Ask her out straight or go for the number?

[Tantric]

JESUUUUUUUUS!

Haven't seen workout girl in about 5 days. Decided to ask her out when I see her next, rather than going for the number.

I guess I decided that by getting her number, I'm going to ask her out ANYWAY, so figured I would skip that and just go straight to asking her out.

Ran into her today...litteraly as we both were heading down to the gym. I was heading down the stairwell and just as I am getting to the 1st floor BOOM she opens the door almost directly in my face. I poked fun at it, and thanked her for trying to kill me.

So we are walking down to the gym, chatting her up about her weekend. So this was THE moment. I had it planned that as I finish my workout, slimly ask her what her plans were were the week, and no matter what her answer was, tell her I wanted to take her out.

But...

AS we enter the gym, all the treadmills were taken up, so she rather than doing her workout, she decided to come back later

I got STUCK...as I really didn't know what to do, so I told her I would see her in there later (oh, this was at 8:00pm and the gym coses at 10:00pm).

As punishment for being a retard (not asking her out when things changed, and me not being able to adapt), I decided to do twice the workout. So, I ended up working about for 2.5 hours.

No, she did not come back.

I am feeling pretty dumb, for not being able to adapt to the situation, and ask her out then, instead of trying to stay to my original plan.

Anyway...thoughts if going straight to "asking her out" instead of the number is cool? I'll get her number if she says yes anyway...

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Asking her out, definitely. Getting the number of somebody you will often see only delays the process, and increases your anxiety. If you think it is bad now, wait 'till you have to be stressing over calling, setting something up, getting her to call back, etc.

Bypass all of that by inviting her to get together for coffee, etc. and then proceed by getting her contact info. If she turns you down, you have saved yourself a lot of time and grief.

Since by asking for her number she'll already know what you want anyway, suggesting you two get together, you come across a lot more confident than the dozens of chumps who ask for her number and then don't know what to do next.

Usually I get the number, and don't even call her. When I see her, she brings up the fact that I haven't called, that will quickly distinguish yourself form the chumps who's call she avoids because they are just clueless. Get the phone, but stick to face to face interaction whenever possible.

 

[blueguy]

Try to start talking about a specific place you like with her, and then add something along the lines of, "let's go there sometime," then lead into making plans. Baby steps is what it's all about.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Make sure you ask/tell her right after a high in your conversation. Right after she laughs, says something that shows you she likes your company. Timing can make the difference at times.

 

[Tantric]

Thanks guys...

I guess, I am starting to get messed as her and I have spoken about 4 times in the last 2 weeks, and concerned that too much time has gone by her interest level may have dropped, etc.

Asking her out directly feels much better, so I think i will stick to that plan as suggested....

Mike

 

[jophil28]

This lady has really gotten under your skin Tantric !
Maybe you are suffering from a little oneitis ALREADY. Hmmm! Your posts are quite intense .
You have spoken to her 4 times in the past 2 weeks ? So where is the fire ? She will be back on your radar screen again some time soon.
You know what to do next -just do it. She is only a chick after all .

 

[joekerr31]

right now you are in the spot that 99.999999% of men have found themselves in more than once.

my worry in this scenario is that a woman with high interest level would have stuck around. she should sense by this time that you fancy her and she should have stuck around in the gym to CREATE an opportunity to talk with you further.

so im sensing that her IL in you isn't sky high. which lowers your shot at getting a date.

but, that said, this is the perfect opportunity for you to confront your fear of approaching. you're in a situation where yours odds of failure are probably higher than your odds of success - and yet if you are able to charge forward anyway you will be very proud of yourself afterwards.

and yes, i think its definitely better to ask a woman out as opposed to simply asking for her number. might as well cut right to the heart of the matter.

what i find helps in these scenarios is i try to remind myself that asking a woman out is the least of all the trials you will face regarding women. lets say you ask this woman out and she says yes - it just leads to more hurdles .... the first date, the first kiss, having sex the first time, relationship issues, LTR issues, inevitable fights, etc....

when you put it in to perspective, asking a woman out is the least difficult thing you will have to handle when it comes to dating. all the tough stuff starts once you actually begin dating

 

[Tantric]

Hi,

As far as interest level goes, part of me agrees...it's hard to read, as she seems very unapproachable and shy. Until you start talking to her and she opens up and is smiling.

She really only does the treadmill, so her not wanting to stick around wasn't a surprise. I did not take it as a sign of low IL, but after reading the previous post, now I am not sure.

Stuck on, keep working her with the c/f to establish more with her. Downfall is I may get stuck in the friends zone. Upside, it may increase IL.

Posts are intense, huh? Hmmmmm...

No oneitis, but when I had the day pretty much planned, and what I was going to do/say when I saw here, it got sort of disappoining when I did not follow through/lost the opportunity.

I am really in no rush, but after reading some previous posts, I was under the impression that if I did not do something quick a) her interest level would drop, b) I would fall into the friends zone, c) some other guy could ask her out.

Am I wrong here in my thinking?

Mike

 

[joekerr31]

well there is no absolute right and wrong. there is only probability.

and yes, the longer you leave things as they are the higher the probability she loses interest.

the issue i've got with this chic is that she doesn't seem to be creating circumstances for you to approach. when a woman is attracted to a guy and WANTS him to ask her out, she creates opportunities for him to do so (we as guys don't notice them though, but they are generally there).

the positive thing with this chic however is that because shes sort of stand offish odds are she is not getting hit on too much in her real life. just as you were somewhat hesitant to approach her, trust me, other guys are going to be the same way.

the key in this is keep starting up conversations with her and make your move when the opening presents itself.

 

[Tantric]

gotcha!