Asking a girl out (that i know)

[Stud No1]

Ok ill admit to having a dose of oneitis. Ive got pretty sick of it lately though and have decided to bite the bullet very soon.


Ive known this girl for years though id only see her every week or two and even then its usually small-talk. We used to be better friends i guess and she used to like me [3 years ago] but i started going steady with another bird.

Ive had mixed signals from her since ive been single again (past 6 months) - she's a tough one to read - the last time she liked me i didnt even realise until i was already involved with my ex.

Ive decided to ask her by text. Not my usual style but i think for her, its best. We exchange text's on ocassion so thats cool - but if i rang her it'd be too out of nowhere after 4 years imo.


So heres the text im thinking off:

"Hey ____, how’s u? I know this is a lil random, but was just wondering if you fancied doing something sometime? Not my style but i thot id ask by text to put no pressure on ya...I do think we could have fun though and its an amazing offer tho  "


i need opinions here big time. i think this is quite good but im interested in you guys, esp the accomplished posters...

 

[MacAvoy]

First off, I don't agree with asking a women out by text because you can't guage her reaction. The other thing I don't like, is your dancing around the issue, just come out and ask. Women want to date MEN, men take control, men take the lead. Men ask out women.

 

[AlekNovy]

Hey man, you're probably going to get a ton of good and very varied responses, but here are some facts I want you to have in mind:

1) Whether it works out with this girl or not, you need to, for yourself as a man have the ability to be confident and assertive with women, that is... if you wanted to, you could just go out and meet a new woman (or 5), no problem

2) From what I can tell, by now it has been decided in her mind whether you are in the yes, or the no category... And what and how you do it, will not change the category. So even though one type of asking out might be better, yadda, yadda, yadda... it won't change the category you're in.

3) If you confuse her with what you're asking for, you might get a confused answer. So ask her out in a clear, direct and concise manner, coz that's your best shot. Just ask her out point blank. "Want to go on a date cofee with me?"

Be precise, not "do something, some time, maybe?". Nah, just point blank direct. On the phone, in voice is preferable, but text is better than nothing.


4) Immediatelly go and start trying to socialize with and meet new women, for now, no need to do anything more with them except have a nice conversation. But you need this skill for you, as a man. Let me know if you need help with that. Thanks

Go get her

 

[MacAvoy]

Hey man, you're probably going to get a ton of good and very varied responses, but here are some facts I want you to have in mind:

1) Whether it works out with this girl or not, you need to, for yourself as a man have the ability to be confident and assertive with women, that is... if you wanted to, you could just go out and meet a new woman (or 5), no problem

2) From what I can tell, by now it has been decided in her mind whether you are in the yes, or the no category... And what and how you do it, will not change the category. So even though one type of asking out might be better, yadda, yadda, yadda... it won't change the category you're in.

3) If you confuse her with what you're asking for, you might get a confused answer. So ask her out in a clear, direct and concise manner, coz that's your best shot. Just ask her out point blank. "Want to go on a date cofee with me?"

Be precise, not "do something, some time, maybe?". Nah, just point blank direct. On the phone, in voice is preferable, but text is better than nothing.


4) Immediatelly go and start trying to socialize with and meet new women, for now, no need to do anything more with them except have a nice conversation. But you need this skill for you, as a man. Let me know if you need help with that. Thanks

Go get her

Some great advice by a new poster. Soak it up. What I like most about it, is he tells you about more important things other than this one girl.

 

[Stud No1]

First off, I don't agree with asking a women out by text because you can't guage her reaction. The other thing I don't like, is your dancing around the issue, just come out and ask. Women want to date MEN, men take control, men take the lead. Men ask out women.

i know this is the PUA robotic response. In honesty in dont want to put pressure on her and as regards being a 'Man' she knows im a stud already. Im not boasting just being honest. Ringing her and putting pressure on her (it puts her on the spot after all) isnt imo a good thing - if she isnt interested anymore she might resent me putting her in that uncomfortable situation. Thats just how i see it, nothing to do with balls.

Hey man, you're probably going to get a ton of good and very varied responses, but here are some facts I want you to have in mind:

1) Whether it works out with this girl or not, you need to, for yourself as a man have the ability to be confident and assertive with women, that is... if you wanted to, you could just go out and meet a new woman (or 5), no problem

2) From what I can tell, by now it has been decided in her mind whether you are in the yes, or the no category... And what and how you do it, will not change the category. So even though one type of asking out might be better, yadda, yadda, yadda... it won't change the category you're in.

3) If you confuse her with what you're asking for, you might get a confused answer. So ask her out in a clear, direct and concise manner, coz that's your best shot. Just ask her out point blank. "Want to go on a date cofee with me?"

Be precise, not "do something, some time, maybe?". Nah, just point blank direct. On the phone, in voice is preferable, but text is better than nothing.


4) Immediatelly go and start trying to socialize with and meet new women, for now, no need to do anything more with them except have a nice conversation. But you need this skill for you, as a man. Let me know if you need help with that. Thanks

Go get her

Thanks bro, great response. And i agree about the other woman, ive been doing that but need to do even more on that front - ive had a real dose of limiting belief's really - not sure whats going on because ive got a few girls mad after me. I duno i guess i wana keep meeting new targets, high quality ones.

i agree with you on the category thing and also on the direct thing, i need to make it quite clear. At worst ill can move on and get this out of my head and i can stop acting a ***** around here (i find it hard to act like i naturally would since ive liked her for so long, its really annoying and im not used to that)

 

[MacAvoy]

i know this is the PUA robotic response.

Haha I've never been called a robot before but your right. I was lazy and gave you a standard response. But like I said earlier, Alex gave some great indepth advice and it sounds like you have sound knowledge so I'm sure you'll be fine.

 

[Stud No1]

Haha I've never been called a robot before but your right. I was lazy and gave you a standard response. But like I said earlier, Alex gave some great indepth advice and it sounds like you have sound knowledge so I'm sure you'll be fine.

hehe yeah, thanks bro

 

[Stud No1]

anyone want to help refine my text?

 

[MotownMack]

It's not really a robotic response, it's just that if you're going to do it by text, you actually do need to be careful how do it.

If you want it to be successful, where you can apply your game in person, then keep the text light. "Hey, I am helping a buddy move over near you, I'll be back and forth for the next few days, if you'd like to grab a drink"

My only real critical advice in this situation is this. A lot of guys think that by declaring it's a "date" with women in advance, that they're declaring their intentions, and that they are then free to carry themselves in a seductive manner.

This is a mistake. Your skills are going to speak for themselves when you get there. She is either going to be interested during your date or she is not, there is no point in trying to get some type of social contract in advance.
I know you may be thinking "Well, yeah, I know" but I am surprised about how many guys I talk to think that by calling it "date" it's somehow implies that she is has a high IL and should be cool with their advances.

Also, "going out" and "date" are hot words that some women are conditioned to respond to in a negative fashion. She might recoil. Better just to invest the time in person, not emphasize reason for meeting, and just see where it goes.

Best of luck

 

[Stud No1]

It's not really a robotic response, it's just that if you're going to do it by text, you actually do need to be careful how do it.

If you want it to be successful, where you can apply your game in person, then keep the text light. "Hey, I am helping a buddy move over near you, I'll be back and forth for the next few days, if you'd like to grab a drink"

My only real critical advice in this situation is this. A lot of guys think that by declaring it's a "date" with women in advance, that they're declaring their intentions, and that they are then free to carry themselves in a seductive manner.

This is a mistake. Your skills are going to speak for themselves when you get there. She is either going to be interested during your date or she is not, there is no point in trying to get some type of social contract in advance.
I know you may be thinking "Well, yeah, I know" but I am surprised about how many guys I talk to think that by calling it "date" it's somehow implies that she is has a high IL and should be cool with their advances.

Also, "going out" and "date" are hot words that some women are conditioned to respond to in a negative fashion. She might recoil. Better just to invest the time in person, not emphasize reason for meeting, and just see where it goes.

Best of luck

Yeah i agree about the middle part - i would use the date as comfort and hopefully attraction building/furthering - she's that type of girl anyway so id take it slow, no assumptions made.


This last part i can really relate to. I mean, ive been hoping for a good chance for quality rapport for a while now but its been pretty skimpy, hence my frustration and 'go for it' attitude.

Any suggestions on getting a chance to 'invest' this time in person? There always seems to be obstacles, even when i see her out its often brief, and its very hard for me to change my approach out of the blue ya know?

 

[MotownMack]

There always seems to be obstacles, even when i see her out its often brief, and its very hard for me to change my approach out of the blue ya know?

If you're talking about it being difficult to schedule time with her, I already thought of that in advance.

You don't have to use my example, but noticed in I said I will be back in forth for the next few days. You're non specific, she can't just say "Oh, I'm busy that day." Then you're left wondering whether she really is busy, or is just blowing you off.

Another poster said be specific, but if you're too specific, that's the risk you'll run.

As far as her making time in general, that problem will take care of itself. Everyone will make time for someone they are interested in, always remember that. If she doesn't want to make the time, then her interest level in you (and maybe even your friendship) is just plain low. Then it's time to move on.

BTW, in the original text you planned on sending (I didn't see it when I posted the first time), I would not draw attention to the fact that you're trying to
"not put pressure" on her, or that it's not your style. I know you are of the opinion that people take the "be a man" thing a little to far, and sometimes I agree. But in this case, I really do think it makes it sound like you're over there with puppy dog eyes making it sound like your the asking to go out and hoping she says yes. It really doesn't sound very confident.

If you're gonna ask, just ask. You've already done what you feel is the gentlemanly thing by not putting put pressure on her, that's far enough. You don't need to explain the behavior to her.

Out of curiosity, how often to do text her and how often do you speak with her? When was the last time you had any contact with her?

 

[sam3083]

2) From what I can tell, by now it has been decided in her mind whether you are in the yes, or the no category... And what and how you do it, will not change the category. So even though one type of asking out might be better, yadda, yadda, yadda... it won't change the category you're in.


Hot diggity damn! The boys got it!

 

[Stud No1]

If you're talking about it being difficult to schedule time with her, I already thought of that in advance.

You don't have to use my example, but noticed in I said I will be back in forth for the next few days. You're non specific, she can't just say "Oh, I'm busy that day." Then you're left wondering whether she really is busy, or is just blowing you off.

Another poster said be specific, but if you're too specific, that's the risk you'll run.

As far as her making time in general, that problem will take care of itself. Everyone will make time for someone they are interested in, always remember that. If she doesn't want to make the time, then her interest level in you (and maybe even your friendship) is just plain low. Then it's time to move on.

BTW, in the original text you planned on sending (I didn't see it when I posted the first time), I would not draw attention to the fact that you're trying to
"not put pressure" on her, or that it's not your style. I know you are of the opinion that people take the "be a man" thing a little to far, and sometimes I agree. But in this case, I really do think it makes it sound like you're over there with puppy dog eyes making it sound like your the asking to go out and hoping she says yes. It really doesn't sound very confident.

If you're gonna ask, just ask. You've already done what you feel is the gentlemanly thing by not putting put pressure on her, that's far enough. You don't need to explain the behavior to her.

Out of curiosity, how often to do text her and how often do you speak with her? When was the last time you had any contact with her?

Thanks man.

Well for example i seen her on saturday night there and chatted for a few mins. Also she came over to my car on the sunday morning after Church - again a brief cordial encounter really.

We used to both be up living close due to student living arrangements, but now we still live in the same town but i be away all week for university - so circumstances dictate less social contact than years ago. I mean, i could go a month without seeing her, and often do.

Regarding text messages, i would text her once in a while - i texted her a fair bit about 4-5 months ago but i wasnt digging her replies (not sure if she's a bad texter or what) so i stopped. Now i text her once in a while and tend to get a more friendly response. Doesn't give much away - since the first time, now i always stop texting first.

TBH i would imagine she has a fair idea that i like her. I made it quite obvious after i broke up with my ex (over a few nights out, nothing explicit) - she seemed to reciprocate but then shyed away again (i.e. less texting and a few mixed, even bad, signals). So before i made it sure in her head i liked her i put a stop to it, i unintentionally negged her a few times and kind of dropped my interest. From which point she seems more 'friendly' again the past few months. So i dont know if that's kept her guessing, confused her or wtf really....maybe she originally thought i was using her as a rebound, or maybe she just lost interest. Hmmmm, i hate push pull theory, i watch it work all the time but can't help but dislike its reality, its twisted.