Being social never came easy.

[KingAaron]

Hello everyone, iv been on this site reading all the posts and i really like this site alot. Well all my life i have had a hard time making friends. My family is not very close. Disfuctional deffinately. Iv moved from house to house growing up.. never having the same friends for a long time at all.

I do have social anxiety and i do know or have a pretty good idea of why i think i have it. Because of the way i grew up and how i reacted to the things iv experienced. Whenever i was in social enviornments like crowds or gatherings i would always be on the defensive. Totally stiff and nervous as a mofo. With groups of friends or a few friends i was alot calmer.. but still nervous. I sucked at talking cuz i couldnt really live in the moment.. my mind races.. At 18 i got some help from a support group and they showed me how reality is. From that day on iv been learning and changing. Iv read loads of books on psychology and also on anxiety disorders. And that stuff fasinates me.

I am 22 now and iv have grown up alot. I can go out with friends and go to parties and be cool. But i have never been to a bar alone. And i am pretty nervous to do so. There is this bar down the street that i have been telling myself im going to go to.. but ya i never go.. theres always some reason. But right now im at a good weight.. feel great... have contacts and im ready to go.

So im posting it on here because i want to know if you guys would reccomend a goal like just going to the bar.. ordering some food.. sitting and just taking in the enviornment would be a good idea. Thats it.. no other expectations at all.

Its the social atmosphere that scares me.. not the girls. Thats a whole nother subject. Iv pretty much been with any girl who wants me.. but i have never ever approched a girl.. or got any girl iv everywanted or tried to even get them... but i would like to adress that after i handle this bar situation!

And how do you guys feel about me drinking alcohol to deal with going to the bar.. should i be sober? Does it matter? Would i not experience it the same if i drank?

You know what too is i feel pretty weak right now expressing this stuff.. but it also feels good. Hopefully you guys can give me some good advice.

 

[everywomanshero]

I think going someplace just to get used to the environment could be a good idea given your situation. I'd probably just go in and talk to a few people (forget about trying to pick anything up) and then leave. I definitely don't think you should be drinking. You (hopefully) want to learn how to mingle and feel comfortable being sober in bars, not some druken guy who ends up living in a trailor with some chain smoking, skunk crotched alkie who looks 60 at 25.

If you've had these anxiety problems, then you already know the fear isn't rational and the longer you avoid something, the more scenarios you can create in your head. For this reason I wouldn't just stand around. I'd go in and use the 3 second rule and get it over with. If you crash and burn, you can always eject and try again later.

 

[FairShake]

Do your best to PUSH that anxiety out of your head.

Read about the Five Personality Traits.

The are all interconnected. Improve one and the others magically improve too.

 

[Junkyard]

yea you should check it out and if your that uncomfortable, have a drink or two. Just dont get wasted. Order some wings, talk to a few people.

 

[CadillacCTS]

Hello everyone, iv been on this site reading all the posts and i really like this site alot. Well all my life i have had a hard time making friends. My family is not very close. Disfuctional deffinately. Iv moved from house to house growing up.. never having the same friends for a long time at all.

I do have social anxiety and i do know or have a pretty good idea of why i think i have it. Because of the way i grew up and how i reacted to the things iv experienced. Whenever i was in social enviornments like crowds or gatherings i would always be on the defensive. Totally stiff and nervous as a mofo. With groups of friends or a few friends i was alot calmer.. but still nervous. I sucked at talking cuz i couldnt really live in the moment.. my mind races.. At 18 i got some help from a support group and they showed me how reality is. From that day on iv been learning and changing. Iv read loads of books on psychology and also on anxiety disorders. And that stuff fasinates me.

I am 22 now and iv have grown up alot. I can go out with friends and go to parties and be cool. But i have never been to a bar alone. And i am pretty nervous to do so. There is this bar down the street that i have been telling myself im going to go to.. but ya i never go.. theres always some reason. But right now im at a good weight.. feel great... have contacts and im ready to go.

So im posting it on here because i want to know if you guys would reccomend a goal like just going to the bar.. ordering some food.. sitting and just taking in the enviornment would be a good idea. Thats it.. no other expectations at all.

Its the social atmosphere that scares me.. not the girls. Thats a whole nother subject. Iv pretty much been with any girl who wants me.. but i have never ever approched a girl.. or got any girl iv everywanted or tried to even get them... but i would like to adress that after i handle this bar situation!

And how do you guys feel about me drinking alcohol to deal with going to the bar.. should i be sober? Does it matter? Would i not experience it the same if i drank?

You know what too is i feel pretty weak right now expressing this stuff.. but it also feels good. Hopefully you guys can give me some good advice.

The person your describing sounds a lot like me... I'm 22, I have social anxieties, moved from house to house (been trough like 9 houses), and I think going to bars/clubs alone is akward.

 

[Moon Ram]

I was in the same condition 3 years ago, but when I found this site along with a few others, I started to get social. I had 1 or 2 friend at that time. Now the coolest people in my college are my friends. The way to be social is simple, meet & know new people.