Basic Dynamics of a Healthy and Positive LTR

[Wyldfire]

• Courtship - get to know each other, share likes, hopes, aspirations, annoyances, what bothers you
• Commitment - clarify positions, roles, functions, agreements and mutual expectations
• Honeymoon Period - things are stable and going good, both people are happy
• Pinch - annoyances, irritations, bumps and problems
• Stuff the Problems - Kiss and make up OR Re-discuss likes, hopes, annoyances, etc and re-clarify agreements
• Explosion - too many stuffed "pinches" and you either break up or go back to clarify agreements

All relationships will experience the "Pinches". How you deal with them will determine the health and longevity of your relationship. If you communicate and rediscuss what bothers you and then come up with new agreements on roles and expectations each time there is a "Pinch" you will fare well. You may find that you simply aren't compatible...and that is the time to exit the relationship. If you can reach a compromise that you can both live with you can find stability as long as everyone follows the agreement. If you "Stuff" the problems...even if you "Kiss and Make Up" the resentments will build over time and will eventually lead to an Explosion. If you do reach the point of Explosion it takes incredible commitment and hard work to get past it. However, you DO have the power to avoid explosions by simply dealing with each and every "Pinch" that pops up.

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay...now onto something else...

One of my Class Projects for one of the classes I'm taking this Mod is to help someone. So, I thought I would offer LTR assistance to one of the guys here as my project. Whoever I select to help...you will be entirely anonymous and I do not have to submit any information about where I found a person to help or who they are. I won't be sharing the name or link to this site with my professor or class...100% anonymous.

I'm going to go about picking someone to help through an "application process" of sorts.

Here are the guidelines I'd like to follow:

1. You must be in a serious, committed LTR of at least 6 months...preferably a year or more.

2. You must be willing to be 100% honest and open with me so that I can truly help you with your situation.

3. You must have a significant relationship issue that you feel threatens your relationship.

4. You must be willing to accept that the only person whose behavior you can change is your own and be willing to learn how to lead your relationship through positive actions on your part...you must be able to take responsibility and not blame anyone else.

If you are interested in receiving one on one help from me off through private online correspondence then please PM me the following information:

1. The length of your LTR
2. Your age and the age of your partner
3. A clear explanation of the problems you are facing
4. Why you feel I should choose you over everyone else.

Please try to be as brief as possible while still answering the above questions as best you can. Paragraphs and such would be nice as well.

 

[Gioco]

Good post

 

[Wyldfire]

Thanks...this is basically a Group Process Model that can be applied to virtually any relationship, whether personal or business.

 

[DJF or John]

Wyldfire, you always make great posts.

But this post is scaring me baby.

"Basic Dynamics of a Healthy and Positive LTR."

Oh boy.

"1. Courtship - get to know each other, share likes, hopes, aspirations, annoyances, what bothers you
2. Commitment - clarify positions, roles, functions, agreements and mutual expectations
3. Honeymoon Period - things are stable and going good, both people are happy
4. Pinch - annoyances, irritations, bumps and problems
5. Stuff the Problems - Kiss and make up OR Re-discuss likes, hopes, annoyances, etc and re-clarify agreements
6. Explosion - too many stuffed "pinches" and you either break up or go back to clarify agreements."

Wyldfire baby again, I think you make great posts....but this scares me.

First off, you can't CREATE nor SAVE a relationship. When two people are compatible, when a woman is still a WOMAN, and the man is actually a MAN, and they both are going the same places in life, there really isn't any quote on quote "problems."

The "problems" that's being experienced in relationships TODAY, is that majority of women no longer ACT like women.

>> They are dominant. They want to control the relationship.

The men usually allow them to, thus, we have a twisted role problem. The woman is the man, the man is the woman.

OF COURSE THERE'S ABOUT TO BE PROBLEMS! Or "Pinches" as you call it ahhah.

But....I do believe that a "great" relationship is still POSSIBLE. It's just not really that much AVAILABLE.

1. You have a man, that understands his sexuality, embraces it, and knows how to control it. He is has goals and looking to go somewhere in life. I call this guy the Don Juan. Why? Because he is the PUA (knows how to get laid) and a great Man (ambition.)

2. You have a woman, that understands her nature as a woman and LIKES IT. She has chosen to NOT follow the crowd and be like majority of other women. She is usually very quiet, kind of "not with the crowd," different. But she is a natural woman. I mean, all the supporting, caring, committment type of stuff that woman are NATURALLY. And she stays that way.

When you add in, that they both are going in the same direction, then and ONLY THEN, do you have a great RELATIONSHIP.

I can't MAKE a woman be a WOMAN. So since majority of women have chosen to STOP being women, that's why me and a lot of other guys that get laid on a consistent basis, that's why we treat them like dogs. We nvt and leave. We no damn well to "have no ties" because women today are no longer "tie worthy."

90% of women in a relationship, are ONLY in a relationship for HER ENTERTAINMENT. Hot chicks are ALWAYS in a relationship, lol. But understand, these chicks are svcking more dycks than a white girl at a NBA after party.

All I'm saying? Is that TODAY in America, once a guy knows how to make a girl horny, he's basically already in her pants. Unfortunately, guys like Gunwitch have already broadcasted this "understanding," it's just that some guys just dont' fully understand it.

I do, and you ought to see how easy it is. And I'm not braggin, it's quite sickening actually. I mean, why is she letting me rub her azz and I don't even know her? I'm just totally having my way with this chick, even told her to BUY ME DINNER and I have money on top of money in my account.

 

[blueblue]

DJF or John

DJF or John,

Interesting response to Wildfire’s class project. You make some valid points and others that may need to be expanded; for example your quote”

“I can't MAKE a woman be a WOMAN. So since majority of women have chosen to STOP being women, that's why me and a lot of other guys that get laid on a consistent basis, that's why we treat them like dogs. We nvt and leave. We no damn well to "have no ties" because women today are no longer "tie worthy."

Once you get past the self serving “laid” stage in a relationship only a man can bring out the “woman” in his woman, (and if she won’t let you – move on to another woman who is less complicated). She can never make him a “man”. Man is an extension of God and if you have a smart woman, she understands this and will demand this from you. If a woman puts on the lip gloss and shakes her azz, she will attract the dogs out there, and she might even end up with a good dog, but she soon realizes that this is hell on earth. Adam should of never accepted that apple – it has nothing but caused problems for all mankind.

 

[DJF or John]

blueblue, you make a great statement,

"Once you get past the self serving “laid” stage in a relationship only a man can bring out the “woman” in his woman, (and if she won’t let you – move on to another woman who is less complicated)."

Please understand blueblue, I don't like the "laid" stage, stuff, or actions. I wish above all things in dating and relationships, that I could just NOT do the "laid" stage. I love women, and I love pvssy...what man doesn't? But what I speak of is more than just a "tip" more than just a "technique" more than just "advice," but rather it's insurance protection. A woman will be one way around a guy, but when he leaves, she will be svcking the HELL out of another guy's dyck. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, lol, I have done this shyt. I felt sooo bad for doing it, but soon I just learned the fvcking TREND going on today. And either you can learn to adapt, or you can continue blindly and let your "girlfriend" continuing to fvck you in the azz.

And you can't MAKE A WOMAN BE A WOMAN. Either the chick is a woman, or she isn't!! Only a man can bring out the "woman" in his woman? Dude what the hell? Either the chick has decided to REMAIN in her nature, or she has chosen to BUCK it. That decision has nothing to do with me. When I meet a chick, I already know if she is in her nature or not. If she isn't, I fvck her and leave. If she is, I might take her on a date. "Might."

Keep going blueblue....

"She can never make him a “man”. Man is an extension of God and if you have a smart woman, she understands this and will demand this from you."

Eliminate the theory. You're right about the extension, that's FACT. But all that stuff about if I have a smart woman she will understand this or that...that is YOUR opinion. That has nothing to do with what the hell women are doing TODAY. When I speak on what's occurring, I speak from EXPERIENCE. I don't like it, at all! I am a romantic, LOVER. I never liked to just be iwth a girl, fvck her and leave. But I'm not stupid, and I'm not about to get myself fvcked up.

Keep going blueblue...

 

[DJF or John]

"If a woman puts on the lip gloss and shakes her azz, she will attract the dogs out there, and she might even end up with a good dog, but she soon realizes that this is hell on earth. Adam should of never accepted that apple – it has nothing but caused problems for all mankind."

Lol. Hahaha. A woman SHAKES her azz (which is 90% of women today), you know why? You know why women do all that shyt? Because they are looking to stick and move LIKE MEN DO!

Women in other countires, there's no "shaking of the azz." All that shyt is nothing but women bucking their natures dude. In other countries, sometimes the chicks can't even show any part of their bodies at all! That's where the fvckign women are.

I told you, women are acting like men today. A chick will fvck a guy today and go back home to her husband or boyfriend in the moring. She will continue to repeat that, it's under 10% of women in today's America that DON'T do this. The challenge is finding women that are STILL women. Lol, like I said.

And what a typical "mindset." All the stuff about how Adam should have never did this or that. Everybody always wants to take and blame the TRANSGRESSIONS of women on MEN! What the hell!

- Women have minds! Women have moral and mental capabilities! They say if the woman cheated on the man in a marriage, that the man was at fault...what the fvck! Does that bytch NOT have a moral and mental capability? Is she a fvcking dog, where she just COULDN'T help it.

Women have chosen to be this way, because they are TIRED OF BEING WOMEN. They are bucking against their natures as women, THUS...THUS...blueblue....they are bucking against God! And since men were created like God, who the hell do you think all of this "bucking" has a negative effect on?

Yes...MEN!

That's why sites liek these exist. That's why majority of men are the submissive ones in the relationship. That's why everything a man does he does it to try and IMPRESS women! Women are running the fvcking country, just because you have a dyck in office, doesn't mean a pvssy doesn't make the decisions.

I REFUSE to be a bytch. I REFUSE to allow some chick to BUCK against her nature and make me submit. They all can kiss my motafvckin azz!

And these so called, "MEN" they want to try and stand up and fight for these chicks and take me down. Well.....I might be one person, but I'll take on the whole god damned world if I have to!

I REFUSE TO SUBMIT! I am a fvcking MAN...AND I WILL FIGHT FOR MY MANHOOD!!

 

[SamRi72]

Just wondering, what the heck is LTR? I know it sure aint Lord of the Rings, but then what is it?

 

[DJF or John]

Men, as a whole, possess an overall FULLER AND BETTER creative mind.

If men were to be men again, our world would progress FASTER!

Women, as a whole, possess an overall more FULLER AND BETTER caring and supporitng capability.

Men use their minds to make the world a better place. Women use their nuruting souls and spirits to SUPPORT the guy while he does this.

But the fvcking shyt has changed!

Women aren't supportive and nurtuing anymore, and instead, are "acting" like men. Since men really have no fvcking clue what's going on, the media and the community as a whole turns them into fvckign submissve bytches, and begins to have them worshipping the chick.

What's the result? Majority of men don't use their creative mindset abilities to make this world better. Remember blueblue, you confirmed, we are an extension to God. But if we are out of our natures, we are NOT!

That's why I blame WOMEN for the violence, the Hiv, and everything going on in the world today. For majority of men have become manufactured and trained, me "preaching" this shyt to them will NEVER get over to them.

The women must go BACK to their natures, and push the guys BACK TO THERES. Only then, will we produce these creative states to eliminate a lot of the bullshyt going on today.

If God could heal a man, WE CAN TOO! That's why he made us, he made us to be HIM ON EARTH!

But since we aren't fvcking men no more....than what the fvck can God do?

Don't blame God for 911, blame women!
Dont' blame God for the murderer, blame women!
Don't blame God for the violence, blame women!

Blame women god damn it. Because if 90% of men weren't using all their creative states to PLEASE THEM...they would be putting their creativeness to MAKE THE WORLD BETTER!

Blame women god damn it! And understand...call me crazy or what the fvck ever! I will NOT SLEEP IN MY GRAVE UNTIL I TURN THIS SHYT BACK TO WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!!!

I WILL NOT SLEEP!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just wondering, what the heck is LTR? I know it sure aint Lord of the Rings, but then what is it?

"Precious... Must find my Precious..." :woo:

 

[Wyldfire]

John...if you find that you are not compatible with someone, ideally you would exit the relationship during the "Courtship" phase. The whole idea of this model is to provide an outline of how a healthy and possitive relationship should progress. If, during the Courtship phase you find that you don't like the same things or are too annoyed by the habits of the other person then you should never move on to the Commitment. The reason that so many relationship fail is because the two people never should have entered into a commited relationship in the first place. People tend to try to move from Courtship to Honeymoon and entirely skip over the EXTREMELY IMPORTANT Commitment phase. It's at that point where you discuss expectations and define each person's responsibilities and roles in the relationship. If you follow this model correctly you stand a much higher chance of having a successful and long lasting relationship. And again...the compatibility comes into play during the Courtship phase...which you most certainly should exit (leave the relationship) if you find you simply aren't compatible.

I hope this clears things up for you. Sometimes it's difficult to portray something from a diagram when using words and bullets, lol. It's much clearer when you see the diagram of the model. I'll see if I can find a copy of the model online.

 

[Wyldfire]

About the Woman being like a Woman and Man being like a Man...

As is quite clear based on my posts here...I am a very strong, stubborn, opinionated and although very feminine looking woman...my demeanor and personality tends to be quite masculine. There have only been two men I have known who were able to somewhat "tame" that in me. Basically...I LET them lead because I wanted to GIVE them that role. I didn't allow that because they demanded it or because they disrespected me or acted like jerks. I allowed it because they loved me unconditionally, earned my respect through the respect they showed me and they actually CARED how I felt about things and were good at communicating and talking about problems that popped up. Even the most "surly" woman can adjust and allow the man to lead the relationship...he just needs to know how to make her want to.

The pursuit of a partner has become much more difficult for men. This site has it ALL wrong when it comes to LTR. You will never have a successful, healthy and long lasting LTR if you try to apply the rules from this site to your LTR. In fact...you will destroy it if you use the rules here.

The stuff here is helpful for dating, gaining confidence and learning how to "weed" out bad women, but it is very harmful for LTRs as many guys here will tell you.

 

[wayword]

Men, as a whole, possess an overall FULLER AND BETTER creative mind.

If men were to be men again, our world would progress FASTER!

Women, as a whole, possess an overall more FULLER AND BETTER caring and supporitng capability.

Men use their minds to make the world a better place. Women use their nuruting souls and spirits to SUPPORT the guy while he does this.

But the fvcking shyt has changed!

Women aren't supportive and nurtuing anymore, and instead, are "acting" like men. Since men really have no fvcking clue what's going on, the media and the community as a whole turns them into fvckign submissve bytches, and begins to have them worshipping the chick.

What's the result? Majority of men don't use their creative mindset abilities to make this world better. Remember blueblue, you confirmed, we are an extension to God. But if we are out of our natures, we are NOT!

That's why I blame WOMEN for the violence, the Hiv, and everything going on in the world today. For majority of men have become manufactured and trained, me "preaching" this shyt to them will NEVER get over to them.

The women must go BACK to their natures, and push the guys BACK TO THERES. Only then, will we produce these creative states to eliminate a lot of the bullshyt going on today.

If God could heal a man, WE CAN TOO! That's why he made us, he made us to be HIM ON EARTH!

But since we aren't fvcking men no more....than what the fvck can God do?

Don't blame God for 911, blame women!
Dont' blame God for the murderer, blame women!
Don't blame God for the violence, blame women!

Blame women god damn it. Because if 90% of men weren't using all their creative states to PLEASE THEM...they would be putting their creativeness to MAKE THE WORLD BETTER!

Blame women god damn it! And understand...call me crazy or what the fvck ever! I will NOT SLEEP IN MY GRAVE UNTIL I TURN THIS SHYT BACK TO WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!!!

I WILL NOT SLEEP!

GREAT POSTS! :cheer:

Simple fact is that we are still living in a 60s counter-culture that simply inverted all our previous time-tested values. It's a cultural experiment that is destroying our society like a WMD.

Anyhow, this is why I disagree with:

you must be able to take responsibility and not blame anyone else.

This presupposes that the woman can never be at fault and it must be YOUR fault. LMAO!

Better advice is to be brutally honest and blame whoever is at fault.

Because if that DOES happen to be the woman (90% of the cases now due to feminism), then you SHOULD fairly blame HER and not yourself! Otherwise, the problem WON'T GET FIXED, if you blame the wrong person! That's like changing the battery when your tires are flat!

And if it's her fault, better not to expect her to change (that won't happen) and just next her... It will be easier to find someone new WITHOUT her problems...than to expect her to change them. Relationships don't get better after the Honeymoon/Hibernation Period...they only get worse. You saw her with her best foot forward during Courtshyt...and it's only downhill from there as she shows her true colors and her skeletons start falling out of her closet.

 

[Wyldfire]

Taking responsibility applies equally to the woman involved...BOTH people must take responsibility for their own behavior, thoughts and feelings, period. I speak a lot about men needing to take responsibility because this is a men's site. If it were a woman's site I would also be telling them to stop blaming men and to take responsibility as well. I'm not telling men to take responsibility for what women do wrong. I am telling men to take responsibility for what THEY do wrong...and that does include choices, bad habits, behavior, etc. Some of you ASSUME that I think men should take responsibility and that women shouldn't have to. You will never find any post by me saying any such thing. If I refer to the guys here and say "You guys have to take responsibility" I am NOT saying that women don't have to do the same. There are just very few women here and those who are here aren't really looking for relationship help...that is why I don't address them. If I did say "girls" or "women" I would be accused of calling the guys here feminine or some stupid crap.

It's always a very good policy NOT to put words into another person's mouth.

 

[hope7]

interesting discussion, keep it up guys

 

[Wyldfire]

Yes, it is very interesting and something people could get a lot from reading.

 

[DR Chillz]

"Don't blame God for 911, blame women!
Dont' blame God for the murderer, blame women!
Don't blame God for the violence, blame women!"

People have always cut each others throats. Killing each other and beign selfish *******s has been a problem since the dawn of man, back when women where sold by there fathers for money.

 

[MuayThai]

As is quite clear based on my posts here...I am a very strong, stubborn, opinionated and although very feminine looking woman...my demeanor and personality tends to be quite masculine. There have only been two men I have known who were able to somewhat "tame" that in me. Basically...I LET them lead because I wanted to GIVE them that role. I didn't allow that because they demanded it or because they disrespected me or acted like jerks. I allowed it because they loved me unconditionally, earned my respect through the respect they showed me and they actually CARED how I felt about things and were good at communicating and talking about problems that popped up. Even the most "surly" woman can adjust and allow the man to lead the relationship...he just needs to know how to make her want to.

So if he's a good little boy he gets to play man for the day. Appeasement as a form of control over a woman is very low.
Your advice goes against practically everything else written here. That goes for LTR advice as well.

A man leading is simple, both parties literally have to do nothing. One will naturally lead always, I practically guarantee it.
If it doesn't something is wrong with either of the parties.

I speak a lot about men needing to take responsibility because this is a men's site. If it were a woman's site I would also be telling them to stop blaming men and to take responsibility as well.

I'm not telling men to take responsibility for what women do wrong. I am telling men to take responsibility for what THEY do wrong...and that does include choices, bad habits, behavior, etc.

Hold up a moment, so throughout your time here you've really been using the noun "men" (plural of man)to mean "yourself". And in when you say "Men need to take responsibility" you've really mean, "You yourself need to take responsibility in the pertaining circumstances"
Do you see the possibility for confusion here?

Some of you ASSUME that I think men should take responsibility and that women shouldn't have to.

It's always a very good policy NOT to put words into another person's mouth.

No Wyldfire. When you use the word "men", we understand it the way the English dictionary describes it, not the way you describe it.



Mods should ban Wyldfire for posting crap advice again and again, most internet communities have a name for this and it's called "trolling". SS just doesn't seem to care that some users only cause trouble and are only detrimental.

She is a woman why is she even here?

 

[wayword]

I speak a lot about men needing to take responsibility because this is a men's site. If it were a woman's site I would also be telling them to stop blaming men and to take responsibility as well.

Sooo...I still don't understand...if the problem is mostly with women these days...and you are a woman...then WHY AREN'T YOU ON A WOMAN'S SITE TELLING THEM TO STOP BLAMING MEN AND TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY??? Instead of camping out here for years blaming the gender war "victims?"

The fact that you have 8000+ posts on a men's site lecturing us on how to behave (for your benefit)...while ZERO on a women's site doing the same - reveals your absolutely 1-sided agenda and complete double-standard. :nono:

I keep bringing this issue up, yet you keep dodging it...