Becoming a social butterfly

[Matt Rogers]

I am reflecting back on my university life as it slowly draws to a close and realise I never really got involved in the social scene-the parties etc. I have never been one of the popular guys and as such get very few invitations to parties and introductions to hot girls. In my experience you have an immediate advantage of social proof if a hot girl is introduced to you by a friend or if you meet her at a select invitation only party. I have relied on meeting girls through societies, sports clubs and lectures, and have not really met enough eligible girls. I believe that dating is a numbers game in that the more girls you meet,, the more numbers you ask for, the more chance you have of getting dates. And I am just not meeting enough new girls.

I have reasonable social skills and am not shy, but am quiet and introverted and never been particularly easygoing or outgoing.
Does anyone have any good ideas to become a social butterfly?
I have checked Fingers posts and they are excellent but need more input.

 

[seize_the_pattern]

Im right at the same spot, Matt. Im not shy or anything either but right now Im looking for getting new people together.
My guess is that first you start with frequenting people you like out of your own choice and try to get them together somehow. Im thinking of trying to be the "glue" between poeple who do not know eachother yet but know me.
Im very gnashing on this too

 

[FlawlessBadBoy]

It's called networking. You go out and meet new people, hangout with them, and because of them you meet and hangout with even more people. It's the same principle that big business relies upon to expand. Think of urself as the fledgling Starbucks and you need more contacts (friends) in order to get the big investors (HB's). j

Just start goin to different functions like concerts, malls, movies, games, and interacting and connecting with new people. You'll never become a scoial butterfly without being SOCIAL.

 

[seize_the_pattern]

Originally posted by FlawlessBadBoy
It's called networking. You go out and meet new people, hangout with them, and because of them you meet and hangout with even more people. It's the same principle that big business relies upon to expand. Think of urself as the fledgling Starbucks and you need more contacts (friends) in order to get the big investors (HB's). j

Just start goin to different functions like concerts, malls, movies, games, and interacting and connecting with new people. You'll never become a scoial butterfly without being SOCIAL.

Did you start off llike that too by yourself? I totally go with what you say, but it'd be cool to have some example of someone who pulled this by his own.
Ironically, I did this in my past before without even realizing it, but then I noticed that it was because we were all a bunch of negative people.
Rather not have that happening again.
Thats another thing. Those positive people are so friggin' scarce! I actually got into a little circle in my uni but it only consists of 5 poeple. The difference between me and the rest is: they still hang with their old friends, while I cut the cord with the old ones sinces all those old friends do is go to work or school and hang out at the same places in weekends which appear to be AFC magnets.

Long and the short of it: I pretty much have an idea how the social networking goes IN THEORY, and it would also be nice to have some examples, stories or whatever to add afew angles to my approach in networking.

Cheers,

 

[FlawlessBadBoy]

You want a story? My dad's life story should do. I have been a lot of places in my lifetime, and so has my father. When he was in the airforce, he would have to travel a lot and meet tons of new people, some bad, some good.

He played basketball too, so that introduced him to tons of people. Now, where ever he goes, he sees someone who he either knows, or knows him. He is social proofed everywhere he goes, because when new people are around him, he tries to get to know them and what they are into, then they invite him places.

Having tons of friends who all have plans and goals is always a good thing. Not only will they include you in on their plans, but you will also benefit from a huge social circle of people.

Most recently, I started networking. I grew my social circle from 10 to 20 people in a month. What I did was.... I made it a point to talk to new people. If they were cool, i made plans to hangout with them. Then where ever we hung out, there would be more new people, and I would meet a few of them, and expand my social circle even more. See where this is going now?

It's all about getting out of your comfort zone and talking to people and being a cool guy who people wouldn't mind hangin out with. The more friends you have, the more girls you will meet. I promise.

 

[ScrewIt]

I suppose the point of your post is about networking?

well first off, who cares about being popular and stuff. It never lasts, you may be the popular guy at the part or whatever, but the next day, you'll be forgotten. Plus, parties are social gatherings, but often they are not network gatherings, depending on what type of party it is.

Let me tell you a story, about a year ago, i was invited to a party, which was inside a hotel suite rented for the night by friend's friend. There was plenty of free booze, and some weeders.
Everyone was happy and talkative when they had a few drinks after getting buzzed. I was the guy that got drunk and everbody loved me for an unknown reason. I even got hit on and this damn chick was flirting w/me there even when her bf was there! got trashed and fell asleep there. the next day, the remaining ppl that stayed overnight. it was all hi, bye. sure i was popular that night, but the next day they didnt even know me.

Truly it was mostly the booze that helped ppl socialize, when everyone's sober, no one wants to talk. i was invited to 2 more hotel parties a few months down the line, i went, but mostly it just sucked, dont ask me why it just did. again it was only the hi,bye thing after everyone sobered up. the ppl only went for one thing, and it was the booze.

Now onto networking, a great way is to find ppl that have similar interests as you. sports is a great way, you can talk about the game afterwards and ways to improve and get together. Just be understanding and talk to people, intiate a convo. In class, at tthe gym, wherever you go. in general just be friendly, and you'll be treated the same.

im somewhat like you, i'm the loner type. but wherever i go, and whoever i talk to, i try to keep a smile on my face. are you a regular at a restuarant or food store? start a convo with the cashier or the guy cooking your food. play pool regularly at a pool hall? start a convo with the cashier guy.

you get something good out of all this. like discounts or even on the house stuff if u know those ppl failry well

 

[FlawlessBadBoy]

You got trashed... what does that have to do with networking. I said make friends, nto entertain everyone like some circus clown. You can network anywhere you want, don't limit it to certain places. And of course you find people with the same interests as you, otherwise, why would you even wanna hangout with them and be friends... Over analyzing is somethign women do... not guys.

 

[seize_the_pattern]

Great point you are making there. Those parties can be fun if you enjoy being drunk but dont expect to build any decent relationships out of that. Ive been through those same desillusions and that is good news because I realize that Im ahead of a lot of people that make parties.

On the other hand, sometimes a party does make nice and new friendships. Also, after getting used to some people by alcohol it sometimes gets easier to connect soberly.

As for trying to be popular: I dont think having a decent social network and wanting to be popular are the same thing.

 

[Bussey]

I just moved away from all my friends to College, but within the first few weeks I had a group of people I regularily hung out with. The original group of 5 grew to like 12 and threw them I met others so now I walk down the hall talking to people I know.

Party Saturday! LLLOOOTTSSS of HB's gonna be there, time to work my magic haha.

Ciao

 

[Soma]

Originally posted by seize_the_pattern
Did you start off llike that too by yourself? I totally go with what you say, but it'd be cool to have some example of someone who pulled this by his own.

Then you may now bow down at my feet, you unworthy he-b!tch.

I have done it on my own. I still do it on my own. There was a period when I went to clubs in the city 3-5 nights a week alone. Made it a point to be "open" and not closed off like I am naturally apt to do.

I have several social circles and if it makes any difference to you, my best friends are now actors, actresses, dancers, and models. All because I made it a point to be open and put myself out there.

Now lick my toes, maggot.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Quality, not quantity.

 

[FlawlessBadBoy]

Get both.