at 27 - how exactly can i improve my goals in life?

[bukowski_merit]

so in my quest to figure out why in the hell i can have sex with just about any girl i set out for, but fail miserably when i try to make them my girlfriend - i broke down and did the unthinkable.... i asked one of the girls, i begged with her, pleaded with her... why does this keep happening to me?

her honest throat cutting answer - "you're 27. you don't have a degree. you work in a mailroom. you struggle to pay bills. you're great in bed and great to be around, but i need to be with someone who's driven in life and has goals and will be on my level."

i kind of have been figuring this out lately on my own. but to hear it was very good for me.

what exactly are my options now? going to college? i'd be 31 by the time i graduated. dating nothing but young girls? they would get old and care eventually. not dating at all? hey, i've screwed more woman than most guys have touched... it's just not fun anymore.

i'm just a little bit lost right now... anyone else out there decided to improve their life this late in life? how'd you do it?

i remember reading in some book i was reading that you don't even have to have a lot going for you, you just have to appear to... even though i'd rather REALLY have a lot going for me... how do i make it appear that way?

 

[Interceptor]

even though i'd rather REALLY have a lot going for me... how do i make it appear that way?

So you're saying after realizing what's wrong, and the real issue to deal with as a man, you'd rather just have the appearance of having it together?
You admitted that screwing all those girls is not fun anymore.
Now , it appears you want a steady relationship.
Did you know that it is increadibly difficult to hide anything from a GF because of the intimacy you will be having? And to fake having accomplishments in such a close relationship is practically impossible, unles you spend all your time pretending you go to college , have hobbies, etc etc?

 

[Metaphysical]

You don't necessarily need to get a degree to become successful but it does help a lot. Nowadays, more people have POST SECONDARY education than 100 years ago had high schools completed.

So this gives you an idea that having a post secondary education, either college, university, or some sort of specialization is VERY important and helps you a lot.

I always say better now than never.

You did what 99% of the guys do. They focus on the present instead of also on their future. You wanted to party and have a great time and pick up chicks and you did have a lot more fun than people did. While you were partying most of your peers or guys your age were probably in school getting an education or working away slaving in an office trying to reach up for the top.

Now, they are repeating the rewards while you are paying for it.

The thing is, you should find whatver makes you happy and pursue it. You say sex got boring, which happened to me too with most women. You need to find a really special connection to really enjoy it once the novelty wears off.

But if your life is as pointless and bad as she made it sound, then you definately need to get your head together and see what you can do and how you can achieve something in life man. Stacking boxes is alright, if that's what you think is the BEST you are capable of doing.

If you think you are destined to do something bigger and better than that, then go for it, regardless of what it takes.

You will end up being 31 years old no matter if you go to school or if you stack boxes in a mail room.

If you want to stack boxes for the rest of your life, do it. But otherwise, the time to change yourself is right now.

 

[bukowski_merit]

So you're saying after realizing what's wrong, and the real issue to deal with as a man, you'd rather just have the appearance of having it together?
You admitted that screwing all those girls is not fun anymore.
Now , it appears you want a steady relationship.
Did you know that it is increadibly difficult to hide anything from a GF because of the intimacy you will be having? And to fake having accomplishments in such a close relationship is practically impossible, unles you spend all your time pretending you go to college , have hobbies, etc etc?

that's not what the thing i was reading was saying... it was saying that you just have to be driven in something... that potential rockstars who make nothing can be looked at as being potential mates if they're perceived at having a shot at stardom by the person...

i defintely don't want to deceive a potential mate at all! i was saying that i remember reading that there's other things you can do besides be successful to make yourself more mate friendly...

 

[bukowski_merit]

You don't necessarily need to get a degree to become successful but it does help a lot. Nowadays, more people have POST SECONDARY education than 100 years ago had high schools completed.

So this gives you an idea that having a post secondary education, either college, university, or some sort of specialization is VERY important and helps you a lot.

I always say better now than never.

You did what 99% of the guys do. They focus on the present instead of also on their future. You wanted to party and have a great time and pick up chicks and you did have a lot more fun than people did. While you were partying most of your peers or guys your age were probably in school getting an education or working away slaving in an office trying to reach up for the top.

Now, they are repeating the rewards while you are paying for it.

The thing is, you should find whatver makes you happy and pursue it. You say sex got boring, which happened to me too with most women. You need to find a really special connection to really enjoy it once the novelty wears off.

But if your life is as pointless and bad as she made it sound, then you definately need to get your head together and see what you can do and how you can achieve something in life man. Stacking boxes is alright, if that's what you think is the BEST you are capable of doing.

If you think you are destined to do something bigger and better than that, then go for it, regardless of what it takes.

You will end up being 31 years old no matter if you go to school or if you stack boxes in a mail room.

If you want to stack boxes for the rest of your life, do it. But otherwise, the time to change yourself is right now.

yeah, you're right.... i would be out partying, getting with chicks, and having more fun than a person should... my parents would ask me what i was going to do with my life, and i'd always say - "not be like other people"... and that meant - not going to college, pursuing jobs that were easy, not caring about my credit score, not paying bills, driving hand me down cars, and just not caring....

and people would be like "i don't understand it. how do you get girls man? you have nothing." and i'd always have some sly answer... but the reality that i see now is - i wasn't getting girls... i was screwing them... they were getting me... and then going off and marrying some accountant for a life of mundane familyhood...

i want to be both now... i want to be the guy who can still get most of the women he sets out for... and i want to be the guy who if he chooses - can keep her around... and if i choose to - upgrade that to dating and one day marriage and kids and all that...

i don't really do anything at my job... i make $12/hr to do nothing... it's not hard to be good at nothing...

you're right though... i'm going to reach 31 regardless... so why not make it so that when i reach 31 - i'll have a degree?

but no, sex is not boring to me; and i don't know if it ever will be... what's boring to me is the pickup game, because what i want has changed, and pickup doesn't do me any good in convincing a girl i am something.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Translation: "My biological clock is ticking and I need a guy who can financially support me and my future children."

the girl basically broke up with her ex to be with me, then went back to him...

she even told me something just like what you wrote she said "i just want to know for sure my kids are going to be well taken care of. i know my bf will be able to take care of us. i don't have the same security with you."

and sure, i can be like "this gold digging *****!", but the reality is - she's right...

 

[619joe]

Well how DID you waste that many years of your life?

If all you did was focus on girls,then you basically ****ed yourself over.Did you just like party your way through life after high school?Sounds like fun but doesnt look like fun now for you.

Some jobs like trades might be good for you otherwise keep searching.Hell some kids I know take some courses for like 6months - 1 year and then they become lifeguards for $20/hr.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Well how DID you waste that many years of your life?

If all you did was focus on girls,then you basically ****ed yourself over.Did you just like party your way through life after high school?Sounds like fun but doesnt look like fun now for you.

Some jobs like trades might be good for you otherwise keep searching.Hell some kids I know take some courses for like 6months - 1 year and then they become lifeguards for $20/hr.

pretty much man... i def f'd my life away... it was fun... but i don't have anything to show for it except for a lot of names i can't even remember...

 

[Metaphysical]

pretty much man... i def f'd my life away... it was fun... but i don't have anything to show for it except for a lot of names i can't even remember...

exactly bro.

this is funny because what you experienced is the decision every guy out there goes through.

TO FUCK or NOT TO FUCK. that is the question. lol.

you either go to university, but miss out on a lot of pussy for your early 20s - no car, no money, no place of your own usually...

or you go to work, and you get lots of pussy in the early 20s, but when you get older, you pay for it heavy. you really need strong game to keep a woman around when you are 35 years old, balding, fat and dont even have a well paying job or a future.

 

[Interceptor]

This is what happens when we dont have a Mission in life.
Women want a man to have ambition. TO have drive, passion, and goals.
These are key things related to masculinity levels.
If you havent decided what to do in your life and what you want, it does helps to decide no matter what age.
This is related to women, but also our quality of life.

Not having dreams, goals, and ambition is going to bite everyone in the ass one day.
And not having a passion for life, or at least a passion for a life you WANT, is taking a huge chunk of our masculinity away.

Women have a very hard time taking a man seriously when he has no ambition and no view of his future.

A man has to learn how to be a leader.
But if he has no direction in life, he cant.
And if he doesnt have that, it kills a lot of the potential attraction.

This is why the idea of 'faking' it can be so detrimental.
Faking it cannot compensate for these very obvious missing pieces in character,ambition, drive, etc...
Women are constantly looking for any weaknesses, and to see if you're truly congruent with yourself.

To pretend, and to prefer to have an appearance of success is still shooting yourself in the foot.
It is all geared for short term 'success'.

But it has a very dtrimental effect over the long term
Most immature men are only concerend with immediate gratification.

And this is due to the inability to see the effects and consequences of these bad choices and deicisions.


Every man must have a mission.
And he must find some way to build that drive and that ambition.

Women look at the way a man moves through his life.
Does he collapse, or does he pick himself up and keep marching on?

So many men these days are so lazy, lethargic, and so incredibly apathetic that we are seeing massive amount of dysfunction, failures, unhappiness, and unfulfillemnt by media driven frenzy toward immediate gratification and distraction.
Men grow up with entitlement syndrome so much more nowa days, and want to be handed everything.
This is what we must resist.
And change does not have to be associated with PAIN.
But many people do make that irrational association.

But one choice can affect you 10 to 15 years down the line and make you realize immature, and downright dumb we were.

If we can see the consequence of that decision in the future, we must ask ourselves if it is more empowerign or less empowering. Are we happier, or depressed? Fulfilled and alive, or dead and apathetic?

Most men dont even CONSIDER pondering these things.

And when we are more concerned with chasing pvssy, while we piss our lives away....you get situations like the OP.

And an immediate almost mid life crisis early on.

I hope the young males here realize these things and learn from others experiences.


Happiness is fleeting.

Durable fulfillment is what we should be cultivating every day.

Invest in yourself and your life and your future.

No amount of pvssy can fill that void in you when you're still unhappy and unfulfilled, and have no purpose in life, no mission, no desire...youre just apathetic and lazy, spiritual and mental sloth are your companions and you have no ambitions.

 

[bukowski_merit]

yeah, you can definitely use my life as an example...
i guess there's also plenty of guys who school and work their life away and then look back and say "i wish i had ****ed more woman and not taken life so serious"
i'm the flip side of that...
guess the secret is to find as balance...

now if only i can turn this ship around and get some decent goals in life (i have a few, but i don't think they're that impressive or believable - aka i want to own a record label).

perhaps i can be one of the guys who experienced both success with woman and success in his life...

and again - i'm not trying to fake anything... i'm just wondering what you can do besides work somewhere where you make a lot of money to impress woman into thinking you're relationship worthy?

right now - tonight... i'm leaning towards going to college for a 2-year degree and seeing where my life is when i finish that up.

i also found a site that had a nice list of good jobs that don't require degrees, just some luck to get... and i may start looking into some of them... i figure if i can get something in the 40-50k range... and a few hobbies... that i may be able to satisfy my own chase for success and satisfy doubts others may have about my worth...

i don't even plan to do a whole lot of whoring during this period... i have to find that path... even at 27... still lost...

 

[int3l]

find out what you like and go for it. Fck going to college to look better in front of women, fck trying to make yourself believe what isn't true. It's your life, so stop giving a **** what others think and go for what you want. Even now it sounds like women control you, directly or indirectly.

Woman should be the side dish to your life. They're nice, soft, taste good. However, they're not the main, they are not, your steak. <-- haha.

With that said, you're 27. That's plenty young, find out what you would like to do, something that excites you, no matter how mundane and just go for it. (As long as it doesn't involve hurting others people, unless you want to join the army.) You're young, in your prime, just do it.

 

[classy broadside]

Why not do as your namesake did and write tragically hilarious books?

 

[YoungSir4sho]

Lol I had to post in here. 1stno disrespect but lmaoooo at wat intercept said bout da op. Like basically showing all of us dis is not da guy to be when u grow up... kind of messed up to be honest....


2nd. To the op. Y are u acting like you are 50 with this situation? You are only 27? That's still young man. I do understand wat u mean though.

My ex told me y she aint wit me now is cuz she needs stabiliy aka security. I still live wit my fam. No car. I just work right now, its an iight job being a doorman getting 16 dollars an hour.

She told me straight up. I need to get out of my mom house and get my own place. I told her I will just wait if u love me den y not stick thru da whole way. She said that she is tired o struggling n that she would get bac wit me once I have my own place lol. I then hung up.


What I wanna know is wat does me having my own place = security for her? Also I have goals of playing oversea basketball so I am focused

 

[CosMoenTropic]

This is what happens when we dont have a Mission in life.
Women want a man to have ambition. TO have drive, passion, and goals.
These are key things related to masculinity levels.
If you havent decided what to do in your life and what you want, it does helps to decide no matter what age.
This is related to women, but also our quality of life.

Not having dreams, goals, and ambition is going to bite everyone in the ass one day.
And not having a passion for life, or at least a passion for a life you WANT, is taking a huge chunk of our masculinity away.

Women have a very hard time taking a man seriously when he has no ambition and no view of his future.

A man has to learn how to be a leader.
But if he has no direction in life, he cant.
And if he doesnt have that, it kills a lot of the potential attraction.

This is why the idea of 'faking' it can be so detrimental.
Faking it cannot compensate for these very obvious missing pieces in character,ambition, drive, etc...
Women are constantly looking for any weaknesses, and to see if you're truly congruent with yourself.

To pretend, and to prefer to have an appearance of success is still shooting yourself in the foot.
It is all geared for short term 'success'.

But it has a very dtrimental effect over the long term
Most immature men are only concerend with immediate gratification.

And this is due to the inability to see the effects and consequences of these bad choices and deicisions.


Every man must have a mission.
And he must find some way to build that drive and that ambition.

Women look at the way a man moves through his life.
Does he collapse, or does he pick himself up and keep marching on?

So many men these days are so lazy, lethargic, and so incredibly apathetic that we are seeing massive amount of dysfunction, failures, unhappiness, and unfulfillemnt by media driven frenzy toward immediate gratification and distraction.
Men grow up with entitlement syndrome so much more nowa days, and want to be handed everything.
This is what we must resist.
And change does not have to be associated with PAIN.
But many people do make that irrational association.

But one choice can affect you 10 to 15 years down the line and make you realize immature, and downright dumb we were.

If we can see the consequence of that decision in the future, we must ask ourselves if it is more empowerign or less empowering. Are we happier, or depressed? Fulfilled and alive, or dead and apathetic?

Most men dont even CONSIDER pondering these things.

And when we are more concerned with chasing pvssy, while we piss our lives away....you get situations like the OP.

And an immediate almost mid life crisis early on.

I hope the young males here realize these things and learn from others experiences.


Happiness is fleeting.

Durable fulfillment is what we should be cultivating every day.

Invest in yourself and your life and your future.

No amount of pvssy can fill that void in you when you're still unhappy and unfulfilled, and have no purpose in life, no mission, no desire...youre just apathetic and lazy, spiritual and mental sloth are your companions and you have no ambitions.

Thank you. Good post and the words flowed right into my conscious

I realized this simple fact when I was younger and my sister was dating these type of guys.

I think this is the internal masculinity aspect. Now if only I could work on my external actions and other weaknesses

To OP, I think the fact that you realize this and admit it is good. Now is the confrontation step. Do you accept it and make the change or go the easy way out. I can tell you none of my sister's old bfs went the hard way and its not pretty. The fact that you are looking for something remotely easy is not good... Please try to find some way to snap your brain into motivation and accepting/believing that there is only one and only one way out of this--the hardest motherfking way. All the 999 other ways just lead to dead ends in the long run and won't cut it.

 

[brewbaron]

yah, Interceptor nailed it. but realize that all is not lost at 27. a lot of people go through their lives without a mission, or a mission motivated by the wrong things, women in the op's case. believe it or not there are even doctors who got into the profession for the wrong reason and are downright miserable. on the surface they may appear fulfilled simply by the amount of money they are making, but there is a larger issue. you need to find something that excites you and something you can put 100% of your effort into. whether that involves college or not is a decision you need to make, but don't settle for a degree in something profitable or something that seems glamorous, you will just end up at square one. find what you love and do the hell out of it. good luck.

 

[DonJuan11]

so in my quest to figure out why in the hell i can have sex with just about any girl i set out for, but fail miserably when i try to make them my girlfriend.

It sounds like you know how to turn girls on and get them to remove their clothes to sleep with you, but you are not giving them the security they need to see you as a boyfriend. If she doesn't feel like she can count on you to protect her, take care of her, be dependable, she is not going to look at you as boyfriend material. They is no magic formula, she has to FEEL it.


her honest throat cutting answer - "you're 27. you don't have a degree. you work in a mailroom. you struggle to pay bills. you're great in bed and great to be around, but i need to be with someone who's driven in life and has goals and will be on my level."

That is a lie and a ridiculous answer from her. "someone who's driven in life and goals will be on her level?" What the heck does that mean? If she wanted to be (Vice) President, and you didn't, she wouldn't be your gf? She is telling you what she thinks she wants. She is telling you the "standard" female answer.

i remember reading in some book i was reading that you don't even have to have a lot going for you, you just have to appear to... even though i'd rather REALLY have a lot going for me... how do i make it appear that way?

You are a master at sleeping with girls, just transfer that confidence to everyday life. They are not mutually exclusive. If you can turn girls on to sleep with you, you can pretend you are the king of the world. Most guys have the other problem.