PlayerinTraining
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 16, 2002
- Messages
- 335
- Reaction score
- 4
It was a few years ago, when I realized the things I learned about women, dating, and relationships was just plain wrong. You only need to read my posts from a few years ago to see where I'm coming from.
I also began to understand the things I expected of myself, in order to "be a man" was just my passive acceptance of ideas that did not benefit me, but did leave me vulnerable to the manipulations and games of your typical American female. I wasn't going to allow that to happen.
Judging the posts around here, I suspect that there are many men in the same spot. They are angry at being deceived, manipulated, used, and tossed away. In that frame of mind, it is easy to believe things that just aren't so, while getting caught up in a spiral of negativity and pessimism that is unproductive to living the good life we all desire. If you are feeling you are stuck in a rut, it might be helpful to keep a few of the following things in mind.
First, let's be honest with ourselves. We do live in a woman's world, and no amount of "positive thinking" or reframing will change that. Women can get away with things that will usually get the typical man jailed or killed. It has gotten to the point that the Onion can even poke fun at so-called "Female Empowerment": Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does.
In reality, women are probably just as dissatisfied as they were 30 some odd years ago, if not moreso.
Today, the bluster of "female empowerment" hides insecurity. The feminist myth that women were "oppressed" by men has discouraged the development of any type of personality traits that would enable a man to grow attached to a woman, after her physical appeal has worn off. After all, they believe pleasing a man is a sign of weakness, and the modern woman wants none of that.
As she gets older, she feels the relentless competition from younger girls for the attention of men. Because she has not developed other qualities, she can only get what she wants from men by using the promise of sex (as Gtar player has pointed out), or by exerting social/legal pressure on him (if married). Usually, it amounts to lots of both, and these manipulations begin to lose their effectiveness after awhile. Her manipulation and games drive her away from the connection she desires.
Women have placed themselves in a double bind of their own making. On one hand, they love the sexual power they use to manipulate men. Their lives are so much easier for it. Yet, they are simultaneously disgusted by men who fall for such ploys, and expect little from them.
The one thing it is crucial to realize: whatever power--sexual or otherwise, women have in the modern world is because MEN have given it to them.
It took me quite awhile to realize the implications of this. The women we are stuck with now is the result of the actions our fathers took years ago. Women act rotten because men allow them to.
Now, many guys here come to the conclusion that it is important to "keep her in line" by telling her off when she flakes on dates, or does something that is disrespectful, even at the start of dating, or by "nexting" them at the first opportunity. In reality, this reveals neediness. I know because I've been guilty of it myself on too many occasions.
What do men need to do so they aren't driven to insanity by the AW?
1. Develop forgiveness and understanding. Yes--you have to FORGIVE women for their stupid games they play. They truly do NOT know any better, much like a dog does not know it is wrong to poop on the rug, until it is trained. Their games are responses that developed in response to certain problems they faced before. But, FORGIVENESS does not mean reverting to an AFC.
2. Expect little from women when you first meet them. This way, they can only surprise you, and you won't be disappointed. Expecting very little is NOT the same as assuming you are going to fail, or that you will be rejected.
I still have problems with this. When I go the "think positive" route, enthusiasm comes off as neediness. When I get negative, I don't take any action. When I have few expectations is when I have the best results.
3. Save the training for when she is emotionally invested with you. You can't train a woman who doesn't respect you.
The techniques on this site are more important than I realized. Women won't change (for the better), without the encouragement of men. Yet, they won't have any incentive to change unless they percieve men as desirable.
Keep these things in mind when your oneitis flares up.
I also began to understand the things I expected of myself, in order to "be a man" was just my passive acceptance of ideas that did not benefit me, but did leave me vulnerable to the manipulations and games of your typical American female. I wasn't going to allow that to happen.
Judging the posts around here, I suspect that there are many men in the same spot. They are angry at being deceived, manipulated, used, and tossed away. In that frame of mind, it is easy to believe things that just aren't so, while getting caught up in a spiral of negativity and pessimism that is unproductive to living the good life we all desire. If you are feeling you are stuck in a rut, it might be helpful to keep a few of the following things in mind.
First, let's be honest with ourselves. We do live in a woman's world, and no amount of "positive thinking" or reframing will change that. Women can get away with things that will usually get the typical man jailed or killed. It has gotten to the point that the Onion can even poke fun at so-called "Female Empowerment": Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does.
Where it is easy to go wrong is to assume that because of this, women are "more happy" than men, or "need to be taught a lesson." This would be a big mistake.
In reality, women are probably just as dissatisfied as they were 30 some odd years ago, if not moreso.
Today, the bluster of "female empowerment" hides insecurity. The feminist myth that women were "oppressed" by men has discouraged the development of any type of personality traits that would enable a man to grow attached to a woman, after her physical appeal has worn off. After all, they believe pleasing a man is a sign of weakness, and the modern woman wants none of that.
As she gets older, she feels the relentless competition from younger girls for the attention of men. Because she has not developed other qualities, she can only get what she wants from men by using the promise of sex (as Gtar player has pointed out), or by exerting social/legal pressure on him (if married). Usually, it amounts to lots of both, and these manipulations begin to lose their effectiveness after awhile. Her manipulation and games drive her away from the connection she desires.
Women have placed themselves in a double bind of their own making. On one hand, they love the sexual power they use to manipulate men. Their lives are so much easier for it. Yet, they are simultaneously disgusted by men who fall for such ploys, and expect little from them.
The one thing it is crucial to realize: whatever power--sexual or otherwise, women have in the modern world is because MEN have given it to them.
It took me quite awhile to realize the implications of this. The women we are stuck with now is the result of the actions our fathers took years ago. Women act rotten because men allow them to.
Now, many guys here come to the conclusion that it is important to "keep her in line" by telling her off when she flakes on dates, or does something that is disrespectful, even at the start of dating, or by "nexting" them at the first opportunity. In reality, this reveals neediness. I know because I've been guilty of it myself on too many occasions.
What do men need to do so they aren't driven to insanity by the AW?
1. Develop forgiveness and understanding. Yes--you have to FORGIVE women for their stupid games they play. They truly do NOT know any better, much like a dog does not know it is wrong to poop on the rug, until it is trained. Their games are responses that developed in response to certain problems they faced before. But, FORGIVENESS does not mean reverting to an AFC.
2. Expect little from women when you first meet them. This way, they can only surprise you, and you won't be disappointed. Expecting very little is NOT the same as assuming you are going to fail, or that you will be rejected.
I still have problems with this. When I go the "think positive" route, enthusiasm comes off as neediness. When I get negative, I don't take any action. When I have few expectations is when I have the best results.
3. Save the training for when she is emotionally invested with you. You can't train a woman who doesn't respect you.
The techniques on this site are more important than I realized. Women won't change (for the better), without the encouragement of men. Yet, they won't have any incentive to change unless they percieve men as desirable.
Keep these things in mind when your oneitis flares up.
