Attraction paradox

[DanelMadr]

Attraction paradox
by Daniel Madr

The whole dating problem revolves around this paradox:
"Girls we are interested in are not interested in us and girls we tend to ignore are interested in us."
Why is that? Why it has to be like that? Are the guys those who have to settle for girls they don't really love the most?. It looks like that the one who love less, "wins".
Why is that?
When we immaturely project our feelings, it's considered wussy behavior. No doubt about that. But even if you get to grow the backbone or you just recently learned there is nothing romantic in hiding the backbone, the attraction paradox still remains. You can only more or less fake that you don't care if she eventually dumps you. Or force yourself in the 'I don't give a damn' mode. You have to hold back and sometimes hold back a lot. Yeah it works and I do think real man should be self-restrained but I'm still puzzled why is that, when we want to see them more then once a week, they dump us. I know...give her a space, challenge, show her you are a busy man and not the horny one. But in other words, you are faking that you don't dig her, are't you?

People tend to want things they can't have. People and especially girls love challenge. And then there is the thing about the woman's ego...'Why does not he love me?'...their ego is so much bigger then ours...they just don't tend to hit people when it's hurt, so man's ego is the one mentioned more frequently. All true, the challenge, ego and lust for unattainable, but not the whole truth.

I think it's about the hunt for the best genes...at least the ones better than ours. Guys are or should be the leaders so we are okay if woman is pretty = healthy and the bonus of nice personality. But girls are looking for more complex package....the backbone thing etc. How do they recognize that you are the better genes? We like, respect or love people that are better than us....prettier, more successful, more intelligent etc. Maybe when we are not interested in a girl we project that we are the better genes and therefore she is interested and vice versa. In other words...cavewoman's words...'He not dig me - he better genes'

This paradox is somewhat worse for guys (don't cry) because guy that is 8 (not only looks, sorry models) can love girl that is 6 (mostly looks, sorry girls) but that girl won't love guy that is 6 or less.
And there is still the problem with challenge aka holding back, be indifferent and asking girl out in one time. Total mess.

Do you agree with me?

 

[JC9]

I don't agree with you.

Sure, girls will be attracted to someone they can't have. Same as a guy may drool over that sports car that costs more than he makes in a year.

That doesn't mean that is the end all be all of attraction.

You can show interest in a girl, she can know you like her, she can know you love having sex with her, know you are into her. As long as she also knows that despite those things, she doesn't own you, she doesn't control you, and you'll walk away in a heartbeat if she acts like a *****. That way she has a man that makes her feel great, but is also always a challenge for her. If she wants to keep those good feelings you give, she has to work for it.

I think that will make a girl more attracted to you, and more closely bound to you, than just playing indifferent; at least over a longer term. Maybe early on feigning disinterest and making her really work for you amp attraction, but if you keep up disinterest all the time she will lose her attraction over time.

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

One theory i got for a while is this: Lets say we have 10 specimens,5 male and 5 female.Lets say both groups are "above average" in the looks department.The 5 males may be more attracted to the one female that looks the better but they would have sexual/love relationships with all of them when the chance is given.On the other hand from the 5 females they would single out one or two males and under no circumstances would they have anything to do with the rest.So it would seem you will either get none or many (for males) which is not true for females.Now for your first question, let's say you project these feelings of "love" to a girl,first you neglect that for the more attractive girls they experience this on a daily basis so she categorizes you almost immediately to the "rest of the guys" (as i explained in the first part,you're instantly one of the males females do not choose).The true paradox comes when you act "djish",you project that you are higher on the "pyramid" (best analogy girls categorize guys,guys categorize girls in layers,most notably the 1-10 system ) so instantly she wants you (just by assuming you're high on the pyramid- or more commonly "alpha").

 

[DanelMadr]

Yep you are right, ofcourse.

I Maybe early on feigning disinterest and making her really work for you amp attraction, but if you keep up disinterest all the time she will lose her attraction over time.

THere is the thing....girls love boys they can't have and once they got them....love is gone. It's the dark side of a Challenge.

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

That's why you must not let them "get you".

 

[JC9]

Yep you are right, ofcourse.


THere is the thing....girls love boys they can't have and once they got them....love is gone. It's the dark side of a Challenge.

The reason love is gone is because of the disparity in challenge levels.

If you are a super challenge at first, then show all this interest when she finally lans you, it greates a huge disparity in your perceived challenge level and plummets your value.

You go from high perceived value (value only coming from the challenge itself), and high challenge
to low real value, no challenge.

However, if you express interest in the beginning and are a moderate to high challenge to get, but express greater interest as you go along in a relationship while also requiring a moderate challenge level to keep you, you will become more attractive to the girl as time goes on as opposed to less.

In that scenario, she gets greater feelings from being with you but also knows that she still has to work for it to keep you, thus meaning she constantly has to work and please you to get those great feelings she now associates with you.

You retain high value and have an increasing value, and also remain a challenge.