"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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At a major crossroads... I have to let her go....

A

AJ84

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My mother's single friend has been a mistress of a married man since before I was born. He spends time with her and her family. His wife knows and doesn't care.

Maybe the OP's wife would be ok with him continuing on and maybe she can get a little something on the side herself. No messy divorce needed. Who knows?
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Von

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The day you break up from your mistress.... expect your wife to get a certain call.... true story

Likely the mistress will take you in after

Otherwise, I am with Glassguy but don't put any emphasis on how long its been... make it sound new
 

Desdinova

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Wow, so many people focusing on the marriage instead of the mistress.

But my mistress was much much more.... Sucks to give her up... not fair to her.... and I'm realistic
but lately she has hinted at being alone... not wanting to be alone.... Never putting pressure on me but you can tell she is not happy about things...
Instead of perceiving what your mistress is thinking and feeling, perhaps you should actually have a discussion with her. She might be wanting to be alone, but maybe there's something else going on. Usually your gut instinct is correct, but initiating a conversation with her might be the best approach. It sounds like there might be a chance that she doesn't want to end the relationship.

It's good that you realize that the relationship with the mistress is the temporary one, and good job on keeping it up for five years. Most relationships with a mistress come to an end. The good news is there are more women out there who will take the roll of a mistress. My only suggestion for the next one is to find a woman who's not happy in her relationship either. You should try finding someone with an even playing field so if either of you get caught, you both have something to lose. My only hope is that your current mistress has enough respect for you to avoid ratting you out to your wife.

But again... before you end the relationship, perhaps you should talk to her about it. You'll be grieving if the relationship ends. Try to have a plan for how you're going to deal with the loss of your mistress, especially since you're still with your wife. She might notice that something's going on with you. Make a plan of what you're going to tell your wife so you can have some time to grieve.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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If you are American, why not fly out to Salt Lake City and marry her too? Then divorce the other woman and keep all your **** on the grounds that you need to care for your second wife. Just a thought.
 

Bokanovsky

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Be Excellent: I never told her or gave her the impression that I was going to leave my wife. Never lied to her or strung her along. She is in her 40's divorced with adult children. We have had a fun relationship and she always liked not having me full time... but lately she has hinted at being alone... not wanting to be alone.... Never putting pressure on me but you can tell she is not happy about things...

I truly care about her and want her to be happy.... I just think that setting her free she might be better off. This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.
She can set herself free anytime she wants. She doesn't need your permission or direction. The fact that she hasn't means that she does not want to...at least not yet. Just go with the flow. Don't try to be this noble and unselfish guy...there is very little nobility in your situation to begin with (and that's not a judgment - just a statement of fact).
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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GT40

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Wow Great thread
If you’re 55 and I’m guessing the wife is too? Your kids are grown up. So why the financial worry ?
Split it all in half. Tell her your done and out of there
 
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