Balance between "disinterest" and "interest"

[Die Hard]

Gonna be a long azz post coz I find it difficult to explain, so please bear with me...

I've become very good at displaying that I don't need women, which has raised my attractiveness greatly. But I feel like I get stuck in that attitude and can't snap out of it once girls show interest.

Here's an example: Last night I was leaning with my back against the bar in some club. A HB8 came standing next to me and ordered two drinks. I turned my head to her and 'checked her out' (very obviously) with a smirk on my face. My behaviour made her kinda shy, haha. So the bar dude gave her two transparent drinks and I used that as an opener: "Whoah, you're loading double vodka's like it's nothing, huh?!" She smiled and said something like, "No, these are just *insert name of drinks*" and she moved towards the dancefloor, careful not to spill the drinks. I didn't know what to say in order to keep her from walking away so I just let her walk on.

Later on, I was on the dancefloor, dancing felt a little awkward. You know when sometimes you just can't seem to find the right rythm and your dancing just looks/feels clumsy? It made me feel a bit insecure and frustrated so I tried to loosen up and forced myself to forget about everyone around me, to not care about them and what they think of me when they see me dancing. That worked and I was soon moving smoothly, just 'doin my thang' there on the dancefloor. But this is exactly one of the things I'm getting at: I forced myself to forget about the people around me, I forced myself to stop caring about what they think of me. In a way I shut myself off from them, like I put a mental barrier between them and myself and create a little world for myself there on the dancefloor. That makes me feel 'grounded', more secure, more at ease and loosened up, more confident. But once that has happened, it's like I have to get back in touch with the people around me again, and that gives me trouble.

On a side note: this doesn't just apply to the specific situation of dancing, it might as well apply when I've been behind my computer all day long and suddenly enter a crowded social area: I have to adjust my mood, pump myself up a little, get into that playful, social attitude, show confidence, have charisma. Sometimes you just have it, but sometimes you need to consciously stimulate it.

Anyways, some HB6 suddenly gives me a little push while dancing next to me. She had a serious look on her face... I look at her and playfully push her back, after which she pushed again, quite hard this time. She seemed kinda hostile and started to talk to me in a hostile manner. I just looked the other way and gave her the "talk to the hand" sign. At that point her friend pulled her back, said something to her and then she leaned back towards me and said with a smile: "Oh, you're the guy from the double vodka's!" I recognized her friend as the girl who met at the bar earlier, she was smiling at me. It was immediately obvious to me that she was quite interested: First of all, the moment at the bar apparently was important enough for her to mention it to HB6 when she came back to her with the drinks. Secondly, she tried to stop HB6 pissing me off. Thirdly, HB6 immediately stopped pissing me off and started to act all nice and smiling to me! So there we were, HB8 was looking at me with that smile, HB6 stepped back a little to let me approach HB8 and I just said: "Hi again!" to her. She said something similar back, with a huge smile on her face and then I just looked the other way and started dancing again, haha! She didn't really know what to do, she was knda shy and expected me to make a move but I just felt 'distant'.

Of course it had a little to do with the awkward situation of HB6 and me acting hostile but basically, it was the 'mental barrier' that prevented me from doing an pick up attempt (which had big chances of success) on HB8. I just felt uninterested, distant, too much focussed on myself and keeping my attitude of 'not caring about what others think of me' intact. I've had this experience many times over the last couple of weeks when I went clubbing, it's like I overdo it and get stuck in this 'I don't care' attitude, I become too distant. The attitude of being confident and not really needing the girls, should be a means to a purpose, the purpose being that you raise your attractiveness. But sometimes it's like I have so much trouble to get into this state that I have to focuss on it really hard. Then once I reach it, it's like I keep focussing on it and can't deviate from it. The girls show me interest but I stick with my attitude, like: "I'm too cool to come down from my mountain and get in touch with you, girl." So I don't really move in for the kill when they show interest, but keep my distance...

Man, that was difficult to explain lol. But I'm sure some of you guys must recognize what I'm talking about? My question is: How can I get better at this? How can I learn to turn the 'not needing you' attitude (which attracts the girls) a notch down once they open up to me? It's like I get trapped in that attitude, as if I supress my desires and can't get back in touch with them anymore once it's needed. I stay cool and never really go for her. Here's something similar: Chick starts to dance facing towards you, you try to impress her with your dancing, so you're focussed on your dance moves. After a while you move closer towards each other and then you start the sexy dancing, holding each other and grinding away. At that point you stop trying to impress her, instead, you just act on your desire and 'let yourself go'. I sometimes notice having trouble to make that transition and this seems similar to what I spoke of before.

 

[the305]

I suggest stopping the whole "im not interested in you even tho i am slash i am the prize you need to work for me" mentality which a TON of guys run with, after reading some "material".

99% of the time its HORRIBLY miscalculated by new guys, they've never acted this way in their whole life, and they just want to flip a switch and become another person, yeah, wont work.

Focus more on having a good time, and not giving too much attention/effort to someone you don't know that much and/or isnt giving the attention/effort back. Its the natural way people socially interact, this isnt a secret PUA tactic or some crap. Its how people operate when meeting other people.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for the reply!

Nah, I'm not trying to flip a switch and behave like I never have before. As a matter of fact, I've been developing this attitude/behaviour gradually over a long course of time. It has become kinda natural to me.

But I already know what my problem is, I just realized it today. I got it all wrong in my first post... Basically, it comes down to this: I'm still too afraid to really go for a girl. As long as I keep a certain distance and don't really go for her, I can never be really dissapointed. If I'd really commit myself to picking the girl up, there would be something to lose, and that's what I'm trying to prevent by putting up a certain barrier. Like playing a match in sports and not really trying to win, so if you lose, you can tell yourself: "Well, it doesn't matter coz I wasn't really going for the win anyway". But if you do go for it all the way, if you give it everything you got and really try to win the match, then you will be much more dissapointed when you lose.

Long story short: I'm a pvssy and need to man up a lot more. No matter how much progress I've made in attracting girls (and I sure have done that in the last half a year or so!), once they're attracted and show their interest, it still comes down to picking them up and going for the kill. And that's something I haven't made progress on at all.

So that's my new focuss from now on: Going in for the kill!