back for advice after 3 years

[Seeph]

So a little over 2 years ago I think I met that 'one of a kind' girl. We're still together, have had our ups and downs.. Met her when things were going south with her boyfriend, she met me & a week later kicked her bf to the curb and we've been dating ever since.

She has always broken up with every guy she's dated within a year. She say's im the only one she's ever respected and who doesnt let her get away with whatever she wants.. I don't put her on a pedestal except when she deserves it and when she acts wrong i kick it out from under her. We keep each other in check.

I am happy with her.. I'm not so happy with myself. I don't know if its stress of every day life or what. I'm 23, got a pretty good job going now, leavn the roomates getting my own place in the next 2 months, got bills etc... responsibilities...
I don't feel like im the same ****y guy as I used to be. I guess im transitioning to 'adulthood' i dont know. My boys have all moved away scattered across the country. I was the strongest one of my friends, all army guys too but I was pretty much the leader of the pack. Always taken charge deciding what to do next throwing the parties inviting the girls for the rest of my friends to meet...

I met this girl when I was at the top of my game.

This is my first relationship thats lasted over.. 2 months i think.. I feel like im into the JBY which is cool.. i like the comfort of where I'm at with her.. I want the self fulfillment of knowing i'm still on top of my game.. kind of confusing I know. any ideas on how I can get back on my game within my relationship?

I do not want to see other girls, cheat, or anything like that.

When we first hooked up it was because I was C&F take charge kind of guy...had the unspoken attraction etc.. I feel like now we relate on a deeper level, but I want that excitement back with her. I want the best of both worlds with her. Any advice?

 

[MANG]

Just like she cheated with her ex with you,
she is probably going to do the same with you

 

[Warrior74]

Real life is coming at you and you feel a tad bit scared eh? If your confidence shakes, it will wobble your relationship. You need to sit down and focus on what your goals and ambitions are. What do you want? Where do you want to be in life? This is the thing to focus on.

With her...focus on having fun man. Get back to fun...deep is boring after a while. Don't forget to give each other space. You are both in a place of growing and changing....try to see the person she is now, not the person she was when you met her...I'm sure your not the same person you were.

Sounds like your doing good though. Keep up the good work man.

 

[DonGorgon]

Just like she cheated with her ex with you,
she is probably going to do the same with you

Yes and watch out cause when things sam great to you is when women do the most cheating..

But as always say dont go around expecting monogamy just cause you are giving it or for any other reason... Judge your relationship by the sum of benefits it bring to your life... A woman must do much more for you than F you...

 

[Guybrush]

I've got news for you. That "excitement" you are looking for does not LAST forever in a relationship... Once you've lost it, it's gone for good.

You are 23, have been dating this girl for 2 years and you are in your deepest comfort zone.

OK, if she's the "ONE" and you are relating at this DEEP level (whatever that is supposed to mean) WHY do you care for your GAME?

You don't want to cheat and meet new girls but you are feeling this urge to peek through and check your GAME?

No - GAME is needed for just a single purpose. And you know what that is.

Stop fooling yourself and do an inventory check.

1. ) Are you completely satisfied with this girl ?

2. ) Does she fulfill you at all aspects ?

3.) Do you ALWAYS feel happy to be exclusive with her?

It seems to me that you are really unsure of some points in this relationship and that is what urges you to look for that "excitement".

You can't feel it with her anymore.

Instead of being the strongest army guy with zero inner game, be a MAN and suffer the consequences if you are seeking new realms in your life.

Oh by the way, MANG has a point. She CHEATED on her ex with you.

That's a RED FLAG for a lot of DJs here, but she's the ONE for you...

Good luck

 

[Seeph]

I knew from her friends ab her relationship with her bf. I knew it was going downhill, he was trying to buy a house and move down from 3 hours away and marry her after 8mths. it was LDR, he was doing nothing with his life. She would have never been with me if I didnt push it, and so did her friends cuz they didnt like her bf at the time they said he was a deuche. I don't think she's cheated on me but i'm always aware that its a possibility, my dad did it after 18years with my mom, so i always got that in the back of my mind with any woman. I could could get more ass from more girls if I was single no doubt. She brings a lot to my life and I know I do the same for her. There have been a couple of instances with another one of her ex-bf's coming into town and wanting to get up with her I found out and we almost broke up b/c she entertained the thought of it I would say. She didnt flat out tell him no, just didn't do anything. Which isnt horrible cuz everyone wants to know they still got it. But everything is good now and has been for a long time...

there was a time an ex came in town and wanted to go have lunch with her, and i gave her plenty of rope to hang herself with. She called me when she left, and when she got back to our apt, it was like 1hr. I told her if she wanted to have her ex's in her life she could, but she wasnt gonna do it with me. she wrote them all off. She said she chose me. So there have been some troubling times i guess.. and im evaluating everything now b/c its becoming a reality that im prob gonna marry her.


warrior thx for the advice, it sounds like you know what i'm getting at. we've had fights where I thought she was going to break up with me and it would've been my fault. Knowing that made me realize how much she does mean to me.

I honestly don't think she's ever cheated on me. there was a couple of months with her ex's calling her trying to get her back. I gave her hell over it and pushed to the point that she would have broken up with me from the **** I put her through b/c it prob would have been easier to break up with me then stay with me. This all happened between months 4-6. she told me she loved me first, i held out on saying it.

I do have some issues still I guess. My mind and my heart tell me I got a good girl though so..

I've been re-reading all of my old posts and advice trying to find my 'inner-game' again


EDIT: guybrush that puts things in perspective for me. thanks.

 

[WC2]

All I'm going to say is don't let this woman become your backbone. Keep your life ambitions and work on them to the fullest. I'm not saying this woman is going to leave you, but damn right she will if you don't have a backbone as a man.

As far as her saying that "you're the only one" and so forth - I'm sorry, but that's plain BS. I'm sure she has a very high IL for you, but don't rely on a woman always being there for you. I dated a girl similar to this who didn't have a boyfriend she didn't cheat on. She never had a relationship that lasted more than 5 months. Well, I tamed this chick for almost 2 years and finally she ended up cheating.

On one end I feel pretty empowered that I kept this girl under raps for 2 years, but on the other hand I feel pretty ****ty knowing that I even got into a relationship with such a girl.

Enjoy your time with your girl, but don't get too attached my man. I hate seeing guys come back here crying to the boards about their "one" who got away. Once again, concentrate on making yourself a better person. Don't spend loads of time with your girl, just enough to satisfy you. And shoot for the stars. Because when it's all said and done, you are the only person that you can trust.

 

[Seeph]

ill never be one of those guys, I got ambition and I'm doing good right now. If **** was to happen I wouldnt fall apart be all sad and **** for the rest of my life thinking she got away. If it happens then she wasnt the one thats how i look at it. my gf told me she was going to breakup with her bf at the time within the week. I don't think she's a 'cheater' but who knows. what it boils down to is I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life and if she is the one. I'm at a crossroads right now is all. and EVERYTHING comes into the equation at this point.