bad pattern I keep repeating

[ogre]

basically is like this:

I approach and meet girls easily, their IL is high, at first.

then comes the phone messages, emails, and their IL starts to slip. usually I don't get a date. Girls can smell the stench of "desperate loser" in the air like a bad fart. I can't hide it. to girls it's transparent.

If I do get a date, here is my opportunity to work my DJ skills and bring her IL up a notch or two. but it goes down, and almost never do I get date #2.

The last date with the church babe was a good example. I made it to date #2. I had an hour of quality 1 on 1 time with her, but by the end, it was thanks but no thanks. when I met her , her IL seemed pretty high. more than I expected. by the end of date #1, now that she got to know me a little, her IL dropped a notch. by the end of date #2 my attempts at SS sunk like a rock.

some problem areas:

I talk too damn much and I don't listen enough. not for lack of trying, though..... I ask questions, try to get the girl talking but she don't open up, so I fill the space with more of my mindless prattle. once the girl starts blabbering away it's smooth sailing for me. but like an old car, I can't seem to get her started.

I'm too nice. I start off C&F but as MY IL starts to rise I start to slip back into wuss mode. I offer to do nice things for the girl, etc etc. That's probably a big no-no. I try SS convo and it flops, so my confidence slips and I get even more wussy. by the end of the date I have devolved into a jellyfish. Of course, I totally forget about the part where I am supposed to end the date first.

anyone have any tips on how to keep from repeating this awful pattern?

 

[RiceHapa888]

....the key is to go out there meet the girls and RIGHT when your IL starts spiking - to go force yourself to meet other girls. then you'll be thinking about them...your oneitis cant be focused on two girls hence it being called oneitis- and when that happens you'll be less afc by calling less and whatnot cause you'll be dreaming about that broad you met at the club or whatever and how much of a freak slut she is- that'll keep the other girls IL up cause she'll sense that you aren't just all about her.

 

[Aztec]

COMPLACENCY.


A lot of us gets trap in this as soon as we feel that we got a handle of the situation. Yours is a little bit too soon.


At least you can identify some problem areas like being too nice and letting yourself dominate most of the conversation.


In my experience, when the women is not opening up easily despite of my open-ended questions, rather than having awkward moments I try to cut the date short like even though I like talking with her I have other things planned. Just want to keep whatever high IL she has left then pick it up the next time I meet up with her.

 

[Slickster]

Make fun the focus of your dates.

Forget about whether her IL or your IL is high.

Sounds like you are desperate and looking for relationships before you even really know these women.

Your IL should remain neutral for several dates. Do not qualify women too early and too easily.