Being polite = nice guy/wussy?

[Apocalypse Now]

I've read through dozens of the articles and tips on the site and forums, but one thing that I haven't seen mentioned (unless I've missed it) is whether or not a DJ can be polite.

I'm very polite by nature. I say please and thanks to everyone, hold open doors for strangers, pick up things if people drop them, etc. I can't help it.

As I was thinking about how to further maximize my skill with women, I began to wonder if being polite could come off as being weak, and I'm having a hard time seeing it from a girl's perspective.

For example: I was at a strip club last night, flirting with the strippers, doing the regular strip club thing, and after a lap dance she dropped her shorts while putting on her top. Without thinking about it, I picked up her shorts for her and handed them to her, and she said, "Thanks, sweetie!"

Now, I know that being called sweetie is a very delicate thing, and probably not always good. Would you guys say that in this case I was overly polite, or would you say it scores points?

I'm thinking that it's okay to be polite as long as I, of course, balance it all out. Everything in moderation.

Thanks for the tips, and I'm glad to be here.

 

[usscrum]

nothing wrong with being polite. just dont let people walk over you or disrespect you. i think that is a great quality to have and i doubt anyone here will tell you that holding doors open for people, etc. makes you somehow less of a man.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Being polite, mannered, and respectful is fine. People these days just think about themselves and are in their own world.

But, like usscrum said; Dont be taken advantage of and disrespected.

 

[Apocalypse Now]

Okay, I'm good then. I don't let people step on me. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Rhoto]

I hate to agree with DonS, as I'm a big advocate of being a respectful and polite person. But in the frame of business and interacting with those "above" you - professionals, professors, advisers, parents, etc...

Dude, strippers aren't people. Act accordingly.

 

[bigguns22]

Being polite and respectful is fine. It actually impresses the hell out of women. The trick is, don't do it all the time. Hot and cold is what keeps a woman's interest up. Treat her to a great dinner, open the car doors for her, stand when she leaves the table, then.....pull your attention away from her totally for a few days. This was confuse the bytch and she'll wonder what she did wrong. Then, the next time you see her, just take her out for a beer, be polite and have fun, but nothing expensive. Then, don't call her for a day, then invite her out for an expensive evening again...she'll never know what to expect and you'll keep her on her toes.

 

[Apocalypse Now]

There is an old salesman's trick where when meeting a new client he will "accidently" drop a sheet of paper on the floor and then watch the client's reaction. If the client quickly lurches down and picks it up then the salesman knows that the client feels inferior to him and is subconsciously seeking approval and favor. But if the client just looks at the salesman like "you dropped it, you pick it up", then he knows it is going to be a tough sale and to adjust accordingly.

...


Being "nice" is a reflection of your inner feeling of self worth. You are nice because you are seeking approval. It is wussy behavior, period.

I never thought of it like that before. Thank you.

 

[Warrior74]

bwahahahha picking up stripper shorts! LOL. you are suppose to wait for her to bend over to pick em up and look at her ass while she does it! Yah you are TOO NICE.

 

[#41]

I hate to agree with DonS, as I'm a big advocate of being a respectful and polite person. But in the frame of business and interacting with those "above" you - professionals, professors, advisers, parents, etc...

Dude, strippers aren't people. Act accordingly.

People like you're describing bother the everliving crap out of me.

By this logic, I should be a total chotch to wait staff in restaurants, hired help in offices, salespeople in stores, interns, etc. Why? Because they're all "beneath me" socially.

It's transparent as hell, and *will* bite you in social and business settings. Anyone that has ever worked in office will tell you that the people at the bottom of the totem pole (secretaries, mail room clerks, etc.) are the biggest gossips and find ways to screw the people who they perceive as "wronging" them or "disrespecting" them.

 

[Rhoto]

People like you're describing bother the everliving crap out of me.

By this logic, I should be a total chotch to wait staff in restaurants, hired help in offices, salespeople in stores, interns, etc. Why? Because they're all "beneath me" socially.

It's transparent as hell, and *will* bite you in social and business settings. Anyone that has ever worked in office will tell you that the people at the bottom of the totem pole (secretaries, mail room clerks, etc.) are the biggest gossips and find ways to screw the people who they perceive as "wronging" them or "disrespecting" them.

Heh. If that's how you want to read it. But your logic is inherently flawed by your assumption that I'm a prick to every one else. I'm actually nice guy. Strange huh?

I'm pleasant to every one, but I'm respectful to those above me. There is a difference. Learn it.

 

[Demon Wolf]

I am never nice to strippers, I treat them like the trash they are. I have a friend who's mom is in the porn industry and he treats strippers like crap just to piss them off.

 

[Apocalypse Now]

I don't see why you guys believe strippers to be trash. They're working just like everyone else, and it's usually a means to an end.

The only difference between them and us is that they're using their bodies for profit, while men are unable to do so (without going the gay route). However, it's mostly men that are fueling them.


Edit: Also, I realized that there's nothing wrong with being nice. I'm not looking for approval or respect by being nice, I just like treating people well if they deserve it (and they deserve it until they do something to make me think otherwise).

 

[x86]

Dude, strippers aren't people. Act accordingly.

Wow...you are a waste of skin.

 

[Jay Dee]

...Edit: Also, I realized that there's nothing wrong with being nice. I'm not looking for approval or respect by being nice, I just like treating people well if they deserve it (and they deserve it until they do something to make me think otherwise).

I, like you, believe this. As long as you're not expecting anything in return and it's not too much effort or cost, then I feel nothing is wrong with that.

I even make the first gesture for various things on occasion, after all someone has to make the first move (does approaching a chick ring a bell?) Then I watch to see if it gets reciprocated. If that doesn't happen, then you know not to do it again or often.

That rule also works for pals, and is a good indicator of how selfish they are. Getting a round of drinks in, etc.

 

[Social Calibration]

Strippers are people, regardless of what you think. So are porn stars, whatever. They're people, if they're not what are they?

This is a clear example of what I call narrow-minded. A one track mind that refuses to think differently about certain things. Be open-minded for a change. Social conditioning has led use to believe that job-description is your self-description. Which should never be the case, I don't judge others by their profession, and if you do and you're consciously aware of it, it says a lot about you. Negatively of course.

There is nothing wrong with being polite just as long as you're not a push over and you put your foot down when you have to. A lot of people take this a bit way too serious and think they need to be some kind of ******* or God to attract women.

So what that he picked up the shorts? If it were me, I would of picked up the shorts and when she said "Thanks Sweetie!", I would of made it fun and said, "Now you owe me a free lap dance for that!"

 

[Kevin Feng]

Yeah, I used to have the same problem when I first started out. I was always told "be alpha, be bold" be this, be that, and it always translated into being somewhat of a douche. I found it pretty confusing.

Here's the thing, if you can become an *******, it does work. I know PLENTY of *******s out there that get girls, but I was the same way, I'm just a really polite guy and just hate being rude.

I would definitely recommend "****y comedy" by David D. That book make SO much sense to me. The idea isn't really to be an outright ass to her.

The goal is to tease her and joke about her insecurities in a PLAYFUL way. Keyword is playful. She needs to be laughing and having a good time with it, otherwise you've conveyed it incorrectly.

In terms of being the nice guy, if you're truly a nice guy there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, it's actually a good thing, as long as you're not being TOO nice and supplicating for a girl. Girls hate those super nice guys that go out of their way to do nice things, it's just being manipulative and it lowers a guys value.

If it truly is a part of your way of being, keep doing it, just as long as you're congruent with it in ALL of your interactions.

-Kevin

 

[slaog]

It all depends from where the politness comes from. If you're being polite and nice because you want something ie a girl then you're being AFC. If you're genuine then thats fine.


Theres nothing wrong with being polite and having manners. Quality women will appreciate it.

 

[scottfall]

I think alot of guys are missing the point. The majority of women are strippers or want to be strippers so you have to treat them that way if you want to have sex with them. If a woman puts herself out there sexually you have to match it like a man would, not a boy respecting his mommy and daddy. And Im not saying you treat a women your interested in like trash you just let her know whats up. If she chooses to respond in a way of annoyance or shock then you scale it back and let treat her with respect like mommy and daddy until she opens back up. Women like to flirt with men who know how to flirt back.

I may be wrong but I think this is what DonS is getting at....

 

[Apocalypse Now]

Thank god; finally someone on this forum who gets it. Most of these chumps live in a fantasy world where every girls is a "good girl." The majority of strippers are low class meth addicts with 4 kids from 4 different daddies who are getting nailed by 10-15 different ****s in any given month. I had one tell me that she gets so pissed off at guys who call her all the time even though she has told them to wait a week and they'll get their turn.

And to think a strippers vagina is going to start tingling from some afc supplicating nice guy who after just paying the bytch money to touch him, then drops to his knees to be her servant and pick up her panties which are covered in other mens semen? Strippers like bad boys who can dominate and command respect.

This isn't a milky white skinned kindergarden teacher good girl who needs a hand putting together a charity event for sick children; this is a HO.

Next time she drops something at her feet and looks at you like "ok my little monkey, bend over now kiss my feet" you stand the fvck up straight. And when she figures out you are a real man and bends over to pick them up herself, you hold out your hand for what she picked up. And when she hands it to you you toss it back on the floor and say "I just wanted to see that fine ass of yours again.

I think you're the one that's missing the point.


Picking something up for someone isn't being their servant, it's being polite. I'm not polite to people because I want them to like me, or respect me, or **** me. I'm polite to people because I would expect the same treatment from them.

If you're waiting in line at the grocery store and someone comes up behind you with three items and you have ten items, it's general common courtesy to let that person go ahead of you. Not because you're begging for their approval, but because that's what being polite means.

And, yes, some strippers are addicted to drugs and whoring themselves out on the side, but they're easy to spot based on the quality of the establishment they're working in. Sleazy stripclub = sleazy girls. Quality stripclub = quality girls.

The girls I talked to at that place were very nice and kind, and in return I was kind back. Also, I wasn't there to pick up strippers and take them back to my place. It was entertainment. If I were trying to get their numbers, I would have acted a bit different, but I would have still picked up her shorts. If someone drops something, especially a woman, it's common courtesy to pick it up. Just like it's common courtesy to open doors, let people go ahead of you in a line, lend someone a dollar or two if they're short at the register, etc.

Being polite to someone doesn't make you an approval seeking toadie, it makes you pleasant to deal with. You don't have to be an ******* to get girls or respect, as long as you know how to pick your guns and stick to them.

 

[Furyguy]

If you're going out of your way to gain the favor of others in order to gain something from them, you're a ****ing tool (read: AFC).

If you do it because that's just who you are and you like it, you're fine.