Attractiveness/Attraction Trumps Everything..Another Example

[Delly2000]

This happened like over 5 years ago but I am just looking back on how dumb I was.

I liked this girl and she gave me her number. I took her out for drinks etc. We made each other laugh etc and I liked being with her. But she turned me down repeatedly. Admittedly she knew I was seeing someone else but she didn't know this initially until after a few months. We had these intelligent conversations etc. I was thinking this girl my type. So I got friendzoned.

To make a long story short. She finally gave me some. It took a long time...maybe a year but my memory kinda hazy... and I jumped through all these hoops. And the sex wasn't all that great. Like she wasn't interested...asked me to use 2 condoms etc etc. Too much pressure.

But I remmember she told me a story of how when she moved to the area she met this guy that was a cricketer (sports...think english version of baseball). He called her and went over her house and they had sex. So I am thinking WTF? I spent all this time chasing this girl and she gave it up to this guy when they first hung out...first date. He didn't even take her out on a date just showed up at her house to hang out. She said how he seemed real dense and had nothing to talk about. Point is she still screwed him...despite all this. And he didn't jump through as much hoops as I did. Matter fact he didnt jump through any.

I think attractiveness or attraction trumps everything. What an idiot I was.

 

[Zarky]

close: actually social status trumps everything

 

[st_99]

Well, its true that if someone is NOT attracted to you in the slightest bit, you have a very steep uphill climb. BUT, I think a lot of guys fall into that zone of, you're not a model, but you're not gross either and so if your personality, etc.. shine then you BECOME a lot better looking.

But of course some guys are going to get laid easily but thats just life.

 

[Fuglydude]

Contrary to popular belief, guys have a tremendous amount of control over looks:

Just get into fantastic shape. If you're lean and carry a large amount of muscle you'll almost immediately get a huge spike in your social/sexual value and get a way more attention from women. Trust me on this: I was a stripper for three and a half years.

Getting into elite shape takes a lot of work and discipline but in the end is definitely worth it. There's something innately enjoyable about picking up a few hundred pounds of steel off the floor for no good reason... just doing it because you physically can!

Looks are important, and looks combined w/ other stuff like a good career/job, and social/sexual awareness and game are a deadly combo!

 

[Atom Smasher]

You are on-point, sir.

I notice that I always seem to hover in that "almost in good shape" zone, and it is very easy (literally a matter of days) for me to trim down and get a toned look. It's amazing... 3 workouts and my body changes dramatically, but I plateau early. When I do get my sh!t together, I get many, many more looks of interest from the ladies.

I would say that classic good looks are unimportant (movie star looks and facial features), but conveying fitness through a well-toned body and conveying a sense of cleanliness and style will turn heads. That's all you need to outshine 96% of all men.

Looks do in fact count, but when men think of that, they use the same criteria that they use for women. Mistake.

Just convey health, vitality, neatness and an awareness of style, and you'll find you have the "looks" factor covered. When a woman sees that, you pass the test and she goes on to determine your personality, which is of much more importance to her.

Looks is a simple filtering process for her, just so she can keep the numbers manageable. All she needs to see are the qualities listed above, and you're "in".

 

[Mike32ct]

Good thread. Solid posts from all based on experience.

 

[MonkeyButt]

True facts all.
In my 30's, I did some serious body building (5 day split, 230lbs - 32 inch waste). It was uncanny (almost disgusting) how easy the women came at that point. Honestly, I just had to be a care free clown and it was easy!

Get in shape, and everything changes.

 

[In2theGame]

Contrary to popular belief, guys have a tremendous amount of control over looks:

Just get into fantastic shape. If you're lean and carry a large amount of muscle you'll almost immediately get a huge spike in your social/sexual value and get a way more attention from women. Trust me on this: I was a stripper for three and a half years.

Getting into elite shape takes a lot of work and discipline but in the end is definitely worth it. There's something innately enjoyable about picking up a few hundred pounds of steel off the floor for no good reason... just doing it because you physically can!

Looks are important, and looks combined w/ other stuff like a good career/job, and social/sexual awareness and game are a deadly combo!

A+ for you sir.

 

[Fuglydude]

True facts all.
In my 30's, I did some serious body building (5 day split, 230lbs - 32 inch waste). It was uncanny (almost disgusting) how easy the women came at that point. Honestly, I just had to be a care free clown and it was easy!

Get in shape, and everything changes.

Whoa! How tall are ya? I'm 32" at 185 - 5'8"... Gotta get to 200-210 to be competitive on stage for the middleweight class.

 

[bilboteabaggins]

I lived 25 years of my life as a fat ass dude, the last 6 months as one starting to get into pretty decent shape(lost over 150lbs the past 2 years), the world is totally different when it comes to females

no excuses, don't be lazy, if you are not happy with yourself anyone can make themselves look 10x better than what they currently do

 

[Fuglydude]

I feel like people tell themselves looks are the only thing that matters because they are afraid to try something else. Or have tried and failed with something else.

Of course looks matter but plenty of ugly guys end up have fufilling lives with women. Is it harder for them? Sure, but they realize their life is better now than when they were complaining that looks matter.

I've never been the kind of guy to chase women... I guess I'm a lazy ass. I've always gone for women that were interested in me. I'd rather focus on my career/education and I lift because I love it, really no other reason. Working in critical care you realize just how important it is to take care of your body. There's nothing worse than lying in an intensive care bed because you didn't take care of your body when you had the chance.

To me being a DJ is all about constant self improvement, and lifting and being fit/strong is an integral part of that. I've been lifting consistently for around 12 years and never taken more than 2 weeks off at a stretch. Over the last several years I've always had something to motivate me to train, whether it be financial or in competitive athletics. Being in elite shape takes a lot of work, but it gives your life structure that you can apply to other areas of your life. In addition it makes getting laid A LOT easier... you basically don't really have to try anymore. There's so many benefits to being in great shape especially in modern north american society when most people aren't fit. Its a great strategy for lazy guys like me who don't wanna waste time chasing women.

 

[Fuglydude]

My time on a heart floor confirmed that to me. Nothing worse than seeing your bp at 80/50 regularly, massive edema so that you can't even walk, and coughing up frothy sputum in front of family and friends. I figured if I'm going to be an advocate for a healthy lifestyle I need to live a healthy lifestyle.

Not that it helps the asthetics much since I am still living with my lifetime pot belly even at 6'4" 220, crazy wandering eye, my need for thick glasses, and adult acne. But going into physical fitness JUST for women never lasts. You need to go for the benefits for life.

Agreed... Sorry about your condition. Sounds a bit like LV/RV failure w/ the peripheral edema, pulmonary edema from the frothy sputum and constant hypotension. Hope you're doing better now.

I'm at the point now where I can't even eat that much crap food with out getting intestinal discomfort... Its good and bad in a way, but I'm glad I have that self protect mechanism in place because I love ice cream, pizza, burgers, etc! I really don't think most guys who are seriously committed to being in shape do it for the women... they do it because they simply love it.

 

[Fuglydude]

Thanks for your concern but I was talking about WORKING on a heart floor as a nurse! It really hips you to the long-term problems you will have if you don't live healthier. I'm no body builder and don't work out for asthetics at all but physical health has definitely become more important since I've had to become an advocate for physical health. You can't talk to someone about diabetes at 9:00AM after you've already downed 3 cokes!

Moving in with my long term has helped the diet immensely too. While she does love the little slice of pudge I have left on my belly she is very concerned with my health and cooks the right kind of foods for me. And, like you, it's gotten to the point where the thought of eating the crap I used to is sickening. And this from someone who was a known amateur BBQ chef. I had people coming from all over the city to taste my brisket. But food is a temporary high and health isn't. More people need to understand that.

Good to hear you don't have CHF!!! Definitely agree with you on the advocacy thing. What state do you work in if you don't mind me asking.

Ya, I'm in the same boat as you I guess... although I don't really talk to a lot of my patients, as they are frequently ventilated on vasoactive infusions and even CRRT. I think it helps tremendously to be in shape as an RN, as our jobs are quite physical with lifting, transferring, hold c-spine, etc. In the critical care setting many patients are sedated or have a low LOC, so its like moving/turning deadweight. In addition when you're responding to a code call, running with a 300 lb crash cart requires some serious core strength especially during sharp turns! It really helps to be strong and in shape.

You're lucky you have BBQ cooking skills! Man, I'd kill to be good w/ BBQ! I'm not much of a cook unfortunately, but I can mass produce healthy, dull, boring food that keeps me in relatively good shape. Both me and my fiance are competitors in physique "sports" so it really helps. As a competitive bodybuilders its crazy how much actual food you gotta stuff down to put on weight. Kinda frustrating at times...

 

[Lexington]

close: actually social status trumps everything

Social status is part of the attractiveness equation.

 

[Lexington]

Agreed... Sorry about your condition. Sounds a bit like LV/RV failure w/ the peripheral edema, pulmonary edema from the frothy sputum and constant hypotension. Hope you're doing better now.

I'm at the point now where I can't even eat that much crap food with out getting intestinal discomfort... Its good and bad in a way, but I'm glad I have that self protect mechanism in place because I love ice cream, pizza, burgers, etc! I really don't think most guys who are seriously committed to being in shape do it for the women... they do it because they simply love it.

Agreed. It's pretty tough to go to the gym if your only motivation is picking up chicks. The truth is, when you see a really buff, toned guy, you're looking at years of hard work and discipline. It's pretty tough to maintain that level of commitment if you don't have intrinsic motivation.

 

[Todd Preston]

...actually...i think he was pointing out that Social Status Trumps even Physical Prow less....and therefore, if you have Big Bucks and are very influential...women will view you as being more attractive than some buff dude at the beach with a 6 pack.

For attraction i would rate it as follows:

1- Social Status
2- Physical Prow less
3- Education- Career
4- Charm, etc

Social status is part of the attractiveness equation.

 

[Jitterbug]

Well that level of social status is ultimately very hard to get. If you don't already have it now, don't bet on having it any time soon. Fugly has it right: get working on your body. Rollo said something about it once: "All the Game in the world won't make you look any better with your clothes off."

I picked up a chick over the weekend without even trying to game her at all. She opened me by telling me she likes my muscles. All I had to do was to STFU and let it happen.

I had a FB up until recently (my mate likes her so I encourage them to date each other) whom I didn't have to game at all, she just likes muscular Asian guys.

I don't even train for looks though. I train for a strength sport (powerlifting) and the muscles are just a bonus. No 6-pack yet, I'm not that lean, but I definitely pack enough in the upper body now that it looks very obvious I lift a fair amount of weights (~185lb at 5'7"). Girls comment on that all the time and the bold ones would start grabbing & touching my arms or shoulders or chest.

Have 6-7 months to get lean enough for a 6-pack for my summer holiday and we'll see what reactions I'll get from the girls by then.

 

[sstype]

Well that level of social status is ultimately very hard to get. If you don't already have it now, don't bet on having it any time soon. Fugly has it right: get working on your body. Rollo said something about it once: "All the Game in the world won't make you look any better with your clothes off."

I picked up a chick over the weekend without even trying to game her at all. She opened me by telling me she likes my muscles. All I had to do was to STFU and let it happen.

I had a FB up until recently (my mate likes her so I encourage them to date each other) whom I didn't have to game at all, she just likes muscular Asian guys.

I don't even train for looks though. I train for a strength sport (powerlifting) and the muscles are just a bonus. No 6-pack yet, I'm not that lean, but I definitely pack enough in the upper body now that it looks very obvious I lift a fair amount of weights (~185lb at 5'7"). Girls comment on that all the time and the bold ones would start grabbing & touching my arms or shoulders or chest.

Have 6-7 months to get lean enough for a 6-pack for my summer holiday and we'll see what reactions I'll get from the girls by then.

This is true....

Speaking from the perspective of having a decent face/average body, most of the women i approach are cool talking to me and what not, but I can feel they are not phased out by me in any physical manner. This is especially pronounced when I'm at the beach or pool. I guess I get lumped into "typical guy" category and therefore get treated with indifference.

It's the reason why I am scaling back on trying to win them over with "personality" and focusing my efforts at the gym. Women don't really care about a dude's personality if they're looking for a fling/one-night-stand.

 

[Delly2000]

I talked to a friend of mine. He is fairly steady with women. Thing is that he doesn't date around. He usually enters a relationship with these women. I will just say he has his nitch. All the girls he has dated went to the same small university that he went to where he became known (social status maybe). Its what works for him and is paying its dividends. Sorry to go off on the tangent. I said that to say that I value his opinioin.

Anyhow he says that he doesn't buy the physical attraction test. Especially at our age (early 30's) He says he sees too many average guys with dimes to co-sign. That hasn't been my observation. Do you suppose he is correct? I am sure if I seen this repeatedly I would have flagged it in my mental catalouge.

If I see a 10. She is usually with the muscle bound guy or dude with a nice car or drug dealer (they seem to always get the "good" women) or the highly succesfuly professional male (sometimes their women dont look all that great...normal even). But I do see the occasional outliers (To be honest I was one...hahahahaha) but it didn't last.

 

[MonkeyButt]

Whoa! How tall are ya? I'm 32" at 185 - 5'8"... Gotta get to 200-210 to be competitive on stage for the middleweight class.

6'1" - wasn't huge, just in good shape.