b!tch tests

[sosilky]

somebody mentioned something about b!tch tests in a PM can you guys fill me in on what they are?

 

[MotownMack]

It's basically a test a woman gives you to see where her boundaries are with you, especially early on. Some say it's also testing you for weakness.. challenging you to see if your actions are congruent with your words, if you are secure, or if you are an AFC in disguise. It's also a form of qualifying-and they want to see how you react.

What I have found interesting is, some things I have read said almost all woman do these sh1t tests in some form or another. I can't say every girl I have ever dated has given me one. What I have noticed, is that it's far more common among the better looking ones I've dated, where the tests are much more obvious, much more aggressive, and much *****ier.

The theory is kind of like this: An HB is constantly approached by guys, has been tricked in the past by guys who say things they are not, etc. So she has developed this as a method to weed out guys that are AFCs. If you fail the test as she has designed it, you don't necessarily lose the game. But she will make assumptions about you from this, and there will be more tests to come. Fail too many, and she will lose interest and move on.

It's very important to be able to recognize these tests when they come-that way you won't become too upset or reactive, because I won't lie-before I knew what these tests were, I wanted to smack the girl for being such a b1tch. Ironically, b1tch tests/sh1t tests are one of things that got my attention w/this PUA/DJ stuff. I had no idea I was being put through these tests, and when I read about it, and realized it was describing what I'd been through so many times before, I became more intrigued and wanted to know more.

Your reaction to such a test can vary quite a bit, and you'll still get a passing grade, as long as you keep a few basic principles in mind. The most important is probably don't try to win her approval. If she makes a comment about you that sounds like it's challenging you, don't offer explanations or excuses, like your trying to justify it to her. You don't have to get angry, but be firm in your response, and with vary degrees, probably the more aloof your responses are, the better. It's also important that you don't waffle or sound like your changing your position to be more palatable. In most cases-in the beginning anyway-even if she has a valid point in her comments or observations, if think it's a sh1t test, I am careful not to relent.

I've noticed these tests are more of a "mood" from a woman than a pre-planned scheme. Two, often easy ways to identify them. 1) They usually come out no where-everything seems fine, then out of the blue, she makes a comment that challenges or belittles you. It can be anything from something you routinely do that she fins annoying, to her saying something like "Please stop doing that." when you are rubbing her back like you always do (deciding she doesn't like something that she was previously ok with before). 2) Many times, because it's more of a mood, the tests will come in rapid fire succession, completely unrelated to each other. That's a tell tale sign that you won't ALWAYS see in a test, but if you DO see it, you're likely being tested.

Last thing to remember: In most cases, a girl giving you a test like this is a good thing in terms of her IL. Her qualifying you or testing you comes after she has some attraction for you or at least some interest in you-if she wasn't interested in who were as guy, you wouldn't be getting the test in the first place. So as annoying as it may seem (especially to AFCs that don't know whats going on), just remember that it's a good thing.

 

[Nighthawk]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search.php?searchid=807077

 

[AlanB]

To be honest, I think that a lot (most?) of the time women do this, they aren't actually doing it conciously on purpose. It is just that they will normally take notice of the reaction. I think it is a subconcious guy filter for them.

 

[MacAvoy]

FYI They are more commonly known as sh1t tests around here.

 

[reset]

Good post MotownMack.

 

[MotownMack]

Good post MotownMack.

Thanks Reset.

To be honest, I think that a lot (most?) of the time women do this, they aren't actually doing it conciously on purpose. It is just that they will normally take notice of the reaction. I think it is a subconcious guy filter for them.

I completely agree. The funny part is, it's actually pretty self defeating for the woman in some ways, because it's almost always done in a very negative fashion-as if she is starting to like a guy and freaks out a little, and almost tries to push him away. And it's usually misinterpreted by AFCs to mean the girl is either complete b1tch, or worse-the guy likes the girl, and starts to panic because he thinks he is "losing" her.

The hardcore "evolutionary theorists" (like Mystery) who believe that this is all related to the mating process and self preservation proclaim the following: A woman is trying to select a strong male to care for her and her offspring. If you can't even stand up to her, how can she expect you to protect her from the big bad world?

It's also important to keep in mind, the things she tests you on may actually be legitimate questions or concerns that she has regarding your long term potential. They aren't just things she makes up in every case (though sometimes they are). So, they should be handled with some care. In that sense, some sh1t tests are harder than others. If she makes some reference to something like she "doesn't see you as having long term goals in your life" and there is some truth to it-you may not want to be completely dismissive in your answer. You can address it, but the key is always not to be reactive or sound like she has rattled you-when you do react that way, you've just given legitimacy to her claim. Your response should be confident, and congruent with what you've said in the past.

For most of these tests, I tend to respond somewhere in the middle. Acting completely disinterested to what is a legitimate concern (like the one listed above) can backfire. And so can the other extreme, such as giving her a complete verbal smack down ("Pffft, who the fvck are you to question me?")

HER: "I've noticed you don't seem to have a lot of really defined goals for your future."
ME: (not appearing too concerned with her criticism): "I do, I just don't feel the need to go around bragging about them or announcing them to the world. Goals get reach by action, not sitting around talking about them."

Usually the less you say during the sh1t test the better. Say too much, and you'll sound like your trying to supplicate her or "convince" her that she's wrong, and an HB's are pretty good about knowing when someone is trying to "sell" them something (supplication) vs just giving a simple, confident response.

 

[sosilky]

$

OH

MY

GOD....

I can't freaken believe this. the last girl i was dating was a wizard at do this crap! in the back of my mind there was a teeny tiny voice saying to me i was being tested but a bigger one convinced me she was just being a ****ing ***** that refuseed to take what i said seriously or did. Meanwhile this ex of hers that is still i the picture is aloof to her and probably doesn't even realy realise what he is doing correctly when she pulls this **** on him! my dumb as would feed into it and overreact.......****! lol

 

[reset]

Usually the less you say during the sh1t test the better. Say too much, and you'll sound like your trying to supplicate her or "convince" her that she's wrong, and an HB's are pretty good about knowing when someone is trying to "sell" them something (supplication) vs just giving a simple, confident response.

Also, when you keep your cool... they can go overboard with the ass-kissing, trying to make it up to you. They know, that you know, that they were testing you. So it is self-defeating for THEM.... that's why they turn on the super-sweet charm, to neutralize the consequences of what they pulled. And if they are smart they will remember.

 

[Nighthawk]

Of course this is the kind of crucial knowledge of women you won't get at Loveshack...

 

[MacAvoy]

Of course this is the kind of crucial knowledge of women you won't get at Loveshack...

Your only fanning the fire my friend.

 

[Mavrick]

Women will test you. They want to see if you will transfer the power of value in yourself to them. If they see that they are valued more than you value yourself, they bolt. They no longer see any value in you. It's all about value.

Always be congruent. If you start to second guess yourself, then you become unattractive. Stay in the moment in a situation and not in your head. Be natural and go with the flow and don't do things for a specific outcome. Because if you're looking for an outcome, you're acting out of fear or anxiety, and that's unattractive. Acting out of fear and/or anxiety is always reactive and the wrong reaction.

Good luck my friend!

 

[sosilky]

$

Your only fanning the fire my friend.

what?

 

[TruthTeller]

If you happen to see the female a month later after that silent treatment and distance, how would respond or confront them?

 

[Mavrick]

If you happen to see the female a month later after that silent treatment and distance, how would respond or confront them?

You respond in a polite, but happy tone. Not happy to see her, but happy with yourself and where you are in life, and she MUST know that. She has to see that you are happy and have moved on without her. You don't do anything to manipulate her. You don't do anything to get back. When the relationship has ended there are only 2 things you can do:

1. Fvck it up more by chasing.
2. Do nothing.

Doing nothing is all you have in your corner. It speaks volumes. It shows that you are ok alone. It says your ok with yourself and you value yourself enough spare yourself the drama.

So, when you see her, be polite, but do not mention a word about the relationship. Remain only a mystery of a man who has found his self.

Now, if you can let her see you with another woman, you're in.

 

[AlanB]

Always be congruent.

Ok. I have seen this crop up in a couple of threads now so I may as well ask: When you say congruent, do you mean as in being consistent/acting the same etc.?

 

[DonGorgon]

somebody mentioned something about b!tch tests in a PM can you guys fill me in on what they are?

Simple women get sex s easy they play games to make the process more exciting for them .. so... they make you jump through hoops to get to the PU$$Y.. if you fail a test you lower your chances of getting the PU$$Y...

 

[AlanB]

You respond in a polite, but happy tone. Not happy to see her, but happy with yourself and where you are in life, and she MUST know that. She has to see that you are happy and have moved on without her. You don't do anything to manipulate her. You don't do anything to get back. When the relationship has ended there are only 2 things you can do:

1. Fvck it up more by chasing.
2. Do nothing.

Doing nothing is all you have in your corner. It speaks volumes. It shows that you are ok alone. It says your ok with yourself and you value yourself enough spare yourself the drama.

So, when you see her, be polite, but do not mention a word about the relationship. Remain only a mystery of a man who has found his self.

Now, if you can let her see you with another woman, you're in.

Good post. I knew that I was developing in my self-improvement kick when I started to see some girl who lives quite near me about and I was acting a bit more cool then I used to. I just smile, say 'hi, how are you?' and walk off. The great thing is that I don't really have an interest in that girl anyway (just had a sexual thing with her really and she was too much of a game player so I got sick of her and asked her not to ring anymore). The great thing is when her boyfriend is with her and she goes a bit coy and the guy is like 'Who was that guy?', like I'm a threat. It actually makes me feel good, like I won as harsh as it sounds.

 

[DonGorgon]

If you happen to see the female a month later after that silent treatment and distance, how would respond or confront them?

Well chances are she has F'ed 4 or 5 guys since you failed to F her so it does not matter to her either way... if it did she would have F'ed you in the first place...

 

[sosilky]

Well chances are she has F'ed 4 or 5 guys since you failed to F her so it does not matter to her either way... if it did she would have F'ed you in the first place...

and there's the ignorant coment of the day