Asking out a girl you previously burned?

[Heisenberg]

I was seeing this girl for a few months but I was also dating other women and when she asked to be exclusive I had to say not yet - not because she doesn't have a lot of qualities I'd look for her in a GF, but I was happy with the other women and I felt this girl needed to give me more of a "sneak preview" of what a relationship with her would be like...Sure, we had fun, but we didn't spend too many overnights together or do couple-y things, so for me to commit to a girl without knowing what our new committed relationship would look like was not practical to me.

Anyway, she was very upset, we fought a bit, stopped talking. We send the occasional text, I suspect half the time at least one of us is drunk. I'd like to see her again and hope I could maybe get that sneak preview I was looking for, but after shooting her a simple hello text the other day I got the ignore. I don't want to start double-texting her and chasing her because then I will have allowed the tables to be completely turned on me, but I want what I want and would like to reconnect - I just know she has her defenses up because she probably thinks I'm bored and just want to fck her.

How can I get things going again without making it look like I'm that guy who regrets losing her and is begging her to comeback? Because, really, I regret nothing and I'm not asking for another chance: I want to offer her the chance to show me that she really is GF-quality. But I've burned her once and don't fault her for shying away, just wondering if there's a way around this.

 

[ErnestHenley]

Just treat her like a new HB. Don't bring up the past, don't say anything that seems sketchy and may come back to bite you.

 

[JohnnyStorm]

If you want to date unexclusively, I woudn't recommend contacting her, she's hardly going to have an epiphany and accept this arrangement now if it made her upset before.

Try breaking the ice with a joke, message her something from someecards.com. Ask if she fancies joining you somewhere.

If there's no reply then just move on

 

[apprenticedj]

I'd say you've done everything you can to this point without looking too eager to see her again. Leave it at the one text you sent and see what happens. Now she needs to reply or you need to bump into her out on the town and take it from there.

Whatever you do DON'T SEND ANOTHER TEXT OR MAKE A PHONE CALL.

She knows it's you and she is CHOOSING to not respond. You'll only lose frame by making multiple attempts to contact her. Right you're still the dumper, holding most leverage after declining her request for commitment.

 

[Heisenberg]

I'd say you've done everything you can to this point without looking too eager to see her again. Leave it at the one text you sent and see what happens. Now she needs to reply or you need to bump into her out on the town and take it from there.

Whatever you do DON'T SEND ANOTHER TEXT OR MAKE A PHONE CALL.

She knows it's you and she is CHOOSING to not respond. You'll only lose frame by making multiple attempts to contact her. Right you're still the dumper, holding most leverage after declining her request for commitment.

Thanks man. This advice resonates with me. Wait for an eventual response and then, correct me if I'm wrong, no more time wasting and straight to, "You and me, drinks this weekend."

The only potential hurdle with that is she could still feel that, as another poster mentioned, I'm still not looking to be exclusive and she may interpret my invitation as inviting her into the same bad situation as last time. On the contrary, I genuinely would like to give it another chance, but that's hard to convey until we are out in person. And that may be hard to achieve without outright telling her that I'm not messing with her head, I'd just like to see each other again and take it from there - but of course we can't say that, lest we give off the vibe that we are asking for her permission.