Balancing Communication in the Beginning

[GreyedOut]

One of the things I've learned over the past few years of dating is learning to balance the amount of time you communicate to each other in the beginning. Too much can come off as clingy and needy. Too little can come off as uninterested.

I think I've been doing pretty good lately because the girls keep strong interest and enjoy the times I do text/call/meet up with them. I'm going for a quality over quantity mentality. And my last serious relationship was wayyy too much time spent together and no time spent on other things like friends or hobbies. So I'm trying to keep my time for my hobbies, friends and family and then dating when I can.

I wanted some feedback from everyone here on how much they usually communicate in the beginning of dating? I'm usually once every 3-4 days. Whether that's a day full of flirty/funny texting or actually spending time on a date. But with this recent girl I had to push it to a week because of travel. I had very strong interest when I left her and I'm hoping that settled nicely while I was away. I'm going to text her tomorrow to see if that high interest is still there. Wondering if I should have taken a day inbetween for random flirting.

Do some people go longer than that and still maintain strong interest while dating?

 

[mahoney]

it really depends on a) the girl, and b) in what particular way i like the girl

no 2 girls are the same, they're personalities will be different, but also i might like them for different reasons, or different things about them. so i try and have no particular hard and fast rule about this, other than the old standby rules of be natural

I think the other thing is not to worry too much about the frequency of contact so much (unless you are one of the serial overtexters on here in search of constant validation and reassurance), but more about the quality

I think the most important thing is for it to feel organic..one of the things i do which seems to work really well, is make it seem like anything I do with a girl isn't a thing which i've thought about and then ask them but a thing that seems magically to have just occurred to me and that we are both complicit in. "actually, we should totally just xyz"

 

[BadNews]

Too much can come off as clingy and needy. Too little can come off as uninterested.

This can often be a VERY hard balance to find...and varies vastly between different women. I think this is where a lot of guys fail when trying to get involved with women they're interested in. One thing I've learned is that trying to 'play it cool' (playing games) isn't usually the BEST tactic.

As Mahoney (and yourself) said, focus on quality not quantity. If you're into a girl, and shes into you...gotta make sure she knows it. I've seen far too many guys being a little too aloof, and it backfires on them as she assumes he's not interested and moves onto the next guy. At the same time...A LOT of guys are WAYYYY too needy haha.

I find its best to 'go with your gut' as far as communication frequency goes...don't try to over think or analyze things, trust your instinct.

 

[GreyedOut]

Thanks for the responses.

Trying not to over analyze is tough. I think that's actually why most guys come here. If things came naturally and they didn't need to think they wouldn't need this website.

In the past I used to text too much because I was afraid of the girls losing interest. Now I think I might be texting too infrequent because I'm so busy with other things. Plus i hate texting haha. I'll throw some witty comments and jokes around for an hour but I'm done after that.I haven't had a girl move on because of it yet, so I'm sticking with it.

Things are going pretty good with the girl I'm dating now. She's regularly pushing for dates, always responds to my texts and keeps a decent frequency. Plus she's always positive and responsive. It's a refreshing change from the recent girls before her.