Is there an art to being a jerk, a certain way to be dominant. People think I am an nice guy, they're right. I am too nice. However, if you are being dominant does that mean you should care less about people. Also wouldn't you create a lot of conflict, especially in the workplace? I like to be helpful, but I think people take advantage of that.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Being a Jerk
- Thread starter crossboss
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
War Against Betaism
Master Don Juan
DJs are not jerks. In fact, jerks are closer to AFCs then they are DJs.
Here is an old thread I started, "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", about my experience with trying the "jerk" thing. It produced amazing results.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16101
I should point out that one thing I found was that if you're not really a jerk, then acting like one should work out great. Why? Because there will be a part of you, deep down, that wants her to know you're just playing. You'll smirk when you act mean, and maybe laugh a little, and she'll realize you're having fun with her.
If you think people see you as too nice a guy, I think it's essential you try it. Right now they probably see a guy who will take any crap from anybody. Do this and you'll be amazed how they see you in a new light. But you have to be careful not to be too mean. Trust yourself to know when you might be pushing it too far.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16101
I should point out that one thing I found was that if you're not really a jerk, then acting like one should work out great. Why? Because there will be a part of you, deep down, that wants her to know you're just playing. You'll smirk when you act mean, and maybe laugh a little, and she'll realize you're having fun with her.
If you think people see you as too nice a guy, I think it's essential you try it. Right now they probably see a guy who will take any crap from anybody. Do this and you'll be amazed how they see you in a new light. But you have to be careful not to be too mean. Trust yourself to know when you might be pushing it too far.
Actually, during my extreme AFC years, in the workplace I admitted to other girls (without actually telling them, because I was too chicken) I had crushes on them. And they told me they weren't attracted to me. I was a nice guy at first, and people were pretty mean to me. Then later, I tried being a jerk, (which was the time I admitted I was attracted) and blew it.
It didn't really make people any nicer to me, in fact it got me fired. I guess, I should have not put them on a pedistool.
In high school, however, I was pretty popular. Later, I developed a mental illness, and people started treating me like trash. I guess, I was successful in high school, because I was successful with sports, and grades. Now I am starting to recover. I was a people pleaser and too much of a nice guy during my fall with the mental illness.
Recentely though I finally got laid. This was my ex, who also has a mental illness. I'll try and be a fake jerk and joke around. I have actually, tried this in high school, altough, I didn't really pay much attention to it.
It didn't really make people any nicer to me, in fact it got me fired. I guess, I should have not put them on a pedistool.
In high school, however, I was pretty popular. Later, I developed a mental illness, and people started treating me like trash. I guess, I was successful in high school, because I was successful with sports, and grades. Now I am starting to recover. I was a people pleaser and too much of a nice guy during my fall with the mental illness.
Recentely though I finally got laid. This was my ex, who also has a mental illness. I'll try and be a fake jerk and joke around. I have actually, tried this in high school, altough, I didn't really pay much attention to it.
CarlitosWay
Master Don Juan
How about trying to be a funny-nice until some one's not nice-jerk when he has to be-fun loving-confident-masculine-sort-of-guy?
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
TheAsianLoverReturns
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
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- 267
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There's a big difference between a jerk and a man with balls.
A jerk gets his nose smashed by a real man.
A man with balls knows how to escalate with women and spread her legs. A man with balls is nice to a woman until she disrespects him. Then she gets checked.
A jerk gets his nose smashed by a real man.
A man with balls knows how to escalate with women and spread her legs. A man with balls is nice to a woman until she disrespects him. Then she gets checked.
Nice guys
My definition of a nice guy:
A nice guy, puts people on a pedistool(which I think means treating them like a princess, and always trying to win them over), and takes crap from anyone. A nice guy, cares about what people think too much, and always try's to adapt to people. He doesn't be himself, and try's to be someone he is not.
AsianLover, I agree that a man needs to have balls. There is a difference between a man with balls and a jerk. A jerk is obnoxious, and doesn't get laid unless he has balls. However, most jerks seem to be confident, because they're not trying to win the girl over. They also don't care what a women thinks. I think I have definitely reduced my fear of women a lot although, not quite there yet.
My definition of a nice guy:
A nice guy, puts people on a pedistool(which I think means treating them like a princess, and always trying to win them over), and takes crap from anyone. A nice guy, cares about what people think too much, and always try's to adapt to people. He doesn't be himself, and try's to be someone he is not.
AsianLover, I agree that a man needs to have balls. There is a difference between a man with balls and a jerk. A jerk is obnoxious, and doesn't get laid unless he has balls. However, most jerks seem to be confident, because they're not trying to win the girl over. They also don't care what a women thinks. I think I have definitely reduced my fear of women a lot although, not quite there yet.
Thanks Crossboss. I was responding to AsianLover, who said a man with balls is nice to a woman until he gets disrespected. It's important to know his idea of being nice, because if it's the same as your definition, then I guarantee he's going to get disrespected. Then, it doesn't matter if he checks her, because he's already been a chump. That's not a man with balls. A man with balls is not "nice" ever, at least not nice by the above definition.
Cry For Love
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2007
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Acting like a jerk is stupid. The smart thing is to get yourself some
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
A jerk is that guy that tries to push everyone around. A nice guy is the one who allows everyone to walk over him. The alpha is in between these 2 extremes. The real secret to being "alpha" is to truly be yourself. It is to be unapologetic for who you are and what you feel. It means doing all those things you want to do but are too afraid to do
A jerk sees a hot girl and he'll be overly forward with her. Some girls will like this, but a lot of girls will be turned off by it. A nice guy will fawn over her and she'll think he's sweet but he won't even register on her sexual radar.
The alpha will see something he likes and he'll get after it. Unlike the nice guy, he won't be apologetic for the fact that he feels sexual attraction for this woman. He will actively court this woman but unlike the jerk, he won't overstep his bounds.
Essentially, the jerk has no consideration for others' feelings or needs. The nice guy is so sensitive to others' needs and feelings that he is guilty about his own. The alpha is unapologetic for his feelings but at the same time, he recognizes others' feelings, needs and rights.
A jerk sees a hot girl and he'll be overly forward with her. Some girls will like this, but a lot of girls will be turned off by it. A nice guy will fawn over her and she'll think he's sweet but he won't even register on her sexual radar.
The alpha will see something he likes and he'll get after it. Unlike the nice guy, he won't be apologetic for the fact that he feels sexual attraction for this woman. He will actively court this woman but unlike the jerk, he won't overstep his bounds.
Essentially, the jerk has no consideration for others' feelings or needs. The nice guy is so sensitive to others' needs and feelings that he is guilty about his own. The alpha is unapologetic for his feelings but at the same time, he recognizes others' feelings, needs and rights.
Lexington summed it up very nicely.
I would like to make the point, however, that there is a "jerk" quality that is prized by DJs, and that's why this subject is popular with so many DJs. But the Alpha possesses that quality. But there are no qualities of a nice guy that any DJ wants, at least at first. So this puts being a jerk as more desirable than being a nice guy. But nothing beats an Alpha, who has found the correct balance.
I think the problem is that guys are unable to discern the one good quality of jerks from all the bad qualities, so they just think "be a jerk".
By the way, that quality is an apparent sense of confidence which allows the jerk to approach without fear and act how he feels like acting, which seems more often than not, to attract women.
I would like to make the point, however, that there is a "jerk" quality that is prized by DJs, and that's why this subject is popular with so many DJs. But the Alpha possesses that quality. But there are no qualities of a nice guy that any DJ wants, at least at first. So this puts being a jerk as more desirable than being a nice guy. But nothing beats an Alpha, who has found the correct balance.
I think the problem is that guys are unable to discern the one good quality of jerks from all the bad qualities, so they just think "be a jerk".
By the way, that quality is an apparent sense of confidence which allows the jerk to approach without fear and act how he feels like acting, which seems more often than not, to attract women.
TheAsianLoverReturns
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
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I don't know where the f*ck you got that definition from.Galactus said:Thanks Crossboss. I was responding to AsianLover, who said a man with balls is nice to a woman until he gets disrespected. It's important to know his idea of being nice, because if it's the same as your definition, then I guarantee he's going to get disrespected. Then, it doesn't matter if he checks her, because he's already been a chump. That's not a man with balls. A man with balls is not "nice" ever, at least not nice by the above definition.
A man is nice to a woman by talking to her and getting her life story. Which is proceeded by him spreading her legs. He doesn't say stupid sh*t like calling her a fat b*tch or wh*re. Which is what a jerk would say...
Where the f*ck did I say put women on a pedestal?
Although I am new at this,
I have had sex 3 times, with this one girl(the one who I mentioned above), that's it. She thinks I am a nice guy, although I don't think I put her on a pedistool. I act, like a challenge and play hard to get. Although, don't take my advice for granted, I have only had sex 3 times. I think if you take some of the traits of a jerk, playing hard to get, and have some balls(don't go overboard), you'll do fine. For starters, although, I still think I am AFC and have lots of work to do. Although, I am not as bad as I was in the workplace(where I got fired.) I try and be caring and treat her like a friend, and respect her. In the past, I was disrespectful, which resulted in me getting fired. Practicing the jerk, to see what would happen.
I have had sex 3 times, with this one girl(the one who I mentioned above), that's it. She thinks I am a nice guy, although I don't think I put her on a pedistool. I act, like a challenge and play hard to get. Although, don't take my advice for granted, I have only had sex 3 times. I think if you take some of the traits of a jerk, playing hard to get, and have some balls(don't go overboard), you'll do fine. For starters, although, I still think I am AFC and have lots of work to do. Although, I am not as bad as I was in the workplace(where I got fired.) I try and be caring and treat her like a friend, and respect her. In the past, I was disrespectful, which resulted in me getting fired. Practicing the jerk, to see what would happen.
I don't know. Where the f*ck did I say you said that?TheAsianLoverReturns said:Where the f*ck did I say put women on a pedestal?
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.