becoming who you are..

[organizedconfusion]

the natural way...i have been into the whole self improvment thing for about six years now. Used to get into alot of trouble yadda yadda.I was looking at my life and thinking about my friends lives.I notice that they are who they are and they continually develop into more of who they are- for instance, one guy might be hard headed and another guy might be the friendly out going type, one may be reserved and so forth.That's just how they are and how they developed...but they are that way because the make the decisions in life that created who they are naturally.Like a few friends of mine,two of them have been incarcerated since about 17 ,one just got released while the other is being released in a few months..scary guys, even since we were kids-the thing is , they were always like that...daring,brazen ,crazy like that.As well as my other friends that were always carefull and organized-they wound up having different lives-going to school,getting good jobs and settling down.I see it as, we are who we are- and self improvement isn't really about improving our skills more so then it means conditioning ourselves to make better and better decisions in life overall..

i know alot of knuckle heads that never seem to change, they are the same arrogant bastards as they always were..but they brach off doing things that are natural to them.Working construction ,carpentry or the military.Alot of the self-help stuff is great to creating a stronger mindset and it allows us to ask the right questions..but the greatest and most life changing events that took place in my development and my life never came from reading a book or sitting in a room contemplating about life..NO.The greatest life altering experiances i had ..were living them, when i was thrown out into life and forced to make decisions NOW ,not in my head and no time to think..

i used to mope around and stress out over what i wanted to do in life..i didn't know..well i figure, one dosen't figure out what one wants to do by thinking about it, one decides by 'doing it'..doing things,different things,exploring the possibilities first hand- not by thinking..hmmm,not gonna work..what about that? because that i believe is my TRUE nature, i am the explorer,the curiousity seeker,the wanderer,i crave excitement and action..i love the taboo and the weird, the extraordinary and i was always like that..that weird crazy out going guy that no one really understands. i say read to further instruct yourself, but go out and let the world transform you into who you already are inside.It's like you take two different people with the same situations and they make different choices,they become different people- but they were already different internally therefore their lives most likely would have turned out that ways anyways regardless of what happned, that means that they would've became who they intended to be anyways-because that's who they are.I think that everything happens for a reason and that no matter what happens, there is a reason behind it -sooner or later,the path will reveal itself and it becomes obvious.Haven't you ever realized that? wow, if i never went to so and so i would've never met her ,then i would'nt be taking this trip to Paris ,where we won free tickets to the concert ,where we met the singer and got autographs,then we sold them online..etc.


i understand what people mean when they say get out in the field and do it, even if you fail a kazillion times..why? well if you failed a kazillion times-damn, could you imagine the size of balls you would have if you did! a loser fails once- and quite, a master fails -well, he loses count- it's not that he failed, it's the lessons learned from each failure.I know that that saying has probaly been regergated a million times before,but it's always usefull as a refresher.

The next time you find yourself dwelling or moping trying to figure out what you want in life and you are beating your head against the wall..realize this, though you may not know what you want in life..you know it's not what you got..so do something about it..do it.

'i may not know what i want in life, but it sure as hell ain't this'..

word to your mother :rockon:

 

[organizedconfusion]

now that you guys got me thinking, this reminds me of when i was seeing this one girl- she was really quiet and distant,but when i got to know her she was really sweet and caring,but still distant and cool.She was into astrology and all this new age artsy fartsy stuff..totally far out there. She was really really strange in her own little ways but highly magnetic..she would tell me that guys would try to hit on her and she would have an awesome come back to shut them out right then and there.We spent alot of time stargazing and getting high at a lake we would go to,and we would just hang out and chill, talk about things and make out and fvck.The thing is, she was soo cool about things ,everything and i would'nt have her any other way..she was just soo genuinly herself that it didn't matter if she was some weird new age hippy chick or that we had different insights on things..she was just soo cool that it didn't matter.She would get harrassed ,and bothered at her college,but she said that it didn't matter, they just didn't know or understood her and that if they took the time out to do so they would like her...i have a tendency to attract very oddball and extreme people into my life,maybe it's because i am the same way- who knows, that following school year ,she transfered to an art school and the last i heard of her she has some of her art on display at some sort of show and she's moonlighting as a palm/fortune reader and dating some 39 year old enviromentalist.None of this is suprising though she was always into that sort of stuff...it just goes to show you ,everything that you do and interested in makes you , you..in every single geniuine way no one should be embarassed or ashamed of it.Weither it be an obsession with Anime or comics ,movies,sports whatever it maybe ..that drive that passion that obsession is what makes you unique, yet part of the bigger sceme of things- what you do,what you're into tighly creates and binds you to that certain type of IDENTITY..That's what makes you you..it's not surpising that alot of car guys are also into sports and a host of other extreme activities involving speed or guys that are into martial arts are also into physical fitness ,health,alternative medicine and so forth...it's all what you do, what you do becomes a part of your core identity.

i know it's cool to be 'alpha' or this and that, after i read all this stuff online and how to 'be' whatever..it just reminded me of how much more i like to be myself...and people will naturally become attracted to me,people usually meet for a reason and it's not always gonna be by opening a set or through pick up..that's the real game of life,pick up enhances the egde- but it's also a smoke screen because who knows..by intentionally meeting one person, you may have somehow screwed up meeting someone else on accident ..hhhmm...but then again,it did happen for a reason..

 

[Docs]

:d !!!