Back on SoSuave - advice needed

[Golden Arms]

** may be a long read, so thanks in advance for being patient **

Hello gentlemen,

As you can see by my join date, I am not new around these parts. First joined in 2003 as a rather clueless, lonely and desperate 27 year old.

For years prior, I had been a chump like no other. A good-looking guy in great shape, could not talk to girls, could not get laid outside a handful of times (which never ever turned into anything more than one night or one weekend), could not even really have normal female friends outside my friends' gfs. So freaking shy I would've had trouble in a women's prison.

In 2002, before I found this site I met a girl who I really liked at first really liked me, acted like a complete chump with, and who proceeded to ditch me and rip my heart out w/out as much as letting me sniff the pvssy. I was so depressed after that episode, it took me probably over half a year to get over. And then I found SoSuave..

Golden Arms 2.0 - 2004 and beyond. Oh, how good my life became !(comparatively, of course). Finally had my first relationship. Got a new job, moved to a bigger city. After my first psycho gf dumped me, got right back on my feet. Finally - functional FWB arrangements, actually pulled chicks from bars, holy crap. Another gf followed, more FWB, another pretty serious relationship. Had girls actually in love with me. Level of success I dared not dream of before SS. Although compared to most men, still nothing too special.

My last post until this one was in May of 2007. Eh, who needs SS anymore, right? I'd gotten what I wanted, knew what I had to do - and probably SS didn't have everything to do with my improvement. Had a spiritual experience in 2009 that lasted several months and the level of joyous intensity that brought dwarfed any experience I ever had a with any women. The game, DJ Bible, etc...really became meaningless. Why learn tricks for getting happiness outside yourself, when enlightenment is possible ?

It didn't last. Improvement is nice, but the build-up that was there and still is there never did culminate into the big climax.

So, here we are. By now I'm sure you can realize that what brought me back was a girl.

Indeed - in a flashback that strongly resembled my 2002 episode described again (ah, to be 10 years younger ) , I once again met a girl who I really liked and who at first liked me back and.. I let my guard down. And again, due to her gradual loss of interest, and other, logistic, factors (we both traveled, her mom had very bad health news) I am walking away without having sniffed it. Money and time down the drain.

However, there was a difference. Even years removed from being glued to SoSuave's pages on the daily, I didn't exactly forget the advice and the theory. I knew the risk when I dropped my guard - complimented her, got her flowers, told her how much I liked her. Looking back it was wishful thinking - I thought I finally found someone where I didn't have to worry about nonsense, where I could drop the pretenses. Oh, and one thing I did do is spin other plates - banged one other girl, messed around with a couple of others. It sucked for a couple of weeks. Thank god for friends - many of whom are girls I've been with before. It still sucks, but oh well, I'm moving on.

What frustrates me more than anything is that I seem to be unable to find someone who is really LTR material who I'm really into and she's really into me. My last LTR in 2010, I liked her but I knew it wasn't going to last pretty much from the beginning. I dated a girl earlier this year who I dumped after 2 months, same story. And this latest chick.. it's like there's no finding common ground for me. Either I like them a lot more than they like me or vice versa. I'm almost 37, and not really that concerned with banging as many as possible. My real goal is finding someone to really click with, but it almost seems impossible at times.

So, I wonder if anyone can relate and who's had similar experiences and/or stuck in the same predicament as I am. I've come back here, because it actually turns out, I didn't know half as much as I thought I did. Obviously, the dating scene is unfair to us guys, obviously there is a game to be played with these broads, even if that means being somewhat unnatural and playing a rehearsed script at times. Or maybe not and I'm just overreacting to a bad experience. My other option, I guess, would be simply settling. Finding a sweet girl who doesn't quite make my heart tingle but who loves me and try to make it work. In the long run, it may be wise but I simply can't imagine doing it just yet. I think I've still got a few good years. I'm in very good shape, I look younger (was mistaken for 26 by a woman few days ago), and I make good money. There's simply no reason why I can't succeed at this.

If you made it all the way through - thank you for reading, and any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated !

 

[Victory Unlimited]

What's up Golden Arms,


I read your post in it's entirety. The mission to find a worthy chick ALWAYS begins with YOU being worthy first-----THEN, making sure you have a distinct and REALISTIC set of criteria by which you judge the worthiness of the women you encounter.

I STRONGLY recommend that you read the thread link I've posted below.

Objective: The Soul Mate/Quality Woman Peace Treaty!

It's one out of a veritable war chest of knowledge that I've contributed to this forum over the years. It goes into great detail on the following subjects:

• A definition of "Quality Woman" that will enlighten some and PISS OFF others.

• How to avoid falling into the TRAP of becoming apathetic, smug, or bitter in your search for worthy women.

• A definition of "Soul Mate" that most people have rarely heard before.

• How to know when it's time to engage in relationships with particular women.

• How to know when it's time to DISENGAGE from relationships with particular women.

• How to train yourself mentally, spiritually, and emotionally to recognize women that are worth the effort it takes to get to know them better.

• How knowing what you want NOW---and sticking to it, can save you a lot of emotional trauma LATER.

• And a lot of other words of wisdom shared by all the So Suave Soldiers who were enlisted with me back then.

BUT---I gotta warn you: It will take awhile to read and digest it all, so make sure that you set aside a little time before you crack it open. In the meantime, the best thing I can say to you at this moment is:

• GET CLEAR on what your ideal, "realistic" definition of a relationship is.

• And then do a GUT CHECK to see if you're REALLY ready to take that giant step away from "game" and into this WAR to become a better man for yourself FIRST----and for women, a distant second.

Much respect to you.



V.U.

 

[Desdinova]

Nice to see you back!

As for your situation, I can very much relate. I have a very difficult time finding people I 'click' with. I've come to the conclusion that the chances of finding women who share the same unusual interests that I have is between rare and impossible. I've had to come to accept this and keep it in mind when I'm looking for a woman for the long term.

The promise I make to myself is to NOT give up on my unusual interests and hobbies, but to find a woman who can respect me for having these. A lot of people focus on the fact that they need to find a woman with similar interests to have a successful relationship. This is not true. I married a woman with similar interests to mine. It did not make the relationship better. Her selfishness and independence destroyed the marriage.

After learning that hard lesson, I've come to the conclusion that having a woman who is confident and independent is NOT the key to a successful relationship. I'm more interested in finding a woman who is a bit insecure and NEEDS a man to lead her through life. Instead of finding her own path, she will require my input and even my decisions to help make her life meaningful. She also has to be physically attractive and interested in maintaining her body and health.

The key to a successful LTR is having a woman be a woman, and a man be a man. In this day of womyn and feminine men, a successful LTR is becoming increasingly difficult to achieve.

I'm currently in a LTR with a 22 year old. She's still got a bit of growing up to do, but she seems to posess the feminine qualities I'm looking for in a woman. I'm willing to keep her around while she's maturing and see how she turns out. If she developes into the woman I believe she'll become, then I will keep her around and reward her accordingly. If something changes and she turns into a headstrong feminazi, I won't hesitate to kick her to the curb.

 

[Golden Arms]

What's up Golden Arms,


I read your post in it's entirety. The mission to find a worthy chick ALWAYS begins with YOU being worthy first-----THEN, making sure you have a distinct and REALISTIC set of criteria by which you judge the worthiness of the women you encounter.

I STRONGLY recommend that you read the thread link I've posted below.

Objective: The Soul Mate/Quality Woman Peace Treaty!

It's one out of a veritable war chest of knowledge that I've contributed to this forum over the years. It goes into great detail on the following subjects:

• A definition of "Quality Woman" that will enlighten some and PISS OFF others.

• How to avoid falling into the TRAP of becoming apathetic, smug, or bitter in your search for worthy women.

• A definition of "Soul Mate" that most people have rarely heard before.

• How to know when it's time to engage in relationships with particular women.

• How to know when it's time to DISENGAGE from relationships with particular women.

• How to train yourself mentally, spiritually, and emotionally to recognize women that are worth the effort it takes to get to know them better.

• How knowing what you want NOW---and sticking to it, can save you a lot of emotional trauma LATER.

• And a lot of other words of wisdom shared by all the So Suave Soldiers who were enlisted with me back then.

BUT---I gotta warn you: It will take awhile to read and digest it all, so make sure that you set aside a little time before you crack it open. In the meantime, the best thing I can say to you at this moment is:

• GET CLEAR on what your ideal, "realistic" definition of a relationship is.

• And then do a GUT CHECK to see if you're REALLY ready to take that giant step away from "game" and into this WAR to become a better man for yourself FIRST----and for women, a distant second.

Much respect to you.



V.U.

A thousand thanks, V.U.

I did read your thread and it did take me a bit of time. Been busy at work and other stuff so it took me a few days. There's a lot of stuff that made a lot of sense and some stuff that I don't necessarily agree, or at least need further clarification on it. But let's not get into that here and now. Either way, I shall keep this on hand and thanks, again.

 

[Golden Arms]

Nice to see you back!

As for your situation, I can very much relate. I have a very difficult time finding people I 'click' with. I've come to the conclusion that the chances of finding women who share the same unusual interests that I have is between rare and impossible. I've had to come to accept this and keep it in mind when I'm looking for a woman for the long term.

The promise I make to myself is to NOT give up on my unusual interests and hobbies, but to find a woman who can respect me for having these. A lot of people focus on the fact that they need to find a woman with similar interests to have a successful relationship. This is not true. I married a woman with similar interests to mine. It did not make the relationship better. Her selfishness and independence destroyed the marriage.

After learning that hard lesson, I've come to the conclusion that having a woman who is confident and independent is NOT the key to a successful relationship. I'm more interested in finding a woman who is a bit insecure and NEEDS a man to lead her through life. Instead of finding her own path, she will require my input and even my decisions to help make her life meaningful. She also has to be physically attractive and interested in maintaining her body and health.

The key to a successful LTR is having a woman be a woman, and a man be a man. In this day of womyn and feminine men, a successful LTR is becoming increasingly difficult to achieve.

I'm currently in a LTR with a 22 year old. She's still got a bit of growing up to do, but she seems to posess the feminine qualities I'm looking for in a woman. I'm willing to keep her around while she's maturing and see how she turns out. If she developes into the woman I believe she'll become, then I will keep her around and reward her accordingly. If something changes and she turns into a headstrong feminazi, I won't hesitate to kick her to the curb.

Thanks for your reply, Des.

I'm not really all that concerned about finding someone who shares my interests, at least not all of them.

For me, a much bigger my whole life has been finding someone where the mutual level of attraction is there. Like I was saying, it's always either I like them way more than they like me, or vice versa. It's possible that my standards are simply too high, or it just has to be that difficult.

 

[Boilermaker]

Welcome back!

Maybe you should lower your expectations or requirements, I feel that a lot of times interested women can be mold into whatever shape you want them to be.

Once the dirty initial "attraction" phase is over, of course.

 

[Golden Arms]

Des and VU nailed it already. I would only add that you should not think of your DJ qualities as "pretenses." If you are letting your guard down as you say, then you still see it as a mask or alter ego. You haven't totally internalized the philosophy to the point where you simply ARE this guy. Yes you will have internal conflicts, every man has them. But you need to absorb everything you've learned to the point where you don't "let your guard down" ever again.

Hey, samspade. You're my age so I'm especially interested in your views. I do think of much of the game as pretense, at least the way it's outlined in certain parts of the philosophy preached on these forums.

The emphasis on not letting girls know how much you like them from the get-go, on being stingy with compliments, etc.. you may not subscribe to those, but you can't discount that they're not a part of the overall philosophy. And honestly, women are just as badly pretentious, if not worse.

Although, perhaps, the mistake that I'm making is believing that the game is a bunch of theatrical lines and masks that need to be cultivated in order to get the prize. Perhaps, if I didn't elevate women on a pedestal from the get-go, I would not need to "fake it", so to speak. It would come naturally to someone who doesn't need a woman to complete his life. Is this what you are getting at, essentially ?

That, and just let go of the idea of an LTR. I don't mean don't be open to it, bu let it go for now, like a balloon on a string. Focus on being LTR material instead of looking for it.

Okay. Thanks, again.

 

[Golden Arms]

Welcome back!

Maybe you should lower your expectations or requirements, I feel that a lot of times interested women can be mold into whatever shape you want them to be.

Once the dirty initial "attraction" phase is over, of course.

Yeah, it's the one of the options I brought up where I talked about settling. The thing that I fear about this option is it's unsustainable in the long run - if the chemistry, spark, whatever you call it just isn't there.

Girl I dated earlier this year - got along great, she's not stuck-up, actually a really cool, interesting person, could hang out w/ her all the time (still do on occasion). But.. that spark was just not there, so I had to break it off. The problem is I just need more, on a level that's beyond my mind. Know what I mean ?