at a crossroads...

[armstrong]

This is my first post here and I decided to post because I'm at a crossroads in my life. I'm also in need of some real know-how and motivation when it comes to dating.

I'm 28 years old and recently divorced. I never dated before my ex. She and I were married about two years. I'm a good-looking guy but didn't have the looks or confidence growing up, so I never dated until I got into my twenties. So to that end, I feel inexperienced when it comes to dating. I just don't know what to say or do when it comes to women.

As my divorce neared, I was really excited about dating again. I couldn't wait to get out there and date all kinds of women. It's been over six months and that hasn't happened yet. I haven't had one date. Needless to say it's pretty frustrating.

I have no problems or fear approaching women. I get phone numbers and women openly flirt and tell me they like me. The problem is getting anywhere after that point. When I call, my calls don't get returned or she's busy. Or the girl will suddenly appear to have lost all interest. I just don't understand it and I'm fed up.

On top of all this, I just moved to a new city so I don't know anyone outside of work. There have been a few women who flirt with me at work, but I feel like I blew it at the company Christmas party. For reasons I can't explain, I often feel uncomfortable at events like that. I felt it was a golden opportunity to be social and impress a woman there, but I just felt depressed. I would have loved to have gotten out there and danced, but I don't know how. I'm hoping to take lessons someplace and learn.

I'm here because I want and need change in this area of my life. I'm sick and tired of not being able to get a date and I'm sick and tired of being lonely. I feel like my looks and personality aren't enough to make things happen and I don't know what else I can do with what I have. Any serious thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Poonani Maker]

and impress a woman there

Dude, here's your problem. You're making the woman the prize in the interaction, when you should be broadcasting that you are the prize, regardless of your looks, abilities, or skills. Listen to or read pickup guru Swinggcat, a Jew, who knows the structure of creating attraction in a woman, no matter if you've got a missing arm or a missing leg or hand.

You need an out of body experience to lift you away from yourself. Yourself, as you're thinking in, right now, is not where or who you want to be. You need change. But the good news is, that, this kind of change can happen in an instant, and with practice/reinforcement.

 

[armstrong]

Dude, here's your problem. You're making the woman the prize in the interaction, when you should be broadcasting that you are the prize, regardless of your looks, abilities, or skills. Listen to or read pickup guru Swinggcat, a Jew, who knows the structure of creating attraction in a woman, no matter if you've got a missing arm or a missing leg or hand.

You need an out of body experience to lift you away from yourself. Yourself, as you're thinking in, right now, is not where or who you want to be. You need change. But the good news is, that, this kind of change can happen in an instant, and with practice/reinforcement.

Okay but what do I do and how do I do it? I just need some direction because I honestly don't know what to do.

 

[tsmith2334]

I can't really offer too much help to you (though I am sure people on here will be able too) but let me just tell you one thing... I can relate!

I have no problems or fear approaching women. I get phone numbers and women openly flirt and tell me they like me. The problem is getting anywhere after that point. When I call, my calls don't get returned or she's busy. Or the girl will suddenly appear to have lost all interest. I just don't understand it and I'm fed up.

That right there my friend, describes me to a tee. The only advice I've learned to help that is to not overpursue anyone once they start losing interest. In other words, let it fizzle. The reasoning behind this is because I think you have a better chance of rekindling interest or an old flame if you appeared to have moved on and not minded the girl losing interest.

She might not like you now, but leave the option open for the future by not taking it to heart and acting devestated or desperate. She doesn't call you, so what? Spin some more plates (if possible) and see if either you or her would be open to something down the road. Time heals alot of wounds.

That's really the only thing I've figured out so far. I'm in my early 20's and do not have nearly as much dating experience as I would like. So, just know that you're not alone.

 

[Interceptor]

NUmber one:

Read the Book of Pook.

Number two,

Read the ENTIRE DJ Bible.

Number Three,

Place your age in your Profile and only post in the Mature Man Forums for the next couple of weeks.


Plan of Attack.

1. Look up ALL of Rollo Tomasi's Posts, and Victory Unlimited's posts as well.

2. Become a Member of a Gym, and start a comprehensive well thought out Body Building Program. FInd more hlpe in the Health and Fitness forums.
3. Make sure you are doing EVERYTHING you possibly can to increase your PHYSICAL "attractiveness".
4. look up EFT
http://www.emofree.com/default.htm

http://www.innergametapping.com/

Go to these sites and do research on them. Integrate them into your daily routine.

5. Look up anything on Dr, Paul Dobranksy
Go here:
http://doctorpaul.net/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_llX8kQIZ8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ds4NKFpC1OA&feature=related

Check this site out, and take the test to help you know yourself a bit better;
http://www.kwml.com/contemplate/assembler.php?page=welcome


6. Look up Carol Tuttle, Google for her videos:
http://www.caroltuttle.com/newsletter/thanks.html

7. Look up anything by Zan Perrion
Read this:
http://www.becomingapua.com/2007/05/28/superior-man-seminar-zan-perrion/
http://youtube.com/watch?v=esYP0CFwTTs

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Fwm0bTob0fs&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=V0oW6DxmgFw&feature=related

8. Look at this website, their products and READ their BIOS and how they TRANSFORMED themselves:
http://www.becometransformed.com/
9.Watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOAbrsmSkTw&mode=related&search=


Will posty more later, don't want you to go into INformation Overload right now.
BUT YOU MUST START THIS PROCESSAS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

OK, some practical advice right now.....

You are too desperate right now.
You are still in a Healing phase.
You have yet to competely HEAL, that';s why you're getting more negative results from your Negative OUTLOOK.
Heal first, get a good self image, positive outlook, a fulfilling compelling lifestyle together, and a desire to look forward to the day and accomplishing your goals.
Make your life the BEST it can BE.
First.
You are a FoCUSING way too much on the outcome, so you're trying too hard right now. And the womne are sensing it.
You are not coming off as confident and from a Positive place.
You are focusing ALL your precious time and energy on getting a Date, when youre ligfe and your outlook leaves MUCH to be desired, to put it nicely.

You are not Giving Value.
You are leeching it.
You are right now a TAKER.
You are desperately looing for female attentuion and validation.
The more you need it.......


THE LESS YOU WILL GET IT.

Being Needy, desperate, negative, depressed, and leeching off of women to validate and accept you will GIVE YOU THE OPPOSITE EFFECT. GUARANTEED.



Start thinknig about this.
I'll post more later if you have questions.

 

[armstrong]

About working out at the gym...I've worked out religiously since I was 14 years old. My physique is one of the things I have going for me, as women notice and will complement me at times.

I'm going to look at all of the resources listed above. But I have to ask a question...one of the more common pieces of advice I've seen thus far is to forget about women and show little interest if things aren't going well. At my current rate I'd pretty much have to ignore them completely as I don't show a great deal of interest to begin with. I flirt a little but that's about it. So what do I do...ignore these women and hope they'll come to me? lol

 

[Poonani Maker]

About working out at the gym...I've worked out religiously since I was 14 years old. My physique is one of the things I have going for me, as women notice and will complement me at times.

I'm going to look at all of the resources listed above. But I have to ask a question...one of the more common pieces of advice I've seen thus far is to forget about women and show little interest if things aren't going well. At my current rate I'd pretty much have to ignore them completely as I don't show a great deal of interest to begin with. I flirt a little but that's about it. So what do I do...ignore these women and hope they'll come to me? lol

Well, what I do is, because I'm so hot, I'll just put myself out there, in position, socialize with girls or guys, to be seen by these girls. And they'll come by, close, maybe even brush against my shoulder and smile, wink, look down at my c0ck, and I'll just say, "Hey" and nothing more. Several passes, you think, what you are checking out Honey is the real deal. Inspect all you want. I've got nothing to hide. If you want it, come get it.

 

[armstrong]

Well, what I do is, because I'm so hot, I'll just put myself out there, in position, socialize with girls or guys, to be seen by these girls. And they'll come by, close, maybe even brush against my shoulder and smile, wink, look down at my c0ck, and I'll just say, "Hey" and nothing more. Several passes, you think, what you are checking out Honey is the real deal. Inspect all you want. I've got nothing to hide. If you want it, come get it.

?????????????

 

[armstrong]

I know part of the problem is that I just don't meet enough women. I'm in a new city and don't have any friends outside work yet, so I'm not sure what to do. It's awkward going to bars by yourself, as everyone is in their own little clique and whatnot.

The frustrating thing is that I try with ugly women and fat women and still don't get anywhere. The results are always the same. I understand the value of thinking positive but I'm being realistic here. So what do I do? Keep flirting and keep up the game and never ask a woman out? Will that make her so frustrated she'll eventually ask me out? I think a lot of guys here take a lot of basic information for granted, but I'm being honest here. I just don't know what to do.

One of the suggestions above says the less you pursue the more you'll get. I have an extremely hard time grasping this. Would I have women all over me if I moved out into the woods by myself? lol I feel like I'm taking calculus and just not getting it.

 

[armstrong]

armstrong...forget all these guys telling you to read books and stuff...noone can remember all that stuff anyhow. Reading books etc over complicates the whole process of picking up wome. I suggest this-keep it simple.

Go to my thread ego v confidence

secondly practice going to a variety of places on your own...like bars...art galleries..etc.
Approach the most attractive women. AIM HIGH.
Apparently you already have a lot going for you, your in good shape etc.
Any asset you have you need to use it to your advantage.
So make sure women can check out your phisique, I dont mean go around in a posing pouch and I dont mean to wear a wife beater all the time but maybe wear a short sleeved shirt, unbuttoned, with tank top underneath.
this way women can check you out without you looking like a total poser or gay.

Go to my thread the key to success with hot women

OK this will sort you out, fvck all tis reading books BS. Seduction requires confidence and some skill but its not rocket science.

Thanks for the advice. Just to give a little background so you guys will know where I'm coming from, this stuff is sorta like rocket science for me. Up until my 20s, I never had any experiences with dating women. I was a small kid, got picked on, and my confidence suffered as a result. Even the girls picked on me, so I didn't want to date them anyway!

As I grew older, my looks improved and I built up my body. But I still didn't know how to talk to women because I had never tried. Later on I met my ex-wife. She was the first and only woman I had ever dated. So you see, some of the questions I ask may be obvious to many here, but I'm really like ten years behind the learning curve! lol

 

[armstrong]

I've read through a lot of the resources you guys provided and they're great. I even read David DeAngelo's book and it has some good ideas. After doing some real thinking and soul-searching, I've realized a few things.

I have no problems getting noticed by women. They look and actively flirt. But somewhere along the line they lose interest and that's what really upsets me. That's what brings me down. That's what makes me want to walk away from any new women that notice me.

I try not to show a lot of interest and don't have any luck. If I ask a girl to do something (even as a friend), I usually get an excuse. Either way I'm without a date no matter what I do. And yes, to anyone who's wondering, I'm concentrating hard on not appearing "needy." But how else do you spend time with a woman if you don't ask?

 

[tsmith2334]

I try not to show a lot of interest and don't have any luck. If I ask a girl to do something (even as a friend), I usually get an excuse. Either way I'm without a date no matter what I do. And yes, to anyone who's wondering, I'm concentrating hard on not appearing "needy." But how else do you spend time with a woman if you don't ask?

I feel you on this entire post. My problems are very similar (as I mentioned above). So send me a PM if you ever want to just vent.

As for the italicized question... I'm not good at this, but I've read on here you can kind of just assert yourself and assumptively propose spending time with the girl in question.

In other words:

Not- "How about we go to the movies at 7?"

Instead- "A movie sounds good for tonight, want to see the 7:00 showing or the one at 10:15?"

I have a hard time being that aggresive with women, but I suppose I could see it working.

 

[Interceptor]

You may still be giving off needy signals, man.

And I'm thinkiing that maybe you ARE showing INTEREST too early.
Maybe you're just a little TOO eager to get a chick to go out with you.
Are you building enough rapport?
Are you actually finding things in common to talk about and share?
Are showing your IOIs clearly on things that actually DO interest you?

 

[tsmith2334]

You may still be giving off needy signals, man.

And I'm thinkiing that maybe you ARE showing INTEREST too early.
Maybe you're just a little TOO eager to get a chick to go out with you.
Are you building enough rapport?
Are you actually finding things in common to talk about and share?
Are showing your IOIs clearly on things that actually DO interest you?

In fairness to him and others with similar issues, these are all very generalized statements.

I know it can't be pinpointed, but what's a timetable for this kind of thing? When are you showing interest too early? How long should you wait, a week, a month?

I know it varies by situation, but some of this advice is too generalized and as a result one might wait too long to escalate with a prospect.

 

[Interceptor]

I feel you on this entire post. My problems are very similar (as I mentioned above). So send me a PM if you ever want to just vent.

As for the italicized question... I'm not good at this, but I've read on here you can kind of just assert yourself and assumptively propose spending time with the girl in question.

In other words:

Not- "How about we go to the movies at 7?"

Instead- "A movie sounds good for tonight, want to see the 7:00 showing or the one at 10:15?"

I have a hard time being that aggresive with women, but I suppose I could see it working.

OK, first off, let me clear this up a little for you.

Your example is not a good example of being assertive.

This is a better example;
"Hey, "Blood Sucking Vampires from Hell is playing at 7:00 at the ABC Theatre. I'm going. It looks awesome! So You coming or what?" (in playful tone)

Or simply say:

"So Blood Sucking Vampires from Hell is on at 7:00 at the ABC theatre. I want you to come with me."

It's simple and still not supplicating or looks desperate.
The first one is a little C+F , the second is differently calibrated perhaps for a shyer girl, or if there may be a little rapport lacking. It's still courteous and it doesn't sound like you're negotiationg or trying to appease her.


The point is ;

I am going to said movie at 7 o'clock. I woiuld like you to go with me (to the seven o'clock showing)

Thats it.

THAT'S being assertive, NOT 'aggressive".

Aggressive and assertive are two different things.

State what you want and what you want to do.

Wait and see if she wants to come along.



Not if she 'likes" it.

Try to minimize and hipefully eliminate the mindset of:
"How can this be more agreeable to you?"

You just met this chick, what are you doing trying to "appease" her?

It's the "please Like me!!" and the "OMG, I won't ever do anything that might displease or disappoint you! I'll br a good boy! I swear , I promise!!!"

Confident men are secure enough, and not desperate enough to actually break rapport.


Right now, you've just established that you like her enough to go and hang out with her and see if she';s fun and find out how she gels with you.
Don';t bend obver backward for any chcik you barely know.
Now, if you know her better, and have earlier interactions (non date wise) , then yeah, you can be a little more accomodating, but only because you have mor Rapport there. You have seen that she is gnereous, and accomodating, and attentive to you, so you reciprocate.

"Hey babe, you told me you had to study for finals, so tonight we can go to the earlier showing of the Vampire movie. I know you have to study, babe. But we should still hang out. Plus I know you can't keep your mind off my sexy body anyway, so I decided to indulge you for a little while tonight. But I warn you ...I'm a total tease. So you may not get any studyiong done tongiht, or sleep for that matter. You have been warned."
In a sexy but funny manner.

 

[Interceptor]

In fairness to him and others with similar issues, these are all very generalized statements.

I know it can't be pinpointed, but what's a timetable for this kind of thing? When are you showing interest too early? How long should you wait, a week, a month?

I know it varies by situation, but some of this advice is too generalized and as a result one might wait too long to escalate with a prospect.

Oh ok, I see what you're saying.
The knowledge and/terminology , essentially these Concepts may not be ingrained alrady in some readers.

OK, I can understand your point.



As far as interest, that starts as early as your First interaction..

...If you are able to maintain a conversation long enough and WELL enough in which you can get "interesting" things out of her.

Clearer?

 

[tsmith2334]

That really didn't answer my question.

You may still be giving off needy signals, man.

And I'm thinkiing that maybe you ARE showing INTEREST too early.

That's what I'm asking about here. Not being interesting, showing interest. Accusing someone of showing interest too early is such broad advice. When is too early?! The next day, a week, a month?

My problem isn't waiting too early to show interest, usually I wait too long and my window of oppurtunity has passed. Can you help here?

 

[Interceptor]

No no no.

........you are misunderstanidng my reply.

You show HER YOUR "interest" WHEN SHE SHOWS YOU SOMETHING INTERESTING.

Get it?


You're really way way wayyyy off here, brother.

It's not about ME "being interesting", reread my replies.

It's not about 'how long do I wait???" either.




You can show her your interest as early as the first few minutes of meeting her.


And waiting too long is not that helpful, since she'll wonder why are you spending time with her if you're NOT "interested" in her.