Being a challenge in a LDR

[Life-Trainee]

How do I be a challenge in a long-distance relationship?

I feel like my GF is taking me for granted right now and doesn't engage much to spend more time with me. She doesn't think she can lose me in other words. I admit I haven't been much of a challenge, after all this is my first relationship.

This upcoming week I'll be on vacation from my job and she's on a month-long vacation from college. I thought since we're seeing each other very seldom during school-months (only once or twice a month) she'd at least show more initiative towards building this relationship more in the limited contiguous time-block we have.

Now we already had two dates last week but none of them lead where I wanted to (sex) because of stupid reasons (her parents being unhappy when she stays late past 1pm or sleeps over).

I communicated to her last time that i was pretty frustrated with the circumstances and she wants to make it up to me next week. But she already booked next week with friends she hadn't seen in a couple of months.

I want this girl chasing me, calling to accomodate my schedule. What can I do to make this happen? I was thinking of rescheduling a date when she calls next week just so it won't be on her schedule just to be a challenge. Good idea??

 

[djbr]

LDR? Do you trust a girl enough to become so limited with a reduced amount of rewards and worse, she is making excuses to have sex with you... Think about replacement -- I can smell that's what she is thinking about right now. You better be too.

You're better off alone. Even better, go for other girls.

 

[Damian]

Stop living in her reality frame. Get on with your own life. Go to work and go hang out with just your guy friends. Go clubbing and pick up some women. Stop your dependence on this one woman.

Live your own life first. If she really loves you, she'll come following you. If she doesn't follow, then you know she was just manipulating you. Either way, it's best just to concentrate on your own life once in a while. I say just cancel the date. Say that you forgot that you and the guys were going to go watch sports then go clubbing afterwards (midnight til morning) so you don't have time. Then just reschedule the date as you deem fit.

-Damian

 

[Life-Trainee]

Originally posted by Damian
Stop living in her reality frame. Get on with your own life. Go to work and go hang out with just your guy friends. Go clubbing and pick up some women. Stop your dependence on this one woman.

Live your own life first. If she really loves you, she'll come following you. If she doesn't follow, then you know she was just manipulating you. Either way, it's best just to concentrate on your own life once in a while. I say just cancel the date. Say that you forgot that you and the guys were going to go watch sports then go clubbing afterwards (midnight til morning) so you don't have time. Then just reschedule the date as you deem fit.

-Damian

What sucks though is that all of my friends are either vacationing or sick right now so I'd rather do something. But there isn't much that I enjoy doing alone except reading. I'm on vacation for fvck's sake and it looks like it's gonna be a quiet week....

 

[smoke city]

hey LT.
i gotta ask you a basic question about this LDR.
give me as much detail as you can -- it will help me out wit my situation.
first -- my advice for you is to just act naturally like you would with any other relationship. you be a "challenge" in any relationship by being yourself AT ALL COSTS (i.e. don't always tell her what she wants to hear), sticking by your own beliefs and desires, and being true to your masculine tendencies -- which are to be totally independent, adventurous, and ultra-confident, right?
screw the "****y & funny" sh!t unless it comes naturally to you.

now -- how did it come about that you're in a LDR? were you two dating and then one of you went off to school? how long were you dating before you got separated? is the distance temporary -- i.e. do yall have plans to get back together in the future? are you both sort of doing your own thing, like dating other people?

i gotta tel you LT these things are important to be clear about -- or the sh!t just aint gonna work out..

 

[Le Parisien]

If LDR means here Long Distance Relationship, then I'm sorry, I must say that after SO MANY cases that I've witnessed, it's bound to FAIL sooner or later.

Ok, for me, temporary long distance, like 3 months being away for an internship or something similar is a whole different story.

But long term LDR is BOUND to fail !!!
And mark my words on this.

I can give you more details on concrete examples if you want.

My advice: start looking for replacement, I don't ask you to cheat or be unfaithful or anything, but start to prepare for the inevitable already.

Maybe that's what your girlfriend is already doing.

She doesn't think she can lose me in other words.

Maybe it's because she doesn't really care anymore, she's already got plan B.

 

[Life-Trainee]

I've been dating her for three months and we've known each other much longer than that before. We both went in knowingly that this was gonna be difficult. I have no reason to question her loyalty. From what I've seen she's got right morals and we both qualified each other on that in the beginning.

All problems in this relationship come from her inability to stand up to strict conservative parents (father notably). Her dad is very dominant and overanalyzes everything. So when she's home away from college, her dad likes to create the illusion of control. Dad gives her hard time if she comes home later than 11pm on a weeknight because she wakes him up (BS). But, she can't stay overnight at my place either that's a big no no. On weekends she can't sleep over either but "curfew' is less strict. And she usually gets home at 3am on weekends (1 hour drive from my place), which I think is silly, she be better off sleeping over than risk falling asleep at the wheel.

So here are complications the constraints above create. If we gonna have sex that's usually gonna require booking a whole day with her cuz she can't stay overnight and usually has to leave before 11pm on a weeknight or 2pm on weekends. This is really, really frustrating.

Ironically long-distance aspect is less of an issue here! It would've been easier without the retarded circumstances with her parents.

These "rules" are frustration to all of friends around her too.
I talked to her about this and it seems like this issue is set in stone in her mind and nothing can be done about it. It's more based around her feeling bad for her parents than her dad being strict. Meaning the problem is HER.

I beginning to question whether I wanna hang around for this. LDR aspect is a challenge in itself but it's doable, the parents thing is just too much. We can't enjoy as much time as we want together when she's here cuz she has to rearrange her schedule to get home by this friviouls curfew.

When I try to talk about this with her she writes it off with "Well, I'll finish grad school in a semester anyways and get my own place so this wont' be an issue" I just wanna tell her "Baby, i may not be with you in 4 months if this isn't taken care of now"

At this point I just don't care about changing her mind, if something better comes along I'll take it.

 

[smoke city]

At this point I just don't care about changing her mind, if something better comes along I'll take it.

LT -- sounds to me like you've made up your mind already...