There's more than one reason for anything. Everything.
Even the simplest thing has at least some minor
contributing factor. So when you decide why you like something...
One of my girls is a really hot Caribbean girl. If someone asked me why I thought she was hot, I might say, "Well, damn, she has a *rack* on her." But even if she didn't, she'd still be hot. She's got a great ass, eyes that shine, a pretty face, great hair, a slim but curvy figure, a sexy walk, great legs, takes care of herself, has smooth and beautiful skin, and so on.
So even though I attribute why she's hot to one main thing, there's really lots of reasons.
Now, picture a smoking hot chick. This girl is really into you.
And someone asks her *why* she is really into you.
I don't know why she's into you. She's not exactly sure either, folks. It's probably some complicated mix. Confidence, wit, sexyness, style, sociable, cool... and hundreds of other little things. Loyal? Truthful? Something else?
So, alright, she's got dozens, if not hundreds (thousands?) of things she could say if someone asked her why she likes you. But it would be an incomplete answer. She likes YOU because of what you're doing, how you're acting, and how you're making her feel.
Now... because she finds you attractive, she might MISTAKENLY attribute it to one or a few things, even though it's not the big picture. Like, if you're a rugged, bodybuilding type, she might say, "He's so masculine." But if you're more effeminate, in a "metrosexual" style, she might say, "He's so stylish."
And the craziest part? These guys might be doing THE EXACT SAME THING!
No lie.
When does this really matter? When she's deciding, for herself, why she likes you. If you've done something on a grand scale to please her, she might attribute it to that.
Like, if made an elaborate night all for her, she could say, "I like him because he took me out on Hollywood" instead of something else. It's easy to do.
Even if you didn't take her to some premiere, she'd still probably like you. But now she's mistaken why she likes you, and she's not going to be as loyal if she sleeps with you, and might not sleep with you if you guys haven't ****ed yet.
That's another reason why spending money on a girl can be bad. She can attribute liking you to the money. So, guess what? When the cash stops flowing, her main reason for liking you just disappeared. Whereas if you hadn't been dropping cash on her, she'd have picked a reason with a little more longevity... like the fact that you're cool, or funny, or whatever.
Another long-running implication of this is people that are getting good results often misattribute why they're getting them. Me, I've done some different stuff. I can dress the part of a successful businessman, and I can also deck myself out like a street hustler.
And whichever I did, the girl would attribute that partially to why she liked me, and perhaps tell me so. This is where you'll get a bodybuilder saying that you need to lift weights to get laid. Of course he's getting lots of compliments on his muscles, and of course girls are telling him they love it. And they do, for sure, but...
The starving artist type gets compliments on his "artistic" look that is an artsy haircut, pale complexion, and whatever else... if he's got game, and seduces the girl right.
So, push your boundaries. Even if one thing seems like your greatest strength, you've got more skills and can waver from it. Be comfortable with what you're doing, and you can pull off any style. Really.
Now, people tend to find reasons and causes for lots of things, not just why they like someone. Somewhere else that you can think about this:
When you set up a pretense for a girl to come over, she can attribute why she's coming over to your place to that reason. That makes her feel good and logical, and you ****, and says, "It just happened".
On the flipside, when a girl makes an excuse like "I'm tired", she's just picking the first thing she can think of (though it is probably true) and saying it. She's attributing, "I don't want to go out and do that enough to stop doing whatever I'm doing, or make effort" to the fact that she's tired.
Even if she weren't tired, it wouldn't matter. She'd just attribute it to the next reason on the list. I'm sure you've seen this before:
Guy: I've got this classic Marlin Brando here. Come watch it with me.
Girl (excuse, not the real reason): My car's broken down.
Guy: I'll pick you up.
Girl: Well, I'm tired.
Guy: You can have a cup of coffee.
Girl: I've got work tomorrow morning.
Guy: It's a short film, and you can get to bed by eleven.
Girl: I don't think so tonight.
See, she was trying to let the guy down nicely, so she was just attributing why she couldn't come to excuses. Eventually she got tired of making them, and just rejected him without pretense. On the other hand, had he changed the subject, got her laughing, then perhaps said,
Guy: A'ight, I'm swinging by to get you. See you in 10, right?
It could've worked.
When you hear someone attribute an effect to a cause, don't think that's the only cause. Realize that they're probably taking the most obvious or most convenient answer, but there's hundreds of other things, and perhaps larger considerations that should be dealt with. Then, act accordingly and you're golden.
Dimitri
http://www.rapidsocialimpact.com
Even the simplest thing has at least some minor
contributing factor. So when you decide why you like something...
One of my girls is a really hot Caribbean girl. If someone asked me why I thought she was hot, I might say, "Well, damn, she has a *rack* on her." But even if she didn't, she'd still be hot. She's got a great ass, eyes that shine, a pretty face, great hair, a slim but curvy figure, a sexy walk, great legs, takes care of herself, has smooth and beautiful skin, and so on.
So even though I attribute why she's hot to one main thing, there's really lots of reasons.
Now, picture a smoking hot chick. This girl is really into you.
And someone asks her *why* she is really into you.
I don't know why she's into you. She's not exactly sure either, folks. It's probably some complicated mix. Confidence, wit, sexyness, style, sociable, cool... and hundreds of other little things. Loyal? Truthful? Something else?
So, alright, she's got dozens, if not hundreds (thousands?) of things she could say if someone asked her why she likes you. But it would be an incomplete answer. She likes YOU because of what you're doing, how you're acting, and how you're making her feel.
Now... because she finds you attractive, she might MISTAKENLY attribute it to one or a few things, even though it's not the big picture. Like, if you're a rugged, bodybuilding type, she might say, "He's so masculine." But if you're more effeminate, in a "metrosexual" style, she might say, "He's so stylish."
And the craziest part? These guys might be doing THE EXACT SAME THING!
No lie.
When does this really matter? When she's deciding, for herself, why she likes you. If you've done something on a grand scale to please her, she might attribute it to that.
Like, if made an elaborate night all for her, she could say, "I like him because he took me out on Hollywood" instead of something else. It's easy to do.
Even if you didn't take her to some premiere, she'd still probably like you. But now she's mistaken why she likes you, and she's not going to be as loyal if she sleeps with you, and might not sleep with you if you guys haven't ****ed yet.
That's another reason why spending money on a girl can be bad. She can attribute liking you to the money. So, guess what? When the cash stops flowing, her main reason for liking you just disappeared. Whereas if you hadn't been dropping cash on her, she'd have picked a reason with a little more longevity... like the fact that you're cool, or funny, or whatever.
Another long-running implication of this is people that are getting good results often misattribute why they're getting them. Me, I've done some different stuff. I can dress the part of a successful businessman, and I can also deck myself out like a street hustler.
And whichever I did, the girl would attribute that partially to why she liked me, and perhaps tell me so. This is where you'll get a bodybuilder saying that you need to lift weights to get laid. Of course he's getting lots of compliments on his muscles, and of course girls are telling him they love it. And they do, for sure, but...
The starving artist type gets compliments on his "artistic" look that is an artsy haircut, pale complexion, and whatever else... if he's got game, and seduces the girl right.
So, push your boundaries. Even if one thing seems like your greatest strength, you've got more skills and can waver from it. Be comfortable with what you're doing, and you can pull off any style. Really.
Now, people tend to find reasons and causes for lots of things, not just why they like someone. Somewhere else that you can think about this:
When you set up a pretense for a girl to come over, she can attribute why she's coming over to your place to that reason. That makes her feel good and logical, and you ****, and says, "It just happened".
On the flipside, when a girl makes an excuse like "I'm tired", she's just picking the first thing she can think of (though it is probably true) and saying it. She's attributing, "I don't want to go out and do that enough to stop doing whatever I'm doing, or make effort" to the fact that she's tired.
Even if she weren't tired, it wouldn't matter. She'd just attribute it to the next reason on the list. I'm sure you've seen this before:
Guy: I've got this classic Marlin Brando here. Come watch it with me.
Girl (excuse, not the real reason): My car's broken down.
Guy: I'll pick you up.
Girl: Well, I'm tired.
Guy: You can have a cup of coffee.
Girl: I've got work tomorrow morning.
Guy: It's a short film, and you can get to bed by eleven.
Girl: I don't think so tonight.
See, she was trying to let the guy down nicely, so she was just attributing why she couldn't come to excuses. Eventually she got tired of making them, and just rejected him without pretense. On the other hand, had he changed the subject, got her laughing, then perhaps said,
Guy: A'ight, I'm swinging by to get you. See you in 10, right?
It could've worked.
When you hear someone attribute an effect to a cause, don't think that's the only cause. Realize that they're probably taking the most obvious or most convenient answer, but there's hundreds of other things, and perhaps larger considerations that should be dealt with. Then, act accordingly and you're golden.
Dimitri
http://www.rapidsocialimpact.com
