Huffman
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2007
- Messages
- 1,499
- Reaction score
- 166
Writing this in the tips section because it's really been an epiphany for me.
So I've been complaining about maintaining frame - that girls should chase me, but they hardly ever do if they're hot. I was always puzzled - I know I'm awesome, handsome and the prize - but how can I let her know?
Now the thing that I've done to great effect in the last couple of weeks is to simply stop talking. I used to work so hard on my "convo skills" that I'd become the master of talk, there was never a dull or an awkward moment. I would constantly ask smart and engaging questions, time was flying yada yada. But no matter how enganging and fun the convo - over time girls would just pull back more and more, and not even Kino would get me anywhere.
I wanted to be the man and initiate! I wanted our convo to be not awkward! But what I did each time was to ask more and more about her without her reciprocating, and I think this was reinforcing the idea that I was chasing and giving too much attention. By trying hard to make her respond in certain ways, I was showcasing fear and insecurity.
Just coming back from another date, which - like others - went great because I simply stopped talking! From the start I would not talk much. Making a pause and look at her expectantly. Then she would start the convo. After all, she wanted to go out with me and I made time for her! It would be embarrassing for her to just sit at the bar awkwardly, right? Every now and then, I would let the convo peter out and wait for her to re-initiate. And if it was a good topic, I would turn towards her, have fun convo, thus rewarding and reinforcing her behaviour! By the end of the evening, I didn't have to do anything and she was practically chasing. And this is not the only date which has been stellar recently!
I'm writing this because I see so many articles advocating asking questions nonstop as a strategy! But you really have to see the bigger picture. Let's make sure you guys don't take as long as me to figure this out - don't try to avoid awkwardness by asking more questions. Force her to put in the effort - from the start.
So I've been complaining about maintaining frame - that girls should chase me, but they hardly ever do if they're hot. I was always puzzled - I know I'm awesome, handsome and the prize - but how can I let her know?
Now the thing that I've done to great effect in the last couple of weeks is to simply stop talking. I used to work so hard on my "convo skills" that I'd become the master of talk, there was never a dull or an awkward moment. I would constantly ask smart and engaging questions, time was flying yada yada. But no matter how enganging and fun the convo - over time girls would just pull back more and more, and not even Kino would get me anywhere.
I wanted to be the man and initiate! I wanted our convo to be not awkward! But what I did each time was to ask more and more about her without her reciprocating, and I think this was reinforcing the idea that I was chasing and giving too much attention. By trying hard to make her respond in certain ways, I was showcasing fear and insecurity.
Just coming back from another date, which - like others - went great because I simply stopped talking! From the start I would not talk much. Making a pause and look at her expectantly. Then she would start the convo. After all, she wanted to go out with me and I made time for her! It would be embarrassing for her to just sit at the bar awkwardly, right? Every now and then, I would let the convo peter out and wait for her to re-initiate. And if it was a good topic, I would turn towards her, have fun convo, thus rewarding and reinforcing her behaviour! By the end of the evening, I didn't have to do anything and she was practically chasing. And this is not the only date which has been stellar recently!
I'm writing this because I see so many articles advocating asking questions nonstop as a strategy! But you really have to see the bigger picture. Let's make sure you guys don't take as long as me to figure this out - don't try to avoid awkwardness by asking more questions. Force her to put in the effort - from the start.