gravityeyelids
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2013
- Messages
- 918
- Reaction score
- 192
The last few months have been extremely rough. I won't bore you with the entire details, but here is the cliff's notes: spent last summer and fall pretty depressed and didn't have my **** together. Things only get worse during winter because i get horrible seasonal affective disorder. Met this girl maybe like end of the summer or beginning of fall and started sleeping with her. Amazing sex. We were fvckbuddy's for a while but i wanted to claim her and got sick of just shallow sex and wanted a girlfriend. Ended up pushing for a relationship when I shouldn't have.I basically tried to use the relationship to boost my self-esteem and to spend time with someone. This is not to say that i didn't like her, but i feel as though i dated her primarily because she was attractive and to have someone to spend time with. Oh. And the sex was amazing. Unreal. Throughout the entire relationship i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i was just leading her on and using her when i really wasn't that into her and she liked me a lot. Truth is, we're extremely incompatible and she's a headache and a half.
Time to be blunt with myself: she's manipulative. (Okay im going to bore you with some details). The problem is that she is incredibly subtle in her games. She likes to be treated badly. No, i do not hit girls and verbally abuse them. But she gets off on drama and negativity and pushing my buttons. Then tries to make up for it by being generous and having sex. Not healthy. All of her past relationships were crazy guys. She subtly and underhandedly undermines my power as a man and tests me unlike any other woman i've ever met. It got to the point where not only was I incredibly depressed, I also started having anxiety problems. I wasn;t even nervous about her cheating or jealous. I let her dress all slvtty and go dance her a$$ off on a weekly basis because i hated the sh!tty bars her and her shallow friends go to and i dont have fun with her shallow friends, and I work weekends. I don't know what it was... im guessing i was afraid of her breaking up with me and having to be alone through the winter again, as I havent dated anyone in a few years. I'm not an anxious person, and have never had problems with anxiety, but dating her brought on a major anxiety attack one day, followed by daily anxiety for the last few weeks of the relationship and left me neglecting my health, not working out, not eating right, not focusing on my career, and drinking almost every night. Never thought i would fall that far for some pu$$y. And trust me, the pu$$y is top notch. But something needed to change.
We broke up last week. It was mutual because shes moving away in a few months for a graduate program and we dont want to date and develop stronger feelings and for it to be worse when we finally do breakup. She didn't think i'd have the spine to follow through. but i did. She wanted to keep talking and sleeping together and basically be friends with benefits, but i knew i had to go no contact. So i tried. I told her we need to stop talking and having sex for a week or two and maybe see where we're at for valentine's day. Enter the phone blowing up. Texting me constantly, drunk dialing me and crying for like four nights straight. Telling me how much shes hurting and how much she misses me, progressing from scared kitty cat to trying to seduce me by talking dirty, and when that didn't work she started to turn the anger and resentment on, which only made me ignore her. After the second or third day of breakup depression, i awoke with a clear mind. The anxiety that was tearing my stomach apart and making it impossible to eat aside from a steady diet of liquor and beer was gone. I no longer needed to drink constantly. I started spending upwards of 8 hours a day focusing on developing my professional skills, etc.
And yes, i slipped up. After breaking up and showing her I meant business, i had ALL of the power. But then she quickly regained it when i started slipping up, going to see her, and generally just putting up with her bullsh!t when i absolutely shouldnt. She is VERY FVCKING good at the game, unlike any girl i've ever been with. We hungout last night for valentine's day and i'm starting to realize that she doesn't respect me as much as she should. She won't even go down on me when i eat her out on the regular, like a little chode. Respect isn't even the problem. She's the problem, and i've tried to rationalize everything and be patient with her. She attracts drama and negatively, and while she has positive characteristics (that to be fair, i've overlooked in this post), shes not someone I should be dating.
I don't know what i'm asking for with this post. Like a lot of my posts here i feel like i just need to rant and get some tough love from my brothers here. I also offer this as a word of warning both to the newbies and the veterans here: You CANNOT slip up. Pu$$y is addicting and clouds your mind and even the strongest men fall victim to having their mind wrecked by women. Keep your wits about you and never give up your power. I'm only beginning on yet another journey to rebuild myself and hopefully come back stronger.
Time to be blunt with myself: she's manipulative. (Okay im going to bore you with some details). The problem is that she is incredibly subtle in her games. She likes to be treated badly. No, i do not hit girls and verbally abuse them. But she gets off on drama and negativity and pushing my buttons. Then tries to make up for it by being generous and having sex. Not healthy. All of her past relationships were crazy guys. She subtly and underhandedly undermines my power as a man and tests me unlike any other woman i've ever met. It got to the point where not only was I incredibly depressed, I also started having anxiety problems. I wasn;t even nervous about her cheating or jealous. I let her dress all slvtty and go dance her a$$ off on a weekly basis because i hated the sh!tty bars her and her shallow friends go to and i dont have fun with her shallow friends, and I work weekends. I don't know what it was... im guessing i was afraid of her breaking up with me and having to be alone through the winter again, as I havent dated anyone in a few years. I'm not an anxious person, and have never had problems with anxiety, but dating her brought on a major anxiety attack one day, followed by daily anxiety for the last few weeks of the relationship and left me neglecting my health, not working out, not eating right, not focusing on my career, and drinking almost every night. Never thought i would fall that far for some pu$$y. And trust me, the pu$$y is top notch. But something needed to change.
We broke up last week. It was mutual because shes moving away in a few months for a graduate program and we dont want to date and develop stronger feelings and for it to be worse when we finally do breakup. She didn't think i'd have the spine to follow through. but i did. She wanted to keep talking and sleeping together and basically be friends with benefits, but i knew i had to go no contact. So i tried. I told her we need to stop talking and having sex for a week or two and maybe see where we're at for valentine's day. Enter the phone blowing up. Texting me constantly, drunk dialing me and crying for like four nights straight. Telling me how much shes hurting and how much she misses me, progressing from scared kitty cat to trying to seduce me by talking dirty, and when that didn't work she started to turn the anger and resentment on, which only made me ignore her. After the second or third day of breakup depression, i awoke with a clear mind. The anxiety that was tearing my stomach apart and making it impossible to eat aside from a steady diet of liquor and beer was gone. I no longer needed to drink constantly. I started spending upwards of 8 hours a day focusing on developing my professional skills, etc.
And yes, i slipped up. After breaking up and showing her I meant business, i had ALL of the power. But then she quickly regained it when i started slipping up, going to see her, and generally just putting up with her bullsh!t when i absolutely shouldnt. She is VERY FVCKING good at the game, unlike any girl i've ever been with. We hungout last night for valentine's day and i'm starting to realize that she doesn't respect me as much as she should. She won't even go down on me when i eat her out on the regular, like a little chode. Respect isn't even the problem. She's the problem, and i've tried to rationalize everything and be patient with her. She attracts drama and negatively, and while she has positive characteristics (that to be fair, i've overlooked in this post), shes not someone I should be dating.
I don't know what i'm asking for with this post. Like a lot of my posts here i feel like i just need to rant and get some tough love from my brothers here. I also offer this as a word of warning both to the newbies and the veterans here: You CANNOT slip up. Pu$$y is addicting and clouds your mind and even the strongest men fall victim to having their mind wrecked by women. Keep your wits about you and never give up your power. I'm only beginning on yet another journey to rebuild myself and hopefully come back stronger.
