don juans do? Read my thread, The Truth: The End, it will help you.

As far as socializing, if you feel uncomfortable doing it, you probably are an AFC, BUT......HOLD ON........Some don juans are introverted and actually are don juans, its just their personality. It is fine to be an introverted Don Juan, but it is not to be an introverted AFC.

If you are afraid to speak, thats a problem. If you just dont feel like speaking and you are comfortable not speaking, youre fine. You got me?

 

[Gravyboat]

Is it wrong to not enjoy socialising? I personally don't enjoy being surrounded by people I don't know and feeling the need to talk. This may sound stupid, but let me try explain.

No, it's not wrong. You're probably just introverted. An Introvert's brain processes the world differently from an extrovert's--and because of that, large groups, strangers, and even loud noises are often draining. Extroverts don't understand that because they don't FEEL it. Plus, there's three extroverts for every introvert in this world.

If anyone wants to dispute that, check out the book "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World" by Marti Olsen Laney. There's actually quite a bit of science to it.

And if your girl is good at making small talk in these situations, then it's a good thing...you've got some balance.

It's a nice give-and-take...she gets to talk to strangers in large groups, and you get to nail her on the dining room table.

 

[Mr.De Beer]

Join the club

Man oh man
Dude, I know how you feel. I also know a few groups of people I dont like for sh!#t...I think they are far inferior to me.BUT...If I come in direct contact with these people, I know im already better than these people, but I still chat to them and relate to their way of doing stuff...(what they find funny, the stuff they like ect.)This makes me wiser and improve my social skills. Hey, Im also an introvert, but if you want to be a DJ, you have to learn to adapt to the enviroment without losing your cool. (But like in this case, try to avoid this girly gathering ****...)
Keep it cool...
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do not conform to the patterns of the world,but be transformed by the renewal of the mind...
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God bless

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

no Mr. Beer, don juans do not learn to adapt to the environment. Now I understand, if you are in the theatre, and theres a fire, you adapt by running.

But I think what you are saying is that don juans react instead of respond. That is not true. Don juans are more......

mind over matter, than matter over mind. Don Juans CHANGE the environment not just adapt to it.

Uh, its like don juans carry this awesome vibe with them that makes people feel a flow......ha, I will explain more later.