Being fun - sorry for another thread.

[Monkora]

Is there anything I can do to be more fun? I read over in relationships a list of date ideas in another sub forum which were all very good but I can't imagine myself doing any of them with just one girl and initiating the 'adventures'. I don't know how to explain. That sort've thing just naturally isn't my thing - My type of fun is making remarks that amuse me, cheap puns and stuff I do love being taken for an adventure, I'm just rubbish at doing it myself.

Few outings I've been on have been a bit awkward tbh, the girl goes silent and expects me to do something and I have NO idea what to do, how to make it fun. I end up having nothing to say - anyone know how to fix this also?

I've got perhaps 2 potential 'dates' meetups or w/e ready to go I can 'game' (hate that word) for a little bit but I can't be 'FUN'. As much as I try (and I really do) people often tell me I need to brighten up.

Can anyone help? Thanks heaps.

 

[Groovy]

In that silence thing I think that the vibe speaks for itself.... if you are having fun then a little silence doesn't matter, if you are having a strange conversation and you're really nervous, then the silence will feel bad. I think it's the energy that matters, you have to have a fun vibe, you know? And something that really helps and it true is that it doesn't matter what you say it's how you say it! That means that the emotion behind what you say is the most imporant thing. For example in that silence I'd say something like: Interresting conversation with a and if I could say that playfully, it would work out well. People with a lot of emotional energy are much more magnetic.

 

[Monkora]

Anything else I can do to change my vibes? I have been trying last couple of months to speak enthusiastically, I don't know if it's working - makes me feel really out of my comfort zone and in the open.

 

[LinkinParkROX]

You need good ol' confidence, bro. Don't try to be fun, then you'd come off as a guy who tries too hard - major turn off. This whole "not fun" thing comes from you not being comfortable and at ease with yourself. Be yourself, be comfortable knowing people love you for who you are. If they don't, they can fuck off. You don't have to live up to whatever people want you to be. You're you. Simple as that. As for the action dates, just pick a date which involves activities. Take her to an amusement park maybe? Or go rock climbing or something. Anything which involves activity.

If you can't do that, just remember not to think, and to just do. You don't want to put too much thought into it. Just do it. It seems like your body for some reason tries to talk you out of it, maybe because you're scared of adventure or something. It's kind of a defense mechanism. This also kicks in when you're approaching women. Although with proper experience and training, not so much. Coming to your third problem, if it ever gets too quiet and boring, there are two things which always work with me. The first one, being to just talk about yourself. Something that happened earlier that you remember.

Maybe something funny or just something interesting/noteworthy. The girl will pick up on tangents and it might bloom into a fruitful conversation. Talking about sex works here. Very well. The second remedy, is to just say or do something totally off the wall, something outrageous. Women like nothing more than when a guy brings out their inner child, makes them feel excited and like a kid again. For example, saying something outrageous would be like: (You see a hot woman go by) You point and say: "*sigh* You should go ask her for some tips. " Be sure to say it ****y and funny, and make her know you're just kidding.

Don't be too serious, or she'll slap you and walk away. Done correctly, she'd respond, "heyyyyyyyy! I'm pretty too, okayy!", to which you can say, "Prove it." Which will make her try to prove herself to you and win you over. The rest will pretty much sort itself out. Doing something outrageous and exciting, would be for example, say you're in a crowded shopping mall with her. You get your phone out, and play a song at its full volume, so much so, it can be heard throughout the whole place, and look at her and go: "Baby let's dance. " Pull her in, and start dancing in the middle of a crowded shopping mall, in front of everybody there. This is good for Kino as well, and other women will totally check you out for this, you come off as fun to be with. And again, the rest will figure itself out.

Good luck brother!

 

[jeffthechef]

hehe...my friend and i get into "arguments" all the time...before i would be quiet around friends...things got quiet..we'd shoot around and nothing woudl happens

but now...with the friend who lives close by...we go to the park every week or so..and he gets pissed so often..he's said **** you to me so many times and every time he does...i laugh and make a joke...then he gets even more angry and leaves...and i can keep a conversation going on forever..so one day i met him at the park and didn't say ****...and i was right, it was pure silence...

i try to help him with all his girl problems...but he doesn't listen...so i'm getting the feeling that you're like him...you like adventure/conversation...but not good at initiating or sustaining it..and everytime we have a group outing at the movies/mall...i'm the only one who initiates...linkin is right about the confidence...

before, i was worried about what to say and how others might think of me if i said it...all that ****...but now i'm able to speak freely...and when you speak freely...your personality comes through...and hopefully you're funny and interesting inside because that's what will come out...

when you're alone with one girl, i find that to be the easiest situation...you only have to focus on one person...

i always like to keep some interaction going...verbal or non-verbal...
let's say we start off talking/going to stores/food/etc....then we may have a nice walk..this is when things may get quiet if there's no one around really...there was this movie, i think it was pulp fiction..where one of them say "you know two people are comfortable with each other when they can enjoy silence together." so get comfortable
allow some silence if it happens to be inevitable..and this is where groovy is correct...it's all energy..as long as you're feeling good...silence won't be bad...so enjoy some silence with her as you walk or are sitting somewhere...then hold her hand or put your arms around her...and after a little more silence (to let her get comfortable with your touch and what you just did)..start a conversation..at this point, if she hasn't cringed or moved away...you're basically in...talk freely...perhaps kiss close the outing...or save it for the second outing...

people say you need to brighten up...the solution is to smile more..joke more...laugh more..loosen up physically...if you are, stop judging or talking **** about people or what they say or who they are....cause these things will definitely turn people off

basically..relax and have confidence

 

[Monkora]

Thanks for the tips guys but it's so much easier said than done!