"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Ban MoMurda

X

xblitz44x

Master Don Juan
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Mods,

Although he's provided us with AMAZING feedback such as:

  • "Stop beating around the bush. Fuc lil *****es who don't know what dey want. Eat **** n die u fucin *****s."
  • "Don't tell em shiet yo. Dem niggaz might try n hate on yo game."
  • "all fun n gamez to the vampire of the two species."
  • "Nah, cuz dem niggaz is to narrow minded to make their own style. Booyah muth af u cka. Fuc AF and AE. So they wanna look good and confident like a million lil ****s running around the mall/ highschool whatever thinkin their hot sh i t."

I honestly haven't seen one thing that he's contributed that is helpful...check that, one thing that actually makes sense! Can we get rid of this guy or at least find out what the fvck he's talking about?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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M

MoMurda

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**** Colorado Springs
just lemme express my anger in non violent ways..k.don't lemme come out the leather....
 
E

Eternal

Master Don Juan
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Originally posted by xblitz44x
Mods,

Although he's provided us with AMAZING feedback such as:
Click to expand...
ROFL!
 
P

prosemont

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Honestly, I can't understand a fvcking word he's saying.

Oh no, check that that ... I see the word vampire in there.



Btw, thanks Blitz, it was already under consideration.
 
G

Golden Arms

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More of MoMurda's Greatest Hits

If ur daddy is a fatty, da hoe will say oh, no.

*****es ain't **** but hoes n tricks.lick on da nutz and sux da dic. Get da fuc up, and ya donnnne, then i'm out of my crib to make a quik run.

w0rd. Or put it her butt when u tagg dat ass. Take that, and that and that and that!

ya, fuc dat dum cumbag. Her loss.

eah, there called DRUGZ. Holla if u need sumting dere brudda man. bumblacaulte bioyee!

He must be a fag, he ain't fucing ***** so he must be fucing sh it ty a s s holez

For CBs i jus flash alil of the ol .45 S&W, that gets em of n running the other way.F A G G ETs.

"Y'all niggaz ain't wolves y'all soft like baby foxes"...

Fuc yous lookinat...HUH?
I'll kick your fucinass RIGHT NOW.

Did i spell that rioght, ah fuc it, I don't care bout **** any mo. *****es ain't **** but hos and tricks....




Don't ban his a$$ though, dude's hilarious ! MoMurda you da man
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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SoSuave.com

SoSuave.com

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Obviously, MoMurda is on a completely different level than the rest of us. Intense contemplation on his postings will no doubt reveal much wisdom.
 
B

Brazilian_Blues_Boy

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Yeah.
First I have to understand his dialect. At my english classes at school they didn't teach us what "bumblacaulte bioyee" means.

:rolleyes:
 
E

Eternal

Master Don Juan
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Re: More of MoMurda's Greatest Hits

Originally posted by Golden Arms
Don't ban his a$$ though, dude's hilarious ! MoMurda you da man
Click to expand...
Woops, too late.
 
T

THA REALNESS

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Re: More of MoMurda's Greatest Hits

Originally posted by Golden Arms
If ur daddy is a fatty, da hoe will say oh, no.

*****es ain't **** but hoes n tricks.lick on da nutz and sux da dic. Get da fuc up, and ya donnnne, then i'm out of my crib to make a quik run.

w0rd. Or put it her butt when u tagg dat ass. Take that, and that and that and that!

ya, fuc dat dum cumbag. Her loss.

eah, there called DRUGZ. Holla if u need sumting dere brudda man. bumblacaulte bioyee!

He must be a fag, he ain't fucing ***** so he must be fucing sh it ty a s s holez

For CBs i jus flash alil of the ol .45 S&W, that gets em of n running the other way.F A G G ETs.

"Y'all niggaz ain't wolves y'all soft like baby foxes"...

Fuc yous lookinat...HUH?
I'll kick your fucinass RIGHT NOW.

Did i spell that rioght, ah fuc it, I don't care bout **** any mo. *****es ain't **** but hos and tricks....




Don't ban his a$$ though, dude's hilarious ! MoMurda you da man
Click to expand...

He's my evil twin ya'll.:(
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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J

Julian

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blitz your such a dirty narc.
 
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