asking if she has a BF before asking for phone #?

[racerX]

Usually after i small talk a girl after 3-4 minutes i always ask if the girl has a boyfriend before i ask her for her phone number. My buddy says just to ask her for the number & let her decide if she should give it to you. Maybe i am just too nice: I dont want to date a chick that already has a BF & i dont want to get a # & then she tells me on the phone that she has a BF. But on the other hand, maybe she is in a unhappy relationship & wants to meet other dudes. Sometimes I think it is too abrupt to ask her for a # after talking to her for 3 minutes. Its like too sudden. I like to ease in the phone number question. What do you guys think?

 

[Gonzalo]

Yeah just go for the number man, she'll let you know if she has a bf, this is the best way to find out. Personally I think getting the number in a short time works best if you leave on a "high note". My two cents. G

 

[Jango_Xavier]

Next time u wonna no if she has a BF ask in a suspicious way "are you single?" because asking about BF comes over as needy/desperate.
Better off asking number first then you'll find out.

 

[Legend]

I usually just say "so whats your bf's name".....most of the time they say bf?!! What makes you think i have a bf....then i take it from there.

 

[Canadian Idol]

Just go in there assuming that she DOES NOT have a boyfriend. If she doesnt bring it up she must not care much about him anyways.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Asking the question in a confident way correctly can really help - you're not afraid to show your interest in the most unambigious way. "Are you single? ... Give me your number and I'll call you up so we can hang out."

 

[princelydeeds]

Never ever never ask a question to which you may not wanna know the answer. In my experience 95% of all women have someone. They maynot be together but shes got someone bonin her, blowin up her phone, or winin and dinin her. Asking wether or not she has a man is just giving her a reason to lie. She will let you know at some point if she has a man. Why do you care? All you want is to get your foot in the door and I a chance to get to know her better.

 

[BGMan]

Three ayes and three nays. I personally see asking "are you single?" or "what's your bf's name?" as just as much of a turn-off as "so, do you have a bf?"

Just get the number, as Canadian Idol and Princelydeeds said. Unless they're engaged or married, they're legitimate targets, IMO. I don't bother with a girl if she mentions her bf to me, because that means she's not open to me, but if she doesn't talk about him, then she must not be all that into him!

BGMan

 

[locrian]

magic words

Use the 5 magic words: "Who are you here with?" This gives her a chance to say "I'm here with my boyfriend" or "Just my friends over there, my boyfriend was busy tonight" or something like that. While not fullproof, it gives you an idea before asking for the number (if you really must know before asking) and it gives her a chance to lie and throw you off if she doesn't want you to ask for her number. But seriously, just ask for the number. Asking if she has a boyfriend is really just a cheap way of gauging if she would give you her number if you asked for it. So why not find out the fast and sure way by just asking directly? Just do it!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Your friend is right. Get the girl's number. Who knows, her BF may be a 'nice guy' and she may turn to you for a little excitement. Hell, she may surprise you and take you out using HIS money.

Stranger things have happened.

 

[One on One]

Just ask for the number!

Every girl has a BF so why bother asking. She'll be ashamed to admit she doesn't so you can just go ahead and eliminate yourself if you ask. There's absoultely no reason to ask. If you ask for her number, she'll tell you if she has a BF. Even if she doesn't, who cares. Eventually, you find out.

 

[Shiftkey]

Agreed 100% with locrian. Asking who she's there with is a great line too.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by racerX
But on the other hand, maybe she is in a unhappy relationship & wants to meet other dudes.

It doesn't matter whether or not she has a boyfriend. Don't even ask.....if it's an issue she'll let you know.

If you aren't pu$$yfooting around she will catch on to the fact that you are hitting on her and either shoot you down because she still has the hots for her b/f, or go along because she's ready to move on, in which case it's game on anyways.

Don't fall into this not wanting to screw anyone over crap cause as nice as you are most people wouldn't hesitate to do it to you given the opportunity.

 

[BGMan]

There's a caveat I should add.

Twice now I have gotten the number of a girl who was living with a boyfriend. The last incident just happened last week; I called today and got the answering machine. This particular girl has been with this guy for at least five years (I wasn't sure about her status these last two years, so that's why I asked her for her number), so I know for a fact that some women WILL give you their number even when they're unavailable. In two other cases, the girl gave me the number only to admit she had a boyfriend when I tried to ask her out over the phone.

On the other hand, I have a female friend who has a boyfriend, but she seems to show a lot of inappropriate interest in me, especially in the last month or so. If I had asked if she had a boyfriend then I would have been forced to pass her up. Even though she will mention other guys, she has never brought him up while talking to me (although she talks about him to other guys), and generally acts around me as if I'm a BBD that she's trying to slowly but surely "trap". Yes, I've tried blowing her off several times, but especially now, she counteroffers to beat heck. Obviously, women can be very subtle and calculating if they want to be. Classic case which should go in the "Good girls do cheat!" thread -- she is a very good girl who goes out of her way for me.

So in summary, just get the number. If you get it, here are the possibilities of what might happen:

1) She has a boyfriend and tells you. In this case, she was incapable of saying "no" to your face and was forced to when you offered her a date, putting her on the spot. If this happens, move on.

2) She has a boyfriend but doesn't tell you. She may vacillate without rejecting you outright, because although she has interest in you, she still has feelings for her boyfriend. Hard-core DJ tactics are called for in this situation; if you win, she'll likely stay with you longer because she was forced to make a serious choice.

3) She doesn't have a boyfriend and tells you she does. Ouch! Low interest! Drop her and forget about her!

4) She doesn't have a boyfriend and doesn't tell you she does. Is this so hard to figure out?

BGMan

 

[BobbDobbs]

Don't ask that question. Too many reasons for her to give a bogus answer. Just ask for the phone number.

 

[TesuqueRed]

BG nailed it.

If she has a BF or not or is dating 5 separate guys each week is--at this moment--NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

The thing I don't like is asking up front is pvssy-footing around.

It's as if you're saying "I'm not gonna risk anything unless it's safe to enter..."

Get real, it's never safe, ever. Either you can handle it or not. Decide which. Keep it simple, straightforward and just ask for the number. You can't protect yourself by finding out if she has a BF beforehand.

-- that's probably it, isn't it?--you're protecting yourself at a critical stage when you've got to take a risk and show some balls.

I don't trust that protecting yourself urge (and that's what it is, you're lying to yourself and me if you tell me you just don't want to waste time...) It's that protecting yourself that comes off as weak and AFC. It is fundamental in the guys-n-girls getting-together dance that goes on is that women will signal to you that it is safe to approach, and you (as the guy) have to make a bold move and approach and ask. Covering your balls like you're about to be kicked and asking if she has a BF will just disgust her on a gut level, IMO...