Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Been getting depressed lately

Crissco

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Hey SoSuave, been here a long time, so I know i can rely on SS to come to the resuce. To make a long story short i've been pretty depressed lately. I've been drinking to much lately, everyday, which i know can cause depression in the long run, so i know i need to stop. Fighting with the GF because of my constant drinking. On top of that i have $96 in my bank account, unemployment ran out, I have no job, my business isnt taking off(yet), no nothing it feels like sometimes. Im 33 still live at home with my dad and brother(I moved out 4 times total but always moved back because of money.) I feel like a loser, which I know i am.
 

SirBigBell

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Hey SoSuave, been here a long time, so I know i can rely on SS to come to the resuce. To make a long story short i've been pretty depressed lately. I've been drinking to much lately, everyday, which i know can cause depression in the long run, so i know i need to stop. Fighting with the GF because of my constant drinking. On top of that i have $96 in my bank account, unemployment ran out, I have no job, my business isnt taking off(yet), no nothing it feels like sometimes. Im 33 still live at home with my dad and brother(I moved out 4 times total but always moved back because of money.) I feel like a loser, which I know i am.
Hi Crissco.
It takes strength to open up to strangers about the struggles of life, so pat yourself on the back for being courageous enough to do what you’ve done.

Now let me hopefully help you with some truths. Even though you’re going through a hard season, bear in mind that no man can escape his fair share of misfortune and strife. —Some suffer grief after losing a loved one. —A parent somewhere has lost a child today.
-A man has had his possessions repossessed today.
- Someone today has been told they have cancer and they got months to live.
- A teenager is experiencing chronic daily bullying at school
- A child has lost both parents in a car crash
- Someone has just completely lost their sight today

Nomatter how bleak your circumstances may seem, know that you are not alone. Someone is dealing with worse. You have family around you, a roof over your head, meals to sustain you, clothes on your back. Someone out there would give an arm to be in your shoes right now.

Seek help for your alcohol challenge, you can overcome it if you put your mind to it. Taking the first determined step towards help is the most difficult part.

You are not a loser. You are just in a rough season but it will pass. Fire makes bricks stronger and gold purer. Hang in there buddy, its darkest before dawn
 

Steel_Neurons

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Chin up, dude. We've all had our low points. I gave up drink many years ago. It was tough at the time, but I got through it and been much better for it ever since.
 

Sir FB

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My whole life changed for the better when I stopped drinking. I was unable to stop by myself and had to get help. The first year sober was a real sheet show, but I got through it and looking back, it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I and the people I hang out with try to be helpful for folks who have tried to stop drinking and can’t do it by themselves. Feel free to DM if you need to talk.
 

Paper Crane

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The thing about depression is that no matter how much advice anyone gives you, its one of those things that you have to learn to find your own small joys to make yourself feel better. Depression is usually caused by something, a serious of incidents, a bad event, etc.. but if you don't have activities to make you happy and distract you from the feelings, the feelings become practiced and the more you practice them, they become second nature. Next thing you know, you can't get out of bed and don't feel like doing anything...

How does anyone combat that? By doing the opposite. doing whatever to start practicing good feelings. i mean for me, sometimes its just eating good food, watching funny videos, working out and spending time in nature
 

Hamurabimbi

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Hey SoSuave, been here a long time, so I know i can rely on SS to come to the resuce. To make a long story short i've been pretty depressed lately. I've been drinking to much lately, everyday, which i know can cause depression in the long run, so i know i need to stop. Fighting with the GF because of my constant drinking. On top of that i have $96 in my bank account, unemployment ran out, I have no job, my business isnt taking off(yet), no nothing it feels like sometimes. Im 33 still live at home with my dad and brother(I moved out 4 times total but always moved back because of money.) I feel like a loser, which I know i am.
I met a girl on Tinder in ‘19. She was awesome and she really wanted to move from FWB to GF. I was a heavy drinker (recent divorce, Mom dying). She warned me over and over to cut back the drinking. I blew it off. She finally dumped me. I still regret it to this day (2 GFs later). My advice: reign in the drinking.
 

Realthangpoon

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Hey man,

Some things that have helped me before:

- routine (getting up/going to bed)
- clean diet
- exercise
- journalling
- meditation
- music (listening/playing)
- being picky in the people you see. Cut toxic people, see the people that really care for you more
- cold showers
- not feeling bad about feeling bad
- cutting social media

The book Unlimited Power has helped me recently to bend negative thoughts into more positive ones.

One step at a time though, you got this. It will get better.
 

Grinderman

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I was unable to stop by myself and had to get help
You did stop by yourself though. You are the one CHOOSING NOT TO FVCKING DRINK. That's you, not them.

The first year sober was a real sheet show,
there's no such thing as "getting sober". This is an illusion or disillusion. This is why many of your ilk struggle and fail as you set up this imaginary state that's somewhere in the future. Quitting drinking is something that's left in the past and then you move on with your life as a non-drinker. You cult heads complicate things.

I and the people I hang out with try to be helpful for folks
Are you trying to recruit another victim to your cult. Leave the kid alone.

can’t do it by themselves
Stop spreading self fulfilling prophecy horse****e.

You may carry on with your life now.
 

Grinderman

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What is depression?

A chemical imbalance? Ok someone could have a nice life but due to a chemical imbalance feel depressed. Right so there's often a chemical solution given as the solution.

Depressed because of a crappy life situation? okay so this is not due to a chemical imbalance and TOO OFTEN a chemical solution is STILL offered as a solution. Now the person has two problems. A ****ty life and the problems that WILL COME from being on UNNECESSARY DRUGS.

We are going to assume that you fall into the second category: that is to say, depressed because of a crappy life. AND YOU COULD SAY YOU ARE TREATING THAT PROBLEM WITH A CHEMICAL SOLUTION : ALCOHOL. Now you have two basic problems that are exasperating each other.

Of course we could argue, which came first the chicken or the egg. The alcohol or the depression. Any sort of addiction or compulsive behavior (which is what an addiction is) usually comes from an inner malaise. The alcohol or compulsive behavior is a symptom of your inner malaise (depression /anxiety ) and simply treating the symptom without dealing with the root cause is a temporary solution that will just see the symptom manifest later on in life through the same behaviors or something entirely different (compulsive behaviors / addictions can morph into sinister dark monsters )

NOTE: Stay away from any "recovery movement" cults and anybody therapist, aa cult members, well meaning idiot "friends" who believe in the "disease model theory" which is pure fantasy and does more harm than good. AA has a 5% success rate because 1) You have to want to change your habits for the better, the majority that go there STILL HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR INTOXICATION 2) They still identify as "alcoholics" (somebody who does not drink is a non drinker, not an alcoholic.....a non drinker....doesn't drink.....whereas an alcoholic....you got it....still has a preference for being a stumblebum.) 3) Waste of time. time you could spend on rebuilding the relationships you have messed up, going to gym, pursuing meaningful hobbies with people who ARE NOT STUMBLEBUMS , and of course FIXING YOUR FINANCES (Sitting in a dingy, smoke filled basement with the unwashed illiterate losers spouting cliches from their big book is a HUGE NEGATIVE WASTE OF TIME AND UNNECESSARY.

NOTE 2: Anybody, can quit any addiction right now or MODIFY THEIR BEHAVIOR FOR THE BETTER. *DISCLAIMER: IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE DISEASE MODEL THEORY THEN YOUR ONLY OPTION IS TO REMAIN ABSTINENT AS YOU ARE LOCKED IN TO A SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY MATRIX. DO NOTICE HOW MUCH THESE STUMBLEBUMS ARE EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THEIR MATRIX WHEN YOU DEBUNK THEIR MYTHS HOW THEY RUSH TO DEFEND THE DISEASE MODEL.
You have three options: continue to use heavily, use moderately (whatever that means to you, always in an educated way) or abstain.....and you can freely choose your options based on facts and confidence, not fiction and fear.

Moderate use is possible for anyone, loss of control is a myth (it's to do with preference and choice)

However: risk-free substance use is not possible for anyone (it has risks for everyone, you must educate yourself on the risks and mitigate them.)

Do start to add harm reduction techniques and you must apply mindfulness to all of your behaviors. Perhaps intoxication no longer serves you. Observe it and decide to make positive changes. Check out HAMS.

DEPRESSION.

Anger turned inward (and not expressed) turns into depression. This leads to substance abuse. Creating a "false refuge" where you can retreat and not have to face the "pain" of your problems or the situation that has presented itself to you. Inaction and inertia: the breeding ground for addictions and mental illnesses. What are you angry about? What needs are not getting met? (your well being)

Anger turned outward too much can be aggression and this can cause problems too. Fights and arguments. Hot headed decisions. Telling your boss or spouse exactly "what you think of them".

The key is to direct the energy of anger into assertiveness. You look at the problem objectively and with STRATEGIC PLANNING AND PATIENCE you see a way out, a way to a better job or relationship. This requires shrewdness, long term planning, goal setting, keeping your intentions to yourself.........this is the long game. Unfortunately too many do not have the patience nor the emotional control to choose assertiveness and delayed gratification for a better future as they want an instant "fix" and they want their pain eased NOW. Impatient and irrational they will go on to confound their misery making more rash decisions based on uncontrolled anger (emotional loss of control). You must cultivate bringing your mind back to a rational state and focus on being assertive.

Anxiety: uncontrolled anxiety (fear of the future, fear of the situation, fear of the unknown, worrying about the uncontrollable leads to compulsive behaviors and quick fixes and is also a breeding ground for substance abuse and mental illnesses. Uncontrolled anxiety leads to all kinds of other disorders.....

the solution for anxiety? Drugs or alcohol? no this just masks the problem. Action and the courage to take action is not only the solution but the default setting for all STOICS. This ties in nicely with assertiveness: you simply must take correct action no matter what your emotions are screaming at you. Focus on what's in your control.

I suggest you read up on Stoicism:
Here's the Enchiridion by Epictetus
 

Sir FB

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NOTE: Stay away from any "recovery movement" cults and anybody therapist, aa cult members, well meaning idiot "friends" who believe in the "disease model theory" which is pure fantasy and does more harm than good. AA has a 5% success rate because 1) You have to want to change your habits for the better, the majority that go there STILL HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR INTOXICATION 2) They still identify as "alcoholics" (somebody who does not drink is a non drinker, not an alcoholic.....a non drinker....doesn't drink.....whereas an alcoholic....you got it....still has a preference for being a stumblebum.) 3) Waste of time. time you could spend on rebuilding the relationships you have messed up, going to gym, pursuing meaningful hobbies with people who ARE NOT STUMBLEBUMS , and of course FIXING YOUR FINANCES (Sitting in a dingy, smoke filled basement with the unwashed illiterate losers spouting cliches from their big book is a HUGE NEGATIVE WASTE OF TIME AND UNNECESSARY.
This is an unfair, untrue characterization of AA. AA traditions and literature clearly state that they have no monopoly on recovery. They do not oppose anyone and cooperate with scientific, medical and religious societies. Is AA a little cultish? Sure. However it lacks one major characteristic of all cults. THERE IS NO LEADER.

I'm sure that many people can moderate their alcohol use with HAMS or SMART recovery. Heck, some folks can stop or moderate just because their doctor told them too, or they fall in love. AA as an organization has no opinion on the effectiveness of other programs. Individual AA members have all kinds of opinions, just like people in this forum have different opinions, but just like in SS, individual members do not speak for the whole.

Millions of people worldwide have used the disease model of recovery and the abstinence method with success. The fact that you refer to all AA members as "unwashed illiterate losers" and "stumblebums" clearly indicates your unreasonable bias against the organization. If your argument is true, I suggest leaving out the ad hominem attacks, because most intelligent people reading these forums recognize that as a logical fallacy.
 

wifehunter

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The economy is depressed, too. So there's the problem.

That, AND the money is dirty.
 

FuzzX

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Hey SoSuave, been here a long time, so I know i can rely on SS to come to the resuce. To make a long story short i've been pretty depressed lately. I've been drinking to much lately, everyday, which i know can cause depression in the long run, so i know i need to stop. Fighting with the GF because of my constant drinking. On top of that i have $96 in my bank account, unemployment ran out, I have no job, my business isnt taking off(yet), no nothing it feels like sometimes. Im 33 still live at home with my dad and brother(I moved out 4 times total but always moved back because of money.) I feel like a loser, which I know i am.
It's the drinking pal, it'll kill you and ruin your life, you have to stop.

My brother, an addict, died recently, alcohol was his main problem but I'm finding out it wasn't his only drug.

When you die, and you will soon, you are going to leave a massive trail of devastation in your wake. Sorry guy, but there's no way around this, you either stop and turn your life around or you keep going and destroy your family's lives forever. Get your ego in check, join the foreign legion or get your dad to dump you in Alaska with no money and no passport. Be pretty damn hard to drink when you are trying to stay warm.

The thing with drunks is they always have enablers. Mummy or Daddy will pull you out of trouble when you make a mess. Find your enabler (you already know) and excommunicate them for a few yars.

Alcoholism is not a disease it's a symptom of narcissism.
 
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redskinsfan92

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Hey SoSuave, been here a long time, so I know i can rely on SS to come to the resuce. To make a long story short i've been pretty depressed lately. I've been drinking to much lately, everyday, which i know can cause depression in the long run, so i know i need to stop. Fighting with the GF because of my constant drinking. On top of that i have $96 in my bank account, unemployment ran out, I have no job, my business isnt taking off(yet), no nothing it feels like sometimes. Im 33 still live at home with my dad and brother(I moved out 4 times total but always moved back because of money.) I feel like a loser, which I know i am.
Step one is quitting alcohol. Step one. This will give you more time in the day sober to work on solutions to your other issues
. I had to leave behind my videogame addiction to improve my life. "Videogame addiction?" you might ask. Yes. In my early 20s I would spend more than 8 hours a day playing videogqmes on average. I put hundreds of hours into Destiny. That was my last big time sink. Something just clicked for me. Why waste time on a digital world? I could do cool and interesting stuff in the real world.
 

FuzzX

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Step one is quitting alcohol. Step one. This will give you more time in the day sober to work on solutions to your other issues
. I had to leave behind my videogame addiction to improve my life. "Videogame addiction?" you might ask. Yes. In my early 20s I would spend more than 8 hours a day playing videogqmes on average. I put hundreds of hours into Destiny. That was my last big time sink. Something just clicked for me. Why waste time on a digital world? I could do cool and interesting stuff in the real world.
Pffft, thats not an addiction, that's just a hobby. I've clocked at least 10x that number in VR. Why waste time in the real world, the digital is where its at [especially during the pandemic]. You can play Halo in VR now btw. ;)

Video games are just books 2.0

Listen OP, I used to have a buddy that was really addicted to prostitutes, he would blow all his money every week on them. Not only was this dangerous but also it left him seriously unfulfilled at the end of the night. I also had another friend who had a BAD gambling addiction. Every weekend was spent at the casino dropping $100's. I introduced both these guys to MTG. The first guy quit prostitutes cold turkey and became a magic fanatic, the second guy did the same except he now spends the majority of his money on magic cards. :D

The hobby is addictive, it's not called cardboard crack for nothing. BUT, both men now have wives, children, stable jobs. The first guy became a triple digit millionaire after taking up magic, the other guy is married to a landwhale but that's beside the point, anyone can learn it. The game is a great replacement for whatever your addiction is and it'll give you the same high you get from chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels. I can even help you with your first hit if you like. :devil:
 
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Grinderman

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Reflect on the book of Job in times of darkness

(interesting how it instructs you how to sit with friends in times of struggle. How some will hold you in contempt for going through dark times. how some will feel they are being punished when something bad happens. and importantly how one can find the correct frame in times of struggle and go through it with a different mindset and come out the other side galvanized and with a stronger character)

The book of Job explained:

Though you Slay me (based on the book of Job)

A lesson in not only accepting one's suffering but using it as powerful character and faith building (rather than doing what so many do : cursing the very fabric of existence when something "bad" happens, falling into despair and a state of hopelessness and doom)

 

Modern Man Advice

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Hey SoSuave, been here a long time, so I know i can rely on SS to come to the resuce. To make a long story short i've been pretty depressed lately. I've been drinking to much lately, everyday, which i know can cause depression in the long run, so i know i need to stop. Fighting with the GF because of my constant drinking. On top of that i have $96 in my bank account, unemployment ran out, I have no job, my business isnt taking off(yet), no nothing it feels like sometimes. Im 33 still live at home with my dad and brother(I moved out 4 times total but always moved back because of money.) I feel like a loser, which I know i am.
If you weren't going through this, then how else would you be able to fully and genuinely appreciate when those good moments come to you? Because, trust us, (and you know this too) those good moments will come.

Just lose the "which I know I am" and you'll be good. Watch your thought life. And keep at it. The only way you will guarantee complete failure is if you give up.

The only thing you can focus on is that step you are taking now, and then the next, and the next. The rest will come.

You got this brother!

PS: Remember you still have a roof over your head, food to eat, a gf (most of us don't have one), a family that for better or worse is there for you, your health, your mind, your life, etc, etc. Many, many, many, many people don't have one of most of those things yet still fight the good fight every day. Perhaps watch a documentary on how people in "third world" countries, or heck even here in the US, live to put things in perspective for you.


Modern Man Advice
 

Ricky

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Hi Crissco.
It takes strength to open up to strangers about the struggles of life, so pat yourself on the back for being courageous enough to do what you’ve done.

Now let me hopefully help you with some truths. Even though you’re going through a hard season, bear in mind that no man can escape his fair share of misfortune and strife. —Some suffer grief after losing a loved one. —A parent somewhere has lost a child today.
-A man has had his possessions repossessed today.
- Someone today has been told they have cancer and they got months to live.
- A teenager is experiencing chronic daily bullying at school
- A child has lost both parents in a car crash
- Someone has just completely lost their sight today

Nomatter how bleak your circumstances may seem, know that you are not alone. Someone is dealing with worse. You have family around you, a roof over your head, meals to sustain you, clothes on your back. Someone out there would give an arm to be in your shoes right now.

Seek help for your alcohol challenge, you can overcome it if you put your mind to it. Taking the first determined step towards help is the most difficult part.

You are not a loser. You are just in a rough season but it will pass. Fire makes bricks stronger and gold purer. Hang in there buddy, its darkest before dawn
This is excellent advice, perhaps the best ive read on sosuave in some time.
Ive had to repeatedly remind myself this throughout the fall and winter as my marriage was in bad shape
 
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