Being a nice guy

[chevelle]

I have just recently began to reevaluate my life, with hopes of finding inspiration and ability to knock this dreaded persona and personality i have carried with me my whole life.

My lack of aggression and nice guy personality, has limited my success in every aspect of life. I am always nice, rarely talk behind peoples backs, suck it up when someone maligns me, and am always courteous and polite. If someone screws me over, i never seek revenge, i shrug it off and move on.

I lack the aggression and confidence that most successful people have. The alphas, the millionaires, the successful people of life all have these two attributes--i however do not!

I want to be able to speak my mind, tell someone off, and not look back with regret. I am so dam passive, i always think about the other persons feelings and i never put myself ahead of others. This persona has given me nothing but mediocrity and heartache!

I need help, any suggestions?

 

[Obsidian]

similar problems here, bro. Good luck to ya.

 

[tmpgstx]

You can be a nice guy, just show some backbone. Be direct once and awhile and don't care what anyone thinks. This is the confident tone that anyone likes, male or female. It gets respect.

Show you are a man in control, yet can be nice because you are humble. Blowing things off in some ways is good. Girls want a rock to lean on, a guy that doesn't let petty things get to him. If it is something you should be concerned about, then by all means take action.

 

[I love Hyori Lee]

I used to be the same way too. But the way to really fix this is to just stand up for yourself. Think about how a girl or a guy mistreats you. Now, think to yourself. Is this something that you would do for your friend? If you know it's not right, either fight the situation or blot them out of your life. Your respect is more important than your job. Your dignity and respect is more important than anything.

 

[reset]

I have just recently began to reevaluate my life, with hopes of finding inspiration and ability to knock this dreaded persona and personality i have carried with me my whole life.

My lack of aggression and nice guy personality, has limited my success in every aspect of life. I am always nice, rarely talk behind peoples backs, suck it up when someone maligns me, and am always courteous and polite. If someone screws me over, i never seek revenge, i shrug it off and move on.

I lack the aggression and confidence that most successful people have. The alphas, the millionaires, the successful people of life all have these two attributes--i however do not!

I want to be able to speak my mind, tell someone off, and not look back with regret. I am so dam passive, i always think about the other persons feelings and i never put myself ahead of others. This persona has given me nothing but mediocrity and heartache!

I need help, any suggestions?

You know, not talking behind people's back is a good thing. It's tough to do, and I am not very good at not doing it, but I feel bad when I gossip when someone's not there. You don't want people doing that to you. Why start now?

You want revenge-- wrong way to look at it. What you WANT is to be the type of man who sets boundaries, and lives with integrity. Once you do that, you'll find less reasons to seek revenge-- because people won't be ****ing with you anymore. They'll respect you.

Most people are NOT confident. Most people live lives of quiet desperation and are total phonies. What you see is the mask they wear. Not them. They are scared and insecure, too.

Forget about being an alpha. Alphas just are. The guys that are trying so damn hard to be "alpha" are the most insecure ones. Don't be like them. How lame would you think someone was if they said, "dude, I'm alpha!".

The most empowering thing you can do, is to get over the notion that you have anything to prove. You don't. No one cares. They're too concerned with their own stuff.

What you have to do, is get as clear as possible about what it is you want from life. Whatever turns you on, your passions, GO FOR IT! Spend as much time as possible doing the things you love to do. Make that your top priority. That will take your mind off the crap.

No one can make you feel ANYTHING. You are the one that creates the feeling, the resentment, the bitterness, whatever it is. You are powerless because you CHOOSE to give people power over your life. And you do that by thinking about them, and your grudges, and letting the hatred boil inside you. Let it go. Because whatever it is, it doesn't matter. No one matters but you.

 

[chevelle]

I walk away from controversy, and i am always ticked off at myself after-the-fact, because i didn't tell the person off. I hide my emotion really well, but i am sick of doing this.

I want to be bold and aggressive, but i don't want my personality to come across as passive-aggressive--if and when i get mad.

I hate to say it, but i am beginning to think that i also have an insecure problem or lack of confidence, hence my passive behavior!

 

[chevelle]

Thanks for the good advice reset, i am actually going to print off and save your reply!

 

[tmpgstx]

"Most people are NOT confident. Most people live lives of quiet desperation and are total phonies. What you see is the mask they wear. Not them. They are scared and insecure, too."

Amen brother, this is very true. Most people are not confident. Confident people laugh easily. They don't have fake or staged laugh. They don't have scripted smiles. Study body language to determine who is confident or not.

It is funny, you'll see guys at the gym purposely sticking their chest out to look more dominate. It's obvious they are making a conscious effort to do so.

These are usally the guys who have the fake laughs and smiles. They are the guys who envy the true dominate male that carrys himself well naturally. When he comes around, jealousy kicks in and you have the haters so to speak.

Girls often do the same thing but through flirting. Most often, the insecure girls are the flirty ones. They have the scripted laughs and smiles. They look at your **** hoping you'll notice etc.

Bottom line, getting acceptance and wanting approval. You must truely think you are good at anything you set your mind to. Only then will you have that unspoken winners attitude.

 

[reset]

...Bottom line, getting acceptance and wanting approval. You must truely think you are good at anything you set your mind to. Only then will you have that unspoken winners attitude.

I agree. This all comes from approval seeking. When you don't value yourself, you try to get it from others. The only problem is, they really don't care about you. The only people who truly care about you, are your parents. And that's because they are biologically programmed to be that way. Your friends care about you too, but only to the extent that you enhance their lives. It all comes down to looking out for your own-self interest. There's nothing wrong or selfish about it, that's how humans operate.

I went through this too, about a year ago. I was a nice guy. I cared about what other people thought about me. Now I care about what I think about me. You are the man because you say so, period.

It's cliche, but only when you truly value yourself, and appreciate yourself, are you in any position to actually give those things to other people.

 

[tmpgstx]

You have some very good insight to human behavior reset. Many people go aimlessly through life not knowing this about themselves, and therefore cannot fix the problem.

It's amazing how it can change your body language without thinking about it. You have that confident stride. Proud and unstoppable. Both men and women take notice and try getting your approval, yet while respecting you.