Avoidant Personality Disorder

[Boricua_33015]

hey, wow I cant beleive I have missed this thread months ago. The moment I saw the title I clicked on it.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was in what, 4rth grade. This made me become a hermit and I was unusally shy for a person This really hindered my social ability, I talked like I was still in second grade and I was slowly maturing. I seemed the more immature person in all the classes I was in. This of couse made me even MORE shy. When I had to speak I always had a shaky voice and I felt humiliated just for being ALIVE and standing in front of people Everyday that went by was an embarrasement for me. I had the worst self esteem. Later in 5th grade I was prescribed Zoloft. WOW you say, at such a young age? Yes indeed. I took it but I stopped taking it because it was no use. It did not help. Later in 7th grade I got prescribed Paxil.... same thing, it didnt work, even after taking it for months. Only thing it did was make my hand extremely tired when I spanked my monkey because my sex drive went really down.

When I was in 10th grade, I did some major thinking. I thought, I cant be like this my whole life. I thought back on the years before 4rth grade, man I was a ****ing DJ! Seriously man I always got the class and the teacher laughing. I was always at ease. Thats what inspired me. I dont need to be taking all this f*cking medications for I can overcome it MYSELF DAMMIT! Did alot of thinking.

My whole tenth grade year I spent identifying everything that could've cause this "disorder". I realized it all spawned from my clinical depression. My depression spawned from people disrespecting me and letting it get the best of me. The people making fun of me spawned from me not really taking care of my health and my body, because I was overweight I had self esteem issues.

I know I havent really comepletely gotten rid of my depression, this is my 7th year with it, but my 3rd year without medication, and let me tell you, I am doing ALOT BETTER than before!

I have learned to grasp that anxiety and rush that I get when I am in front of people, and use it as EXCITEMENT. Excitement to talk to people, excitement to be funny and playful with women. This exceitement gets me pumped up. This makes me have charisma, makes me feel confident, and I have that spontaneous humor that Ive always had in me when I was younger that makes people crack up.

I had to challenge alot of my beliefs and and question why I was thinking the way I do. I had to PUSH MYSELF to talk to people. I put myself into crazy situations. In time I built up an immunity to it.

Of course I still feel shy sometimes. But I have to build myself up throughout the day. Like I wake up in the morning feeling shy because I have not talked to anyone yet that day so I would start off no confident. But then I would push myself to talk to people on my bus, I would sound stupid soemtimes and give off that shy vibe but it only toughened me up for school. When I get to school I am less shy, and I push myself to talk MORE. When I get to class Im even less shy. By my 5th and 6th period man I am smokin and my confidence is soaring. Actually in my 5th and 6th period I have become sort of an important person. Like everyone greets me like "hey its boricua!" like they are glad to see me. They are like anticipating my presence.

Then again I have those days where I am still shy as hell no matter what I do.

But what can I say, Im doing better than I was before!

 

[LouieVaton Don]

Originally posted by Ninja Dude

Avoidant Personality Disorder??? What-the-fukk-ever!!
You are fukkin SHY dude!! There is nothing genetic or physical about that!

Do yourself a favor and read one of the best threads I have seenon this site:

destroying social phobias

Mr. Fingers breaks it down perfectly, you wont be the same after reading this!

Get over your shyness and stop using this medical term as a fukking cop-out for your fears. I am sorry I have used so much profanity here, but I cant help being passionate about this topic.

Trust me if you dont have APD you would'nt understand just how mentally crippling it is. It isnt just some fancy medical label or an excuse to be a screw-up. People who have this disorder have been through some sh*t, they seen something or heard something that they should'nt have. Its way beyond shyness, its like being locked behind bars, a prisoner of your own mind. Its like your constantly at war with yourself. All I could hear all day was a negative voice in my head putting me down at every chance and I could'nt stop it. Its so automatic and habitual. Hell I have a hard time expressing myself, I cant even tell my mother I love her, every time I talk to girls I just break out in sweats, anxeity attacks come whenever whether theres anything going on or not. My sex drive is like blah, and its always been, when boys were chasing girls in 6 grade, I couldnt figure out the point. I have had a share of chicks before and after finding sosuave but I've only been laid once, it seems as soon as I come close to them or its time to get intimate, Id do something(subconciously) to push them away. To top it off im not that much good at meeting guys either, I dont really have any friends because I always feel like I cant trust anyone to let them know me. Most of the time Im like screw people. I think I feel most at peace when im all alone, no family or anything. But heres the kicker I have a deep longing for a real meaningful relationship and it eats me up that I dont really feel truly close to anyone.

Just recently I have found out that I was avoidant and I have since done alot of reading finding out all about me. Its really helped me come to terms with the way I've lived my life. I don't beat myself up anymore and I feel like im making progress albeit one step at a time. I havent seen a professional, im not considering drugs, I feel the best way over this hump is through experience and self-discovery. Krd I fully understand what your going through and the answer lies within self aceptance as well as self discovery. Oh yeah and sosuave.

 

[krd]

I actually found out about avoidant personality through a link on this forum, though I don't remember which thread. When I started reading the info, it was striking how much the characteristics of the disorder were just like my own. It was almost like reading about myself.

I don't remember ever being an outgoing kid. Even my parents say I was a nervous baby I would cry around people I wasn't familiar with, or who happened to be less soft spoken or gentle. In school, as early as first grade, I would often cry if I found out there would be a substitute teacher that day. I cryed about a lot of things; I ended up getting the reputation of sort of a cry baby. Later on, I would act silly and say dumb things to get attention, which I realize was probably my way of masking the fact that I was so uncomfortable around the other kids. By high school I decided to kick that habit as well, but instead withdrew further into myself, which ironically, also attracted attemtion from other students. It gained me a few nicknames over the course of four years, which of course, made things worse. By that point I associated peers with nothing but pain, humiliation and disrespect and wanted nothing to do with people my own age. College came around and this is when I finally started taking an interest in developing relationships and friendships. But, by that time, most people had already developed their social skills and had experience with many relationships during high school, and once again, I didn't fit in.

So fast forward to now, and it's been an enless cycle of trying to fit in, develop relationships with people, and getting nowhere. In the past seven years of trying to pursue a social life, I have made only one friend whom I can call up on the phone and just talk or hang out with, and up until recently, I was uncomfortable even doing that. I have a lot of knowledge about dealing with the opposite sex from coming to this site, but until I can get rid of these "demons" (or whatever you want to call them) in my mind, or at least learn to control them, I won't be able to put this knowledge to use.

I have found out a lot about myself through my own self-analysis and self-discovery. I think I am more aware than most about why I am the way I am. But although the rational part of my mind knows that all of these negative thoughts and opinions I have about myself aren't doing me any good, the emotional part of my mind is usually what takes over. That's the part I can't easily control, and that's where something like treatment or therapy would come in. I'm less interested in taking drugs, than finding someone to talk to, who can work with me to help deal with these negative thoughts and not let them rule my life. Someone who can provide postive feedback and guide me along. The one crucial element that the "DJ Boot Camp" lacks, due to a physical impossibility, is a coach, or a drill sargeant to motivate you and make sure you are doing what you should be doing. Because if you fail to do the exercises, who's gonna know?

 

[LouieVaton Don]

AFC or APD?????

I totally feel you on the first paragraph, when I had first checked out the traits/symptoms of APD it felt like someone had written all about me and my life. It was so refreshing that I feel it has made me 5x better already. Ive found out more things about myself in these past 2 weeks, than in my 21 yrs living, isnt that just ridiculous! I believe many others have the disorder but arent aware. If I hadnt read this thread I would still be drowning in my own negative thoughts, still worrying about what others thought about me and afraid of experiencing life. I urge those reading this to do a search on avoidant personality disorder and see if you show symptoms, your life depends on it. Your problems maybe more than you being an AFC, you may have APD. Free your mind.

Krd you dont need anyone else to whip you into shape, its your responsibility. I have already come to this realization, and it has helped me to make the strides I have, if you have even a drop of self love in your body that can be something to start with. Its high time you started taking care of yourself and your interests. Grab your fukkin balls and be the man you wanna be, easier said than done but remember there are no quick fixes.

 

[Laid in 60 seconds]

Re: AFC or APD?????

Originally posted by LouieVaton Don
still worrying about what others thought about me

I think everyone's worrying about what others think about him

It's just about how often you do it. When you're really on to something, some big project of yours, smth you believe in, you start to not give a flying **** about what others think
Still when I walk on the street I do worry about what the 50 year old fat lady holding two bags is thinking about me

Some outgoing extrovert guy should respond to this

 

[Ninja Dude]

This is an interesting topic..

I am glad to see that people are willing to get out of this the natural way. And you are right, Louie I used to be shy but never to these extremes

makes me wonder about this apd..
has anyone done more research on this? Is it a disorder caused by trauma? is it genetic? maybe it's a hormonal thing?

 

[LouieVaton Don]

Theres way more to it than worrying about what people think, its about worrying enough that you cant even function because you feel you'll be ridiculed and rejected. Sufferers of avoidant personality are hypersensitve to critcism due to psychological and chemical imbalance.

 

[Ninja Dude]

damn that sux ass dude

my cousin had a chemical imbalance for years. then she got pregnant and somehow she got balanced out. too bad you guys dont have that option! LOL

 

[krd]

Re: AFC or APD?????

Originally posted by LouieVaton Don
Krd you dont need anyone else to whip you into shape, its your responsibility. I have already come to this realization, and it has helped me to make the strides I have, if you have even a drop of self love in your body that can be something to start with. Its high time you started taking care of yourself and your interests. Grab your fukkin balls and be the man you wanna be, easier said than done but remember there are no quick fixes.

Well, it depends on what you mean by "taking care of your interests". I feel as though I have tried. We're talking seven years here, where despite the fact that I want to change more than anything, it has just been an uphill battle. True, in the past I'd only manage to get up the courage to talk to women in particular situations. However, I've gone to social events, I've gotten phone numbers, I've even tried setting up a date recently. But all of this has led to nothing. I have hobbies, I work out, I try and maintain the few friendships that I do have. But I haven't been able to bring about any significant changes in my life, and I still remain without the things that I truly want. I'm tired of being frustrated, tired of going in circles. I feel it's time for me to try something else. This would simply be the next step in my journey.

 

[icepick]

There is so much I want to say about this, so much I want to explain, but those of you struggling with this would not understand it.

Your beliefs are the most powerful thing that you have. You can believe anything you want to. Change your beliefs and change your life.

Here are some example "beliefs" that some people adopt to become a Don Juan:

--God's computer had a glitch, you get to write what you are. You get to define yourself.

--We are all natural 'DJ's, we just need to let it out.

--Alpha males get all the girls.

--NLP is my key to hypnotize women into liking me.

--I am hot stuff, and all women like me.

--I am good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me.

--I can send out psychic vibrations that make women horny and men afraid.

--etc.,etc.,etc.

Our gift from god is that we can believe WHATEVER WE WANT TO.

"No I can't ice, my mind just tries to get me back into reality. I can't believe these things that aren't true."

Reality is just another belief, it is an illusion just like the rest of them. Chemical imbalances? Are they more real than anything else? You can take a pill to cure your ills, but you can also work them out yourself. What did people do without pills before? Some of them used religion. It probably worked just as good. There are numerous solutions for anything.

In this "scientific age", science has replaced religion as the main belief of the human race. But science is no better or worse than beleving anything else. This is all just a dream, but a dream that ultimately, we have control over.

 

[jive]

I suggest everyone read icepick's posts in this thread, they are so money.

I also second the suggestion of the book Psycho-Cybernetics, by Maxwell Maltz. Backs up a lot of what icepick has already said, but also has lots of exercises that will help you a lot.

 

[A1SteakSauce]

Vitamins

Don't forget a good multi-vitamin. I find it actually alleviates shyness/nervousness. I have no idea how that works, but it's a lot cheaper than Paxil and safer, too.

A1

 

[Celadus]

Hello, I am APDGuy...Thought I'd give alittle update...I'm surprised this thread reappeared.

I changed my name awhile back and stuck around for awhile after that post...I crashed and burned...Quit the board for awhile...I finished the semester and came back home for the summer..I only came back today to check for tips on going on your first date.


So far, I have been going to a 200 dollar an hour psychologist twice a week. Some of you might think its crazy, but I was so bad I needed guidance and someone to push me. Not only did he help me open up more, I learned a lot about my self. I'm not taking any medicine.

I started doing Muay Thai and Brazilian jujitsu..Apparently I am really good at it and its helped my self esteem go up by a lot.

I'm a pretty decent looking guy(think Prince William). I've started talking to people, and along with my growing confidence I'm getting very high interest from a lot of girls(the ones I'm interested in anyway). But APDGuy is still deep inside of me and more powerful than the warrior Celadus..There are atleast 4 girls that I can have, but I'm too scared to ask them out.

I feel intimidated by their experience. I have NONE. I'm sure most of you have seen "Shallow Hal". I have ugly duckling syndrome. Because I was ugly when I was little, I never went out on any dates..never kissed a girl and I'm a virgin..

That's my situation up to now. I see a girl with VERY high interest tomorrow morning. I want to ask her out, but its just really hard...especially since she is a party girl(I think she's making up for being shy herself) and I really don't have any social proof(live in a rural area, was sheltered in high school).

As far as ADP...I think that it is a serious problem for some...Medicine can be useful, but for most it isn't. In my case, its just a matter of self confidence and experience.

 

[krd]

Here's something you can try, although it hasn't actually gotten me a date yet. You say she's showing you very high interest. That's more than a girl's ever shown me. I say asking her out is your best bet, but if you can't bring yourself to do that, at least get her number. Say something like "Listen, why don't I get your number so we can talk sometime?" Usually, a girl will give it to you. Once you get it, you have enough time to think of ideas of where to take her if you go out. Asking her out right then and there might not work unless you actually have a plan. But if you think you can handle asking her straight out, by all means, go for it. It's more important to step out of your comfort zone than it is to get everything exactly right (gotta repeat that to myself over and over again).

Everytime I've gotten a girl's number, I was never able to turn it into a date. Basically, I absolutely hate making personal phone calls, and I'm always afraid that I'm bothering the person on the other end. A lot of times, if I couldn't reach a girl, I'd just give up after a few tries (if I even called at all). Last time I called a girl and asked her out, she said she was going away for a month. So there always seems to be something preventing me fron taking that next step, whether it's my own fears, a girl's excuses, or just plain circumstance. However, I realize that you have to at least take the first step, or you won't get anywhere.

 

[One on One]

ADP,

I have the same condition that you have, although I have not gone to a doctor to be diagnosed. In fact, I imagine my social anxiety might be worse. However, I have made significant progress in the last few months and I wanted to share that with you.

When I was in high school, I never went to a single party. The only HS parties I ever attended were club-sponsored. I don't even recall ever being told about a party. I never hung out with anyone outside of school. I was too shy and socially inexperienced. In fact, I didn't even really know what a social life was because my parents never really socialized that much and I never really saw one (but, that's a seperate issue).

This problem continued for me through my first years of college until I opened my mind and started to see the light. I finally identified my problem and learned I needed to get out more. I actively focused on talking to people, making friends, and going out and having fun. It wasn't easy, but I have made significant progress.

What I try to do is rationally eliminate the irrational thoughts. I imagine your psychiatrist has mentioned something like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which is basically what I was doing without a psych. All I did was actively realize that my thinking was irrational (ie. "All these people are staring at me!!" turned into "Why the **** would these people care what me, some random guy, is doing?"). And, as you can see, I would flip that irrational thinking into a rational thought. Additionally, I would imagine the worst possible consequence of what I was doing. In many cases, there is no consequence. In any social situation, the only possible negative consequence is rejection. You aren't going to die. The trick is to teach your mind to recognize your irrational thinking as it is happening and instantly correct it.

Fast forward to today. I've gone from having no real friends one year ago to having good friends to hang out at college and friends to hang out with at home during the summer. I'm now eager to socialize with people and I don't have a negative self-image of myself. I still feel my social life is tenous and it could collapse if I lost a few connections, but I am working on solidifying it.

I hope this story helps you. I'll be right there with you as we continue the struggle. And, no way is APD or SAD imagined, but it can be self-corrected as long as it is not too severe.

 

[Celadus]

APDGuy update

Things are just up and down for me. One week I'll feel great and the next week(this week) I'm considering suicide. Life is a *****

I've been getting more comfortable around that chick at work, but I feel like I'm childish around her now. Has anyone else ever noticed this? Hopefully its just nervousness and not the product of a bad personality. I've always felt that because I was so good looking that my girls would be disoppointed by my personality.

I feel like I'm being obnoxious. She was taking the garbage out, and when she was done she came up to see what we were doing. I had a piece of pipe in my hand and said something like "Here, you can have this garbadge too." She took it and threw it on the ground. Now that I look back on this it doens't look as bad as it felt at the time, but my problem is the continous doubt in the back of my head. It's a dumb question; I know..but should I cut stuff like that out?

I'm overanalyzing everything, but I cna't help it. I'm always planning and trying to figure things out.

Another thing that happened today with her was we were sitting around waiting complaining about having to come to work for two hours for no reason. She said "Atleast we made 15 dollars" and I said something like "yeah, I'll have to spend that tonight going to the city(there is a 15 dollar toll to drive over a bridge to get to the city)" and she said "Yeah, my friend is coming from over there tonight. I'm really looking forward to that"

I assumed she was talking about a male friend. Think that had anything to do with me?

Long, boring post.

 

[icepick]

Hey, instead of analyzing HER reactions, analyze your OWN.

Why did you give her that piece of pipe? Were you nervous and felt like you needed to do something to ease your tension?

That is where alot of my stuff used to come from. Even though a sense of humor is important, people can get sick of that trifling stuff.

Try to do some SERIOUS self-searching (say that ten times fast!), it really helped me out.

Sometimes you feel that you have to act a certain way or whatever, but that is not true. You are allowed to have bad days and good days.

But now I am going off on a tangent, so I will stop!

 

[LouieVaton Don]

Hey KRD. Are you the same Krd from the msn APD message board? Im on there my aka is smokedogg12.

 

[regulus]

Originally posted by LouieVaton Don
Hey KRD. Are you the same Krd from the msn APD message board? Im on there my aka is smokedogg12.

got a link

 

[MDgood]

APD? I don't know how this compares to the shyness problem I've been struggling with all my life, but one thing does pop to mind:

Isn't this why God invented alcohol? Damn if a few bottles of beer doesn't get rid of my shyness! I highly recommend it.