Associating yourself to the lifestyle too much, a burden?

[Scars]

Basically, my question is for some of the long time members here. Do you ever think that your association with the PUA community ever becomes a burden? Has it ever affected your life negatively? What I mean by this is, have you ever been able to dis-attach yourself from it when you've wanted to? Have you ever been single, wanted a girlfriend, then got one, and suddenly found yourself missing the single life? Despite being with a great girl?

I'm about to embark in a major change in my life. I have a baby on the way. At times, I want to live the single bachelor life that I used to. Other times, I want to have a family and be happy. Me and the mother may not end up working out, and I go back to my old ways. But one thing is for certain is that I do care about the baby.

Perhaps it's guilt. The fact that I want to keep fvcking random woman, even though I have a great woman right now. She's not perfect, but the best woman I could possibly ask to mother my new born.

I guess, what I'm trying to ask is, has it ever been hard for your to disassociate yourself from your old lifestyle? I still find myself looking at chicks, I still find myself approaching chicks or flirting with chicks when my girl isn't around. It's like it's become hard encoded into my brain. I can't help myself.

I really have no sympathy or remorse for cheating on my girl (doesn't mean I don't care about her), but I would never do it just for the baby's sake. I'd rather keep it working until the child is at least able to know their father and beginning to become a young adult.

I guess at this point, I care about the child more than her. And at the same time, I want my old life back. But other times, I want a family and live the simple life. I think that is what I truly want, but the old me is too ingrained in my psyche. I've been a member here for over 7 years. Granted, I didn't have much success the first few, but I quickly learned. These past few years have been great. I've had 3 somes, slept with older woman, dated strippers, and have slept with well over the amount of woman any normal 22 year old has.

Is it time to give in the towel? Am I hanging on to a false belief? Or am I simply too scared to finally grow up and be a family man? Surely, there must be someone here who has also experienced this..

-Scars

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Wow, you're only 22?? And you're about to have a kid??

Well, best of luck to you in that department. In answer to your specific question: I've been on and off these boards for almost 11 years under various names. When I started I was horrible with women and hadn't slept with any at all (this was when I was 21); fast-forward and I definitely have a few experiences under my belt.

Right now I'm dating an absolutely GREAT girl who adores the shiznit out of me, and vice-versa. And yes, between the advice I got on these boards as well as other materials I read, I've been able to keep her interest and don't have a need for other girls.

HOWEVER...

I DO find myself, at times, going back into those old patterns of flirting, or being in a group of people and wanting some of the women to find me attractive, despite me not trying to get with them.

I think it's similar to what Michael Jordon (or most sports stars) go through when they look to "retire" from the game. They've spent years developing a skill they could use to become better at what they were doing, to the point that they excelled at it - and once they've gotten what they wanted, they're now told their skills are no longer needed.

In the case of Jordan, he went back to doing it a couple more times, but found himself to be less successful despite having the same skill set. Luckily, people don't hold that against him, and to this day we're all still very aware of how good he WAS at the game (and probably WOULD be if he were still playing), even though he's no longer in it.

That's kind of how I look at the whole PUA thing: it's a skill needed to become confident in your abilities to interact with women and eventually get one you can deal with long-term. Once that happens, though, the act of doing all those PUA things will still be in us, yet will have to be confined to one person. That doesn't mean those skills can't help us succeed in other areas of our lives (PUAing, after all, involves developing good negotiation and social skills), but in terms of getting girls it won't be necessary anymore.

 

[muscleman]

It's biology, you can repress it all you want but you can't do away with it. You'll always want to do hot chicks - whether you do or not is up to you.

"PUA" has never been a burden for me, at least no more than watching television or playing video games (I haven't watched tv in over 3 years now and finally weened myself off all video games about a month ago).

 

[Desdinova]

Do you ever think that your association with the PUA community ever becomes a burden?

I was here before there ever was a PUA community. It's not burdensome because I've used the info, knowledge and experience to make changes to my personality. When you do that, you don't have to consciously think about not being confident enough or whatever.

Has it ever affected your life negatively?

In one aspect, yes. I have an ex-wife because of it. My head got too big and I figured I could train the woman like a dog to be a suitable companion. The one thing I didn't realize is that although you can tweak a woman's behavior, you cannot change her true personality and defects.

Have you ever been single, wanted a girlfriend, then got one, and suddenly found yourself missing the single life? Despite being with a great girl?

This is the first time in my life that I truly believe that I'm with a great girl. I currently have no desire to go out sarging for something better or more interesting. I've had that desire with every other woman I've been with.

I have a baby on the way. At times, I want to live the single bachelor life that I used to. Other times, I want to have a family and be happy. Me and the mother may not end up working out, and I go back to my old ways. But one thing is for certain is that I do care about the baby.

You cannot be happy with a woman you're not interested in, but you certainly can be happy taking part in raising a child from infancy. The fact that you're naming a human being, being depended on for EVERYTHING the baby needs, and watching it learn and grow is a one-of-a-kind experience. The first six months are fantastic. After that, things get difficult when they become mobile. That's when you have to begin teaching the child right from wrong.

When the child reaches age five, they become much more independent and depending on the values you've instilled in the child, it should become easier by this point.

I turfed my ex when my boy was 3 years old. He had spent most of his time with me up until that point and his development was progressing very nicely. When I gave her the boot, she wanted shared custody (so she wouldn't have to pay me child support). With him now spending half his time with her, his development came to a screeching hault. After two years, he's finally catching up to where he should be development-wise, most of it being from learning at school.

Whatever decision you make regarding your child is going to have its drawbacks. You need to figure out which drawbacks you can live with, and which ones you believe are the most important.

My personal goal with my child is to raise my boy to become a successfully independent human being. That's it. I don't give a fvck what he does for work, but he needs to be independent of me and his mom. I only hope I can enforce his ability to make smart choices and learn from his mistakes. His mom doesn't have the ability to do that, so I need to stick around and show him how to do it.

She's not perfect, but the best woman I could possibly ask to mother my new born.

There's no way you can tell until it happens. She might be the worst fvcking mother in the world, but she might turn out to be the greatest.

I guess, what I'm trying to ask is, has it ever been hard for your to disassociate yourself from your old lifestyle?

It hasn't been difficult with my current gf. I have no need to look for someone else when I've got a high quality woman.

I still find myself looking at chicks, I still find myself approaching chicks or flirting with chicks when my girl isn't around. It's like it's become hard encoded into my brain. I can't help myself.

You're not supposed to give that up. It's part of being a man. I still do all that 5hit too, but I currently have no desire to fvck another woman.

 

[handle]

I don't view it as a community. I learned a few things and decided to take care of myself better, and then moved on. I don't know whether it's that helpful to be involved with the community aspect.