baby steps

[snackwitch]

Hey guys I'm starting on a journey of self-improvement, things are going slower than I want them to be, to be honest.

I feel like Bill Murray from What about Bob? doing his "Baby Steps." I'm getting more rejections than I want... I'm starting to cut down on cheesy pick up lines and sleazy come-ons and trying to actually get to know the girl... whatever that means.

OK, my main venue currently is online dating websites; right now I am between jobs. To be honest I think not working is starting to really affect me emotionally and might be part of the reason I am putting people off.

So I got a response from a girl on POF after commenting on something quirky I saw on her profile, and we exchanged a couple emails.. after the 3rd or 4th email I tell her that I want to take her out. She responded back that "she'd be glad to go out with me." So I tell her to give me her number.

OK I wait 2-3 days before calling her and reach her voicemail. I left a message saying my name is so and so I called for so and so and said that I will call back tomorrow. I called back the next night and got the voicemail again, and I basically said that "I could not get in touch with you" and hung up the phone.

So I leave a message to her POF profile:
" hi [name deleted],

I tried reaching you by phone but I couldn't get in touch with you. [name deleted], you're gonna need to help me out here... let me know some times next week to reach you and I'll try to give you a call sometime... or if you prefer, you can give me a call.

Maybe we can get together sometime then.

Have a good 4th of July "

Still no response back... how would you rate how I handled this.. I know I am probably being way too analytical of the situation for my own good, but for me being so green to the dating game, all these little steps are nerve wracking for me.

 

[Scars]

Too needy. You called twice, and then proceeded to message her again on POF. And your message wreaked of insecurity as well... "or if you prefer.. you can give me a call." Should of left it at one voicemail. Two at the absolute most, and she better have a damn good reason for not calling you back either. My guess is you acted too soon and tried to set up a meet up without properly increasing her IL. She wasn't all that in to you, but she made it sound like she was and blew you off. Live, learn, and next!

 

[snackwitch]

Too needy. You called twice, and then proceeded to message her again on POF. And your message wreaked of insecurity as well... "or if you prefer.. you can give me a call." Should of left it at one voicemail. Two at the absolute most, and she better have a damn good reason for not calling you back either. My guess is you acted too soon and tried to set up a meet up without properly increasing her IL. She wasn't all that in to you, but she made it sound like she was and blew you off. Live, learn, and next!

This is why I dislike online dating, you can't read people cues that would give you a much better feeling on their IL.. that's why I try to push for a real world date sooner. But I agree it probably showed too much neediness on my part. Would a total complete withdrawal and backup strategy work (if she has some genuine IL), or has my fumbling probably dropped her IL beyond repair?

As for the voicemails, I'm confused.. some people say not to leave voicemails in the beginning. Should I have asked the girl first what time is good to call in these situations, especially if she has a full time job?

 

[snackwitch]

online dating sites seems just like emotional porn for me... the computer puts too much distance between male and female for effective chemistry... or maybe I'm just bitter and frustrated with my lack of success

 

[omkara]

It's definitely not ideal, but it can be useful for practicing, learning about what works and what doesn't, feminine psychology, etc. I have become more and more detached, the longer I try to do the online dating thing. I think the key is to not expect anything out of it and realize that it's a poor substitute for being out in the world and meeting women. However I still get mad sometimes when I think that I did this or that "wrong" and lost my chance. It can be a mindf*** like that.