Authenticity or Tactics

[jhonny9546]

The common perception of dating often involves a 'chase,' but that dynamic should shift in serious relationships and shared life goals. This raises a crucial question: How important is authenticity in a your life?

These are real life examples:

Man A: Embodies complete authenticity. He avoids games or manipulation, navigating the natural ups and downs of his relationship with genuine self-expression. While his life isn't extravagant (he recently bought an older, inexpensive Land Rover that his wife appreciates), he seems content and fulfilled.

Man B: Employs calculated tactics, like withholding or teasing (such as joking about his partner's delayed wedding plans). using carrot and stick, etc, to keep her "chasing".

Now, both of those men have children and live with their partner, but man A it's the prize, while man B need to feel like the prize. These examples highlight a potential trade-off: Man A finds contentment through authenticity, while Man B seems to rely on manipulation to maintain a sense of control or excitement, perhaps at the expense of genuine serenity.


So all mature men here: have you ever reached a point where you questioned the need for tactics and considered embracing complete authenticity? How have you and your partners responded to a shift towards genuine self-expression? I think there is a point where "teasing" become using "tactics", and You know because You can feel it.

Perhaps the ideal balance involves 99% authenticity, with a touch of mystery and playfulness, the 1%, a far cry from a 50/50 or even an 80/20 split.

Authenticity it's boring but attractive at the same time, wheter you lose or win your position in life according to others, because you won that position beforehand, according to you.

 

[The Duke]

I recommend being your authentic self, however you still must use some "tactics" in handling women in long term relationships. That never goes away. Women are the greatest natural gamers in the world.

A woman is rarely content for long. She always wants more. The first thing she wants in a relationship is tingles, then its a connection, then its commitment, then its boyfriend/girlfriend status, then its move in together, then its engagement, then its marriage, then its kids, houses, cars, trips, etc. It never ends until she wants divorce.

Its a balance between authenticity, playfulness, and mystery. The same things you did to attract her, are what will keep her.

Lets be real, you can never be 100% authentic with your woman. If you could, you would tell her the same things you tell your buddies. See how that works out some time. ;-)

 

[Gamisch]

It's really tiresome to pretend to be someone you're not. Simultaneously it's ALSO tiring to be yourself while you're not winning in life...

So the best thing you can do is adopt certain traits. Like training. Like described above this post, you can never be your authentic self 100% around women. Are there cases where a man can get away with it? Ofcourse. But those will be rare. If you are single and you are PREPARING for whatever type of relationship with a woman, just assume that all the rules we discuss over and over will apply.

If OLD taught us one thing it's that a woman can be turned off "out of the blue" for seemingly no reason, or at least not for reasons that makes sense to us.

Sometimes the harsh truth is that your authentic self needs to be worked on. That can manifest itself in different ways; physical, mentally, financially, spiritually ect. Imo they all go hand in hand.

 

[behimo]

shift your thinking, you are the prize. you are more valuable than they. you are the rock on which they crash their endless waves of emotion. don't think of having to deal with their emotions as a chore but an amusement. if the girl checks all your boxes, pursue never chase, chase means they are running away from you.

 

[jhonny9546]

@The Duke Look like the "bluepill lifecycle script" is the perfect thing to adopt for a LTR, but with you being the "driver", keeping the redpilled view and infrastructure underneath.



I would rather be authentic than trying to dilute the relationship lifecycle using some "tactics".
That seems to be a lot of work. Using "tactics" will make me lose the respect for myself, her, and relationship. But being "playful" it's a different thing.

A woman is rarely content for long. She always wants more. The first thing she wants in a relationship is tingles, then its a connection, then its commitment, then its boyfriend/girlfriend status, then its move in together, then its engagement, then its marriage, then its kids, houses, cars, trips, etc. It never ends until she wants divorce.

This lifecycle usually start after the honeymoon phase, and when the attraction ends, people will try to fill the void while still being in the relationship with that person.
I can also see the evil of capitalism, and gifts culture, and not having internal happiness compass, that make this lifecycle of "always wants more" a thruth.
How many women base their happiness on external things?
Even after having children, they can't be happy from their innerself.
But I've seen men do it: shifts their external to internal happines.
Is that something a woman is capable to do with a Mature men teaching her?

cases where a man can get away with it? Ofcourse. But those will be rare.

Those will be rare for sure. It depends on the man because He need to do it's own **** to become a mature man, but after it, it depends on the woman, since she has to be contempt with herself. @BeExcellent Do you felt your happiness shifts from external to internal at some point in your life?

you are the rock on which they crash their endless waves of emotion.

This is true, but very poetic: at some point you've to know if you're being there to "support" her outbursts, or if you are "enjoying" being there, because you both are making something good with both presences.


A real life example it's my previous LTR: she was someone who wanted everything quickly.

She wanted children, to live together, a house, and to get married,all at once and without delay. I felt compelled to use tactics to "slow her down," and I felt "oppressed" by her constant desire to take these steps so rapidly.

Was this a synonym for very high interest on her part? I don't care; I wasn't living life to the fullest in this way. and I didn't feel authentic in "slowing" the thing.

A friend of mine had a similar and parallel experience. While I eventually closed the LTR, He continued in his LTR, and He had to use tactics.

 

[jhonny9546]

If your authentic self is a thirsty simp who doesn't have a back bone, who caves to her every demand, who can't tell her no, who can't walk away, who puts her on a pedestal, then no, stop it.

I would say right now I'm a 20% simp and a 80% a mature men.
Reverse the thing, and you would have the version of me, 4 years ago.

But I've also noticed this can change if I have a very very strong attraction to a woman.
So that depends on that, and my ability to not be a simp to her.