"Ask out" question on my new adventure!

[Rhizzle]

Ok, So I've been on these forums now reading for about a month now. I'm read some of the bible sections, and a lot of forum threads.

I'm growing and learning every day here.

Question:
I wanna ask this girl out.

Background:
This is a friend of a friend.

I met this chick one night while out, kinda briefly. We talked a little bit in the group. After a while, said goodbye, left, nothin to it really. I didn't think anything at the time.

This girl manages a salon, and I saw her there a few weeks later when I went in for a cut, (first visit there). NO I did not go there to see her.

A few weeks later, I saw her at a party that our mutual friend had. When she got to the party, we said hi, and I was talkin with some other folks, and kept doing as so.
After a while, I went over to where she was talking to a couple people, and talked for a few minutes, made some jokes to her and the girl she was talkin to, and then moved back to keep talkin with the other folks as before.
She was amused and laughed, and that was about it.

Last friday, I went back there for another cut. Saw her, she was all super "hey" when I got there and made a little conversation. I was polite, and smiled, but no big deal was made.

When I got ready to go, I was at the counter paying, and my stylist was ringing it up, and she (this girl) walks over to the customer side of the counter and stands right by me and interjects into the conversation. It was light and fun. I made a couple jokes, she laughed, thte stylist laughed, it was done.

Side note, this girl is 25 and has a 3 yr old. She's very independent, and was engaged, till she got pregnant and the dude jumped ship on her. Seems like a pretty grounded girl.

So, I'm definately not "all about her", but she's attractive, nice, and our mutual friend is pretty sure she's single. So, I'm thinking of calling her at the salon tomorrow, and just ask her out. Should I ask (like, would you like to go out...yada yada), or say, I'd like to take you out, or meet for coffee etc?

I'm not even sure I like her, but she's attractive, and nice, and if nothing else, I can use the practice of a date.

I'm 27 btw.

Is calling her at work a good idea, or no? I am pretty unlikely to see her otherwise anytime in the near/not so near future, and I wanna ask a legit question anyway.

Like call and say, Hey, I got a couple things, whats the yada yada, and also, how about we meet for a bite?

what do you think?

 

[Rhizzle]

Any comments guys?

I think I've played it very cool to this point, partly because I wasn't really interested at first, and partly because I'm making a mental effort to not give a crap.

So, thanks for the comments.

 

[BenPW-DJNewbie]

Sounds like you think she's alright. Only thing is she has a small kid, do you want to have a serious relationship with her and take on the responsibilities as a father? But your doing well. Your playing it cool, and it looks like she's interested in you. Just make sure your ready for commitment and are prepared to put the effort in. If you wanna talk more, holler at me on [email protected]

 

[Rhizzle]

Cool, thanks for the vote of confidence.

I've always been a bigtime AFC, and I'm growing out of that lately. I'm coming off a 3 yr LTR that ended in Feb, and have been just trying to grow within myself before I go back out and fight the good fight.

As far as the girl having a kid, like I said, at this point, just a date out and the experience would be helpful and fun.

Beyond that, we'll see what happens.

I just didn't want it to be weird to call her at her work.

 

[BenPW-DJNewbie]

If you keep seeing her, she'll believe you like her, and thats not what you want. you want her to think your busy, and that she will have to work for your time. I know Im not the oldest and wisest of DJ's but I know what to do in certain situations. So just trust me. Leave her alone for a little while (2-3 days) if she tries to contact you via your mutual friend or any other way, you know she likes you. If not, go see her. its a win-win here bro. Just keep doing what your doing. Take it slow.

 

[Rhizzle]

Please note, the times I've seen her so far,

First time: At a bar with friends (met her there)
Approx 3 months ago

Second time: At the salon where she works
Approx 2 months ago (about 9 weeks)

Third time: At our friends party
Approx 6 or 7 weeks ago

Fourth time: Last friday when I went back for another cut at the salon.
7 days ago

So, I don't know what you mean by 2 or three days. I think in that timeline, its pretty clear that I have a life, and I've got things to do. And I've just not decided I wouldn't mind taking her out.

So, my question is about giving her a call today at work (a week after seeing her there), and askin her out in some way.

 

[Rhizzle]

Ok, so by my immediate post above, I do not think I'm being pushy by any stretch of the definition.

Comments?

 

[BenPW-DJNewbie]

Oh right. Then call her definetley. 7 days is plenty of time

 

[Rhizzle]

well, diddly, I called, and she isn't working today. She was there both of the two times I've been in on a friday before.

 

[Rhizzle]

I'm gonna try and give a ring tomorrow at her work and see if she's in.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What are you going to say? The best is usually to act like it is something you are going to do anyway, and she can come along if she wants. Don't say "take you out, go out with me, or date."

 

[Rhizzle]

Thats a very good point.

I was just gonna "ask her out". Say hey, I'd like to take you out to dinner, or something.

I've heard girls say before, that they wish a guy would just be up front about asking em out, and not say, "hey, lets hang out, or hey lets meet up", kinda stuff.

Is that not a good idea?

I don't really have any event coming up to ask her to.

Suggestions are welcome.

 

[ketostix]

Well you probably should've asked for her cell number when you were in getting a haircut and she came over and to talk to you as you were checking out, but that's hindsight.

I'm not sure if calling at her work is the best way, but if she's interested it might work OK. Why didn't you ask when she'd be in next when you called and she wasn't there? That way you wouldn't end up calling more than twice.

Anyway it might not be a bad idea to contact her fairly soon and ask her if she wants to hang out and to do xyz and get her nonwork number.. I definitely wouldn't say to her "Can we go out to dinner". Why can't you ask the mutual friend to tell her you want to exchange numbers?

 

[Rhizzle]

Yes, hindsight is by definition 20/20. LOL.

But, anyway, I didn't so, I must move along.

In regards to separate situation, well in the past, our mutual friend has said she didn't wanna be in the middle of anything, and that I should just ask if I wanna ask. That was a long time ago, and a whole separate girl and situation.

However, with that said, after reading these forums, it seems like, asking through the friend is kinda not being bold as I need to try and be. I'm trying to break all those old comfortable habits and be assertive and direct and so I thought me contacting her myself is what I SHOULD do even though its less comfortable. Therefore, I've not even brought up that idea to my friend. I did ask if she was single.

Yes, if I call and ask, SOMETHING, I'll ask to get her cell.

Any suggestions on what to ask her to do? aka, what is xyz?

I mean, whatever it is, pretty much will be a date event. I dunno exactly what I'm trying to say here, but any good suggestions are welcome.

I don't know the girls interests. I don't even know if I really like her, but I'm interested to find out.

Again, I'm trying to explore options, get comfortable asking girls out, and teach myself the mindset of "having interest" and "see if I like someone" rather than what I've always done, which is to "get all oneitised" over some girl, and beat myself up trying to "win her" and not scare her off, and ALL that BAD stuff that I shouldn't be doing at all.

Thanks for any and all helpful suggestions.

 

[Rhizzle]

Any valuable comments/suggestions?

 

[Rhizzle]

Anyone with suggestions?

What can I "ask her out" to do?

recap, she's like 25, 3yr old, responsible kinda girl at this point it seems.

 

[Rhizzle]

Is noone awake yet today?

Why is me just asking her out a bad idea?

 

[Rhizzle]

Noone has a good suggestion on what to ask this chick to do?

APPARENTLY, just askin her out, is a bad idea, but noone seems to have a better idea.

My thought was, to say hey, I'd like for us to hang out sometime.

or, I'd like to take you out sometime.

If she says yea, I'll tell her great, but I'm out of town this weekend, so give me your number, and we'll set something up later.

Is that so bad?

 

[Rhizzle]

jeez, can someone reply?

 

[Rhizzle]

Hey, ketostix, I tried to PM back, but it says you are full.

Hope you see this post.


So, I called the girl yesterday at her work. I had a question about my last visit, and then I also asked her out. I basically threw out something about a cool Haunted Corn maze thing not far from here, and then I asked if she wanted to go check it out. She said yea, asked when, and I said I didn't know exactly, that I was gonna be in Knoxville this weekend for the game.

So, at that point, she got all hyper cause I was going, and she said she is going to Knoxville too. She got all excited sounding, tell me who she's going with, asked the same question of me, and said she had my number now (caller ID I guess) and she'd call me in Knoxville to meet up.

Basically, she then sorta remembered that we were talking about something else (going out) and she said, so yea, sure, and then said. "Well, I'll find out about ____ when Jackie (my stylist) gets back in here, and then I'll call you back in a little bit, and give you my number then so we can meet up in Knoxville. I said cool, cause I'll be back in the office then so I can write it down, cause I'm driving now.

So, she said yea, sounds good, and she'll talk to me in a bit.

Well, maybe she got busy, but didn't call me back. I didn't really think the average business had caller ID, but she seemed to clearly indicate that she had my number there. So, I'm not sure why she didn't call back. Guess we'll see if she calls today.