"Attached" Women Sitting By Themselves in Bars

[Frank2500]

I'm just kinda curious about this. I've met two women so far in bars who were sitting alone drinking, and then after having conversations with them that I felt were going very well and thinking that there was some chemistry involved, I get told that they have boyfriends when I try asking for their numbers. The most recent experience happened yesterday. I talked to this woman at a bar in Brooklyn, NY for a while...thought things were going great and then when I suggested we get together again some time, she said she had a boyfriend and that she lives with him but he was out visiting his family that night. I felt quite disappointed because I really didn't see that one coming, but I've seen it all with many women in this country and all of my experiences combined have only made me a stronger person. Maybe it's just me, but I find it hard many times to believe that an attached woman would be sitting by herself at a bar drinking a glass of wine.

 

[joekerr31]

attached women LOVE LOVE LOVE attention.

look, most women when they land 'their man' are in paradise for about 3 months. he showers them with attention, is constantly there for them, etc.

then after about 25-100 f*cks, he changes. suddenly he's no longer excited when shes around that much. he doesn't romance her, he just wants to do his own thing and then f*ck her when he gets horny. etc.

now, she may still 'love' him, but she doesn't feel like a woman anymore. more over everything that she felt gave her 'power' in the world - ie. her ability to arouse a mans interest - she is no longer getting daily validation of.

i've foudn that attached women are the MOST likely to give you the most enjoyable, positive conversations. because they aren't assessing the situation, they are just enjoying your company and enjoying the fact that you are in to them.

then when you ask for the number, you get the boyfriend line.

personally i don't by the last posters explanation of 'ewww a 30 year old guy' because if that were the case she'd shut you down after 2 minutes. it sounds like you had a lengthy conversation with her that went very well.

as for why attached women might be drinking in a bar alone. hard to say. perhaps they just want to remember what i was like to have a drink by themselves and not with their significant other. perhaps they want to flirt with some guys. perhaps they are looking to cheat (and unfortunately you turned out to be the nice guy, not the bad boy that they are looking for to have a one night fling with), etc.

its going to happen, no big deal. If you really enjoyed the lady, then just leave her your number and say 'well if that ever changes give me a call' and thank her for the convo.

now if you bought her a drink, then she's a b*tch who simply played you for free booze.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Well, good enough I didn't buy her a drink in the first place. I simply walk away from any woman who gives me the slightest hint she's into all that "I need a thug/bad boy thing" or who desires one-night stands. If that's what the woman I met at the bar in NY was into, more power to her. I guess we just were two, very different people with different priorities, lifestyles and interests. A lot of these women who do the one-night stand things don't respect themselves enough in my opinion, and are probably not very classy.
As for married women, it's dangerous territory, in my opinion. I'd rather not put myself at risk treading there. I'm human and I do feel tempted like other guys. But the dangers involved if you get caught are too high on the scale to even try to pursue something like that.

 

[joekerr31]

its not hte husband you gotta worry about with a sl*t, its getting an std.

 

[Latinoman]

Well, good enough I didn't buy her a drink in the first place. I simply walk away from any woman who gives me the slightest hint she's into all that "I need a thug/bad boy thing" or who desires one-night stands. If that's what the woman I met at the bar in NY was into, more power to her. I guess we just were two, very different people with different priorities, lifestyles and interests. A lot of these women who do the one-night stand things don't respect themselves enough in my opinion, and are probably not very classy.
As for married women, it's dangerous territory, in my opinion. I'd rather not put myself at risk treading there. I'm human and I do feel tempted like other guys. But the dangers involved if you get caught are too high on the scale to even try to pursue something like that.

Let me get this straight.

You are telling us that

1- a woman that is into bad boys and thugs is kind of trashy and you are not into those kind of women

2- a woman that does the one night stand is also trashy and you are not into them either

BUT
3- a woman that is married and wants to cheat the only reason you avoid them is because is dangerous?

LOL

What about them be "trashy"? Unless you don't consider a married woman getting phucked by a man other than her husband trashy.

 

[edger]

perhaps they are looking to cheat (and unfortunately you turned out to be the nice guy, not the bad boy that they are looking for to have a one night fling with), etc.

Joekerr, you've always been one to insist that women LIKE "nice guys" from your experience. This say's the opposite, unless you meant to say in SOME cases they don't want the "nice guy"?

 

[edger]

I'm just kinda curious about this. I've met two women so far in bars who were sitting alone drinking, and then after having conversations with them that I felt were going very well and thinking that there was some chemistry involved, I get told that they have boyfriends when I try asking for their numbers. The most recent experience happened yesterday. I talked to this woman at a bar in Brooklyn, NY for a while...thought things were going great and then when I suggested we get together again some time, she said she had a boyfriend and that she lives with him but he was out visiting his family that night. I felt quite disappointed because I really didn't see that one coming, but I've seen it all with many women in this country and all of my experiences combined have only made me a stronger person. Maybe it's just me, but I find it hard many times to believe that an attached woman would be sitting by herself at a bar drinking a glass of wine.

I frequent Brooklyn a lot...the Williamsburg area where all the EMO/Indie Rock chicks, whatever you wanna call 'em(the majority of which are smokin', in my opinion) are calling home these days. I never got into the EMO/Indie Rock scene, I just go for the women.

 

[jesusrules]

what a *****, why the hell are they alone then? your not doing nothing wrong they are, why the hell are they at the bars by themselves for if there not planning to get asked for a number later? sometimes I just dont understand the ladies.

 

[joekerr31]

Joekerr, you've always been one to insist that women LIKE "nice guys" from your experience. This say's the opposite, unless you meant to say in SOME cases they don't want the "nice guy"?

i dont think anything i've said could be termed as 'always' or applying to all women.

i have said though that women like nice guys who aren't doormats.

i suppose i should have caveated that by saying that sl*ts and attention wh*res DON'T like 'nice guys' NOR do they like 'real men'.

what they like is to find either a bad boy who will bang them so hard that they accidentally crap themselves OR an AFC that they can suck all the attention out of and then leave them in the gutter.

but most women, 80%+ are looking for a nice guy who isn't a wimp.

being a nice guy has never hurt me in the course of my life. in fact its only served me well. but at the same time i dont let anyone EVER bust my balls and i don't ever apologize for what i want.

 

[Latinoman]

i dont think anything i've said could be termed as 'always' or applying to all women.

i have said though that women like nice guys who aren't doormats.

i suppose i should have caveated that by saying that sl*ts and attention wh*res DON'T like 'nice guys' NOR do they like 'real men'.

what they like is to find either a bad boy who will bang them so hard that they accidentally crap themselves OR an AFC that they can suck all the attention out of and then leave them in the gutter.

but most women, 80%+ are looking for a nice guy who isn't a wimp.

being a nice guy has never hurt me in the course of my life. in fact its only served me well. but at the same time i dont let anyone EVER bust my balls and i don't ever apologize for what i want.

I think this is more of a terminology issue. There "nice guys" and there are "good men". I'm a good man with some "bad boy" in me. I don't think you are a nice guy. But I believe you are a good man.

A good man take care of his responsibilities, abide by the laws, and treat people well. A nice guy let people take advantage. That's how I differenciate both and that's how I separate both terms.

 

[decades]

attached women still crave attention from other men. its common for them to be at the bar "early" if you are meeting them for a drink.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

The unfortunate thing is that the many shallow people out there make dating more complicated than it needs to be. Personally, I choose to do what pleases me. I will never change myself or try to do things just because that's what some woman wants. I want someone who would accept me for who I am. Let those who love their so-called bad boys pursue them. I don't want to have anything to do with such women. We just don't mix well, because based on personal experience, a lot of them can't have a decent, intellectual conversation. These are the kinds of women who lead young men down the wrong paths if they don't have strong enough convictions and wills to guide them and help them to control themselves. I prefer a woman with substance.

 

[Scought]

Does anyone think that she used the BF line just to not have to give out her number?

It's the oldset trick in the book!

She listens to what he says, and after a while she decides she isn't interested, when she says she has to go and the guy mentions getting together again, she pulls the cat out of the bag and says "I have a boyfriend."

When that happens to me I laugh and make a joke about it--it lets them know that I know it's a line. And if it isn't their reactions are always funny.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

I wouldn't want to be with such women, anyway. To me, it was a good riddance and it said a lot about her character. I prefer someone who's after more than just one-night stands. It's hard to find women these days who are truly intellectual and who have depth of character in locations such as bars, etc. I'm honestly fared up of meeting such women. My goal is to just focus big time on trying to develop my career, breaking into the modeling and acting industry, etc. One day, these shallow women would hopefully be able to look back, recognize me someday on the big screen or in magazines and realize what a catch they missed. It's their loss, not mine. I prefer a mate who is humble. I really don't want to have anything to do with such women at all.

 

[Frank2500]

Re: One More Thing...

A lot of these women here in the U.S. underestimate how much of an effect and impact their superficial behavior and actions have on the decent men out there. It's truly shameful.

 

[joekerr31]

A lot of these women here in the U.S. underestimate how much of an effect and impact their superficial behavior and actions have on the decent men out there. It's truly shameful.

life's tough all the way around. some women just make it much tougher than it has to be.

but the good thing is that there are other women who make it much nicer than it really is.

the key is to find one of those

 

[Mr.Positive]

A lot of these women here in the U.S. underestimate how much of an effect and impact their superficial behavior and actions have on the decent men out there. It's truly shameful.

Frank2500, as a recovering AFC, I'll say that you can't let superficial behavior from women get to you. Yes, a lot of "nexting" will happen. The best source of tips from this site is about rooting out superficial women, and finding the quality ones. Enjoy the ride.

If one thing I've learned, is that women will come and go through your life. Enjoy the good, and learn from the bad. But...whatever happens, do NOT let women control your happiness and wellbeing.

 

[Frank2500]

Re: Good Advice

I appreciate your advice, Mr. Positive. That's exactly what I'm trying to do...focus on my personal goals, interests, and my career. The thing though is, where in the world does one find a good woman these days? Chances of meeting the heartless, shallow and insensitive ones in gyms, in bars in night clubs of course, and even on the street, are pretty high. It's these bad women in between who ruin everything for those who seek mates with substance and desire meaningful, longterm relationships. For me, it's been particularly difficult and sometimes frustrating because I've been single for very many years. During all those years, I've had one unfortunate and heartbreaking experience after another, and met one superficial and insensitive woman after another so much that I'm now so used to being single and actually getting into a relationship with anyone would comprise a big change in my life.

 

[decades]

How about looking at you and not them? What are You doing and thinking (over and over) that is causing the results you are are getting? It's not about these "bad" (US) women who are out there. You can't change who is out there. What you can change is yourself and Only yourself.

I appreciate your advice, Mr. Positive. That's exactly what I'm trying to do...focus on my personal goals, interests, and my career. The thing though is, where in the world does one find a good woman these days? Chances of meeting the heartless, shallow and insensitive ones in gyms, in bars in night clubs of course, and even on the street, are pretty high. It's these bad women in between who ruin everything for those who seek mates with substance and desire meaningful, longterm relationships. For me, it's been particularly difficult and sometimes frustrating because I've been single for very many years. During all those years, I've had one unfortunate and heartbreaking experience after another, and met one superficial and insensitive woman after another so much that I'm now so used to being single and actually getting into a relationship with anyone would comprise a big change in my life.

 

[Mr.Positive]

How about looking at you and not them? What are You doing and thinking (over and over) that is causing the results you are are getting? It's not about these "bad" (US) women who are out there. You can't change who is out there. What you can change is yourself and Only yourself.

Great...great advise Persistent. This is exactly the mindset that I am trying to achieve, and slowly getting there. Try it Frank2500. Everything with regards to women, for me, is my fault. I recently got friendzoned, my fault. I went on a date earlier this week, and she was superficial, my fault. This way I take responsibility, and if forces me to learn and grow and better myself, not blame the low quality women out there. Because I am constantly trying to make myself a better man. I love the changes I've been making, and my mindset, since finding this site and the great advise here (especially the mature man forum).

Focus on what you have control over, yourself.

The next woman you date, could end up being your wife someday. So each new woman that comes along is, to me, an exciting mystery to learn about. If a red flag pops up, I'm getting better at recognizing it, and the woman gets filtered out.