At a loss for words...

[guittarjedi]

I'm new to all of this and I keep coming to the painfull realization that I'm not a very good conversationalist. Although I've been working on it and making alot of progress by just getting out and doing it, I still find myself at a loss for words and often running out of things to say.

Today I thought to myself, wouldn't it be great if there was one universal default comment or phrase that you could say in almost any situation that you find yourself in when you hit that uncomfortable silence?

I would like to challenge all of the experienced PUAs out there to come up with some default word for word phrases that could be thrown out to keep a conversation from hitting a dead end in almost any situation.

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by guittarjedi
I'm new to all of this and I keep coming to the painfull realization that I'm not a very good conversationalist. Although I've been working on it and making alot of progress by just getting out and doing it, I still find myself at a loss for words and often running out of things to say.

Today I thought to myself, wouldn't it be great if there was one universal default comment or phrase that you could say in almost any situation that you find yourself in when you hit that uncomfortable silence?

I would like to challenge all of the experienced PUAs out there to come up with some default word for word phrases that could be thrown out to keep a conversation from hitting a dead end in almost any situation.

usually u just talk about random ****, its how u say it and what u doing that really counts, ie smiling, keeping eye contact, touching, etc, the words really dont matter u can even repeat urself while u get close to a chick n rub her or something.

 

[EFFORT]

Before going out get a sheet of paper and write down 10 topics you can default to if things start to die. like this, the order doesn't matter either, the point is to just have the idea...heres mine for the day

1. Pacer/Pistons Game
2. Movies
3. School
4. Thanksgiving
5. Holiday Season
6. Halo (if your with a mixed group or just guys this will get the guys talking like hell and some chicks will like it or may ***** about how it controls guys, fun either way though)
7.Dorm
8. Friday's Party
9. My smelly roommate
10. Working Out


Pu's will also have routines/stories also prepared....the point is not what you say but the reaction you create in the girl and the message you send her through it is whats important. I don't know if your interested in that or not just say if you are and i can say more.

 

[Gollum]

The key is to practise and to watch other people. You say you're already practising, so well done on that. I don't know about any magic words you can use when you "hit that uncomfortable silence" (except maybe tell a joke?), but when that happens to me there are a couple of things I might do:
Open up a new topic of conversation with them, e.g.
- "Did you see [film/news item]..."
- "What have you been up to?" (for an old friend
- "Where are you from?" (for someone I've just met)
...

There are hundreds of new topics you could use depending on the situation, they're pretty similar to canned conversational openers you'll find elsewhere on the site.

Alternatively, talk to someone else! If you're in a group people often break off from one conversation and start another after one of the natural breaks that most conversations have. You can always get up to go to the bar/bog/whatever if that makes it easier.

Finally, silence doesn't have to be uncomfortable. Unless one person's got verbal diarrhoea, any moderately long conversation is gonna have pauses in it. If you let that make you uncomfortable, then
a) it'll show, and your lack of confidence will be there for all to see, and
b) it'll make it more difficult to think of something to say cos you can't concentrate, so then the silence will get longer, and you'll be more uncomfortable, and you'll find it even harder to think, and so on until you wet your pants and run screaming from the room (not very DJ).

 

[Paintballguy]

If your talking to a girl who is atleast somewhat interested, making conversation should come easy. Girls will do most of the talking for you if you ask the right questions. The more you do it, the better you will get.

 

[guittarjedi]

Pu's will also have routines/stories also prepared....the point is not what you say but the reaction you create in the girl and the message you send her through it is whats important. I don't know if your interested in that or not just say if you are and i can say more.

I am very interested, Effort. Please say more!

 

[cannibustacap]

All I have to say is I HAVE THE Exact same problem... Damn its good to know there are more of me out there hehe.

If you are eating, getting up right before you sense the silence and coming back with something to say should help. Don't make it seem forced.

I like doing Jerry Seinfeld type comments "So whats the deal with ... blah blah blah" and start going with that.

But its hard to just come up with stuff. You want to ask the girl questions, but you don't want to make it seem like you are talking for the sake of talking. That gives the girl too much power and she'll smell the insecurity.

example... "uhh so um... well what is ... up err what's up!?"

Better thing to do is to start laughing to yourself. She'll ask whats up and you just keep leading her on. Then say some random joke.

I like asking qualifying questions like "are you adventurous" I have not used it much but some times it can be good. I got that one from Swinggcat who is a genius.

I am still rAFC so this is just my 2 cents.

 

[unformed]

I used to think the same thing. I used to think it's what you say; I'm learning that you can say almost anything, it comes down to your body language and how relaxed you are.

Take something that you know intimately and are passionate about, something you could speak about for hours on end. then get her into it somehow.

For example: I love to travel, my goal in life is to travel. It's also very interesting to a girl especially if you have done a bit of travelling or she's from an exotic place. I knew the one girl had just gone to some competition, where if the team won, they would go to the World Finals in China. My plan was to ask her how the competition went, blah blah blah crap, and up going to "Wouldn't it be nice to win and get to China?" Blah blah blah, then ask her where she's been, tell her where I've been, where I want to go .....

The other thing I focus on for conversations in the beginning, is that I want to get some subtle points across ..... that I respect my friends, but I don't take **** for anybody, or need anybody ... you don't want to say it directly but give an example of the past. ie: if you're out with some friends, say something like: "See that guy? That guy is cool as ****; he's one of my really good friends; I'd trust him with my life" ... and then give her an example of why. also give an example of somebody you will never talk to again in your life and why.

This does multiple things:
1) It shows you're not so full of yourself and you can compliment other people, but since you're saying it to her and not him, you don't have an ulterior motive. (unlike if you gave her a compliment where you come off as trying to please her)

2) it shows that you are picky about your friends and you have reasons and expectations from them and you're not going to accept **** from anybody.

When you talk to her, you can do some fluff talk, but you want most of the talk to -subtly- describe you,m and get her worked up emotionally. Tell her your passions, but don't just say them, be passionate about them .... it helped for me that I got way too wasted the first night with her and just rambled on about life and my dreams and other stuff I don't really remember .... I actually found out the other day that she tried repeating my views on life to some of her friends which is a damn good thing .... which confirms that it definitely helped my case ...

 

[unformed]

Oh yeah, on top of everything. It's body language. If you're at a bar, don't face her. Keep your body facing away and watch the pool game that's going on, or talk to your friends. But don't ignore her completely that she's turned off. It's a fine line. I mostly focused on looking away except when I had to respond. The only times I lean in is when it's so loud I can't hear a word she's saying.