Been awhile since I've been on here. Advice needed

[donjuanapprentice01]

This time, I want to get the advice before doing anything stupid (like the last time I was on here). Alright, here goes.

I work in a Law Office, and part of what I do is taking care of all the banking. Anyways, at the bank I deal with, there is this cute, hot thing that works there. Now, I've dealt with her before, and always had a nice time chatting about random stuff. Just fluff talk. I finally got the courage to ask her out earlier this week for a coffee or a drink. She said yes, without hesitation. She happens to hang out at her favorite coffee shop, which also happens to be my favorite coffee shop. So we're talking and she is putting through the deposits and paying bills and such. As she finishes up, I ask for her number so I can get in touch with her. She says to "come back to the bank when I want to go". So, she doesn't want to give me her number. So, I'm a bit conflicted here. I don't always see her when I go to the bank, even when she is working. I'm going to try and arrange something next time I see her.... any advice as to what I should do here?

Another question... I found her on facebook, because I know her name. I'm thinking about adding her, but that might seem "stalkerish". Still, since I asked her out and she seemingly accepted, adding her on facebook might not be a bad idea and it gives me an opportunity to talk to her. So, I'm stuck on whether or not I should go ahead and add her as a friend there.

EDIT: I just want to add one more detail. Not once has she mentioned a boyfriend. She hangs out with friends, but the "boyfriend" word has never been uttered. That doesn't mean she doesn't have one, I suppose.

 

[prairiedog24]

Ooo, been there. I usually break down and add them, and 2 out of 3 times wish I hadn't.

My recommendation would be NOT to add her on facebook, but continue to try the face to face thing. Sometimes she just wants you to pursue her a bit more in person. And A BIT is perfectly ok in my book as long as you don't get negative signals from here on out. Might take one more coffee date, or running into her there or something to really know. One short lunch break is just too early to really be too concerned about a slight negative.

Disclaimer: I'm a RAFC at best, but I think usually we know what to do when we see other people's situations, it's when we're in them that's tough.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Thanks Prairiedog...

In the past, I would have added her as a friend on facebook already... not this time, I've know she has been on facebook for over two weeks now and have resisted adding her. Like i said, I want to do it right this time. Friday is a busy banking day for me, so I'll be in the bank, she should be working as well... problem is I don't always meet up with her as there are about 5 other tellers working as well... and I'm not going to be the shmuck that lets other ahead of me just so I can talk to that one teller... my time is more valuable than that.

 

[MisterMcGee]

lets hope this isnt the oneitis youre making it sound like

 

[prairiedog24]

Thanks Prairiedog...

and I'm not going to be the shmuck that lets other ahead of me just so I can talk to that one teller... my time is more valuable than that.

I've so done that before... for the exact same reason. :nervous:

 

[prairiedog24]

lets hope this isnt the oneitis youre making it sound like

Does a small crush count as onitis these days?

I thought onitis was "omg, I love this girl with all my heart and even though she takes me for granted, ran over my dog, and considers me her 'best friend' when she needs something I'm going to stick here and hope it all works out."

I don't think noticing a pretty face and concocting a basic strategy is quite onitis yet.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

lets hope this isnt the oneitis youre making it sound like

Nope, no oneitis here... plenty of other chicks around. Just that this one seems interested in me and we seem to get together along well.

 

[djinhell]

It seems like your not going to do it anyway, but I will stress just incase...
DO NOT ADD HER ON FACEBOOK!!!

I wouldn't say this is oneitis, seems like your thinking clearly about this situation which is good.

I would say, when you naturally bump into her again, bring up the date/hanging out thing, and go for the digits...if she resisits, say something along the lines of "I wanna get to know you in the real world, away from this bank sh!t and I need your number to make that happen "...if she resists again, next her!!!

Good luck with it!!

DJ IN HELL

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I agree with djinhell... Dont add her on facebook.

I think its kind of odd she agrees to go out with you. But, wouldnt give you her number. Next time you see her say; "What is your number so, I can call you and we can set up a time to meet at the coffee shop."

If she says no again. Forget about her. She has to be hiding something if she wont give u her number.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

She's in a relationship

What kills me is that she and this guy just started dating, not even a month ago. If I had the balls to have asked her out a month ago, maybe things may be different.

Now, there is this other chick that works there that I kind of like as well... should I try asking her out too? I don't want to come across as the guy who is asking all the tellers out at the bank :crackup:

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Thats what happens when you wait too long. If you see a opportunity you gotta attack it. Its okay though cause, now you will learn from this.

As for the other girl you like. Why not? Get in the practice of asking girls out. The more you do it.. the more comfortable and easier it gets. Its just like learning to ride a bike for the first time. You have some slips and falls. But, after awhile you get on the bike and ride like a pro.

 

[slaog]

She's in a relationship

That was the only explanation for not giving you her number because she didn't want you calling her in front of other people.


Did she agree to go out with you while she was in the relationship? She was spinning plates if so. She probably likes you but its too late now. Go look for other women.

 

[sodbuster]

So, she didn't want strange numbers showing up on her phone for her BF to find? sounds like she isn't too serious about him[after 1 month, she shouldn't be],but isn't going to go for a friday[date night] with you-go a different night. She may or may not go,who cares?

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

I need to post.. I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.

I asked the other chick at the bank out... flat out rejection, fine I don't care.. it's just they way I over heard her afterwards, she said "ooookkkkkkaaayyy" in a sarcastic tone, then everyone had their eyes on me as I was leaving.... I feel like a dummy... I had no problems with the other chick, but this one made me feel so ****in stupid.

Now, this chick will tell her co-worker (the first chick I asked out) and they will have a good laugh at my expense probably. Not to mention the other people that work there that I have to deal with because of my job. But what really makes me feel like an idiot is that I probably ruined anything that could have happened with the first chick I asked out (because, I think the fact she had said yes although she refused to give me her number, shows some sort of interest). I'm trying to convince myself that by asking the other chick out might cause some competition and jealousy... but I don't know about that. Right now, I just feel like a ****in tool

I'm so embarrassed right now... I don't know why I feel this way, but I do... I just want to crawl under my desk and not come out for a week. Seriously, how stupid am I? :cuss:

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

On the bright side, I just bought a mint condition 2005 Mazda RX-8. I'll be picking it up on Monday, so I felt real confident today... now I feel like a dweeb. Arghh....

 

[CatB]

Try not to beat yourself up over all this.

Women will often be very enthusiastic when talking to guys about setting up fluff dates like this, only to avoid being pinned down when it comes to the details. It's just easier that way than saying no, then watching his face fall, and then having that awkward situation while he mutters "Oh... well, it's okay...." and then walks away.

So much easier to just say yes but always be "too busy".

Since you had fluff talked multiple times with her before asking her out, she probably looked at you as the "fluff" guy. No substance, but a nice enough customer. Try talking about your own interests in life, so that she sees you as a three dimensional person, instead of just another smiling customer.

This is for future reference though. You're probably done with the girls at this bank. They'll still be nice when you go back in, but I doubt they'll go out with you. Just my $0.02.

 

[slaog]

What are you embarrassed about? You only asked her out theres nothing wrong with that.


If you let it get to you and act embarrassed when you go in there next it'll scream AFC to everybody. Go in with your head held high and take pity on that girl for missing out on a date and a ride in your new mazda.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Thanks for the replies guys.

I realize I'm making too big of a deal with this. Had to go back to the bank today for personal reasons, went in with my head held high, the chick I asked out yesterday was there, she gave me a funny smile and I smiled back, did what I had to do and left.

But I feel much better today.