Assertive in high school...maybe not the best thing?

[The Comeback Kid]

There was something on my mind about high school and demeanor, and I was wondering if anyone here could help me clarify this (yes, I've read the DJ bible):

When I was in 9th, 10th and most of 11th grade, I could see how chicks could see me as a "nice guy." Not like I was exactly one, but I did display a couple qualities.

Fast forward to this year - I am definitely NOT a nice guy IMO. Not desperate at all now, never really was clingy, stand up to them if they asked something I simply will not do (like tell me the answers of this English sheet I was supposed to do). While I do not see myself as a nice guy, since I do not seem to posess any of the distinct "nice guy" personalities, I do consider myself assertive. I try to be decently organized, prepared for any situation, lead whenever I get the chance ( I've gained a LOT of confidence over the past year), and things like that.

However, there are some areas where I think girls MIGHT be getting nice guy and assertive guy mixed up. First, I don't really show my anger, and I'll keep my cool to the best of my ability. I never felt it was really worth it - I'm not going to get into a fight for the heck of it (if someone hit me, that's different). If someone says hey to me, I'll say hi back and talk to them for a minute (I'll just try to find something I know about them). So it's things like that - maybe also include if someone is in trouble and needs some help, I'll try to do what I can, as compared to blowing them off.

I met Tim Russet, from Meet the Press a month ago. I live by his quote that he told us: "Work hard, have fun, and keep your honor."

I try to live by what Russert said, but I fear chicks see this as a nice guy. I am not clingy, desperate, getting them any sort of gift, etc. Does anyone have any thoughts on whether assertive guys in high school can sometimes be seen as nice guys, or is there something I might have caught that gives off this impression (maybe it's just my rep from the past three years)?

P.S. In no way here am I trying to brag or boast or anything like that - jsut trying to explain what I feel is the truth. Also, on some DC trip I went on (won some scholarship and went down there w/ 101 other people from other states), I acted the same way and was a hit acting as a DJ (no action, b/c they had security making sure guys and girls couldn't be in the same hotel room)

 

[sjchris]

dsfdsfds

Being assertive is beneficial in every situation.

 

[Exo]

Definatly, I swaped "schools" and the diference in assertiveness is astounding. In the first one I just let people walk all over me basically trying to be "nice and polite". Needless to say that didnt go well and I wound up eventually geting expeled from there.

The next place( where I still am), The first day I made a sort of mark I guess by not letting an HB8 chat up on my cell( told her to go buy a recharge card if she's out of credit and lonely), noone really talked to me till day3 when I did my wall punch thing( I just punch the walls really hard - got a load of experiance and abnormally hard hands). I actually got some respect, anyone bothers me I just raise my fist in a mock threat and they back down imidatly, not that there was much bothering me.

 

[jlazz]

Definatly, I swaped "schools" and the diference in assertiveness is astounding. In the first one I just let people walk all over me basically trying to be "nice and polite". Needless to say that didnt go well and I wound up eventually geting expeled from there.

The next place( where I still am), The first day I made a sort of mark I guess by not letting an HB8 chat up on my cell( told her to go buy a recharge card if she's out of credit and lonely), noone really talked to me till day3 when I did my wall punch thing( I just punch the walls really hard - got a load of experiance and abnormally hard hands). I actually got some respect, anyone bothers me I just raise my fist in a mock threat and they back down imidatly, not that there was much bothering me.

Thats not really respect...they just think you're psycho. If I saw a kid punching the wall randomly, I'd think there was something wrong w/ him. And not being the nice guy doesn't mean you have to be an *******. If a girl asked me if she could use my phone, I'd make a c/f comment and then let her use it. By you being an ******* to her, wasn't cool at all. You need to figure out the difference between the two. Being assertive means getting what you want and doing what it takes. The nice guy is the one who everyone uses and takes advantage of. The alpha guy is the one who gains respect not by punching a wall, but by how he treats people. The next time a girl asks you to use your cell phone, don't be an *******, but rather talk her up a little bit w/ some c/f and show her you're a chill guy. When she's done using it, you say "while you're at it, put your # on my phone too." if she hasn't already. If you played it right, she would've already done it.

 

[sparky0000]

If I was an American high school boy I would go with being unstable and volatile. I would care less about the chubsters and worry about protecting myself. The best way to get people not to bother you is to make them wonder if you are stable. Punch walls, talk to yourself, cry, make strange noises, etc. It doesn't matter. Just make them not want to get around you. There is nothing worse in life than being dominated by others.

In my spare time I would meditate and concentrate on the inner me. American boys grow up way too fast. No need to rush thing in a place where over 50% of the girls are pigs. Don't worry. 99% of the cool guys will be married to some middle-aged pig by the time they are 30.

If some American high school girl asked if she could burn up my minutes I would say "NO". Those two letters will turn you into a true winner. Don't let some girl use you. The problem with most of the boys on here is that they let females dominate them. Now, go ask her if you can borrow her phone. Make sure she pays you back.