Novelus
Don Juan
Well, I'm back in college in my early thirties and I'm also severely hard-of-hearing. That means that I don't catch most words in a conversation. Anywhere from 80-90 percent of words, I'd guess. I use a captioning service in the classroom to follow the lectures.
I'm a reasonably good looking 30-something in college, surrounded by young women. I'm getting checked out frequently and I can tell that some women in my classes want me to approach them.
Having a hearing loss or being nearly deaf is very difficult for social self-confidence. I am stressing over how to approach these girls without comming across like a complete idiot. It's very easy to sound out of step with a conversation. Especially when you really are out of step with a conversation, because you missed context words.
Most of these girls would have no visible cue (except the captioning laptop that I use in class, which looks like any other laptop, so it's not a distinctive clue) that I am hard-of-hearing. They would assume that I'm like anyone else can can hear them perfectly. It seems to me (I could be wrong) that there's a critical window where you have to make a good impression. If the woman is unaware that you're hard-of-hearing, she'd probably completely misconstrue why you're asking her to repeat herself, or why you responded to a question she did not ask (you thought you responded to her question, but you missed some critical context words -- and so looked like an idiot).
So I'd like to outline a few scenarios and ask how you'd handle the situation with the intent to build social capital and approach women and get the number, etc.
(Do you suppose there's such a thing as hard-of-hearing or deaf game?) "Sorry, I didn't hear you, could you write down what you said on this pad, and by the way, write down your email/number, too?" ;-)
Scenario 1:
I arrive in the hall outside of 10 minutes before it starts. Other students show up and gather outside to wait for the previous class to let out. People group together and chat. I can't distinguish a word they're saying.
If I could, I suppose I could interject with a witty comment, or guage the conversation so I could converse with confidence. Instead, I stand on the wall, mostly mute. I can't participate in conversations I can't hear. If I open a girl near me, I can't predictably hear her response well enough to keep a conversation going.
What would you do if you just could not hear well enough and wanted to talk to other people around you and open some girls, too? How would you try to hang on to the context of the conversation so you could competently follow and participate in the conversation?
Scenario 2:
In the busy and noisy cafeteria on campus, I notice a girl sitting with her friends one table over. She keeps looking back at me, and leaning over her table, arching her back, then looking back at me again. Seems to me she wants me to approach.
So if I approach, in a noisy environment, how do I do so that my hearing loss doesn't completely sabotage me? She doesn't know I am hard-of-hearing. Wouldn't my constant, "huh?" and "what?" and "say again?" take the magic out of the moment?
So how would you handle this? What would you do?
Scenario 3:
I go swimming a few times a week with a buddy at the campus pool. I go in the morning, there's no one there but lifeguards. Sometimes there's a female lifeguard in the group. (She doesn't seem to be on duty. It's like there's too many lifeguards, so she's one of the ones that mill around, while one sits in the chair.)
The last couple times I was swimming, she was looking at me with the most hungry-looking eyes I've ever seen, while I got out of the pool and walked back to the locker room. There's no mistaking she likes the look of me, at least.
Problem: If I'm hard-of-hearing elsewhere, while wearing hearing aids, I'm practically deaf while swimming. I don't wear hearing aids then, because the water will short them out. I leave them in my locker where it is dry.
So, I don't think this girl has any idea I'm hard of hearing. So how do I approach her? I don't a pen and paper with me, I'm soaking wet. I can't hear a thing, in any practical sense. To understand my swim buddy, I have to speech read him, and even then I don't get most of what he is saying.
So what would you do to approach her in this case, assuming you can't hear her at all and she will initially assume that you can hear her at first?
Well, that should be enough for now. Hope there are some good thoughts. Thanks!
I'm a reasonably good looking 30-something in college, surrounded by young women. I'm getting checked out frequently and I can tell that some women in my classes want me to approach them.
Having a hearing loss or being nearly deaf is very difficult for social self-confidence. I am stressing over how to approach these girls without comming across like a complete idiot. It's very easy to sound out of step with a conversation. Especially when you really are out of step with a conversation, because you missed context words.
Most of these girls would have no visible cue (except the captioning laptop that I use in class, which looks like any other laptop, so it's not a distinctive clue) that I am hard-of-hearing. They would assume that I'm like anyone else can can hear them perfectly. It seems to me (I could be wrong) that there's a critical window where you have to make a good impression. If the woman is unaware that you're hard-of-hearing, she'd probably completely misconstrue why you're asking her to repeat herself, or why you responded to a question she did not ask (you thought you responded to her question, but you missed some critical context words -- and so looked like an idiot).
So I'd like to outline a few scenarios and ask how you'd handle the situation with the intent to build social capital and approach women and get the number, etc.
(Do you suppose there's such a thing as hard-of-hearing or deaf game?) "Sorry, I didn't hear you, could you write down what you said on this pad, and by the way, write down your email/number, too?" ;-)
Scenario 1:
I arrive in the hall outside of 10 minutes before it starts. Other students show up and gather outside to wait for the previous class to let out. People group together and chat. I can't distinguish a word they're saying.
If I could, I suppose I could interject with a witty comment, or guage the conversation so I could converse with confidence. Instead, I stand on the wall, mostly mute. I can't participate in conversations I can't hear. If I open a girl near me, I can't predictably hear her response well enough to keep a conversation going.
What would you do if you just could not hear well enough and wanted to talk to other people around you and open some girls, too? How would you try to hang on to the context of the conversation so you could competently follow and participate in the conversation?
Scenario 2:
In the busy and noisy cafeteria on campus, I notice a girl sitting with her friends one table over. She keeps looking back at me, and leaning over her table, arching her back, then looking back at me again. Seems to me she wants me to approach.
So if I approach, in a noisy environment, how do I do so that my hearing loss doesn't completely sabotage me? She doesn't know I am hard-of-hearing. Wouldn't my constant, "huh?" and "what?" and "say again?" take the magic out of the moment?
So how would you handle this? What would you do?
Scenario 3:
I go swimming a few times a week with a buddy at the campus pool. I go in the morning, there's no one there but lifeguards. Sometimes there's a female lifeguard in the group. (She doesn't seem to be on duty. It's like there's too many lifeguards, so she's one of the ones that mill around, while one sits in the chair.)
The last couple times I was swimming, she was looking at me with the most hungry-looking eyes I've ever seen, while I got out of the pool and walked back to the locker room. There's no mistaking she likes the look of me, at least.
Problem: If I'm hard-of-hearing elsewhere, while wearing hearing aids, I'm practically deaf while swimming. I don't wear hearing aids then, because the water will short them out. I leave them in my locker where it is dry.
So, I don't think this girl has any idea I'm hard of hearing. So how do I approach her? I don't a pen and paper with me, I'm soaking wet. I can't hear a thing, in any practical sense. To understand my swim buddy, I have to speech read him, and even then I don't get most of what he is saying.
So what would you do to approach her in this case, assuming you can't hear her at all and she will initially assume that you can hear her at first?
Well, that should be enough for now. Hope there are some good thoughts. Thanks!
