bad at conversations :(

[THE_ADDMAN]

hey guys, I was hoping some of u could help me out.

I'm horrible at conversation. I've read posts on conversation, with tips such as "be a good listener" and things like that, but I've run into a few problems.

1) people dont give me much to vibe off of.

ADDMAN: hey, whats goin on today?
her: nothing much
ADDMAN: you can give me more than that, whats goin on?
her: nothing. hung with friends, whatever.

I cant milk much from there.
they think they're boring, so they dont bother telling me anything exciting.

2) I'm worried that if I show too much enthusiasm in them and their hobbies, I'll be showing too much interest and that will turn them off.

3) I understand that I dont want to give up too much information bout myself right away. but if I dont include some about me, the convo will fizzle out. where do I draw the line?

a lot of good advice is on topics to avoid. thats all well and good, but what are some good universal topics I can speak to them about?



any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance

 

[JonJack]

There is no 'one' way to get people to communicate with you with interest. If trying to talk to boring people is tough, I suggest you try to talk to more interesting and outgoing people. Why try to break that "oh, nothing much" barrier with someone when you could always get a more excited response from someone else?

Do keep your eyes open and be aware of yourself and their response towards you though. I have a strong suspicion you may be viewed as being odd, weird, creepy or whatever, and that is why people are 'blowing you off' with the "nothing much" line. In which case, all the topics you can come up with ain't gonna make a difference.

If you can actually put your finger on the actual reasons why they're so short with you, then you'll be better equipped to actually solve this issue. Keep in mind though that sometimes, people are just like that. Maybe they're a loner, maybe they heard stuff about you, maybe you pissed them off in some way, maybe they don't like the way you look, maybe you're in a group of friends that they despise.

There's so many reasons. If your character and personality is perfectly likeable, then you shouldn't be wasting your time with so-called 'boring' people. Focus on those that actually are interested in a decent conversation with you.

 

[abcd_z]

If you're having trouble starting conversations, pick an opener and field test it at least twenty times. If you can't do that, that's your sticking point. If you actually can do that and have problems maintaining the conversation after that, come back here and we'll talk.

Also, here are two extremely good posts from the mASF forum by Juggler.
Questions vs Statements
90/10 rule

 

[Spookey]

talk about interests.
chat about who won the basketball, baseball, hockey, beach volleyball, this assignment sucks, that teach is hot, the other chick is a skank etc

read the newspaper. there are always interesting stories.
i recently read an article about how the latest fashion trend in Hong Kong was to get fake braces with really colorful bands. that was an awesome thing to work into a convo because you can take it anywhere: would they ever do something just for fashion, would they get a fake piecing, what color bands would they get, have they had braces.

im reading a book called "how to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes. here are some of her suggestions
*never leave home without some piece of current news. anything that can be worked into a conversation. (enables you to walk up to a group and say "so, did you hear about....")
*match moods with the person you are conversing with. pretty simple, no point being upbeat if they are mellow. you're playing it cool will not mix with an upbeat person. learn to adjust
*wear a whatzit. a whazit is something that is original and unique and willmake people curious. can anyone say "peacocking"?!!!

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

thanks guys. I'm fascinated by this concept of "leading", despite the fact that the other person is doing all the talking, you're running the show. awesome


I think I understand it a bit better now, just gotta have that confidence to "lead" the convo.


much appreciated, guys

 

[Jariel]

Shezzler gave a good tip on here a while ago about using gossip or people watching as a conversation piece. Comment on a nearby girl's hair, joke about some guy, comment on body language of a nearby couple and guess what they're talking about.

I used to do this sort of thing (I still do) when I first started hanging out with my girlfriend.

 

[saki]

i am to the point now where I get lazy talking to people. Most of what people have to say is booooooooring, so I dont even inquire because it tends to be more work than its worth. Also, people wanna always talk about their problems even if they just met you and I dont have the mental energy to sit there and take out everyones trash