Attractive Women and Low Self Esteem - for discussion it's my thought whats yours?

[Christopher Philip]

Attractive Women and Low Self Esteem

Believe it or not, attractive women have no more self-esteem than less attractive people. They may in fact have less self-esteem because a lot of what others say is quite inconsistent with their actual accomplishments. The world as an attractive woman sees it, is as follows: "No matter what I do, I get complimented. People always say that I do a good job no matter what I do, or how much effort I put into things. Therefore, either I am really good at things or else they are all lying. I think everyone is lying." Hence, attractive women discount much of the compliments others give them.

Thus, you should think twice before complimenting a good looking woman. The first thing on an attractive woman's mind is deception. Any compliment you give to a good looking women will be scrutinized. She will assume that you have alternative plans for her. Which you probably do. Because a woman looks good, this means that others have lied to her a lot, therefore she will be good at detecting lies

Some more facts are as follows. The more attractive a woman perceives herself to be, the fewer sex partners she has had. However, the better-looking the woman the more popular she is as a dating partner. Thus, women who are good looking date more, but have sex fewer times. They are also difficult to approach because they will only date men who are on the same level as them. As an aside, you can measure the degree to which any girl finds herself attractive and how much self-esteem she has by the people she hangs around with daily. The more unattractive her friends are, the less self-esteem she has, and the more unattractive she finds herself. This can be a bonus for you.

Walsh (1993) adds that attractive women are freer to employ the female reproductive strategy, and (Buss, 1988, 1989) in Walsh, 1993) adds that they have far more choice in terms of partners than less attractive women. Women in this category get to act more like a homosexual (or lesbian) relationship because they have the upper hand. They are the more desirable person in the relationship and hence are able to force men into conforming. Contrary to attractive women, less attractive women feel they have fewer of the attributes that men desire and conform to the male strategy so as not to be left out of the dating game.

For more information on dating and attraction, especially body language, check out my E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language found at www.BodyLanguageProject.com

References

Berscheid E. and K. Dion. 1971. Physical attractiveness and dating choice: a test of the matching hypothesis. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 7: 173-189.

Buss D. 1988. The evolution of human intrasexual competition: tactics of mate attraction.

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 54: 616-628.

Buss D. 1989. Sex differences in human mate selection: evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences 12: 1-49.

Major B., P.I. Carrington, and P.J.D. Carnevale. 1984. Physical attractiveness and self-esteem: attributions for praise from an other-sex evaluator. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 10: 43-50.

Walsh A. 1993. Love styles, masculinity/femininity, physical attractiveness, and sexual behavior: a test of evolutionary theory. Ethology and Sociobiology 14: 25-38.

 

[ezily]

Some of this research is more than 10 years old. Is there anything newer?

But it still does present results that are not what common sense tells us. And this is funny because in psychological studies this can sometimes be the case. It really doesn't surprise me. I've usually thought that attractive girls don't put out as much as uglier ones mainly because they don't have to. They know they can keep a guy without sex and just have it when and if they want. Less attractive ones (or ones who think they are less attractive) will put out more because they think that if they want to keep a guy then they'll have to put out a lot more often.

 

[Christopher Philip]

Some of this research is more than 10 years old. Is there anything newer?

But it still does present results that are not what common sense tells us. And this is funny because in psychological studies this can sometimes be the case. It really doesn't surprise me. I've usually thought that attractive girls don't put out as much as uglier ones mainly because they don't have to. They know they can keep a guy without sex and just have it when and if they want. Less attractive ones (or ones who think they are less attractive) will put out more because they think that if they want to keep a guy then they'll have to put out a lot more often.

I'll see if I can't find any additional research. I did write this article over 10 years ago when I was learning about girls myself. This was before PUA was popular and MM and other systems existed. My method involved researching evolutionary theory, psychology, sociology, body language and social dynamics. For me, that was enough to get girls and a wife!

It's my contention that stuff like this doesn't really have a basis for changing. It's a human nature sort of thing and once we hit the nail on the head with specific research, there isn't much of a need to revisit it (or if revisited only re-affirms the original research). Sometimes researchers do revisit to "double check" it so I'll see if I can't dig anything else up!

 

[Christopher Philip]

I did find this but not much else so far:

"Our results suggest that self-esteem may differentially influence adolescent transition to nonvirginity. Girls who scored low on the self-esteem measure were 3 times more likely to subsequently initiate sexual intercourse. Conversely, boys who scored high on the self-esteem measure were 2.4 times more likely to initiate coitus during the subsequent 22 month period"

Title: Self-Esteem as a Predictor of Initiation of Coitus in Early Adolescents. By: Spencer, Jennifer M., Zimet, Gregory D., Aalsma, Matthew C., Orr, Donald P., Pediatrics, 00314005, Apr2002, Vol. 109, Issue 4.

That pretty much sums it up. There isn't much point in researching this anymore to see if it's a factor. I mean if we can link attractiveness, self esteem and attractiveness then it's natural to say that attractive females can do whatever they want and for the most part this means NOT having sex if they don't want to! Having sex is also related to social class as well, and family values and the specific link to their own family values. Some girls rebel against their family values if their parents are too strict by example. Although, in this case, their emotional state also is damaged and their self esteem drops due to poor parenting. This simply reaffirms the original issue at hand.

 

[Tookie]

So how did the researh go

 

[DonJuan11]

Believe it or not, attractive women have no more self-esteem than less attractive people. They may in fact have less self-esteem because a lot of what others say is quite inconsistent with their actual accomplishments. The world as an attractive woman sees it, is as follows: "No matter what I do, I get complimented. People always say that I do a good job no matter what I do, or how much effort I put into things. Therefore, either I am really good at things or else they are all lying. I think everyone is lying." Hence, attractive women discount much of the compliments others give them.

Thus, you should think twice before complimenting a good looking woman. The first thing on an attractive woman's mind is deception. Any compliment you give to a good looking women will be scrutinized. She will assume that you have alternative plans for her. Which you probably do. Because a woman looks good, this means that others have lied to her a lot, therefore she will be good at detecting lies

Some more facts are as follows. The more attractive a woman perceives herself to be, the fewer sex partners she has had. However, the better-looking the woman the more popular she is as a dating partner. Thus, women who are good looking date more, but have sex fewer times. They are also difficult to approach because they will only date men who are on the same level as them. As an aside, you can measure the degree to which any girl finds herself attractive and how much self-esteem she has by the people she hangs around with daily. The more unattractive her friends are, the less self-esteem she has, and the more unattractive she finds herself. This can be a bonus for you.

Ridiculous. Attractive girls have alot of power and they know it. How come everyone on this site wants HB 8 and up and can never get them? Because attractive women reject them consistently. You never hear someone on this site saying "Guys, I just got some from a HB 4 even though she had the same amount of self esteem as the HB 8!!"

That's like saying rich people have more trouble paying their rent than poor people.

 

[ezily]

Ridiculous. Attractive girls have alot of power and they know it. How come everyone on this site wants HB 8 and up and can never get them? Because attractive women reject them consistently. You never hear someone on this site saying "Guys, I just got some from a HB 4 even though she had the same amount of self esteem as the HB 8!!"

That's like saying rich people have more trouble paying their rent than poor people.

:crackup: :crackup: no one brags about a HB4 because guys don't find them attractive. We don't care about self-esteem in a girl. But a girl's self esteem can still influence how she acts. A HB4 can act like a HB8 because she has confidence in herself. HB8s probably reject guys more because either they weren't interested in the first place or they're worried about what others would think (which is a sign of low self-esteem). The uglier girls have probably accepted their place in life and thus don't worry about looks as much as a more attractive girl does. A HB7-10 is probably comparing herself to others a lot more (a sign of low self-esteem).

I think a lot goes in to self-esteem. An attractive girl can learn that she has power but still have low self-esteem. I also think most girls are all the same at some level. They all want guys to be interested in them even if they have a lot of options like the HB7-10s do.

But in the end I don't care about self-esteem. It's more about the physical attractiveness of a girl at first and then her personality. I mean if you aren't attracted to a girl physically how can you be happy with her in any type of relationship?

 

[Christopher Philip]

ezily you got it perfect. Self esteem and power are two separate things! Girls that are attractive have the power to choose which guys they want and since men are throwing themselves at them, they can also run the show and hence give up sex much more sparingly but this doesn't translate into self-esteem. Girls that are attractive EARN at lot less in their lives and are praised more for everything...everything is presented to them on a silver platter completely disconnected from their inner selves (are we talking about a new theory here perhaps)? ~ The silver platter theory

 

[viking22]

My take on this is that because of their looks pretty girls find it a lot easier to get external validation so never find the time to learn to like themselves (internal validation). I'm amazed how insecure very pretty girls can be. And yeah insecure girls can be very promiscuous because if you are obsessed with being popular it is not enough to be pretty you have to give it up (at least to the popular guys).

They also seem to be drawn the most to the player type guys who just see them as sexual conquests and love them and leave them, or generally treat them abusively. Which does not really help.

That is why they can be manipulated quite easily by techniques such as push-pull, negging, qualifying etc. If you make them feel insecure to feel secure again they need your acceptance (and to get it they often sleep with you). Of course though you need to be congruent because a low value guy isn't going to have any effect on them.

 

[ezily]

ezily you got it perfect. Self esteem and power are two separate things! Girls that are attractive have the power to choose which guys they want and since men are throwing themselves at them, they can also run the show and hence give up sex much more sparingly but this doesn't translate into self-esteem. Girls that are attractive EARN at lot less in their lives and are praised more for everything...everything is presented to them on a silver platter completely disconnected from their inner selves (are we talking about a new theory here perhaps)? ~ The silver platter theory

haha nice. are you a psychologist or something? I'm just curious. I find the subject interesting.

oh and I basically agree with what you said and with what the guy above me said.

 

[Christopher Philip]

haha nice. are you a psychologist or something? I'm just curious. I find the subject interesting.

oh and I basically agree with what you said and with what the guy above me said.

No, I would never want to be a psychologist! Nothing against them or anything, but sometimes they get so much of what is right, so wrong! My mix is more sociobiology I would say. I use a more evolutionary theory then a psychologist would find comfortable and I recommend other's do as well. When I was going through my BSc degree 10 years ago, sociobiology was very new, now it's more commonplace and fairly standard. Psychologists have to use evolutionary theory now to get anywhere. Books like the "Red Queen ~ Ridley" and "The Selfish Gene ~ Dawkins" can really help put life into perspective instead of reading some crap by Freud! I used to grin and bear it through my psych classes. Even though I liked a lot of the material, the theory they used to explain it was all wrong. They simply used the wrong approach.

 

[JackPrescott]

My take on this is that because of their looks pretty girls find it a lot easier to get external validation so never find the time to learn to like themselves (internal validation). I'm amazed how insecure very pretty girls can be. And yeah insecure girls can be very promiscuous because if you are obsessed with being popular it is not enough to be pretty you have to give it up (at least to the popular guys).

They also seem to be drawn the most to the player type guys who just see them as sexual conquests and love them and leave them, or generally treat them abusively. Which does not really help.

That is why they can be manipulated quite easily by techniques such as push-pull, negging, qualifying etc. If you make them feel insecure to feel secure again they need your acceptance (and to get it they often sleep with you). Of course though you need to be congruent because a low value guy isn't going to have any effect on them.

Great post. The trick is to be even more arrogant than they are.