"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Being Called a Nerd in HS
- Thread starter antidonjuan
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Keep doing what you are doing. Those idiots will be shining your shoes in a couple of years. The most important thing is taking what you want and being the best at everything you do. Fvck reputation. Fvck popularity.antidonjuan said:
These two things are just artificial confidence boosters.
If you see a chick you like just go for her.
Everybody who's grades aren't as good as yours is below you, so don't take crap from any of them.
watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKzMd328bMw&feature=related
High school is a horrible environment for anyone looking to succeed in life.
Things that are of true value - intelligence and wisdom - are held at a much lower regard than trivial cavemanish things like athleticism and physical strength. For a place that is said to be primarily about learning, it seems kind of paradoxical that those who actually learn are ostracized.
The unfortunate thing about high school is that you're forced to do it, and it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to shift your social status upward - its as if you become an archetype. Lucky for you, you're actually intelligent. The numbers that actually count at the end are going to be in your favor, unlike the other morons who call you a nerd.
I know how you're feeling. I was, by far, the most intelligent guy in my high school. However, I was from a small, xenophobic town, which wasn't great for an ethnic minority like myself. So not only did I have to deal with the "nerd" accusations, I also had to deal with plenty of racism.
The thing is I wasn't antisocial, and although I was an AFC, I did have plenty of good friends. So, I'm sure you have friends too. Just stick with them for the time being and don't let any of your detractors get to you. Work hard and graduate top of your class, and you'll get a scholarship to go away to a good school and actually amount to something respectable.
All those racist morons I had to contend with in highschool are still wasting away, addicted to drugs, in that reprehensible small town to which I will never return. I, on the other hand, am quite successful in life.
Just remember to have a goal and stick to it.
Things that are of true value - intelligence and wisdom - are held at a much lower regard than trivial cavemanish things like athleticism and physical strength. For a place that is said to be primarily about learning, it seems kind of paradoxical that those who actually learn are ostracized.
The unfortunate thing about high school is that you're forced to do it, and it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to shift your social status upward - its as if you become an archetype. Lucky for you, you're actually intelligent. The numbers that actually count at the end are going to be in your favor, unlike the other morons who call you a nerd.
I know how you're feeling. I was, by far, the most intelligent guy in my high school. However, I was from a small, xenophobic town, which wasn't great for an ethnic minority like myself. So not only did I have to deal with the "nerd" accusations, I also had to deal with plenty of racism.
The thing is I wasn't antisocial, and although I was an AFC, I did have plenty of good friends. So, I'm sure you have friends too. Just stick with them for the time being and don't let any of your detractors get to you. Work hard and graduate top of your class, and you'll get a scholarship to go away to a good school and actually amount to something respectable.
All those racist morons I had to contend with in highschool are still wasting away, addicted to drugs, in that reprehensible small town to which I will never return. I, on the other hand, am quite successful in life.
Just remember to have a goal and stick to it.
GaryUranga
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2006
- Messages
- 835
- Reaction score
- 7
get socially awesome, then no one can call you a nerd
smoothtalker72
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2008
- Messages
- 131
- Reaction score
- 1
well for me heres how it worked out. i was always the smart one in school. i got picked on alot in junior high because of it. then i went to highschool and just got involved with sports. i never really had to work at my school work to do well with it so i always had free time. i basically worked on getting better at a chosen sport while keeping the good grades and staying on top of things. sure people called me a nerd but it was those same people coming to me for help with they classwork so i paid it no attention at all. i ended up starting for my highschool football team and track team. if you want to be looked at as more than just the smart guy my advice to you is to broaden your social horizons. get involved in more than just the classwork. pick up sports or join a club, anything that involves being socially active. i find that sports are the best because the whole school normally acknowledges them and the achievements of people on the teams so more people will know who you are. after a while of playing sports people i had never spoken to in my life knew my name and were calling me from down the hall. if you arent really good at sports thats ok, just work on improving yourself.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
HTownLunatic
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2007
- Messages
- 23
- Reaction score
- 0
dude... I have to TOTALLY disagree with this statement. I'm not looking to boast, but I have a 4.5 GPA in my class which is where it is capped off at, therefore, I am tied for first.antidonjuan said:
I can honestly say, I am one of the most popular guys in school. My intelligence is just an aspect of me that I get respect for. It's all about how you carry yourself and your intelligence. I get voted class president every year which is basically a popularity contest in high school. Join a sport, I played football my freshman year, so am cool with all the football players and sit with them during lunch.
thats harsh, OP
i was pretty luck in high school
i went to an elite school, that you had to sit a test to get it, and they only take the smartest, so when i got in i was surrounded by only smart people
and out of 340 guys, there were only 2-3 unsociable nerds. there were about 40 kids who were incredibly smart, like GENIUS smart. but they were closet nerds, head in the books when at home, but during school, everybody was just regular people
i was pretty luck in high school
i went to an elite school, that you had to sit a test to get it, and they only take the smartest, so when i got in i was surrounded by only smart people
and out of 340 guys, there were only 2-3 unsociable nerds. there were about 40 kids who were incredibly smart, like GENIUS smart. but they were closet nerds, head in the books when at home, but during school, everybody was just regular people
splinterkb
Master Don Juan
"I'd rather be smart than a dumbass".... see how that goes for you.
hey, i have seen ur posts now of late and i m a new natural in here, i can say though im not saying im a master.
first of all, lemme be honest with u, i was a nerd myself and i kinda look nerd now also. the basic thing what attracts girls is when u have a balanced and enjoying life that i say. see if carry loads of books and burry urself in them and get good grades, this is doing what, earning u respect or jealosy, whichever u call it, from ur friends. dont ever think that u are called a nerd coz u get good grades in school, its because u seem to show off that u work to get the grades or u r not like the others, doing some extra to get the grades. u feel waht im saying? see, u wear funky clothes, which u can carry of course, spend some time in class, not all time, damn it! u need some recognition from others too, and whenever u r into ur social group, at least contribute to the fun, if not u r the star, u should be one fo the stars. and pls for gods sake, dont ever stay aloof or distant from ur mates, they r not harmful, they just neg any alien craeture that catch their eye. so dont be one! and do participate in other activities as well and maybe do something different to get them notice you BUT RULE OF THE THUMB: WHATEVER U DO, KEEP UR CHIN HIGH, NEVER LET IT DOWN cuz u r the best u know that. just on the start, dont ever try to give them a comeback when ur alone, rather be the alpha and have a separate group of urs first of all and everything else falls into place, this is ur first priority. rectify @ others if i have said anyting wrong!
first of all, lemme be honest with u, i was a nerd myself and i kinda look nerd now also. the basic thing what attracts girls is when u have a balanced and enjoying life that i say. see if carry loads of books and burry urself in them and get good grades, this is doing what, earning u respect or jealosy, whichever u call it, from ur friends. dont ever think that u are called a nerd coz u get good grades in school, its because u seem to show off that u work to get the grades or u r not like the others, doing some extra to get the grades. u feel waht im saying? see, u wear funky clothes, which u can carry of course, spend some time in class, not all time, damn it! u need some recognition from others too, and whenever u r into ur social group, at least contribute to the fun, if not u r the star, u should be one fo the stars. and pls for gods sake, dont ever stay aloof or distant from ur mates, they r not harmful, they just neg any alien craeture that catch their eye. so dont be one! and do participate in other activities as well and maybe do something different to get them notice you BUT RULE OF THE THUMB: WHATEVER U DO, KEEP UR CHIN HIGH, NEVER LET IT DOWN cuz u r the best u know that. just on the start, dont ever try to give them a comeback when ur alone, rather be the alpha and have a separate group of urs first of all and everything else falls into place, this is ur first priority. rectify @ others if i have said anyting wrong!
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
So true many popular people at my school had good grades being called nerd isn't based on your grades but your looks. For example if a total badass got good grades no one would call him a nerd cause he would beat that ass. You might just look the part with the thick glasses, high pants, weird hair, never talking to people, D&D and cheese eatingzubs said:
Honestly I gotta to tell you, being a nerd isn't about what you do or how smart you are, it's about what you think about yourself. Usually people that are nerds don't have confidence in themselves, can't stand up for themselves and aren't really social. It's got nothing to do with playing D&D or being smart, it's got to do with their mindset and just the fact that they're not social. A confident, social guy, could still playing D&D and he wouldn't be a nerd because of it.
Dude, this is my first post on the board (I only found this forum a short while ago), but I can sympathize with you. Currently, I've graduated college, but I still clearly remember my highschool experience. I too was the "smart kid" and I was even voted "most likely to succeed" my senior year, a title everyone to took to mean "the smartest". I definately have to say that you've been given VERY solid advice.
However, where we differ is in the fact that I turned myself into someone popular. I can never really say that I was ridiculed for being smart, though I do know that affected the way people viewed me. I had never been non-social, but I eventually came to the realization that my social skills were not as good as they should have been, and I have a hard time admitting shortcomings (it was tough). So I made a plan. I completely loosened up, I put myself out there, joined clubs, ran for offices, and got to know everyone whether it be at parties, sports functions, etc. It was tough at first, but it became almost liberating. I finally felt comfortable being myself around people, and amazingly people were very cool/accepting of the real me, not to mention I was elected to all the positions I ran for over several of the long-term popular kids. Everyone can recognize a try-hard, and very few actually respect/like those types.
Yes, their taunts are due to jelousy. Everyone has their likes and dislikes, and the one thing that people as a whole hate is feeling inferior on an intellectual level. Why's that you ask. People can't "explain away" being dumber than others. If a person is inferior at say basketball, they can justify it with "I'm not tall enough" or "I'm just not into athletics". However, it hurts on a very personal level to admit that you're not that smart, and true intelligence cannot be learned or taught. These popular guys that seem proud of their bad grades wouldn't be so understanding if you began to make fun of them for it.
Also, look into how you dress. Oftentimes, "nerds" aren't actually nerds, they just don't know how to dress or present themselves to others. Take the show "Beauty and the Geek" for example. The first thing that tips you off about the guys is how they dress and act. They dress like their mom picked out their clothes, and they're unbelievably meek around the girls. Then notice how the girls perception of them changes after the geeks get their makeovers! While I'm not saying you dress bad or act like a chump, which I have a feeling you don't, just look into it and be honest with yourself.
Finally, we come to socializing. Like others have said, communication can very easily be learned. LostandConfused gave you golden advice, so definately take heed. Not sure who used the math comparison, but communication is very much like math. Each use formulas. While it may seem intimidating at first, once one begins to understand the formula and how the different variables interact and behave it becomes practically second-nature. My biggest problem with my communication skills, before I fixed them, was that I came off as patronizing or like I was rubbing my intelligence in peoples faces when I talked to them (refer back to my inferiority rant). It was tough to admit, but many friends confirmed my suspicions when I asked them. After I changed that I noticed probably the biggest change in my social life that I ever have.
As for the people giving you advice to throw things in peoples face like "Well one day I'll be your future boss" (and things of that nature).... absolutely DO NOT. If you want to change your social standing you're going to need more friends (social proof). Saying things like that would just be the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot because it would do nothing but make enemies. There's a fine line between being witty and able to hold your own and being a douche. It's kind of like the ****y&funny stuff, which most seem to take too far and end up acting like an ass (I'm still very guilty of this).
Anyway, I'm starting to lose focus so I'll stop. I hope this helps. Just remember, people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you can't turn things around, you always have college and you can completely reinvent yourself there. However, I think that won't be a problem for you.
However, where we differ is in the fact that I turned myself into someone popular. I can never really say that I was ridiculed for being smart, though I do know that affected the way people viewed me. I had never been non-social, but I eventually came to the realization that my social skills were not as good as they should have been, and I have a hard time admitting shortcomings (it was tough). So I made a plan. I completely loosened up, I put myself out there, joined clubs, ran for offices, and got to know everyone whether it be at parties, sports functions, etc. It was tough at first, but it became almost liberating. I finally felt comfortable being myself around people, and amazingly people were very cool/accepting of the real me, not to mention I was elected to all the positions I ran for over several of the long-term popular kids. Everyone can recognize a try-hard, and very few actually respect/like those types.
Yes, their taunts are due to jelousy. Everyone has their likes and dislikes, and the one thing that people as a whole hate is feeling inferior on an intellectual level. Why's that you ask. People can't "explain away" being dumber than others. If a person is inferior at say basketball, they can justify it with "I'm not tall enough" or "I'm just not into athletics". However, it hurts on a very personal level to admit that you're not that smart, and true intelligence cannot be learned or taught. These popular guys that seem proud of their bad grades wouldn't be so understanding if you began to make fun of them for it.
Also, look into how you dress. Oftentimes, "nerds" aren't actually nerds, they just don't know how to dress or present themselves to others. Take the show "Beauty and the Geek" for example. The first thing that tips you off about the guys is how they dress and act. They dress like their mom picked out their clothes, and they're unbelievably meek around the girls. Then notice how the girls perception of them changes after the geeks get their makeovers! While I'm not saying you dress bad or act like a chump, which I have a feeling you don't, just look into it and be honest with yourself.
Finally, we come to socializing. Like others have said, communication can very easily be learned. LostandConfused gave you golden advice, so definately take heed. Not sure who used the math comparison, but communication is very much like math. Each use formulas. While it may seem intimidating at first, once one begins to understand the formula and how the different variables interact and behave it becomes practically second-nature. My biggest problem with my communication skills, before I fixed them, was that I came off as patronizing or like I was rubbing my intelligence in peoples faces when I talked to them (refer back to my inferiority rant). It was tough to admit, but many friends confirmed my suspicions when I asked them. After I changed that I noticed probably the biggest change in my social life that I ever have.
As for the people giving you advice to throw things in peoples face like "Well one day I'll be your future boss" (and things of that nature).... absolutely DO NOT. If you want to change your social standing you're going to need more friends (social proof). Saying things like that would just be the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot because it would do nothing but make enemies. There's a fine line between being witty and able to hold your own and being a douche. It's kind of like the ****y&funny stuff, which most seem to take too far and end up acting like an ass (I'm still very guilty of this).
Anyway, I'm starting to lose focus so I'll stop. I hope this helps. Just remember, people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you can't turn things around, you always have college and you can completely reinvent yourself there. However, I think that won't be a problem for you.
Generally, you should be comfortable with who you are and not listen to anybody else.
But you're in highschool, so common reasoning isn't working.
Try to avoid being the "typical nerd", do sports, dress in your own style but get some direction from what your peers are wearing. Have glasses? Switch to lenses (works wonders). Be relaxed, and be the person you want to be.
But you're in highschool, so common reasoning isn't working.
Try to avoid being the "typical nerd", do sports, dress in your own style but get some direction from what your peers are wearing. Have glasses? Switch to lenses (works wonders). Be relaxed, and be the person you want to be.
Agreed. Completely.HTownLunatic said:dude... I have to TOTALLY disagree with this statement. I'm not looking to boast, but I have a 4.5 GPA in my class which is where it is capped off at, therefore, I am tied for first.
I can honestly say, I am one of the most popular guys in school. My intelligence is just an aspect of me that I get respect for. It's all about how you carry yourself and your intelligence. I get voted class president every year which is basically a popularity contest in high school. Join a sport, I played football my freshman year, so am cool with all the football players and sit with them during lunch.
It all depends, in class do you chill with your mates or sit in silence unless you're shouting out answers? Do you do all your homework the second you get it? Do you try really hard and do little else?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
First of all watch this video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw&feature=related
if you look anything like that or move like that or do anything like he does then change
jokes aside just go and join a sportsteam ( noo not chess or glee club or AV TEAM!) where you have lots of fun.
But wait they still call me nerd? Why should i do this then`?
Because you will regret not taking all the awesome sport activities you are interested in while you can. You will have a lot of fun, a lot of new friends, and did i mention the hot chicks in the locker room?No? Good because there are none. Dont think that when you join a Club that you will get all the hot chicks you want.
Anyways i think you dont know that you cant be everybodys friend and there will always be people calling you names. You are smart?NERD! You are good in sports? IDIOT! etc.
if you look anything like that or move like that or do anything like he does then change
jokes aside just go and join a sportsteam ( noo not chess or glee club or AV TEAM!) where you have lots of fun.
But wait they still call me nerd? Why should i do this then`?
Because you will regret not taking all the awesome sport activities you are interested in while you can. You will have a lot of fun, a lot of new friends, and did i mention the hot chicks in the locker room?No? Good because there are none. Dont think that when you join a Club that you will get all the hot chicks you want.
Anyways i think you dont know that you cant be everybodys friend and there will always be people calling you names. You are smart?NERD! You are good in sports? IDIOT! etc.
comic_relief
Master Don Juan
its funny that people say that intelligence is the reason that they get called nerds in high school.Wolf said:
My high school valevictorian was a field hockey player that went all-state.
My high school salulatorian was the top player in basketball, golf, and baseball.
both are at college on both a smart scholarship and my salulatorian is on a free ride because of sports.
I was the nerd in middle school and I didn't have any social skills at all. I found sosuave in tenth grade and ever since then fixed my social skills problems.
comic_relief
comic_relief is spot on.
Some guys I know who top their class really effortlessly, making everyone look bad, also pull tail constantly. Some other guys, who also have good grades, are called nerds.
But, then again, I know guys who have bad grades and also pull tail. And there others with bad grades who are called nerds.
Bottom line, your grades don't mean anything. If you have good grades... you are a cool guy, people will tell you are smart, if you are a introverted weird guy, people will tell you you are a nerd.
Some guys I know who top their class really effortlessly, making everyone look bad, also pull tail constantly. Some other guys, who also have good grades, are called nerds.
But, then again, I know guys who have bad grades and also pull tail. And there others with bad grades who are called nerds.
Bottom line, your grades don't mean anything. If you have good grades... you are a cool guy, people will tell you are smart, if you are a introverted weird guy, people will tell you you are a nerd.
Hair stylist
Banned
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2008
- Messages
- 27
- Reaction score
- 1
antidonjuan said:
I will tell you that if you can choose sex with 30 women who youll not even know in 3 years over a great education, please please please choose the education. I have nothing but admiration for someone who applies themselves fervently to their academics. As a lot of people have said, its more than likley jealousy because they themselves will never be anything but mediocre in the brains department.
My best advice if people are truley giving you this hard of a time is to ignore them and meet women outside of your school to date instead, where they will be less apt to gang up on you because one of their friends is jealous or hateful. You will find women who actually admire intellegence greatly, and i believe you will have much more sound confidence.
antidonjuan
Banned
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2008
- Messages
- 190
- Reaction score
- 0
Yea, thanks for the heavy load of advices, I didn't anticipate much but thanks alot guys. Now I am not showing my marks to other people anymore and I think I am quickly getting rid of my nerd reputation (a year ago I was the top student). Girls started to give me some interest now. Right now being called a nerd is not a problem for me because I am starting ignoring these people and build mass inner confidence.
As of dating, as I said in this forum many times, I am purely not interested right now because of my academics. My goal is to get comfortable with women and get more social and build up character.
As of dating, as I said in this forum many times, I am purely not interested right now because of my academics. My goal is to get comfortable with women and get more social and build up character.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.