Asking a girl out - does way it's done really matter?

[tryst type]

I'm having a lite debate with my friend about how to ask a girl to get together. Which is a better form, if the guy says "what days are good for you?" or if he suggests days that he's available ie "I'm free tonight and Wednesday"

 

[jay_mo]

The second line is better.

Making decisions is the male role. To decide what to do and when to do it. The other one may of course work too but that implies the male/female roles will not be as clear. Since these roles are important for male and female polarity, clear roles have a better chance to end up with success.

The male way of asking for a date:
Man: Let's do x, at time y, meet at place z
Woman: Ok!

The female way of asking for a date:
Woman: Do you want to meet me? (or Do you want to do x?)
Man: Yes, let's do x at time y at place y! (or yes, how about time y?)

Further into the dating process/relationship of course the woman will start to make decisions and suggestions. But the man should not imply or ask her to make decisions for him if he wants to keep the roles clear.

 

[The Experience]

This should not even matter.

To be honest I like the first one, because what if she says neither, then what?

There's no set way, but I prefer asking her for her number and then calling her some time after to see when she is available and have a few options to match her time. She'll make time if she's interested enough.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Doesn't matter at all. Just don't act all needy.

I pulled a girl on facebook by just adding her (no message).. Messaged her saying "Hey send me you digits (gave her my phone number). She messaged me back with hers. Next day I texted her with this convo..

Me: Hey ______ what are your plans for tonight?
Her: Hey Alex, I'm not doing anything tonight, what about you?
Me: Spending the night at the beach with you. I'll see you at 9.
Her: Sounds wonderful see you then!

.... It's legit that easy. I don't get how people make this into such a big deal haha.

 

[tryst type]

My friend argues that the "which days are good for you" line shows that you're available anytime that she is which sends wrong message.

What do you guys think?

 

[true romance]

Me: Hey ______ what are your plans for tonight?
Her: Hey Alex, I'm not doing anything tonight, what about you?
Me: Spending the night at the beach with you. I'll see you at 9.
Her: Sounds wonderful see you then!

-- !!!GOLD !!!

The debate is a waste of time. you have trouble setting up a date. Imaging making out and sexing her. ??? Climb Himalaya is easier ..

Just read the bible and try out different ways. All learning experience.

Go after what you want. Use what you already possessed- your instinct, voice, your sense of humor (hope you got this), your look, your BALLS, testosterone...etc

Ask her out. You will know the answer and fine tune for next girl.

TR

 

[Iceberg]

My friend argues that the "which days are good for you" line shows that you're available anytime that she is which sends wrong message.

What do you guys think?

I can't imagine any of the girls I've successfully asked out over the years thinking less of me for asking, "What days are good for you?"

I don't usually say that. But still...I don't think it matters.

The concern is giving of the vibe that you're "too available." But I think it takes more than "What days are good for you" to give off the "too available" vibe.

But as a general rule, it doesn't hurt to set the terms, and let the girl negotiate it.

 

[PDubb75]

In terms of getting the first date, I don't think the method of asking should matter. The only way it does, is if she's hesitant in the first place. Not a good sign, anyway. If she likes you and wants to go, she's gonna be too excited to answer yes to even realize how you asked.

However, I think the method of asking is more to set expectations for the future. If you let her make the plans, it could set that precedent from then on. You might have less control throughout the process, if you don't take control from the start.

I actually like the "what days are good for you?" approach better than the other option you gave. As someone mentioned with the other option, what if those don't work for her? Then all of the sudden you "remember" another day that happens to be open for you? That shows even more neediness. And it's not a good idea to walk away from the conversation without setting a plan, either. Those are the only two options in that case.

With the "what days are good for you?" approach, it doesn't necessarily mean ANY day is good for you. You are simply asking for her open times to compare them in your head (or partially out loud) with your own open times. If you are worried it still makes you feel needy, decline the first day she mentions.

Example:
You: What days are good for you?
Her: Umm... I'm free Tuesday.
You: Ah, Tuesday doesn't work for me. What do you have open later in the week?
Her: I could do Thursday.
You: Thursday can work. I'll meet you at ____ at 8:00.

 

[Mr. Suave]

It doesn't matter too much, what matters is her attraction for you. HOWEVER there are a few things to avoid. For example, don't ask as if you're expecting failure. Don't be "super alpha" and say "we're going out, nowww, gooo, get to tha choppa!" but what I mean is, don't be like "hey, I was wondering, you don't have to, feel free to say no... But... Would you like to hang out some time?" If she is quite into you, then ****, not sure how much difference that makes, but if you demonstrate to her that you are too interested in her, she may reject you thinking she can do better, and that she can have you whenever she wants. Instead be direct and confident when you ask.

A good thing to do, if she says she wants to go anywhere, offer to go with her. One on one obviously. For example, she says something like "oh my god I really want to go to *super cool place*!", say "haha yeah that would be good, wanna go with me?"

Also something to remember:

All that matters is whether she'll spend time with you alone. If you ask a girl to "be your girlfriend", you have a much lower chance. Much lower. However if you ask to hang out, she may begin to feel something for you once you spend time alone and start talking more. You don't have to ask for a "date", it doesn't matter, you set the tone when you're out together. Ignore anything she's ever said to her friends about you if it's bad, or what she's said directly to you. It's all irrelevant. All that hearsay, it doesn't mean too much and you'll soon see that. Girl's change their minds all the time once you begin to take action.

Remember there's a reason why "dating" exists. Don't ever screw yourself over by asking a girl to "be your girlfriend", unless you know for a fact she is really into you.