Being self conscious about your physique

[Fuglydude]

I feel like a total pu$$y admitting this but I'm hoping some of you will have some insight as to why I get so self conscious about my physique and wearing tank tops, etc. Its gonna sound like I'm bragging, but trust me, I'm not...

I'll begin with a short story to illustrate:

I trained arms, hams/calves tonight and am currently in between vehicles so I took public transit home. I'm a competitive bodybuilder. I don't have any updated pics but I'm 5'8" - 190 lbs w/ a 32" waist, 46" chest and around a 54" shoulder girdle with 15" arms... I have to get all my dress clothes custom made because of the difference between my shoulder/chest and waist.

I had a fantastic pump following my session. I always work out in a tank top cuz it helps me stay cool. It was a beautiful summer night w/ very few mosquitos, something that's at a premium in my neck of the woods. So naturally I decide to wear my tank top out to enjoy the weather. At the train station there were quite a few young people (late teens/early 20s) that were going to lots of shiit (bar/concert/football game, etc)... I could feel tons of eyes totally blatantly staring at me... and this made me quite uncomfortable. I put my track jacket on in a hurry even though I was still kinda sweaty and couldn't really enjoy the weather... talk about being a giant vag!

Generally speaking I avoid wearing tank tops/muscle shirts in public as I feel quite self conscious when I get stared at/checked out blatantly... it makes me feel like I have a giant shiit stain on my ass or a big booger in my nose or something. I'm hooked up, so I'd rather blend in than stick out in a public place.

I have NO idea why I get so uncomfortable/self conscious about my physique. I'm 29 years old, married to a model\figure competitor... I've been lifting for over 12 years and was a stripper for 3.5 years... I've literally taken my clothes off for thousands of screaming girls over the course of my career, and now I'm getting self conscious about wearing a friggin tank top!??? wtf man?!

I'm really not sure why I'm so self conscious about my physique... maybe its because I'm not as lean as I was once was? I know I have some degree of body dismorphia, but I don't know if this is to blame... I have no idea, all I know is that I get really self conscious when I get checked out/stared at blatantly in public... any insights would be appreciated.

 

[Jitterbug]

You've got bodybuilder syndrome. Time to be a fat powerlifter, baby!

Seriously the competitive bodybuilders at my club all have this to some extent. Lightheartedly making fun of their own physiques and bantering with us fat (and skinny) powerlifters seem to help. There's just one guy who never has the problem. He always flaunts his physique, but maybe that has something to do with him being quite a manwh0re atm, fvcking everything that moves, even the ones that fell hard out of the ugly tree.

I'd say it's because you spend so much time at the gym working on small parts of your physique that it's always right at the top of your mind. Naturally that makes you more self conscious about your physique.

 

[Cozmo]

Fuhk it. You're an alpha. Be proud of your hard work.

 

[Fuglydude]

Cozmo, I've been lifting for so long, it doesn't even feel like work anymore. Its just how I live my life... I don't know anything different anymore. I've been lifting my entire adult life. Remember the gym is a very small part of the whole process... anyone can train several times a week, but you gotta be focused and determined if you wanna eat 5-6 calorie/nutrient dense meals each and every day.

Jitter, interesting point about spending more time on small parts of my physique... I never really thought of that. I trying hard to bring up my arms and legs. I already have a reasonable good taper and good delt capping. Chest size will come in time. I definitely spend more actual time in the gym compared to before when I was more focussed on lifting heavy/explosive rather than working on hypertrophy. Not sure if you've been following my competition journal, but my deadlift has really suffered the last little bit as my weight has gone up! I'm lucky if I pull 1-2x/month now! I hope my strength comes back up once my weight stabilizes and my body begins to learn how to lift at this weight!


Its just weird because even a 4-5 years ago I was a total attention whoore... I'd wear a tank top and strut down a crowded sidewalk during summer JUST to get checked out/stared at by everyone... talk about needing social validation hey? I used to tell chics that I was a stripper/was proud of it, etc. Gradually as my career progress I grew more and more secretive about it, and similarly I would cover up more. Maybe its because I'm in an LTR, I dunno. I just find the transition from attention whoore stripper to crowardly self-conscious wussy bodybuilder weird.

 

[disgustipated]

Not to be a **** but bro it seems like everytime you post you find a way to work in that you were a former stripper. Just sayin. Are you like this in real life? I've read it so many times that every time I see your screename I automatically remember you were the ex stripper, and I've seen your pics you are definitely in great shape so /jealous of that.

To the point though, I am definitely not in the shape you are in or even close but I've always had a runner's body with muscle on it. 6 foot and 185-200 depending on how much cardio I'm doing. I even get comments. So I can imagine it's like tenfold for you! Can get pretty uncomfortable and the only way I've found to deal with it is say a quick thank you and change the subject, usually turning it back on them somehow maybe with a compliment as well.

But yeah, be proud but not too proud. You should always seem approachable.

 

[Kerpal]

You've got bodybuilder syndrome. Time to be a fat powerlifter, baby!

 

[cordoncordon]

Man don't worry about it. I've seen your pics. You have a better body than 99.9999% of the other guys out there. If you want to wear a tank top, fvckin wear a tank top. If you got it, flaunt it. As long as you aren't being a d1ck and going around posing and everything, you will be fine. More than fine.

Relax.

 

[Boilermaker]

I feel like a total pu$$y admitting this ...

You got muscle but you don't have heart, bro. Sorry. Admitting what? What is your message here? Why are you conscious of your physique if it's so awesome? Are you a fvcking balloon?

I have NO idea why I get so uncomfortable/self conscious about my physique. I'm 29 years old, married to a model\figure competitor... I've been lifting for over 12 years and was a stripper for 3.5 years... I've literally taken my clothes off for thousands of screaming girls over the course of my career, and now I'm getting self conscious about wearing a friggin tank top!??? wtf man?!

Sounds like your body is your life. But a body is not more than a mere human body no matter how "awesome" it is. I hope you are realizing that. If your and your wife's biggest assets are your "physiques" in life, that's very sad. I am getting that vibe from every one of your posts. And with that physique, you are sounding like a hungry kitten, which makes it even worse.

 

[Colossus]

You've got bodybuilder syndrome. Time to be a fat powerlifter, baby!

What he said, lol.

Fug, I know SO many BBers at my gym who have BDD. With some it's mild, with others it is straight up pathologic---like it affects their quality of life. The way one BBer friend of mine explained it to me was that once you reach a certain level of leanness...like sub 8%...anything above that seems fat and unacceptable.

Another thing like Jitterbug said is that BBers spend a lot of time and effort honing the detail of their physique, which naturally brings a lot of self consciousness. You feel like anyone who is looking at you is sizing up the flaws in your physique like you do, but in reality they are thinking 'whoa that guy is jacked!!'

I get comments almost daily in the ED about being the "big guy" or working out or muscle dude. I'm not even that huge, like 235 on a high day. But it depends a lot on your backdrop. In Miami I might be a semi-fat weightlifter, but in rural PA I'm practically a bodybuilder, lol. It's nice to get compliments but I'm past the point of ego-validation.

So dont worry about it. You have a better physique than 99% of 29 year old males.

 

[Jitterbug]

Fug, when you focus heavily on a small part of your body, you will always become more self conscious about it. Happens to dancers (not the stripper kind lol ) too.

Don't worry you haven't got it bad yet. One BBer I know can only fvck ugly / fat chicks because he thinks his physique isn't good enough to deserve the hot ones.

You just gotta develop that ability to sit back, observe this situation and laugh at your own silliness.

Maybe you miss being up there performing. I haven't performed for a while and last time I did a dance comp, it felt amazing although at first I was very self conscious. Perhaps you should take up dancing (with clothes on)? Just something regular enough to get your physical confidence back.

Your deadlift is going funny cos your leverage has changed due to the weight gain and it takes time to get used to it. Plus your programming for strength is off atm, so that doesn't help either. Don't worry too much about it. Go for sets of 5, not singles, and think periodisation instead of trying to max out too often.

 

[Pandora]

ha this could probably be an answer to my post about attractive girls having a low self esteem. I guess guys also get self conscious about their bodies once you reach a certain standard. Maybe its not unique to women. Women prob get low self esteem while guys just get self conscious. It just effects women to a more extreme degree?? Extreme good looks is a gift and a curse, i guess. Seems more like a curse.

 

[Jitterbug]

I'll take that curse any day.

It's just not perfection aka 100% smooth sailing and can give you some issues, but far from a curse. Don't dramatise it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The problem could stem from a subconscious feeling of guilt that is manifesting in the way you describe. You should at least look at that possibility. Guilt (whether justified or merely perceived) can make us act in ways that baffle us.

 

[Strelok]

Mate if I recall your pictures you have a couple of shoulders that are the envy of any man in this forum, people working hard on lateral raises just to give an illusion of broad shoulders.

It's not your fault if you're gifted/ungifted from nature and you dont have to feel anything bad from it, do you see rich guys who got money from parents feel something because people stare at their lamborghini?
You're fine maybe self conscious cause you were used to a higher standard and now you think you are below it.

Take it easy and dont think you're actually hurting someone just because in the body department you look a certain way, if they are envious or hurt from that vision its their problems not yours.

Saw this thing happening also to very tall and big guys who avoid walking straight to minimise the fact that they are doulbe the size of others.
Its probably some kind of "niceness" where you dont want people feel bad because of you.

 

[Warrior74]

To the OP. Fvck you. I'm a fat ass who sleeps with skanks. So up yours for being such a damn faqqot. Be happy and STFU.

*edit* I know that sounds harsh but its like someone complaining about having too much money. Broke people really don't want to hear it. Be happy.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Recent experience = not a fan of past-stripper attention wh0re mindset. Who is there really out there that you need acceptance from other than yourself? Who cares what other people think...at the end of the day if your self-worth is built on other people's perceptions of you...you are going to be in trouble...especially when age and wrinkles and bone loss take over with the eroding winds of time that turn even an Arnold Schwarzenegger into a weathered old man...self-acceptance has to be founded in something much deeper and internal... [trust me on this, at one phase in my life I lost 110lbs and gained 25lbs of muscle...I look good...but I always thought I'd be happy once I got 'there' -- well, I've learned, 'there' always changes].

Keep focusing on getting the most out of life and out of your day -- happiness will come through deeper inner peace and success in the areas you've been focusing on. Don't be too hard on yourself OP.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Dude, part of being a man is not to concern yourself with how others react to your appearance. Never let yourself think negatively, your in a public place allowing your mind to be negative. Cut that **** out. Stand there with your muscles bared and amuse yourself with the retards that have never seen a fit person before.

 

[Fuglydude]

To the OP. Fvck you. I'm a fat ass who sleeps with skanks. So up yours for being such a damn faqqot. Be happy and STFU.

*edit* I know that sounds harsh but its like someone complaining about having too much money. Broke people really don't want to hear it. Be happy.

Haha!! It was harsh dude, but I get your point! Congrats for being able to pound skanks even though you say you're a fat ass! :rockon:

Thanks for the replies gentlemen. A few of my friends who are experienced trainers have indicated that they think I have body dismorphia... I've just laughed it off, and never seriously considered it. However, it definitely appears as that's the issue here... As Jitter/Colossus said, I think its very common w/ bodybuilders. I think it stems from training purely for aesthetics and also A few of my friends have it pretty bad.

For me personally, I think it stems from not being as lean as I once was. Colossus mentioned the 8% thing... Once you get that lean, anything higher just makes you feel fat! I'm sitting at around 12-13% right now and feel like a fatass. In addition my conditioning sucks from not doing any cardio...I should really pick up some sort of rec league sport just to help with my conditioning. With bodybuilding I've found my strength has generally decreased, perhaps not that much in absolute terms, but quite significantly in terms of body weight:strength ratio. I miss having a 2.5-2.6 deadlift coefficient, and being able to do rep out dips w/ 135 lbs around my waist. Buddha mind, great point about having goals change once you finally acheive them.

I've increased my body mass by around 50% since I started lifting... Going from 125 lbs to my current weight of 190 while probably keeping my bodyfat the same. Its been a great journey, and I couldn't imagine my life without the gym. I just never thought I'd have BD issues this far into my lifting career!!

Boilermaker... I'm not sure what you mean by having "heart". "Heart" as I see it is something you see in Rocky movies when he's getting beaten up by Mr. T. In real life you solve problems by forming efficient/effective solutions, and being consistent/determined. On my body being my "life"... I actually wish I had more time to devote to training/meal prep. I have multiple university degrees, earn a 6-figure income and am currently setting up a real estate investing business... I can describe the molecular basis of the mammalian heart beat, or manage a hemodynamically unstable ventilated patient w/ multi organ failure, and look good doing it (if you're into fat brown guys!) Haha, not sure what you mean by hungry kitten... *mew*

Disgustipated, I really hope I'm not like that in real life hahaha! I'm actually pretty secretive about it now, as its not something that's really compadible with the professional world. I mention it on this forum as it is a "how to pick up chics forum"... and being a former stripper, I can tell you that being in elite shape, being sexual, confident and having social status makes it easy to "get chics". All the pu$$y PUA techniques/game shiit that guys talk about on here means nothing in the face of hypermasculine confidence, physical eliteness and being highly sexual.

Again guys thanks for the replies... helped to figure shiit out!

 

[Boilermaker]

Boilermaker... I'm not sure what you mean by having "heart". "Heart" as I see it is something you see in Rocky movies when he's getting beaten up by Mr. T. In real life you solve problems by forming efficient/effective solutions, and being consistent/determined. On my body being my "life"... I actually wish I had more time to devote to training/meal prep. I have multiple university degrees, earn a 6-figure income and am currently setting up a real estate investing business... I can describe the molecular basis of the mammalian heart beat, or manage a hemodynamically unstable ventilated patient w/ multi organ failure, and look good doing it (if you're into fat brown guys!) Haha, not sure what you mean by hungry kitten... *mew*

Whoaaa . I didn't know you at all and apparently I was making a whole lot of assumptions about you when I wrote that post.

my sincere apologies to you,

You rock, man. Keep it up!

 

[Jitterbug]

You know Fug, like a hot chick who needs a fat friend, you need a fat powerlifter friend. Someone who's big & fat enough to make you feel skinny & lean, while his 3xBW deadlift makes you feel weak at the same time, to keep that hungry eye of the tiger burning through the night in you (to continue with the Rocky theme above).

This is why I love my lifting club. Has all kinds of characters to make me feel good or bad about myself depending on what I need. It is even next door to a commercial gym so I can look at all the weak idiots in poor shape lifting funny stuff.