Awesome concert date!...until...

[Safari]

I took this girl to a rock concert for a first date. She is a bartender I met at one of the bars my band plays at.

We had excellent conversation on the drive, and found we have much in common. She gave TONS of kino the whole night from the moment she got in my car. I made NO obvious mistakes and had the ****y/funny bit going perfectly. She mentioned many times how funny I was and how much fun she was having. I've never seen a girl laugh or smile so much on a date.

Then the nuclear bomb:

I pull into her place at the end of the night. Before I can even turn my head to go for the kiss, she leans in and hugs me with our heads side-to-side. She then asks me when I'm playing at her bar next, and I think for a minute and tell her on the 26th. Then she says "OK, I'll see you on the 26th then."

Ouch. WTF.

My sister, who was also at the concert, said this was a clear blow-off. However, she was shocked by this because she noticed my date was definitely having fun.

Other red flag: during the date she mentioned she has another date...the very next day!

But she's not a professional dater: she tried HARD to pay for everything. I let her buy one round of beer, but stood firm on her ticket and on parking.

Out-of-left-field LJBF? Usually I can see this coming, but her body language was very positive all night. Then this B.S.

What happened?

 

[Eternal]

Maybe she doesn't kiss on the first date? Try giving her a call in a week and see if she'll go out again.

 

[Safari]

What about the "I'll see you on the 26th?"

I believe that says "I won't go out with you again, so I'll just see you at work next time your band plays."

 

[Azariah]

Long and short: No one really knows what she's thinking right now.

On one hand, maybe she went out with you as a "friend" with no real romantic interest. Maybe she just wanted to go to that particular show and thought you’d be fun company. On the other hand, she may have felt a spark but ended the date with a hug and a future casual meeting to purposely keep the pace slow. Or perhaps she’s sitting on the fence with a moderate interest level, not yet having made up her mind about you. You simply don’t have enough information at this point to figure that out.

Fortunately, you can administer a fairly quick and painless test to find out where she stands. Since you’ve got time before your next gig, call her early next week. Keep the conversation very short. Just say “Hey, I had a great time at the show last week. I’d like to see you again. Let’s do <your activity of choice> on <some particular day>.” If she accepts or counteroffers, great! You’ve got winner on your hands. If not, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.

Sounds easy, yes? The only catch is that you can’t obsess about her between now and then. (Something I’ve been known to do… and just wrote about yesterday in the tips section) So just keep living your life as normal between now and then. Pursue a hobby, throw yourself into your work, and go after other women. Do something you enjoy! When you do get around to calling her, make sure you’re confident and assertive. Expect her to say yes, but be prepared for her to say no.

Best of luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[Reto]

I would move on since you'll be seeing her again in a work enviroment... Besides, what if you became girl friend/boy friend and she's working at the same place you're playing? Do you really want your girl frined working in the same bar you're playing in? I mean there's got to be tons of women there...

Just my opinion, but by insisting on paying is a little AFC. If she offers, let her pay for something more than a round. She's got a job...

 

[sailorgirl]

Excellent advice Azariah. Well thoughtout, constructive, courteous post. You sound like a true dj and gentleman.

 

[trajhenkhet]

When she started to walk away I would have asked her in a loud voice to come back for a moment...

 

[Safari]

I wanted to pay. In my experience, if a woman likes you, she'll like being treated. They'll always protest, but then give in eventually. This date tried harder than most, which makes me think she wanted to keep things equal. Giving in to her request when that's not what -I- wanted would have been AFC.

If we were BF/GF, I wouldn't need to flirt with other woman there, but if I did, it'd probably make her more atttracted. Plus, the band plays plenty of other bars. We only play at this particular one a few times a month. It's not like a cubicle 8-5 work environment.

Azariah, my buds seem to have the same opinion and suggestion. I was figuring on calling in a week for a lunch. If not, then NEXT. Meanwhile I have plenty of things to keep me busy.

 

[DiamondMind]

Originally posted by Safari

Azariah, my buds seem to have the same opinion and suggestion. I was figuring on calling in a week for a lunch. If not, then NEXT. Meanwhile I have plenty of things to keep me busy.

Yessir...you and Azariah do indeed 'get it'....

 

[Pecker]

No I'd say this is a pretty darn good sign of low interest and she liked the attention of kino and was having fun otherwise so she decided to lead you on.

Sh1t happens abandon all hope of pursuing her.